Chapter 3

Richard Woolsey had already been tired when the first call had come in from Atlantis about a possible security leak. He had talked with Colonel Sheppard over a secure line twice and only when he had finally been allowed out of his last meeting of the day had Richard boarded the waiting cloaked Jumper. The Jumper had been halfway to the city when the next report had come in and it hadn't been good.

It had taken a further agonising ten minutes to reach the city, for the Jumper to dock and for him to go through the usual scans. Then he was finally able to make his way to the Infirmary. He had been briefed on the city's status every few minutes since the call had come in about Colonel Sheppard and as he finally stepped out of the transporter onto the Infirmary level and headed down the corridor Major Lorne fell into step beside him.

"Anything new?" Richard asked as they walked briskly towards the doorway ahead.

"We've gone over the readings on Colonel Sheppard's scanner and it confirms he had found the source of the signal," the Major reported.

"It remains silent I take it?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Any chance that whatever was creating that signal is responsible for what happened to the Colonel?"

"We have no way to be sure, Sir. We've checked the entire area, there's nothing, but we did find evidence that something may have been attached to a nearby wall, hidden behind one of those metal sculpture things."

They reached the doorway to the Infirmary, but Richard paused to talk with Lorne before entering. He could already see the Colonel's team standing impatiently across the room, their expressions said enough.

"So, the Colonel ran into whoever is responsible for the signal?"

"That would be our assessment. We've gone back over scanner readings and it looks like an extra life sign had been in the higher areas of the city, but there was no way to track it once they joined the more highly populated levels of the city. We didn't know the Colonel was in trouble." The Major was clearly angry about what had happened and was holding some responsibility on his shoulders. Richard knew how the man felt.

"You did all you could. I understand that Doctors McKay and Zelenka are still searching the computers for any other unauthorised access for the past few months. Keep me posted."

"Yes, Sir," Lorne replied, his gaze moving into the Infirmary before he turned away.

Richard walked into the Infirmary. "Doctor Keller?"

The young woman turned to him and he could see the frustration and annoyance in her features. She handed off two tablets to a waiting nurse and then moved away, gesturing for him to follow. He trailed after her, towards where the Colonel's team stood anxiously.

Colonel Sheppard lay across from them, laid out under the Ancient scanner and it was clear that he was completely unconscious. His face was pale and Richard moved his attention to the man's chest to be sure that he really was breathing. "What happened to him?"

"There is no sign of any injury other than a puncture wound in his back. I believe he was injected with something," Dr Keller replied as she moved to her patient's side. "We're performing a deeper scan, full blood work…" she was cut off as a nurse moved swiftly to her side handing her a tablet. "This can't be right," the Doctor muttered. "Scan him again," she ordered.

Richard watched as the green light of the Ancient scanner passed down the Colonel's body and back up. They all turned to the large display attached to the device. "What is it Doctor?" He asked.

"He is showing signs of infection, but the scanner isn't picking up any virus or bacteria."

"And the city would have reacted to something like that," Doctor McKay added from behind.

"Maybe this is something new?" Ronon suggested, his voice betraying his own anger and frustration.

"We can't take the risk that this is some new virus, we need to get him into isolation immediately," Dr Keller announced as she turned towards Richard and the Colonel's team. "Everyone out of here now. I will want blood tests from all of you immediately along with any others who come into contact with the Colonel."

Richard stepped back shocked at the abrupt turn of events, but he moved away quickly and with one last glance back to the disturbingly still Colonel all new horrible possibilities came to mind. He tapped his radio to life. "I want the city locked down, we are going into quarantine. No one is to leave or be allowed into the city until I say otherwise."

----------

"This is my fault," Carson whispered.

Teyla turned to him, reaching out a hand to touch his arm. "No, Carson, this is not your fault."

"If I had realised earlier that someone had been going through my research…"

"You were not to know and even if you had realised sooner, those responsible would have reacted the same way." She squeezed his arm gently before she looked away from him through the wide glass window that separated them from John's very still form in the see-though room in which he was isolated. A medical staff member, dressed in full protective gear, was carefully taking yet another blood sample from John's arm. Teyla watched as the small vial filled with John's blood, and at least that tiny signal that he lived helped. She turned her eyes to his face, so still and disturbingly pale.

"It's my fault, I should have been watching all of them on the life signs scanner," Rodney muttered.

