A/N: Written for a competition over on LJ for the AU team. Could not have been nearly as good—or would not have been nearly as long—without remuslives23 or planetgal471. (Many thanks, ladies!)

Disclaimer: You know the drill: not mine, belong to JKRowling and her minions, have no money worth suing for...

"Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgement of the facts of a situation then deciding what you're going to do about it."—Kathleen Casey Theisen

Moody returned a little after noon—less than an hour after Moony and I had finished our breakfast. Claire Lambert was with him. Unfortunately, Edgar Bones showed up with them.

Claire greeted me with a kiss on one cheek and then the other. "Monsieur Sirius! You have had some unpleasantness, I understand."

I chuckled. "That's rather an understatement."

"I must apologise for the Ministère's part in this." Her eyes were large and full of remorse.

"No one knew that Voldemort had infiltrated the French Ministère like he has," Moody said gruffly. His tone told us that he thought the French had been idiots not to suspect it.

"There will be many investigations in the next few weeks," Claire averred in a way that made me realise that she knew exactly what Moody was inferring.

Behind her, Moody rolled his eyes. "Where's Lupin?" he asked, changing the subject.

I motioned to the kitchen. "He's making tea. He said that three months hasn't improved my ability to brew a proper cup of tea, so I'm making him do it."

I didn't tell them that Remus was hiding. He hadn't admitted as much to me, but I knew him well enough to know that was his purpose. Still, I led them back to the kitchen, where I overenthusiastically announced to Remus that we had company. He quietly greeted Moody and Bones then turned awkwardly toward Claire.

"It is a pleasure to see you again, Monsieur Moony." She was smiling as she gave him the traditional French greeting. He looked surprised that she knew his nickname and gave me an inquisitive glance.

Before I could explain, however, Moody said, "Let's get this over with. I want to get back for the Lestranges' interrogations."

"Overdose them with Veritaserum and ask her if she's slept with Voldemort," I suggested.

Moody barked out a loud laugh. "I might just do that."

"Ask her if Rodolphus is sleeping with Voldemort, too," Remus muttered. I thought it was soft enough that only I heard, but Moody again laughed and clapped Remus on the shoulder. Remus uncharacteristically flinched from the rough contact. I wondered if the wolf was still tiptoeing near the surface of Remus' consciousness and he remembered Moody, or if the events of last night were still making him skittish.

Over tea and cake, Remus told his version of what had happened the night before. He didn't remember much. It wasn't until he heard me screaming under the Cruciatus that human comprehension struck with the force and speed of lightning. It was that quick, he said. He was suddenly aware that Bellatrix was standing over me, and Rodolphus was in a heap beside him. It was only the many hours of training given us by Moody that helped Remus to react, using a repelling curse to push Bellatrix away from me.

"As quickly as that, you were back in your human mind?" Edgar Bones asked.

Remus hesitated and then nodded.

"You don't remember anything before that?"

"Not really, no." Moony stalled for some time by taking a sip of tea. "Everything before that is just a blur."

"Do you remember being struck with Lestrange's spell?"

Remus met Bones' sharp gaze steadily and lied. "No."

Bones leaned forward, his eyes gleaming with curiosity. "Did you know what the spell was?"

"I don't remember getting hit with it," Remus said evenly. "How could I remember if I knew what it was or not?"

"But you remember everything up until then, right?" Moody asked. "Black, have you two talked enough to know what he remembers and what he doesn't?"

"Don't worry, Lupin, if you don't remember things that have happened in your past," Bones said before I could answer. "There are bound to be gaps. That's what the spell does: destroys your memory, bit by bit. The fact that you've been living like a wolf for three months might make it worse."

I saw Remus' eyebrows lower and felt his body tighten.

"Do you remember your parents' names?" Bones asked. When Remus responded correctly, if a bit slowly, Bones fired the next question at him: "Do you remember where you went to school?"

Remus gave him a puzzled look, but replied, "Hogwarts."

"Do you remember the names of your friends?"

I leaned forward, blocking Bones' view of Remus. "Is this necessary?"

"It's better to find out now what he's forgotten. Only then can he set about relearning it. Do you want him to be at the mercy of the Ministry or Death Eaters because he can't remember something important?"

"It's all right," Remus murmured, putting a hand lightly on my arm.

I sat back reluctantly and let Bones continue.

"The names of your friends, Lupin?"

"James, Peter, Sirius, and Lily."

Moody spoke up. "Where do your parents live now?"

Remus' eyes suddenly glossed over as he lost himself in thought.

"Moony?" I prompted.

"I don't..." He stopped then looked at me. "Stone house, right?"

