When We Two Parted
Disclaimer: If only the rights belonged to me, then I would have gotten P/C together in the TV series. But as it is, I don't own them so please don't sue. I am only using for the enjoyment and not for the profit.
Summary: Beverly spends time with a man she thought dead and truths, deceit and broken promises are revealed.
Rating: PG-13
A/n: Many thanks to Jamie, my utterly wonderful beta and who is also a great sounding board for my ideas, whether they are good or are utter tripe.
When We Two Parted
Chapter Seven: Logs from the dead.
The Enterprise had disembarked from Starbase 16 two hours before and was making a steady pace towards its next destination, a courtesy visit to the planet Cellet. The Cellets had joined the Federation fifty years ago and had enjoyed much trade with them since. From time to time, the Federation would pay a visit and it was its flagship's turn to pay said visit. They wouldn't arrive for five days, so the crew who still had shore leave left could use it up enroute on board the Enterprise.
Beverly Crusher sat in her quarters, going through a collection of chips and placing some of them into a small box. Once she had sorted them out into their piles, she closed the lid on the box and rose from her chair. Then she made her way into her bedroom and through into the bathroom, where she stripped and entered the sonic shower. The warm water cascading over her brought relief to her achy bones. Before the Enterprise had left the starbase she had met with Walker; they had attended a Klingon Defence Master Class held on the base before having a big breakfast. She had been thrown about like a rag doll and was paying for it now. It had been sad to wave goodbye to Walker, as she had enjoyed his company and loved how easy they had been with one another. They had spoken about Jean-Luc before she had left and Walker explained it all from where he had been standing. It had been hard on them all for different reasons, but with any luck the burden had now been lifted and life could move on.
Stepping out of the shower, Beverly wrapped a towel around her lithe frame and another around her head. She wandered into her bedroom and began rifling through her clothes to find the right outfit. She needed to be comfortable because she knew that she was in for a long lunch. She had a lot to discuss with Jean-Luc and also had things to show him, neither thing could be rushed. Finally, she decided on her old faithful blue off the shoulder jumper and fitted leggings. The blue of the jumper always made her eyes look a brighter shade of blue when she wore it, something Jean-Luc would always comment on. Fixing her hair into a French twist, she looked into the mirror and smoothed down her jumper.
"Computer, Location of Captain Picard?" she asked.
"Captain Picard is located in his quarters," droned the computer's monotone voice moments later.
"Is he alone?"
"Affirmative."
Beverly grabbed the small box as she headed purposely out of her quarters, heading for Jean-Luc's. It wasn't till she was outside his doors that she suddenly became rather nervous and wasn't sure if she was confident enough to show him what she had in the box. She stared at the comm lock and willed it to make a decision for her because she was beginning to back away from it. Seconds later, the doors hissed open and the decision had been made for her. Jean-Luc stood in the doorway, looking at her, a small smile creeping upon his lips.
"I was beginning to wonder if you were going to stay out there all afternoon," he said with smile.
"How did you know I was out here?" she asked as she pushed herself forward and squeezed past him to get into his quarters.
"I asked the computer for your location five minutes ago and it said you were outside," he answered. "I waited and then thought I'd help you out."
"Your help is appreciated," she said, finally relaxing as she put the small box down on his desk.
"What's in the box?" he enquired as he walked over to it and fingered it gingerly.
"Lunch first," she said as she took him by the arm and drew him away from the box. "I'm starving."
Beverly couldn't help but sigh contently as the warmth of Jean-Luc's arm seeped into her hand and then work its way through her entire body. What was it about this man that made her feel safe? What was it about this man that made her feel at peace with herself? How could his presence have such a profound effect on her? She knew the answer to all those questions, but she had never freely admitted them to herself in the all the years they had been serving together on the Enterprise.
Deanna knew. Deanna had known from the moment Beverly had reported for duty after beaming up from Farpoint Station. Deanna knew that Beverly was in love with Jean-Luc, but just hadn't had the courage to acknowledge it to herself, let alone tell Jean-Luc.
"Come and sit down," he said as he took her hand and led her towards the set table. "I anticipated that you would be hungry, so I've laid on quite a spread." His deep voice was seeped in good-natured amusement as he pulled out her chair and guided her to sit down.
"I hope you aren't calling me greedy," she said, sitting down and staring around the table at the lunch he had prepared.
"Never, Beverly," he said as he made his way to his own chair. "I'd like to arrive at Cellet in one piece."
Beverly shot him a grin and then began to fill her plate with cold meats, cheese, and salad items, then reached across for a bread roll. She could feel his eyes on her and she realised the feelings it was creating inside her. Always, she had enjoyed being the object that caught his eye. Always, it sent a rush of heat through her body and that had never changed.
"Did you get to see Walker before we left?" she asked as she buttered her roll.
"I met him after your Klingon class," he answered, filling his plate up with chicken and ham. "We had a talk—"
"What about?" she asked, interrupting him.