"There's only one person responsible," Ronon stated angrily. "And when I find them I'll kill them."

Teyla felt the same rush of anger inside, but she tried to control it. "We will need them alive, Ronon, so that they can undo what they have done to John," she replied quietly. Ronon's only response was a low growl.

"Let's just hope this isn't some biological warfare," Rodney uttered.

Teyla felt Carson's tension increase beside her. "Hopefully whatever he was injected with will simply wear off and he only needs to fight it off."

"If that is so, then he will," Teyla added as she moved slightly closer to the wide window. "He is strong."

The door to their right opened and Jennifer walked in, looking tired and frustrated. "We have the tests back. It doesn't look like he has been infected with anything we can identify, but there certainly is something in his system. Carson, would you be able to help us out?"

"Of course, anything I can do," he replied immediately.

Jennifer reached out and laid a hand on Rodney's arm, though she spoke to them all. "All of your blood tests all came back normal. Whatever the Colonel was exposed to does not appear communicable by touch or by breath. You are all clear to move around the city."

"We're not going anywhere," Ronon stated. Teyla nodded with him, she would remain here.

"Doctor!" A voice echoed from the radio and they all turned towards the isolation room through the wide window. John's eyes were open. They all crowded forward. "He's awake," the nurse reported belatedly. Teyla heard Jennifer leave the room, but she would need to put her protective clothing on again to enter John's isolation area. The nurse leant over John. "Colonel Sheppard, can you hear me?"

Teyla held her breath as she watched John blink slowly and then he shuddered, his entire body twitching. She watched as he arched his back and she saw his hands tighten into fists, then abruptly he was shifting onto his side, his body tucking up into a foetal position as if he was cold or in extreme pain. She pressed one hand to the glass, hoping he could see them here for him, but she doubted he could see much from his tightly curled up position. He shuddered again, his arms around himself and she pressed her other hand against the glass, wishing there was some way she could help him.

The door inside the isolation room opened and she watched Jennifer enter with another nurse, all of them crowded around John, blocking him from her view.

----------

"As yet, Sir, we have no way to identify the suspect," Richard reported over the video link. On the other end General O'Neill frowned.

"What do you have, Richard?"

"We are currently going through all computer logs for the last six months, hopefully we will find something there that will help us identify this person," Richard replied. "Our best hope at this point is that Colonel Sheppard saw his assailant and will be able to tell us who it was."

"How is the Colonel?"

"Doctor Keller tells me he is semi-conscious, but he isn't in any state to talk to us yet. He appears to be in a lot of pain. He may not even be aware of where he is."

The General frowned. It had been clear to Richard that General O'Neill liked the Colonel and it was not simply from professional concern that made the General worried. "Let us know if his situation changes," he finally added.

"We will. I would recommend that we maintain the quarantine for now, just in case this does turn out to be something communicable," Richard advised.

"Agreed and it won't hurt to keep everyone locked in the city for now. I've ordered a perimeter to be maintained around the city that is not to be broken. Anyone tries and the navy will have them," the General added. "You guys got all you need over there?"

"Yes, Sir, though Doctor Keller may wish for some further medical aid."

"Of course, anything we can do."

"Thank you, General."

"Speak to you soon, Richard," General O'Neill replied before the signal cut off.

Richard let out a heavy breath. He preferred dealing with O'Neill over the other military types, but it was still stressful. He couldn't help feeling responsible for everything in this city and the idea that there was someone in the city who had betrayed them…

He stood up from his desk and walked through to the control room. "Doctor Zelenka?" The man turned at Richard's call. "Have you found anything new?"

"No, not really. We're making our way through all the computer systems, but there is nothing yet. We have discovered one thing – looking back over the logs of the city scans it appears that the signal may have been present before Michael arrived in the city. I've found some archived city scans and I've found the signal in two of them a month before Michael invaded the city."

"So, this might not have anything to do with Michael," Richard pondered. "Could it have been a Wraith signal?"

"It did not register as Wraith, but we cannot be sure, unless we find the actual device that was broadcasting the signal."

Richard frowned. "At least it's stopped now," he muttered. "Maybe they will think the device stopped working."

Zelenka shrugged. "Or it might mean that they will come to look for us," he suggested.

