When We Two Parted.
A/n: A huge big thank you to my beta reader, Jamie. I would also like to thank everyone who has read this story and an extra thank you if you left a comment. I am over the moon that you have been enjoying the story. There is only one chapter left after this one and that is the epilogue. Enjoy.
Chapter Eight - Righting wrongs.
The chronometer chirped, shaking Jean-Luc from his thoughts. He glanced up and saw that it had been three hours since Beverly had left him to his thoughts. He'd been under the impression that it hadn't been that long, an hour at the most. The time that passed concerned him, as he was still no better off in his thoughts than when she had left.
Jack's words still echoed through his mind like a scream down a well.
When Beverly had first loaded the chips into his console, he hadn't known her reasoning behind it, especially after the first clip. A fleeting thought that she was doing it to hurt him had popped into his mind, but Beverly's words and her comforting presence dispelled the thought quickly.
Seeing Jack again had been strange, the years had rolled by and though his memory would not be forgotten, Jean-Luc had forgotten what he had looked like. He always had Jack's voice in the back of his mind, it served as a reminder of what he had done and over time, it had become a comforting presence. As Jean-Luc thought about the voice in his head, he found that it wasn't tinged with malice as he thought it always did. It was soft, nonjudgmental, and encouraging. How could he not have noticed that before? Simple. He hadn't wanted to hear it.
Jack Crusher had been one of the most loyal of friends. He'd stood beside Jean-Luc and trusted his judgement time after time. No friendships were without their clashes, they'd had some spectacular ones of their own during their friendship. Jean-Luc threw his head back and laughed loudly when he remembered the argument over Shakespeare. Jack had called him outdated and boring and Jean-Luc had taken umbrage at the comment. They didn't speak for a week and hadn't intended to speak to one another at all until Beverly knocked their heads together and told them to grow up. In retrospect, it had been a petty thing to fall out over and both had been rather embarrassed about such a foolish argument.
Before Beverly, Jack and Jean-Luc had behaved like most unattached Starfleet officers would when on shore leave. A girl in every port was near enough true for both of them. Though, years later, they'd both looked back at those times with deep regret. The Jack-the-lad persona faulted when Walker Keel introduced them to his sister's friend, Beverly Howard. She had waltzed into the living room and flashed a brilliant smile in their direction before playfully ruffling Walker's hair, then disappeared with Sophia Keel. After that brief meeting, Beverly Howard had become the topic of conversation. Jean-Luc, despite being a Frenchman, was cynical of 'love at first sight' but as soon as his eyes fell upon her, he became a firm believer. He didn't get to see her again until Jack announced he had found the one to settle down with. It never crossed Jean-Luc's mind that Jack had swept the redhead off her feet and somehow convinced her to marry him. The shock of seeing them together had thrown Jean-Luc off balance and he immediately grew distant, withdrawing himself from the situation. Jean-Luc had thought that his presence wouldn't be missed, but he hadn't counted on Jack's stubbornness. Jack hadn't been prepared to cut his best friend out of his life, and had pursued him and continued the friendship.
Over the years, Jean-Luc had often thought about what would have happened if it had been Jack called away for command training and not him. Would he have married Beverly instead? Would they have had a child? Would Jack have been his commanding officer? Would he have died like Jack?
Jean-Luc clapped his hands together, breaking the silence in the room that was threatening to overwhelm him. It did him no good to dwell on the past. He had only just realised it, that he had been living in the past: keeping the guilt he felt close, refusing to move on, to get over it and to live his life. Now he was going to move forward and grab the future with both hands.
Jack had forgiven him. Beverly had forgiven him. It was time to forgive himself.
With his decision made, he rose to his feet and marched out of his quarters, his determination propelling him forward. He passed crewmembers in the corridor but he didn't register them as he strode forward. Reaching his destination, he reached down and pressed the button on the door. He waited a moment before the doors hissed opened and he was greeted by the most beautiful of sights, Beverly Crusher.
"Jean-Luc," he heard her whisper his name as he stepped into her quarters. He reached for her hand and squeezed before leading her over to the couches. Without speaking, he gently pushed her down on to the couch and then sat down beside her.