It startled me that he didn't remember. As much as I knew there might be some things he wouldn't remember, I had never thought he would have forgotten something as basic as where his parents—and he—had lived for the past five or six years.

I tried to keep my tone light so he wouldn't know how disturbed I was. "No, that was the last house. This one is white stucco with the dark beams. Remember?"

His eyebrows lowered slightly and he muttered, "No, not really..."

"How about your flat in London?" Moody asked. "Do you remember where it is?

It was a classic Remus tactic for stalling, to take a sip of tea and then make a flippant comment: "It certainly isn't in—" there was a fraction of a second's hesitation, "—Knightsbridge."

"I can't even afford Knightsbridge," I quipped, hoping to make his words seem like a joke and not the blatant evasion that it was.

Moody saw through it. "Address, Lupin," he ordered.

Remus closed his eyes and sighed. "I don't know."

There were more questions, some that Remus could answer and a few he couldn't. I could feel his distress growing as he realized certain bits of information were gone from his memory completely. I reached beneath the table and rested my hand on his leg, hoping to comfort him. I wanted to stop the questioning—I did try a couple of times—but Moody and Bones both overruled me, telling me that Remus had to be aware of what he didn't know.

I suppose it was true. Moody was not the kind to deliberately cause embarrassment or pain to someone unless they were a Dark wizard or they'd made a fool of him and he was just returning the favour. He'd always taken Remus' part if anyone questioned my friend's loyalty.

Still, it didn't make me feel any better upon realising that, with every 'I don't know' or each desperate fumbling for a name or particular word, Remus was hunching over more and more in his chair, looking more defeated.

The questions tapered off after Moody and Bones had taken Remus through spells that he should have known, people that should have been familiar, and places he had been. Much of the inquisition centred on the Order: who was in it, what Remus could do offensively or defensively, and if he could carry out a mission on his own. We had no way of knowing that a simple question was about to cause more devastation than any of us could have planned.

"What's Dumbledore's Patronus?" Moody asked, sounding almost bored, as if he already assumed Remus would know that.

There was silence and I glanced quickly at Remus. He looked frightened.

"Lupin?" Moody was staring at him with intense interest.

"I... I don't know."

"Do you know yours?" Bones asked sharply.

The cup in Remus' hand suddenly shattered from the pressure of his tightening fist.

"Shit, Moony!" I gasped, drawing my wand to help contain the damage.

Moody was faster, making the liquid disappear and the cuts on Remus' hands disappear almost before they started bleeding.

"I take it that you don't remember your own Patronus form," Bones said almost snidely.

Remus swallowed hard. "No. I don't." His admission sounded like it had been torn from his heart: pained and pulsing with fear.

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply.

"Gods," my friend whispered suddenly. "If I don't remember that, what else am I forgetting that none of you even know about?"

We all froze and stared at him. There was no mistaking the panic that was threaded through his words.

I saw Claire Lambert's expression soften from horrified shock to pity. I put my hand on Remus' shoulder, knowing that pity was the one thing he could not abide in this entire scenario. She, however, was the one who broke the stalemated silence by saying, "I think I could use more of that excellent tea, Monsieur Moony."

I smiled at her gratefully. At least she'd broken the tension.

"There's just one thing in all this I don't understand." Moody took a bite of cake and chewed thoughtfully. "Where were you two, Black, that you walked into a house full of Death Eaters and Lupin wasn't with you?"

I sighed, because I'd known the question would be asked sooner or later. I quickly explained the roaming we'd done and the Apparition. When I said that Moony had run from me, I looked at Remus apologetically, letting my hand slide down to his leg and squeeze lightly.

"Wait," Moody said, sitting up straight and banging his cup down on the table. "You let him run away?"

"I didn't let him," I protested. "He was just too quick for me. I—"

"You let a feral werewolf run away?" Moody clarified further, his voice sharpening.

"I didn't let—"

"For Merlin's sake, Black! Do you realise what could have happened if—"

"But nothing did," I objected. "And he wasn't feral! He was—"

All of a sudden, whatever I was going to say didn't matter. There was the scraping of wood on tile as Remus shot to his feet and bolted from the room. I heard his feet on the stairs and then silence settled over us all. I went numb, suddenly realising how the conversation—which was all about him—had been going on around him, shoving him into a passive, third-person role. We'd been treating him just like he was still dominated by the wolf, unable to speak for himself.

"Well, bloody hell," Moody muttered.

"Bloody fuck, more like," I snapped as I got to my feet. I was now as annoyed with myself as I was with Moody and Bones. "Give us a minute, will you?"