A cold shiver passed through Richard at the thought. "At least with Atlantis on Earth we can defend the planet if someone turns up to find us."

"There is that."

"Mr Woolsey, would you please report to the Isolation room," Doctor Keller's voice asked into Richard's ear.

"I'm on my way."

----------

Carson leant over the desk towards the screen, as if being closer to it might change what he was seeing.

"And you're sure?" Jennifer asked from his right.

He stood back from the desk and looked at her. "See for yourself," he pointed out towards his laptop he had brought up from his lab.

"But, why?" She asked. "It doesn't make any sense to inject him with this, and why is it affecting him like this?"

"We won't know until we get his DNA scan back," Carson replied, sharing her confusion.

The door opened behind them and they turned to see Mr Woolsey walk in. "Doctors," he greeted them, his gaze moving off to the isolation room window on the other side of the desk. "How is our patient?"

Carson looked back towards the small isolation room. John was curled up in the centre of the bed inside and on the furthest side of the room another wide glass window looked through to where the rest of the Colonel's team watched and waited with painfully worried expressions.

"He doesn't appear to be any worse, but we think we may have identified what he was injected with," Jennifer reported. Carson pulled his eyes away from John's back to Mr Woolsey.

"Aye, he was injected with a very complex solution that contained a large amount of sedative to knock him out, as well as another combination of chemicals which I have seen before." He pointed to the reading on the desk screen and then to the laptop.

"What am I looking at, Doctor Beckett?" Mr Woolsey asked.

Carson shifted uncomfortably as he looked down to the chemical structures that he himself had helped develop. "It's a serum that I developed for Michael, at least part of it is. It was designed to bind to selected genes within the target's DNA. It essentially highlights areas of DNA, and in the case with Michael I had to use it to identify those in Michael's target groups who carried the strongest strains of Wraith DNA."

"You mean like Teyla's Wraith gene?" Woolsey asked.

"Yes, but it was also used to find points in the DNA that were susceptible to Wraith gene therapy for Michael's hybrid treatments," Carson added, shaking his head at the memories of what he had been forced to do. He still had nightmares and there were days, like today, when he truly felt he had made all the wrong choices.

"But, Colonel Sheppard doesn't have any Wraith DNA," Mr Woolsey pointed out. "And even if he has some of the susceptible areas to his DNA, why would that affect him this way?"

Carson pointed to the screen with the latest results again. "There is another set of chemicals which I believe may be a catalyst, but what it is causing to happen to the Colonel we don't know yet." He looked up at the isolation room in time to see John shudder again, his body tight and vibrating with the shiver before he stilled again.

"Are you saying the Colonel is being turned into one of Michael's hybrids?"

"No, DNA would have to be added and it took time for that process. This…" Carson looked away from his friend back to the screen. "I think this is an experiment."

"An experiment?"

"When Michael found something interesting he usually simply injected it into a subject to see what it would do. He experimented a lot on people," Carson paused and swallowed past the memories.

"So, maybe the person who did this has been recreating Michael's research and now his experiments?" Jennifer suggested.

"It's possible, but this precise serum the Colonel has bee injected with...it's not in Michael's research we have and I never saw this when I was held by him. Unless he kept it from me, I would say this was developed after I was rescued. This is something new, but close to what I saw him use before."

Carson focused past John again to where Teyla sat on the other side of the glass. She sat leant forward, her elbows on her knees and her jaw supported in her hands as she kept her worried gaze on John. "If I had never helped Michael…" Carson added to himself.

There was a pause around him and he felt their support and Jennifer's hand touched lightly against his arm. But, despite all the times they told him that Michael's actions were not his responsibility, Carson knew that they partly were. Michael may have used the weapons, but Carson had helped create those weapons in the first place.

"We are running a complete DNA screen on the Colonel," Jennifer continued for him. "To see where this substance has bonded to his DNA. That will give us an idea as to what is happening to him. We will just have to wait for that and go from there."

"Has he been conscious again?" Woolsey asked carefully.

"Barely, but he's unresponsive to questions. He seems to be in pain, and perhaps cold. His system originally reacted to the injected serum like it was an invading virus or bacteria attacking his system, and his immune response has increased his temperature slightly. We are concerned about giving him any pain relief as we can't predict how that will react with this serum," Jennifer reported.

