A/N: This is my first attempt at a songfic. Be gentle.
Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders or Pain by Three days Grace.
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
No matter how much his father beat him, Johnny Cade would always come home. Whether it was because of his high hopes that his father would someday come to love him, or whether it was because Johnny would rather be beaten then ignored, he didn't know.
You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
He walked in the door, immediately to be greeted by his drunken father. "Worthless kid," he slurred. He could smell alcohol on the man's breath. Johnny looked at the man he called his father. The man that enjoyed hurting him. The man that seemed to hate him. He winced as his father raised his fist.
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand
Somewhere, deep down, Johnny knew that there was no way his father would ever love him like a true father. Like a father should. At one time, his father did love him. It was long ago. So long that Johnny hardly remembered it. But his father did love him, he remembered that much. But all that love stopped years ago, when he picked up his first bottle of booze.
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain. Pain was something Johnny Cade knew a lot about. Physical, emotional…just about any kind of pain there was, Johnny had experienced it. Being beaten, yelled at. Whether it was inflicted upon him by his father, or by the socs, or by his screaming mother, it was pain all the same.
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Johnny actually preferred to be beaten by his dad. At least he knows he's there. It's better then nothing. At least, that's how Johnny looks at it. No matter how wrong he knows it is for his father to physically hurt him, he would rather be in pain then have his father forget about him totally. At least being a punching bag is better then not even existing…right?
Anger and agony
Are better than misery
Trust me, I've got a plan
When the lights go off, you will understand
Now, his mother was another story. Everyone knew about his mother screeching at him. Johnny knew it wasn't really his fault; his mother was just stressed because of his father. He didn't mind his mother yelling at him so much.
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
His father slugged him in the stomach. He winced.
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing, rather feel pain
A beer bottle was smashed against the wall, narrowly missing the boy's head. He stared at his father in shock. He wouldn't kill him…would he?
I know, I know that you're wounded
You know, you know that I'm here to save you
You know, you know I'm always here for you
I know, I know that you'll thank me later
Johnny thought about how the gang hated his father. Johnny loved his father, and his mother, too, but he knew his love was unreturned. He hoped that by loyally coming home as often as the gang would let him (despite their attemps to keep Johnny away from his home, he always found a way to get there), he would earn their love.
Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Deep down, Johnny liked getting hurt. In a twisted way, Johnny thought of it as his father noticing him, and even loving him. He thought it would lead to his father really loving him someday.
Or so he thought.
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain
With one final hit, everything went dark.
A/N: review!