I took my time going to Remus' turquoise room. I wanted to give him time to gather his thoughts, if that were possible.

He had his elbows leaning on the window sill. One hand was rubbing the back of his neck; the other was tugging fitfully at a string on his jumper. He didn't move when I went to him and wrapped my arms around him. Every muscle in his body was taut, every line sharp and angular. I found myself mourning the fact that the skin was pulled tighter over his cheekbones, making him look ten years older than his actual age.

"They're never going to see past the wolf now, are they?" Remus whispered.

"Of course, they will," I said with more certainty than I felt. "They have so far."

"No." He shook his head slightly. "This is different. It was one thing when they knew I was a werewolf. It's completely different because they've seen it. They've seen... me." His voice cracked on the last word.

I leaned my forehead against the back of his neck. "It's just a part of you. It's not all that you are," I said softly. I kissed the soft skin at his nape and tightened my hold on him. "It's a part just as much as the tea-drinking, the sarcasm, the book-reading, and the ability to lie convincingly. By the way, why did you lie to Bones about knowing what the spell was?"

He clasped his hands together and rested his forehead on them. It almost seemed as if he were praying.

"Moony?"

"He was staring at me like I'm an animal in a cage. I'm a—," he struggled for the right word, "— an experiment just waiting to happen." Remus shuddered.

My breath caught in my throat. "No, that's not—"

"Don't lie to me," Remus ground out between gritted teeth. He pulled his hands apart only to slam one fist into the wall. "You saw him, Sirius!" He twisted to look at me, his eyes flashing with hurt and anger.

"Fuck him," I said, forcing myself to speak casually in the hopes that it would calm him. "Or rather, don't. Just fuck me. You can damn him straight to hell for all I care." The tone, I knew, rang of insincerity. The sentiment, however, was very honest.

"It's not that easy," Remus protested, running his fingers through his hair agitatedly.

"It very well could be," I countered, realising that Remus could never be cajoled out of this state of mind. He needed reason and logic—and patience. "There were only seven people at headquarters after you got hit with that spell. You know that James, Lily, and Peter won't have a problem with you. Dumbledore won't either. Moody will get over it—he's seen hundreds of people cursed and charmed into acting unlike themselves. That leaves Bones. And if he can't get over it, well, who cares? He's one person, Moony. He's nothing."

He didn't say anything, but I could tell there was something more. "Come on, Moony. Talk to me," I pleaded. "What's really going on in that head of yours?"

He was silent for so long that I didn't think he was going to answer me. Finally, he did. "What about you, Sirius? What do you see, when you look at me?"

"I see you," I replied slowly.

"Which part of me?" he asked softly. "The wolf or the human?"

I felt a flicker of annoyance. "Oh, fuck, Remus, let's not play this game with each other."

"No." Remus dragged the word out. "This isn't a game. Or it shouldn't be. But how did things get started between us?"

I thought back to that first shower our first night in the cottage. "It just... happened, Moony. We were taking a shower on our first night here and—"

He cut me off. "Taking a shower? Together?"

"You wouldn't get into the shower! Bloody stubborn, you were, digging your heels in... I had to coax you—"

"So, one night we're taking a shower together and the next night we're shagging?"

"No! No, not at all!" I protested. "We didn't actually, you know, for the first time until last night! It was just mutual wanking and a few blow jobs..." My sentence tapered off, seeing the dark, angry look on Remus' face.

"We were getting each other off for three months?" he asked, shock apparent in his tone. "Since the first night here?"

I couldn't take it back and I couldn't lie. "Yes, but it wasn't—"

"It wasn't what, Sirius? You never gave me a second glance in London, and within twenty-four hours of being here, we're wanking in the shower together?"

"Damn it, Remus, it's not like I planned it! I didn't jump for joy that you were out of your head because I could finally get into your jeans!"

"Then tell me what it was, Sirius. You didn't want to fuck me before. You and your bloody stupid rule about not shagging your friends... But we're here and we're... lovers? Gods, Sirius! Were you that desperate for a shag that you would fuck a wolf? Were you just taking advantage of me? Was it bestiality or rape you were going for, Sirius, because I'm a little confused right now!"

"It wasn't anything like that! Don't make this something that it wasn't!" I shouted, finally losing my temper because I had lost control of the conversation, the situation... and Remus. "I'll admit I always said I wouldn't shag my friends. But I've gotten to know you since we've been here—"

"You've gotten to know the wolf!" Remus yelled back.

"No! There was more to it than that! There is more to you than that!" I inhaled deeply, trying to bring myself back under control. Before he could back away from me, I grabbed his arms and squeezed. "Give me a chance to explain, Moony. Please."