Carson looked away from Teyla to John again and a deep worrying feeling settled in his belly. There was no explanation to it, but something told him this was going to turn out to be far more complicated than it appeared. He looked back down to the test results in front of him, but there was nothing new there. He had to have patience and ignore that feeling in his gut that told him to panic. It was a reaction that all doctors learnt to control, or they didn't get very far through medical school. Perhaps it was because he was so personally involved in his patient, as well as being involved in some small part in the serum's manufacture, but there was something else. Maybe it was from his experience of being in Michael's presence, for he knew that when Michael had done something then it rarely just blew over without any consequences. Even if this serum hadn't been manufactured by Michael himself before he died, and instead by some weird copycat, it still didn't change the fact of Michael's nature…a nature that Carson himself helped to twist all those years ago with that first retrovirus. Carson let how a heavy sigh of frustration – everything was so complicated and conflicted. He shifted his attention between the research on his laptop, the test results and his friends beyond the window.

"Are you any closer to finding out who did this?" he asked Mr Woolsey.

Woolsey pulled his attention from John in the room beyond. "No. Truthfully, Colonel Sheppard is likely to be the only one who can tell us who is responsible."

"Perhaps we should screen everyone in the city, in case someone is infected with something like a Goauld again," Carson suggested.

"It's worth doing, and it certainly would be a slightly better explanation than finding out one of our own is behind this…"

"Doctor," a nurse appeared through the doorway, a tablet in her hand. Carson just barely stopped himself from grabbing for it, waiting for Jennifer to take it instead – it was her Infirmary after all. She took it and immediately held it for him to see as well. "My God," Carson muttered. "That can not be right," he added as he glanced up at Jennifer.

She pressed a button on the screen and another set of results came up. "It is though."

"This is Iratus here…" Carson indicated the one highlighted section and Jennifer nodded, tapping the scene to extend the results. "What the?" Carson muttered.

Jennifer shook her head, bemused as he was. "If it weren't for the Ancient's DNA readers it might have taken us months to find this, if at all, we had no idea about these..."

"What is it?" Woolsey asked worriedly impatient.

Carson's mind was working though, and he looked up through the observation glass at John's huddled figure. "It's almost as if this was designed specifically for the Colonel. With his Ancient gene…and that he was infected with the old retrovirus," Carson looked away. Yet more of his mistakes that had come back to haunt him and hurt his friends.

"Doctors!" Woolsey pushed.

Jennifer looked up at the city's commander and turned the tablet for him to see. "The serum Carson told you about, that seeks out target genes in the DNA, well it found a hell of a lot in the Colonel." She pointed to the bright highlighted areas all along the diagram.

"But, I thought you said it attaches to Wraith DNA."

"That was the version Michael was using, this has been altered to seek out other types of DNA. In this case two other types of DNA - Iratus and Ancient DNA." She shifted the tablet to change the diagram to make it clearer for Woolsey.

"You see these areas of DNA here? Most of it is filled with genes that are completely unnecessary and remain switched off, inactive. They make up a massive part of our DNA, but they code for genes that we no longer need, that the evolution of our species has moved us away from. Theoretically within this old unused, or Junk, DNA there are codes for how to be almost any creature from our past evolution. It looks like that when the Colonel was infected with the Iratus retrovirus several years ago it appears that some of that Iratus DNA remained linked in with his Junk DNA. This serum of Michael's has sought it all out."

"What does that mean?" Woolsey asked carefully. "That he is going to turn into that creature again?"

"No, there certainly isn't enough of that original retrovirus DNA left, but there is some, hidden away in his Junk DNA. Truthfully, it isn't that unlikely considering the enormity of what happened to him when he was infected with the retrovirus. He was lucky that Carson and his team were able to counteract it so effectively. But, there appear to have been some consequences, which only this serum has highlighted," Jennifer explained.

Carson looked away to John and back again. "We returned his DNA to how it was before, but we stopped once he returned to normal. We had no clear way of checking his Junk DNA. Perhaps it mutated the natural genes somehow. It's inactive anyway…" Carson pondered.

"But, there is more going on here. This section of DNA here," Jennifer pointed to it on the handy diagram of DNA strands. "This is the Colonel's Ancient gene, which means that this serum of Michael's also sought out Ancient DNA."