"Let me speak," he said, never letting go of her hand, his thumb stroking circular patterns on her palm. "Jack's words have haunted me since his death. I felt disgusted at myself for loving my best friend's wife and then to find out that he'd known the entire time... it tipped me over the edge and I just couldn't deal with being near you. I ran and in doing so, I became the man Jack thought I would never be. I became a coward."
"Jean-Luc…" Beverly began.
"Ssshhh," he said as he placed a finger on her lips. "I'm not finished yet. When I was given command of the Enterprise, I wanted the finest doctor in the Fleet and that was you, but I didn't want you here. I didn't want you here because you reminded me of what I had run away from. It soon became apparent that you weren't going anywhere despite my reservations. To detach myself from you, I reverted to how I behaved with you when you and Jack were first married. I saw you as the woman Jack married, was married too despite him not being with us anymore, and that's how I have continued to look at you."
"I am not that woman anymore," she cut in. "I am Beverly, just Beverly. I want you to put the past behind us and allow yourself to show both of us that love me."
He dropped her hand and reached out to cup her face with his hands. "What if I can't be the man you want me to be?"
"A man who is inflexible, stubborn, frustrating, and one who sometimes can't see beyond the end of his nose?" she said looking back at him, her blue eyes misting over. "You already are."
"Stubborn?" he questioned, a smile playing on his lips. "Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?"
He watched as she shot him the smile that melted his heart, that same as the first time he saw her. She was truly beautiful and he had been a fool waiting this long to tell her his feelings. Jack had died knowing that Beverly would be loved again, but probably hadn't expected twenty years to pass before it finally happened.
"What else are you afraid of?" asked Beverly softly.
"I don't want to leave you on your own," he revealed.
"Jean-Luc, you and I both know the dangers of our jobs," she began. "You have ended up in my sickbay more than I like and I'm sure you've sent me down onto planets that you would have rather not have, but we've come through. We can't live with 'what if's'. We need to take what we can and enjoy it."
What she had said was true. He had instructed her to join away teams that were beaming down to unknown and dangerous situations and he had been a patient in her sickbay, more than he even liked. They couldn't control their missions, but they could control what they did in their time together.
"Do you think you could have a relationship with a renowned bachelor?" he asked.
"Might need to iron out a few creases, but I think I could quite easily," she answered with a smile.
"You might have to bear with me," he said softly. "It's all going to be a little new to me and I might need some guidance. I've been alone for a long time."
"Jean-Luc," she said, looking him in the eye, a playful twitch appearing on her lips. "You haven't exactly had an empty bed of late, so don't give me that."
Jean-Luc felt himself turn crimson and he looked down at his feet as he tried to recover himself and find the words that needed to be found. "Yes, well, I have had relationships but…" he began.
"I know," said Beverly, touching his face gently with her fingers.
"You do?" he asked as he looked back up at her. Looked into her eyes and saw understanding shining back at him. She had entered into short-term relationships for the same reason as him, to shut out loneliness, to try and block out the pain of loving someone that they shouldn't, and to have comfort.
"I love you," she whispered as she moved closer to him.
He pulled her into his arms. "I love you, too."
His arms wrapped around her, bringing her up against his body and his face buried into her shoulder. He could smell her hair and he relished in the sensations it was creating in his body. She was moulded to his body as though they had always fitted together. He planted a series of small, delicate kisses on her neck and mumbled his love for her against the pale skin. He felt her move her neck to the side, giving him more access and encouraging him. He didn't need to be told twice so he continued his kisses until their lips met in a heated exchange. It wasn't like the soft kisses that they had shared over the past few days, this kiss was full of passion, want, and need. Their tongues battled for supremacy, hands finding gaps in clothing so their flushed skin could be caressed.
"Jean-Luc," Beverly panted softly as she pulled away from him, her lips swollen from their kissing.
"Hmmm, yes my love?" he asked, the words easily falling from his lips.
"Make love with me?" she whispered into his ear as she pressed herself fully against him, grinding as best she could.
"Oh yes," he answered, the words hitching in his throat as he spoke them. Without another word, he managed to slip his arms under her and lift her up so she was cradled in his arms. He caught her lips with his again as he moved them into the bedroom where he was going to show her exactly how much he loved her, and in doing that, exorcising the ghosts that he had carried with him for years.
...To be continued...