Remus was breathing hard, his muscles rocky with tension.

"Listen to me," I pleaded. "I have given up my life in London to come here to be with you and keep you safe. I came here to get you well. You deserve an explanation and I deserve the chance to explain."

He turned away from me and I saw his hands curl into fists. There was an almost interminable moment before he nodded curtly.

We sat down on his bed and I grabbed his hands before he could stop me. "When we came here, I had no intention of getting involved with you. I just came here to get you well. And then, after that first night... Yes, I enjoyed what we did. Gods, Moony, we're young and healthy blokes. What do you expect? But—" I rushed to add, seeing he was drawing breath to speak, "—something else happened while we were here. I saw you, Moony, as no one else ever has." My voice softened. "I've seen you happy."

"I've—"

I shook my head. "No. You haven't. Not like this. But, it wasn't the wolf. It was you. There was no fur or fangs or claws—or even a tail. Maybe you couldn't talk to me and you weren't overthinking things like you are now, but it was you." I paused, knowing what I wanted to say, but not how to say it. "I wasn't taking advantage of you—you wouldn't have let me. If you hadn't wanted me, you'd have pushed me away. And I wasn't mucking about with the wolf. Remus, I was with you, no, I was loving you because of what I know about you, what we've shared in the past—and what I hope to share with you in the future."

"Sirius—" He looked torn, but it was an improvement over angry. I had a chance to convince him now, if he'd just let me.

"I made it a promise to myself, Moony," I said, daring to reach up and trace his jaw with my fingertips. "It was my promise to you that I'd see you better. It was a promise of what you were once and what you would be again."

"Sirius," Remus protested, his voice trembling, "you never cared when we were in London if—"

"You're right. I didn't. But I've seen you in a completely different light here." I took a deep breath, steeling myself for an admission I'd never made before to anyone. "I've fallen in love with you, Remus. I know it sounds crazy. But I know you. I know everything about you. I've seen your smile as we run across the dikes in the marshes. I've seen you content with Padfoot sprawled over you." I chuckled nervously. "Gods, this is going to sound so poofy, but, I've seen you positively glow in the sunlight. I've seen you like no one else has, Moony. And I love you for it."

He still looked uncertain, but his lack of speech made me think he could still be convinced. The problem was that I didn't have any more words. I could only think of one thing to do: I gently leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. There was only a moment before I felt his lips part beneath mine and he sighed in reluctant capitulation.

As our kiss deepened, I felt his fingers entangle themselves in the front of my shirt. I couldn't stop my growing smile: he wasn't letting me go. I slid my tongue over his bottom lip and heard him groan softly. He did pull away, though, after a moment and looked at me with barely concealed hope.

"Sirius, this can't possibly work."

I smiled and brushed the fringe out of his eyes. "You stupid git, it already has been."

We knew we had to go back downstairs, so we promised each other a longer conversation later. At the bottom of the stairs, though, I couldn't help myself. I spun him around and kissed him. This time, his lips moved with mine, taking as much as giving. There was promise in that kiss. There was anticipation.

There was a clearing of a throat and we both looked up quickly to see Claire Lambert standing there.

"Pardon, s'il vous plaît," she said in French. "I must be getting back, so I will be saying good-bye."

I smiled warmly but didn't relinquish my hold on Remus. "It was good to see you again."

"The pleasure is all mine, I assure you," she said. Suddenly, her lips curved up and a mischievous gleam appeared in her eyes. "Although, Monsieur Sirius, I have embarrassed myself once. If you would do things like this, you will confuse me into making the same mistake again."

"There is no mistake," I told her, tightening my grip on Remus. I had felt his muscles tense as if he were preparing to pull away from me. "I think the only mistake I made was in not believing you from the beginning."

She laughed. "I am glad. It is very easy to forget that some of the best things in life are—how do you say it?—right in our noses? "

I felt Remus relax the tiniest bit at her gaffe. "'Under' our noses," I said in gentle correction. "But either way, you're absolutely right."

She nodded. "Perhaps if the two of you stay longer, you could meet me for dinner in Arles one evening."

I glanced at Remus. He gave me a wary look, but lifted a shoulder almost negligently. "We'd be honoured," I said, giving her a grin.

"I look forward to seeing Monsieur Moony's beautiful blue eyes once again," she said with a wink.

When she was gone, I pointed out, "She doesn't see you as a wolf, and you growled at her when you first met her."

"Gods, Sirius!" Remus said with disgust, jerking himself away from me.