Carson leaned in to look at the results again as Jennifer continued. "But that part of the serum didn't highlight just that ATA gene we know about, it's attached to a whole series here. Which means that it's very likely that these elements of the Colonel's Junk DNA are Ancient in origin as well." Carson nodded along with her, his mind turning with the new knowledge.

"What does this all mean?" Woolsey pushed.

Carson lifted his eyes to meet Jennifer's. "It means that the catalysing agent in the serum, is most likely activating these genes."

Carson looked over his shoulder into the isolation room. "Iratus, Human and Ancient all together in one," he whispered.

"That sounds like something Michael might have wanted to…experiment with," Jennifer said.

"What can we do for him?" Woolsey asked.

Carson frowned as he watched another shudder pass through John. "Maybe we can use the same technique as before, a retrovirus of our own," he suggested.

"That is going to be difficult because the catalysing agent is still in his system in very high quantities. If we try and add a new element into his system it may very well overwhelm his body completely…" Jennifer didn't need to finish the sentence. "And the problem we have is that this is his own DNA that is activating, it is not as if something from the outside is being added that we can remove. Only the catalysing agent is from the outside."

"But, the Iratus DNA is not his," Woolsey argued.

"It is if his DNA mutated in its presence all those years ago. It means that all his scans since have included that new mutated version, and since Junk DNA isn't active we would have had no way to know that this mutation had occurred. DNA mutates naturally, it is part of life and vital for maintaining variety in the gene pool of any species. Given time we may be able to develop a gene therapy to switch off these newly activated genes, but it will take time and who knows how someone would react to that length of treatment. It may mutate his DNA even further."

Carson nodded along with all she said. "Though, perhaps once the catalysing agent is depleted in his system the targeted Junk DNA may return to its former inactive state."

She turned to him. "You think the genes may become inactive again when the agent is gone?"

"He may return to normal, or at least we will be able to treat him once it's gone."

Mr Woolsey frowned deeply. "So you want to let this experiment of Michael's run its course and then try and treat him afterwards? Won't that be too late?"

"It may be best if we let the agent's levels begin to drop and hopefully it should be reversible. These Junk DNA genes are not meant to be active, so they may switch off easily enough."

"So we can only wait?" Woolsey clarified.

Carson exchanged a glance with Jennifer. "No, we treat him as best we can until then, but truthfully we have no idea how this is affecting him and ultimately we have no idea how Human, Iratus and Ancient DNA can all work together like this. If he's lucky everything will simply return to normal."

Woolsey's frown remained, deeply creasing his forehead.

"We'll try to counteract the catalysing agent for now and see what happens." At least they knew what they were dealing with now and the surge of purposefulness filled Carson.

"Very well, let me know how it goes. And if he wakes up enough to talk, please make sure to ask him who did this to him," Woolsey said before he turned and left.

"Maybe if we can find whoever did this they may have more information on the serum and maybe even something to reverse it," Jennifer suggested hopefully. Carson nodded, but he knew that Michael had rarely cared enough about his subjects to think about making antidotes.

-------

He leant his forearms on the tiny windowsill and wished he could be out on a balcony. Where was he going to hide the evidence? He had dismantled the signal device as best he could and he was sure it would be unrecognisable, but there were very clever people in this city. Doctor McKay could probably just look at the small pile of dissembled pieces and know what it was. Would they be able to find him if they did? Where should he hide the pieces? And the empty vial - where should he dispose of that? He didn't want to try and break it into pieces because he had seen what the contents had done to the Colonel and he didn't want to risk that for himself.

He had heard that the Colonel was partly conscious, which worried him greatly. What if the Colonel was able to talk? He hoped that wouldn't happen, but how could he be sure? And the city had been put into lockdown, which meant that he couldn't even get outside. If they found out about him – where could he run?

There were possible escape plans, but the ultimate choice was the possibility of returning to Pegasus. He could not risk hiding on Earth for Atlantis to return to Pegasus without him. Too much was at stake for him to give up so easily. Maybe if the Colonel did remember his face he could argue otherwise, after all the man was sick. He was confused and they had never really liked each other, so perhaps he could pretend it was a lie. A mistake. What evidence would there be otherwise? Only the device now in pieces, and the vials.