Jean-Luc looked up at her and shook his knife at her playfully. "You know better than that, Beverly."
Beverly rolled her eyes and reached over for the French dressing to pour over her lettuce. Almost savagely, she stabbed her fork into the green leaves and brought it to her mouth. She shouldn't have interrupted him but she couldn't help her curiosity. Felisa had always told her that curiosity was a good thing because it showed an interest, but had warned her to pick the moment and to ask carefully. Beverly usually forgot that part of her Nana's teaching and would always find herself chastised for it. However, a telling off from Jean-Luc was very different from a telling off from Captain Picard, and Beverly quite enjoyed a telling off from the former.
"I will say this though," he continued. "I'm glad we are friends again. It was good to see him."
"He hasn't changed, has he?" Beverly said fondly. "Still trying to iron out the creases in his friends. Jack used to say that I was the thread that bound us all together, but he was wrong. It was Walker. I took him for granted after Jack."
"No," said Jean-Luc forcefully. "Walker loves you, he calls you his little sister, and he would have been there for you even if you pushed him away. He was there because he wanted to be with you, to make sure you were okay. If there's anyone whoever let him down, it was me." He held up a hand to stave off her ready questions. "...and don't interrupt me. We've sorted things out now and we're leaving it in the past, where it belongs. We understand one another and also understand the actions and the reasons behind them."
"To Walker Keel then," said Beverly as she picked up her glass and raised it.
"Walker Keel," said Jean-Luc, mimicking her movements.
The meal progressed with ship's talk, more small talk, and a small amount of gossip courtesy of Deanna Troi. Though Jean-Luc would never admit it, Beverly knew he liked to be on top of the ship's gossip. His excuse was that he liked to know what was going on and if it would affect his crew, but Beverly also knew that though he did like to know for those reasons, there was still a part of him eager to know it all for his own personal amusement.
"Why don't we take our drinks to the couch Jean-Luc?" Beverly suggested as she gracefully rose from her seat and began tidying up the leftovers.
"I'll do that," he said as he came to her side and took a plate from her. "You go and replicate us some drinks and I'll join you once I've finished here."
Beverly didn't argue, she touched his arm lightly in thanks as she passed him and made her way over the replicator. She ordered them a cup of earl gray each and then made her way over to the couch area. As Jean-Luc tidied up behind her, She looked out of the viewport, her thoughts drifting to the box of chips that was placed upon his desk. A warm hand on her leg made her look up and into the warm hazel eyes of the man who had been a constant in her life for past six years.
"Penny?" he asked as he sat down beside her.
"Don't I usually ask you that?" she said with a small smile.
"Usually," he agreed. "But I beat you to it this time."
Beverly slipped her hand over his, which was resting on her thigh, and gave it a gentle squeezed as she looked at him.
"I have something things I want to show you," she began. "I think they'll help you, help us."
"Okay," he agreed.
"Once we've seen them," she continued, "we can talk about where we go next."
Beverly watched as he nodded and she could tell that he was slightly unnerved by the situation. She squeezed his hand tighter and pulled him up with her as she rose. He followed her willingly, but she could feel the tension in the grip of his hand.
"We need to use your console," she said once they reached his desk.
Jean-Luc sat down in his chair and looked at the blank screen in front of him while Beverly reached over and grabbed the black box. She perched herself on the arm of Jean-Luc's chair and loaded the first chip. Then she placed her hand on his shoulder as the console flickered into action. She heard an inward gasp of air as they both saw Jack Crusher looking back at them.
"Beverly..." questioned Jean-Luc.
"Just watch and listen," she said softly before dropping a soft kiss on the top of his head.
Jack Crusher's voice rang through the captain's quarters as though he was actually in the room with them.
There he was on screen, looking fresh faced and ready to take on the world.
"I thought he didn't like her. I thought she'd done something to annoy him. I thought they just clashed. But god, how wrong was I? I didn't see it and it was right there in front of my eyes. Well, Bev is always saying I need my eyes tested and now I think she was right. Johnny loves my wife. He's in love with her. There he was, sitting in my kitchen, watching my wife cook our dinner. Staring at her as though she was the only thing in the room and that everything else had faded into the background. I know the look, I had it when I first fell in love with her. Hell, I still have it when I look at her. I've wanted Johnny to find someone, but my wife? I don't think so. Can't believe I didn't see the signs sooner. Could it have been anymore clear? My best friend is in love with my wife. Never thought he would betray me in such a way. I thought I knew him. I don't know what to think anymore, but I do know he isn't going to be spending anytime alone with my wife."
Jean-Luc stiffened as he heard the words and Beverly knew what must have been going through his head. What Jean-Luc was hearing was one of his worst nightmares. She hadn't wanted to show him this log entry, but she had needed too. This log entry set up the entries that would follow.
"Beverly, what's the meaning of this?" asked Jean-Luc, pain and despair evident in his voice.
"You'll see," she said softly, wanting to comfort him.
"This is cruel," he said, turning sharply to look at her. "I never thought you would be like that."