"She also thought we were lovers from the beginning," I said. "She could see through the wolf and see you—and she could see through everything and see us."

He sighed. "I don't know, Sirius. I know, I think I know what you're saying, but it's... difficult."

"Well, of course, it's difficult." I chuckled. "You've been out of your head for three months and you've come back to it to find me slobbering all over you. What person wouldn't find it difficult?"

He did smile at that.

We didn't go back home right away. I made the excuse that Remus and I should finish interpreting the scrolls before returning to England, where we'd be distracted by James, Peter, and Order missions. It seemed to be a reasonable excuse. It was certainly accepted readily enough by Moody.

In actuality, however, I wanted to give Moony a little more time to heal emotionally and mentally before facing London, our friends, our situation—and our enemies.

Remus avoided all of my questions about what he remembered or felt about the past three months. There were many times when he would stop mid-sentence for several seconds to remember a particular word. I had to remind him of the words for spells once and again. He made me tell him facts or stories about things he'd forgotten—or thought that he had. When my version of events matched his, relief would settle in his eyes and he'd exhale slowly as if he'd been holding his breath through the accounting.

We began to practice duelling in the back garden, flexing our magical muscles. The first day was difficult because half of my spells slipped past his weak and uncertain defences. He paced around the downstairs late into the night, shoulders hunched to his ears, his hands stuffed deeply into his front pockets. I sat with him for a while, but he ignored my more inane chatter and gave monosyllabic responses to my more searching questions. I wanted to grab him and pull him down on the sofa with me so I could just hold him. I wanted to reassure him that all would be well. The fact was, though, only he could convince himself of it. I fell asleep on the sofa, lulled by the sounds of his soft footsteps on the hardwood flooring.

The next day, he did better at duelling. The days after that were even more improved. Six days after we'd started practicing, he actually disarmed me and Stunned me.

We both laughed until we were breathless and our stomachs ached.

That night, as I sat in the dining room, puzzling out one of the scrolls, Remus came in and sat down in the chair next to me.

"Are you finally ready to try this?" I asked, holding up the book of German runes translations. I wanted to reach for him, but didn't. I had forced myself to be content with an occasional touch or squeeze up until then, trying to give Remus time to adjust to the possibilities of our relationship.

He slid a quick glance in the direction of the scrolls and parchment but shook his head. "No, not yet. I just—" He stopped and I saw his eyes flick to my lips.

I put down the book and the quill I'd been holding and swivelled so our knees were now touching.

The next thing I knew, Remus had slipped one hand behind my head and had pulled me forward into a needy, open-mouthed kiss. I was instantly glad that I was sitting down; I don't think my knees would have taken the shock well.

There was no doubt in my mind that he'd reconciled himself to accept what had happened between us already. I needed to hear him say it, though, because I knew that his words would tell me if he was truly committed to a relationship with me in the future.

"Are you sure?" I managed to gasp when his lips began to trace my jaw and then my neck.

He froze and then sat back enough so that he could see my eyes. "You want to talk about this?" he asked with a hint of incredulity. "Now?"

"Moony, you accused me of raping you and sleeping with an animal when I'd done neither thing. You can't blame me for wondering about your intentions."

He stared at me for so long that I started to worry that I'd made him over-think things again.

"My intentions?" he finally repeated. The left corner of his lips rose in a lopsided smile. "Should I go to your parents and ask permission to court you? Or wait until Prongs is here to chaperon?"

"Git," I mumbled. His smile didn't fade, and I continued gravely, "It hurt like hell when you accused me of not actually caring for you. I don't want there to be any other mistakes like that between us."

He looked in my eyes as he said, "I know I hurt you, and I'm sorry. But, Sirius, you have to understand—" He paused as if he wasn't sure whether he should go on or not.

"Yes?" I prompted.

"I've been in love with you since I can remember. Considering the state of my mind right now, that's saying quite a bit." He chuckled curtly, his gaze sliding away from mine as if he were afraid of what he might see in my eyes. "It's always been you, Sirius—but that damned rule of yours about not shagging your friends..."

"You know," I said slowly, "I might possibly have been wrong about that."

"You might want to be certain," Remus warned me, "especially if I'm supposed to be announcing my intentions." He stressed the last word, and I had the feeling he was trying not to break into laughter.

"Maybe you should tell me your intentions first." I grabbed his hands and entwined our fingers together. "And make it good."

"Pushy bastard."

"You were the one yelling, 'Faster! Harder!', if I remember right."

"And the words, 'Fuck, Remus, make me come!' don't mean anything?"

We grinned at each other.