He glanced down at the massive drop outside the window. Even if he could throw the evidence off a balcony's edge, he could not risk that some of it fell onto a pier below. He had nowhere to permanently dispose of his evidence. He should just hide everything away completely out of sight, but right now he needed the feel of the container with the other vials in his pocket – he could not risk being separated from those now.

He would wait. No one could prove anything.

-------

She had been here for hours and had barely moved, only walking to the glass and back a few times. Torren was safe with Kanaan, and she had told them not to wait up for her. She would remain here for as long as was necessary.

Carson and Jennifer had explained their theory some time ago and it appeared that their thoughts maybe correct, for there was a noticeable blue shine along the edge of John's forearms, which were tucked around him where he lay still huddled up on the bed in the isolation room.

Her heart ached for him, feared for him and she felt a burning anger at whoever had done this to him. She knew how much he had hated being turned into a 'bug' as he called it, and she knew how much he feared ever returning to that state. She feared that as well, for she could clearly remember how he had been then, how he had frightened them all. He had been strong, powerful, animalistic and almost beyond reason. The memory of that creature had resurfaced more recently when the dream creature had attacked them. It had used John in that converted form attacking her as its nightmare fodder against her. It had felt very wrong to feel even slightly fearful of John, a man that she trusted above anyone. She hated to think that he would be changed again into something that he did not trust, and she worried that she might fear him again.

He shuddered on the bed and her thoughts returned to his pain and not her fearful worries. His eyes were tightly shut, against what she couldn't say. Jennifer and Carson had tried so help him relax with medication, but it appeared that nothing would work on him. She wished that she could be there in that small room with him, to hold his hand and add some form of comfort for him. However, the isolation continued just in case, but she suspected that it now was also intended to contain whatever John became. So, she remained as close as she could, to be there for him.

Rodney had left some time ago, at Mr Woolsey's request, to help with the computer search and Teyla thought it had been a good idea, for Rodney's stress had not helped John or himself. Ronon had left soon after, frustrated after hours of watching their friend endure. He had muttered something about seeing for himself where it had happened. She doubted he would be able to find anything useful, as skilful as he was as a tracker.

Major Lorne had sat for awhile alongside her. He clearly felt somehow responsible, which she told him was unnecessary. He could not have been there to help John and he was helping John now by finding out who was among them who could so easily hurt them.

She watched as Jennifer entered the isolation room again, leaning over John no doubt repeating the questions she asked him regularly – could he hear her, did he know who had done this to him and to tell him that everyone was here for him. Once again it appeared that he could not either hear or reply to Jennifer. Through his ordeal he would occasionally stop shuddering and seem to sleep, though he did not move from his curled up position. Teyla desperately longed to go in there as she saw his face tighten with pain again now and she decided to ask Jennifer if she could go in there.

He was blinking now, so clearly not asleep, and he shuddered again. They had placed blankets over him which had seemed to help but had not stopped the shivers completely. He looked pale, yet slightly flushed, but that may be due to his position. He blinked slowly and then squeezed his eyes shut again. Though he had done this for hours, he remained unresponsive to questions and hadn't reacted to further blood tests or anyone's touch. He appeared to be locked in a world of his own, and it appeared to be a painful cold one.

Teyla realised she had her arms wrapped around herself, as if that somehow satisfied the part of her that longed to hug him, to warm him and help him to find his way home. She remembered his laughter earlier today, and she wondered if that woman truly felt anything for John, why wasn't she here for him? It told Teyla that perhaps, though he seemed to enjoy that woman's company, it had not progressed into anything else. Teyla was surprised how pleased she felt at that.

If only he had been searching the atrium within someone else today, walking with another beside him. She should have been there beside him. She would not have let him walk away without his back covered, but then it had not been her choice. She had been patrolling a lower level and since she could not use the Ancient life signs detector she had felt rather useless. She should have been up further in the tower with him. She was sure she would have stayed near him, would have heard any altercation. She did not blame those who had been on that level with him, for it was like John to wander off into possible danger himself, and usually he walked out again. But, he usually had his team at his back to help.

With Atlantis sat upon Earth, and the Gate shut down, she had found that her life had reduced down to so much less than she would wish. She spent far less time with her closest friends and now sitting here she wondered why she had let that happen. Of course everyone was busy, especially John, but there was always time. In truth she had suspected that John had distanced himself slightly from her of late, perhaps for longer than that. She had not thought on that subject much for it was a place that she had shut closed – the part of her that she had thought closed and set aside. He may have wished to distance himself, but she had also allowed him to and she regretted that now. If he were to die in that small see-through room, she would never again share laughter with him, listen to his stories of Earth, his teasing of Rodney and the way he clearly loved her son. Tears filled her eyes to think that she may lose John now. What if he felt that she had wanted to distance herself from him lately?