Beverly ignored him as she leaned forward and changed the chips over. She settled back into her sitting position and leaned against the captain slightly. He pulled away from her and sat forward in his seat.
"Jean-Luc, I'm not being cruel," she offered as she reached out to touch his shoulder. "Watch this one."
"What was I thinking? I trust him with my life and I know he'd never do anything to hurt me. I know he won't overstep the mark. I do know him, he's like a brother to me, and hell, what must he be going through? I have the woman I love and she returns that love, but what does Johnny have? I love and trust them both dearly. I have no need to be worried. Oh god, Johnny, I bet you're beating yourself up over this, and that's why you don't like being with her.'
Beverly felt Jean-Luc sit back into his chair and lean into her, his hand resting in her thigh again as he listened to the entry. Seeing her dead husband on the screen in front of her was bringing up memories: his smile, the way his eyes twinkled, his childlike enthusiasm. She missed him, but it wasn't in way she used to because her heart had moved on. There would always be a place in her heart for him, she could never forget him, but he wouldn't want her heart to be wasted on the dead. He'd told her more than a few times that if he went before she did, he wanted her to love, to be happy again.
She moved forward, intent on inserting the next chip when Picard beat her to it and did the change over himself.
"I've wanted them to be friends and now they are. I was worried that Johnny might find it hard, but Bev, she surprised me, she made it her mission to get him relaxed around her and slowly but surely, he came around. The look is still there occasionally, but somehow he keeps a lid on it. It's gotta be hurting him, but it doesn't show. It's the type of man he is, show nothing and then no one sees your weaknesses. He's so tightly wound that one of these days I fear he's going to spring off into the next quadrant and we won't see him for dust. I hope that doesn't happen."
The words hit close to home for Jean-Luc, for he had done exactly what Jack had predicted. He had sprung off to get away from a situation, to get away from her. When had Jack become so insightful? When had Jack become the serious one?
"Do you remember that I made you come with me to that awful production put on by the locals," said Beverly as she squeezed his arm. "You didn't want to come, but I kept on at you."
"You went on and on," he said, recalling the memory. "I was finding it increasingly hard to say no to you and so I caved."
"But we became friends," she said softly.
"The best of…." he added. "Is there any more?"
"Just one," she said as she swapped the chips over and placed the final one into the slot on his console. "This is one of the last ones he made, Jean-Luc, and the most important one."
"I really don't think much about death. No, that's not true. I can't help but think of it considering what I do for work. When Lovett told me that she's left messages for her loved ones in case she died suddenly, I realised I needed to do the same thing for mine. I started making Beverly's today, but I couldn't finish it. I couldn't bring myself to. I don't want to say goodbye to her, I don't want to leave her, but someday it could happen. What I do know is that if the worst comes true and we're blindsided by my death, I can have some comfort that Johnny will be there for her. My best friend will be there to look after her, to love her and Wes as they should be. I need to tell him that, to make sure he knows that I don't begrudge how he feels, and that I expect him to say something about it if I die. Beverly deserves a long life, one that includes love that's alive, and not attached to some dead guy whom she married when she was young. She's too young for that. Hell, I'm too young for that ...now I know why I don't think about death. I'm all macabre, almost assuming I'll die, like someone's stepped on my grave. I'll do the rest of this later."
"He never got to finish it," observed Jean-Luc, staring at the dark screen.
"No," she agreed as she began to put the chips back in the box. "How do you feel?"
"It's a lot to take in," he said, looking over at her. "I think I need some time to…"
"Think it over," she finished for him.
"You always know what I'm thinking," he said with a smile.
"Not always, but I like to think I know you," she answered.
"You know me better than most," he said as he stood up and placed his hands on her shoulders. "I like it."
Beverly reached out and caressed his cheek with her thumb. She loved looking at his face, taking its features, his eyes, his nose, and his mouth. His mouth was something she could stare at for hours and she could easily slip into a daydream regarding them and what they would feel like against her skin.
"Beverly," he urged. "Did you hear what I said?"
"Hhmm?" she questioned as she tried to fight the blush that was threatening to appear on her cheeks.
"I said it might be wise if we meet up later this evening," he repeated. "Gives us both time to sort through all the jumble."
"Oh, okay," she replied. She wasn't sure if having time to think about it separately was a good thing or not, but she wasn't going to push the subject. She was going to let him set the pace and she would follow him.
"Hey, come on," he said, cupping her face and looking into her eyes. "I just need a little time to process a few things. You don't need to worry, I'm not going anywhere."
Beverly felt herself relax and let out the breath of air that she hadn't been aware of holding. "Let me know when you want to talk," she answered softly. "I'll be waiting."
She closed her eyes as she felt his lips against her lips, a soft kiss, just like the one they had shared the night before. His lips lingered there longer then they had yesterday, and it took all her will ower not to wrap her arms around him and deepen the kiss. She stepped out of his arms and squeezed his hand before exiting his quarters, leaving him to his thoughts.