Yes, I knew it was a serious moment. I knew that whatever Remus was going to say—and my subsequent reply—would change us forever. If we decided our relationship had a future, it would subtly alter our bonds and the ones we had with our friends. We would no longer be Sirius and Remus. We'd be SiriusandRemus like James and Lily were JamesandLily. And if things went wrong, there would be anger and recriminations...

"Are you ready to take this seriously?" he asked. It was slightly frightening how he always knew what I was thinking.

"You haven't said anything worth taking seriously," I teased.

"That bit about being in love with you for as long as I can remember doesn't count?"

I untangled a hand and touched his cheek, letting my thumb caress his jaw line. "That might have been a somewhat sobering fact. Certainly enlightening."

He turned his head to kiss my palm and then gently pulled my hand back down. "I've wanted you for so long that I feel like this can't possibly be happening," he whispered, avoiding my eyes again. "And you want to know my intentions?" He shook his head, but I could see the crease above the bridge of his nose which meant he was concentrating on his answer.

After a moment, he tightened his grip on my hands and looked into my eyes. "I intend to try to make you happy," he said simply. "I intend to share the laughter and sorrow that we have as friends, but to make it deeper and more meaningful." The skin around his eyes crinkled, which warned me he was about to say something he found amusing. "On the other hand, I intend to make sarcastic remarks about stupid things that you do and say. I don't think I can keep myself from doing that, even if we do have incredible sex."

"Do you intend to have incredible sex with me?" I queried. "If you do, you might reconsider the sarcastic remarks."

His grin turned absolutely evil as he leaned forward and whispered in my ear: "Do you think you could resist me even if I would happen to tease you about something stupid that you said?"

His hot breath might have touched my ear, but the intensity and passion behind it went down my spine and through every nerve in my body. I shuddered in anticipation. "Remus—"

He laughed softly. "I didn't think you were that easy, Padfoot."

"Only because I know how good you really are," I said, pulling myself together enough to give him a saucy grin.

His smiling lips pressed against mine. Our grins soon disappeared as our kisses became deeper and steamier. Our hands began to roam and we tugged at each other's shirts to pull each other closer.

Remus suddenly slid off the chair, landing on his knees between my legs. I groaned as his hands moved up my thighs until his thumbs were lightly brushing my twitching prick.

"Fuck!" I gasped.

"That's another thing I intend for you," he growled, just before he bent to nip my thigh through the denim.

A couple waves of my wand stripped us of our clothing; another cleared an area of the table of scrolls and parchment. A firm hand in the centre of my back pushed me around and then over the table while Remus leaned over me. Soft kisses traced my spine while long fingers worked their way inside of me, stretching and thrusting, preparing me for the inevitable invasion.

Remus wrapped one of his arms around my waist, holding me tightly against him while his cock slowly penetrated me. He moved with agonisingly slow speed, making me whimper and practically sob from my need to have him fully seated inside me. His other hand worked my dick, which seemed stiffer than it had ever been.

Finally, his thick cock was entirely sheathed within me and he began to thrust as deeply as he could. Thoughts and words ceased to exist. There was only sensation: incredible, all-encompassing, and more intense than anything I'd ever experienced. Heat raced throughout my body and Remus' harsh and erratic breath on the back of my neck made me groan in fevered want.

After only a few well-placed thrusts, my body yearned for release. I cried out wordlessly, pleadingly.

Hoarsely, Remus whispered in my ear, "Come for me, Sirius. Come for me."

It was all I needed for my orgasm to explode from deep within me, snatching what was left of my strength from me. I slumped forward bonelessly, but Remus grabbed me around the chest, pulling me back against himself. His teeth sank into my neck as he thrust almost viciously into me one last time. He howled, making me flinch away from the loudness, but the walls of his arms were unyielding. They held me firmly in place as his seed pulsed into me, filling me.

I felt his legs give out, his shaky and sated muscles unable to support the two of us any longer. He pulled me down onto the floor with him and curled around me, his arms encircling me possessively.

"This is not exactly comfortable," I mumbled.

He grunted in agreement.

"Do you think we can make it upstairs?" I asked.

His low chuckle vibrated through his chest. "You get up first," he said, his words slurred with weariness.

"All right," I said. My lethargic muscles wouldn't respond to my internal command, however.

"We moving yet?" Remus asked, pressing his lips against my shoulder.

"I don't think so," I replied drowsily.

"Your wand is closer than the bed," my lover pointed out.

It took only a moment to conjure a couple of pillows and some thick, warm blankets for us to curl up in. We fell asleep in minutes, satisfied and content.