She should have visited him in the evenings, should have asked to watch movies again, to share popcorn and ask him to babysit more. But, that had all gone, unless it was a group activity. It had all changed slowly, but inevitably since Kanaan. She wondered now if that distance meant something, or had John just stepped back to give her more time with Kanaan? She would not know.

Jennifer moved out of the isolation room leaving John alone and Teyla with a full view of him again. Her eyes dropped to the faintly blue skin down the outside of his forearms, up to his elbows and the blue disappeared under the sleeve of his infirmary top. She was surprised how much she associated that colour with concern, a touch of fear, but also with a strange sense of… When he had been infected with the retrovirus he had kissed her. It had been a very spontaneous act, and she had not felt threatened by him at the time, just clearly shocked by his new behaviour. They had never mentioned that incident again for all these years, and she had not allowed her mind to dwell on it, feeling it would be inconsiderate to him to think of him out of control as he had been then. He had not hurt her back then, even when he had clear opportunities to do so, and he had hurt others, even Elizabeth.

Then there had been those words form the alien consciousness that had infected him once – that he cared for her more than she knew. She had put the comment down to the alien's attempts to convince her to spare him, but the very suggestion of it had brought forth the part of her that wished and longed. She regretted that she had never said anything, but it was not the Athosian way to do so. He had never said anything to her, so she had concluded that he did not care enough that way for her. Yet, he had distanced himself so thoroughly from Kanaan and her lately. Without the excuse of working in a team and group meals he had stopped trying – was that due to Kanaan, or because he simply did not care enough for her? It was a painful thought and it was perhaps the first time she admitted the thought even to herself. That their friendship was not as strong as she had thought, let alone the other aspects that she wished they had shared, but had never done. How could she grieve for something that had never happened? Was it because she looked at Kanaan and found herself feeling trapped and unhappy? Was she looking back to her longings for John as a means of escape from her relationship with Kanaan? Or was it that she had ended up with this life because she had not let her heart hold out for a man who had not appeared interested?

She wished she were strong enough to say what needed to be said to him in time.

---------

He was aware of pain, but it seemed far away and the more he focused on it the further away it appeared to be, like it was at the end of a very long tunnel. He was connected to it somehow, but it felt remote and did not seem to impact his mind.

It was difficult for him to understand what was happening.

He was aware of bright lights around him and the shaking of his body as if something inside was fighting violently. He thought he heard voices and sounds around him, but again they seemed so distant and not quite important enough to focus on just yet.

Occasionally something new would happen. A strange sensation of space around him was the latest, as if he could stretch his body out indefinitely and the urge to stretch and release his body was very appealing. Yet, even the action of moving seemed a very distant and remote concept right now.

Then, after some time he thought, he felt himself growing heavy, as if his body, at the end of that tunnel, were a weight pulling him down. It wasn't all that unpleasant, but as it pulled on him, drawing him from wherever his mind had been, back into his physical awareness, he became aware of the shaking again.

Information arrived then, from nowhere fully formed into his mind. Someone was sad, someone was missing him. They were nearby as well and that thought produced another new feeling. This one was visceral and seemed to make his belly burn. He opened his eyes against the lights around him, but pain pushed back against him.

Heavy gentle weight rested over and around him, but there was cold right in his centre and despite how much he shuddered with the battle inside, the cold seemed to remain. Tiredness swept over him, so overwhelming that he lost himself for awhile, or perhaps it had been only moments. The sense of drifting away returned and the weight of his body lessened slightly.

Then…movement. He opened his eyes again and saw someone walk past him, their clothing sparkling white in the bright lights from above. Unable to keep his eyes open for very long he closed them, and then opened them again and sure enough the person was still there. It was a woman he was sure, and the white of her clothing seemed to be settling, though it merged with the harsh lights above.

"Hello, John," the woman said. Her voice was so soft and kind that he wished he could manage to smile. But, it wasn't a voice he recognised and that made him more curious. He tried to look up at her face, but the light seemed to blur her features.

"Do not worry about that, John." He took her at her word, but the sense of someone worrying about him returned and he wondered if it was this woman. "They are worried about you, she is worried for you."

This made some sense for some reason and he managed to open his eyes further. Past the lights he saw glass, the light reflecting against it, but he knew that someone important was beyond it. Someone was worrying for him and he wished they were here. Then, some niggling worry shuffled forward into his floating mind for sudden attention.

"They need you, John," the woman said from the right and he tried to look towards her again. Who was she? He tried to clear his vision, blinking several times and finally her features came into sharper focus, but he didn't recognise her still. She smiled. "You and I knew each other long ago, and I promised you that I would be here when you reached close to this point. To help you," she added.

He would have frowned if he was capable. She smiled again. "Do not worry about this, you will wake again later and think I was nothing but a dream," she said softly. "As it is meant to be…unless you wish to join us again?"

He wanted to turn his head to study her further, to see if he could read more from her expression that she wasn't telling him with her words. She tilted her head so that he could see her better and she smiled again. She was oddly familiar now, but in a distant way, as if he had seen her only in passing. He blinked again. How had she gotten into the city?

"That's it, John. Remember who you are now."

He looked away from her back to the glass. Teyla. He had no idea how he knew she was on the other side of the glass as the light was still so bright, but she was there. The cold inside him doubled, seeming to become solid and more painful.

"Yes, you have something important to tell her, to tell them all," the mystery woman said. She was right though, he did. Something important about the city, about…how he had ended up here. It had been dark and he had been looking for something…he had seen someone…yes…

"That's it," the woman murmured. "Keep going."

He remembered the fight, as short as it had been, and the sharp pain in his back. The pain blossomed through him now as if it had been looking for attention and now hurried forward to be fully noticed. Someone had done this to him, but it was city he was worried about…worried about Teyla… The cold kept filling his body and he shuddered violently with it.

"You need to let it pass," the woman whispered from nearby. "It is changing you. Just remember." And he did. Not that again…panic made him breathe fast and heavily, which was something he hadn't been aware he had been doing until now. His body was real around him again and he could feel the bed beneath him, blankets over him. There was a glass wall before him and through it he saw movement. Teyla's face appeared and he blinked to refocus his eyes through the glass. He watched her touch her hand to the glass.

She was in danger he realised. Terrible danger.

"You need to tell her," the woman instructed.

He tried to open his mouth to speak, but he couldn't seem to make the words happen. His body felt raw and different, and the ability to speak seemed so complicated right now. He stared at Teyla, wishing he could somehow tell her with his eyes what she needed to know.

"You can tell her. Tell her, John," the woman told him with increasing urgency as his own fear began to grow.

The city, Atlantis – the signal. They were all in trouble. A swell of aggression flared up through him and he tried to speak again, but he couldn't seem to make it happen, as if his entire head and throat were frozen, burning with cold and pain. The more he focused on his body the more the formally remote idea of pain actually became real. But, he had to tell Teyla. She was in danger.

He looked to the woman beside him. She could tell them for him. She shook her head rather sadly. "You know I can not, I must not interfere. You can do it, she needs you, John."

He looked away from her, back towards the glass on the other side of which Teyla stood. He thought he saw her smiling at him, but the pain of his body was so distracting.

"Do not be afraid, John," the strange woman's voice echoed in his ear as the light of the room seemed to dim.

He had to tell Teyla now, had to save her, she had to know…she had to know what he had done. She was in danger and Torren. Panic had him panting and he heard movement in the room with him, but it wasn't the woman anymore, this was loud and real, the sounds so loud. Smells assaulted his noise and he could feel air drifting in around him as a door opened, intensifying the cold again, but the pain was being to burn. He fixed his eyes on Teyla and something strange seemed to happen. She froze through the glass, her eyes locked with his.

He could feel the black out before it took him and he tried to fight it, to keep conscious, to tell Teyla. He struggled, somehow knowing that if he woke again that things would change and he had to make sure that she knew before he passed out.

He stared at her and as someone blocked his view, he couldn't move his head enough to look round the person, but Teyla had moved, staying where he could see her. He saw her lips move, perhaps asking him something or reassuring him as was her way. But, she was in danger…she had to stop him.

KANAAN!

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TBC