We decided to go back four days before Christmas. It was a week after the full moon and Remus was fully recovered from the few injuries he'd suffered. He was as ready emotionally and mentally as he ever would be, he said, and was anxious to get back to see his mother and our friends.

The night before we left, though, I found him sitting in the window, staring pensively out into the darkness.

"You're like a bloody cat," I said, going to him and handing him a mug of hot cocoa. "I'll have to widen my windowsills for you."

He smiled his thanks for the drink and wrapped his long fingers around the mug, but turned his face back to the window.

"What's wrong, love?" It was odd how the endearment seemed to fall so easily from my lips when I was talking to him.

"Are you sure you want me to move in with you?"

"Why wouldn't I?" I asked, dismayed that he was bringing it up, though I struggled to sound merely surprised. We'd only been over this topic fifteen times, and each time I thought we had it settled, only for his self-doubt to rear its ugly head again.

"It's not going to be easy."

"And it's going to be so much better if I have a flat big enough for two and you're struggling to make ends meet and keep a roof over your head," I said with as much sarcasm as possible.

He smiled bitterly and sipped at the cocoa. "I can't contribute much."

"So you've said. I just want to be able to shag you whenever I feel like it," I said, grinning.

"So, you're asking me to stay with you for the sake of convenience?"

"Of course. I thought we had established that a week ago."

He did chuckle at that, and I could see his mood starting to turn.

"Why do you keep questioning me about this?" I asked. I placed my hand on his arm. "Do you doubt me that much? Do you doubt how I feel about you?"

"No," he said, but there was enough uncertainty in his tone that I felt the first stirrings of doubt. "But once we get back and everyone knows we're—together..."

"If they can't deal with it, then they can just bugger off," I said gruffly.

He took a larger drink of cocoa. "Even if it's James?"

"Especially if it's James," I stated.

He sighed. "I can't compete with James, Sirius. I know that."

My jaw dropped before I could stop it. This was new. "I'm not asking you to. He's my best friend, the brother I've always wanted. You are something else entirely."

"Do you think he'll be alright with us?"

I snickered. "He'll probably say it's about time."

"And the others?"

"Moony, they already know I've never been gender specific when it came to shagging and they've never known what to make of you. They'll just assume we fucked our brains out here and it was so good we're continuing it at home." I smiled. "You worry too much."

"It's a failing of mine," he admitted.

"Well, stop it."

"If I could, I—"

"If you could keep from worrying so much, you wouldn't be you." I smiled then pulled the mug out of his hands. "Come on."

"Where are we going?" he asked, already moving.

"To shag your brains out so you'll stop thinking," I told him.

It was quite effective, actually.

We took a Portkey to Dover and then to the Ministry. James, Lily, and Peter were there to greet us and escort us back to Order headquarters.

As it turned out, they had guessed our time together would bring us to the point of being lovers, so there was no surprise there. They seemed to think we might be good for one another. James did not say it was about time. Lily and Peter did.

We stayed just long enough to drop off the scrolls I'd translated and to tell Dumbledore about our new living arrangements. He smiled broadly at our announcement. "It is a good thing to see two people finding love in unexpected circumstances," he said.

We spent the next few days getting Remus settled in. We didn't have to clear out his apartment because James already had. He'd decided that Remus could find a better flat once we returned, so Prongs had told the landlord that Remus had moved out. We laughed as James handed a stunned Remus a box full of dollhouse-sized furniture.

There were only three pieces of furniture that Remus decided to use: two bookshelves and a desk that had once belonged to his Grandfather Lupin. The rest of the furniture was put back in the box and shoved into a corner of the spare bedroom closet. His cookware made a nice addition to the kitchen, considering I had little of it. Up until our time in France, my idea of providing a meal was buying some kind of take-out. Remus, however, could cook, and I was going to take advantage of that.

On the morning of Christmas Eve, I announced, "We are going shopping today, Moony."

"Shopping?" He slowly lowered his tea cup, staring dumbly at me.

"It is customary to give Christmas gifts on Christmas Day," I said.

His eyebrows lowered slightly. "Sirius, I haven't worked in months. I'm not—"

"Don't start." I pointed at him warningly.

"But—"

"Moony, we have to buy gifts for the same people. You can pick the gifts and I'll pay for them. It's a great partnership. I'll let you do the wrapping, if that will make you feel better."

He stared at me and I saw the muscle in his jaw tighten stubbornly.

"Oh, hells, Remus. Listen. You've been away for a while. You'll get a new job and you can hand me your paycheques as soon as you get them. All right?" I could tell I hadn't said the magic words to reach him; I saw the storm brewing in the blue eyes. "Fuck, Remus. Don't do this. Don't be like this. If it were me that didn't have a job, you'd be the first one to offer me a place to stay and the first one to scrawl my name on the Christmas presents you bought."

That made him flinch and I knew I had him. "Come on, Moony. You can't tell me that you're going to let me buy Lily an apron and a silver tea service."

He sighed and ran a hand over his hair. "Sirius—"

"What are we getting James?" I asked. "And Peter?"

He stared at me balefully and then muttered, "I hate this."

"Maybe you do," I said, "but it makes sense." I gave him a grin.

He shook his head and took another sip of tea before saying, "Get James anything Quidditch-related and autographed."

When we took ourselves Christmas shopping, however, I saw the first sign that maybe we'd come home too soon. I could feel Remus' tension rise and his silence strengthening as we pushed our way through the throngs of Christmas shoppers.

"Are you all right?" I asked.

"There are so many people," he replied quietly.

I laughed before I could stop myself. "But that's what you like about it."

He looked confused. "What?"

"You always said you liked the crowds because in this mob you weren't a werewolf—you were just one of thousands."

"I don't remember." He said it so softly that I almost didn't hear it.

I tried to send him home a few times, but he kept insisting he'd get used to the closeness, the noise, and the smells. We finished our shopping, but by the time we got home, he was shaking visibly and my heart was aching for him.

The moment we were back in the flat, he collapsed on the sofa with his hands over his face. I dropped down next to him and pulled him tightly against my chest until he stopped trembling.

We spent most of Christmas Day with Moony's mum. To keep her from panicking over Remus' absence, Dumbledore told her that Remus had been doing some research in France. According to Mrs Lupin, Dumbledore would stop by every two weeks or so to deliver a report about the work her son was doing and how he was faring. It was all fictional, but it served its purpose. She asked Remus about his work, but he told her it was confidential and he was under contract not to reveal any information. She gently teased him about not telling his own mother his secrets but, thankfully, let it go.

With a promise to Mrs Lupin to return soon, we left at sundown to go to James and Lily's flat. Peter was already there, and we had a great time opening gifts, drinking wine, and teasing each other unmercifully. After about an hour, though, Frank and Alice Longbottom showed up. It was as if the Longbottoms had opened a floodgate: soon after that, the Prewetts, each with a leggy blonde girl in tow, popped in. Then, more people—singly and in pairs—flocked to James and Lily's flat until it was nearly impossible to move without bumping into someone else. A great number of Silencing charms were the only reason that the neighbours didn't complain, I'm sure.

It was some time later that I realised that Remus, who had told me he was heading for the loo, hadn't returned. I started to search the flat, startling three shagging couples—one in James and Lily's bed, one in the spare room, and one in the tub; waving aside six or seven people looking for conversation; and pushing away three overenthusiastic girls with lust in their eyes.

Lily was standing by the back door, a worried look on her face.

"Hey, Lils, have you—?"

"He's outside," she said quietly.

I started to walk around her, but she touched my arm gently. "Sirius—"

Her tone warned me more than her expression had, so I wordlessly waited for her to continue.

"He's hurting," she whispered. "He'll never admit it, but—" She broke off, shaking her head. "Talk to him, Sirius, and listen to what he's not saying."

She squeezed my arm and walked away.

Remus was sitting on the back stoop and didn't look up when I sat down.

"Moony? Why are you out here?"

"Oh." He sat up a little straighter. "It was hot in there and I came out here to get some cool air."

"It is a little crowded," I conceded. I took his hand, finding it cold and trembling slightly.

As if he realised what I was feeling, he jerked his hand away and rubbed it vigorously on his thighs. "My hands are cold," he said unnecessarily. "I think I've been out here too long."

Sudden realisation flashed through me. "It's the crowd, isn't it? Like yesterday."

His shoulders slumped.

I sighed and wrapped my arm around his shoulders. "It's bound to be overwhelming, Moony. We've been alone out in the middle of nowhere for so long, and to come back here to the Christmas crowds... I'm sure we could have had better timing, eh?"

"Yeah, yeah. Sure," he said just a little too quickly.

I kissed him on the side of the head. "It'll get better. I promise."

"I don't think it can get any worse," he muttered.

I didn't acknowledge his comment because I knew he'd hear the worry in my voice.

Over the next month, he proved us both wrong.

Thanks so much for the reviews and for putting the story on alert! One more chapter to go...
Please forgive the slowness in responding to reviews—things are a tad bit hectic here!

(phFlamethrower—I owe you a long response! Apologies for not getting back to you earlier...)