Yes title has changed... it'll make more sense in the future me thinks :P

3rd chappy here and things are about to get interesting! ish.. haha (: naa lots of good stuff to come I promise!

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Expectations

Saturday 19th September

Libby

The world is run by expectations. Everybody knows it, but most people don't like to acknowledge it. I'm one of those people. Expectations scare the hell out of me. Well maybe not the exact expectation part, just the idea of failing to live up to it. Screwing up basically – that scares the hell out of me. Ever since I turned, what, five? Well since then Mum and Dad have kept me on a leash. A very short leash. I wasn't allowed to go out with my friends, go to friends houses unless their parents contacted mine, join a club after school, even have remote contact with boys.

I know my parents did this because they thought they were doing me a favour. Which I know sounds ridiculous but they had their reasons. Basically they didn't want me to screw up and have a baby like Georgia did. Well, that's putting it a bit harsh. For one, I don't believe Georgia screwed up at all. If it wasn't for Bryony I'm pretty sure this family would have driven me crazy years ago. Bryony's kept me sane.

Most of my expectations are negative. That way at least I don't get my hopes up only for them to be crushed, which is what happens in the case of most expectations. The main 'expectation' (if you could call it that) on my mind at the moment is Uni. As in it'll be complete crap because I won't fit in at all. I don't know how to live like students do. They like partying all night, drinking till they drop and living in an environment fit for a load of rats. I don't like that. I like things clean, my head clear not dizzy and a good night's sleep. In all, I'm probably more like a fifty year-old than an eighteen year old.

Thinking about it, I don't know why I'm like that. Well no, I do know why, I just don't know why. Mum and Dad, although they tried a different parenting technique with me, they didn't change that much – according to Georgia anyway. None of them are particularly... orderly or insistent on certain things. In fact they are very very mad and scary to outsiders. And me sometimes as well. They don't make sure everything is in place or nothing is dirty like I do.

So I really don't understand how they drilled that into me without following it themselves. Very odd.

The sun is one big over-expectation in my opinion. People love to love the sun. It's the 'thing' to do. But in reality, having good expectations of the sun is just a waste of time. Everyone (supposedly) loves to sun-bathe and get a tan. Of course if I tried to do this it would result in me turning very, very red. I do not tan.

But that's not the reason I don't like the sun. I just hate the trickery that it possesses. People marvel over the sun. They think its omnibenevolent and life-giving. Ok, so maybe it does help life a... lot, but it also kills life. The sun has so much power that it can destroy or kill whenever it wants. Think about it, plants and animals are constantly dying from lack of water. And why is there a lack of water? Because the sun is so bloody hot that it evaporates the water away causing a horrible drought. Selfish.

And when it comes to us people the sun is no more generous. I don't understand why people are so satisfied with getting a tan. Gee loves it, my parents love it, my friends don't really not like it. In fact, Bryony is pretty much the only person I know that shares my dislike for sun bathing. Because what is it really? It's just burning your skin. Burning, ruining, killing. That's all the sun does.

And when you get older and your skin is all tanned it just goes horribly wrinkly. I like to take care of my skin and I can imagine nothing worse than old crinkled skin. Ew.

It'll probably come as no surprise to you now then that I am possibly one of the whitest people to ever walk the planet. Me and Bry that is, although even she gets a bit more colour as such than me because she likes to be outside.

I'm definitely an inside girl. I can't stand mud, bugs, little creatures and anything with legs really. And the smaller they are the worse probably. That means I can't see where they are or where they're going. I'm shuddering just thinking about them. So grim. I like things that are dry and clean and in the place where I left them. Basically I'm rather up tight – though I'd never admit this out loud. I'm not stupid.

In fact, being smart is probably the only thing I am good at. But then again when I was young and not allowed to be with my friends what else was I to do other than read? I still read now of course, but I never read more than when I was around fourteen years old. I'd end up reading a book a day – especially in the holidays. It was definitely my favourite thing to do and took my mind off how boring and unsatisfying my actual life was.

My friends love to read. Come to think of it, that's probably one of the reasons we all got closer. To read was the first thing we learnt everyone else loves. And since we all loved it in turn our friendship grew. Makes sense really. And for once my parents approved since Izzy, Charlotte and Ellie were hardly drunken, disturbed people who were a bad influence. Or at least not on the surface.

Ok, that was a joke. Even if it was really, really bad. Being funny isn't really my forte in case you haven't guessed. The only thing I've got is sarcasm. Thank God for that.

Nine days till I go to Uni. Now people would expect most people my age to be jumping up and down with excitement right now. But that is wrong for me because;

I'm not excited (unless scared shitless can be counted as being excited)

That would involve showing emotion and I'm too much of a reserved person for that

Bryony has been acting funny these past few days. She keeps asking me if I'm looking forward to Uni etc. This is strange in itself because normally Bry is the last person who makes me uncomfortable, as in she never does. But trying to come up with a plausible answer that's not a flat out "no" was making me more uncomfortable than I like to be.

She knows that I don't want to go of course. I haven't told her, but Bry is just like that. She knows these things. Definitely a people reader. It's a gift. Sometimes. Other times, like now, it's rather intimidating.

I want to know what's brought this on though because Bry is never normally this... edgy? I don't know if that's the right word. But she does seem rather on edge and not herself. Almost like she's tip-toeing round me which she never does. And I don't like it.

Of course I'm way too chicken to actually go up to her and ask straight out what's up. That is possibly ten times to bold on my scale of shyness. (I did mention a little something to Gee though.) And Bry is basically one of my best friends; does that illustrate how timid I really am?

I don't like offending people. Which is often the reason that I don't say what I'm thinking. Ok, I hardly ever say what I'm thinking. But I think offending people is such an easy way of making enemies and so confrontations. And if there's one thing I hate more than creepy crawly bugs its confrontations.

I would be the worst person to have on your side in a fight, physical or verbal. The mere thought of me trying to actually fight someone is laughable. I'd probably break something trying to run away rather than at the hands of the 'opponent'.

God forgot to give me rather a lot of qualities – confidence, the ability to not stammer when nervous, co-ordination. It's a bit mean if you think about it. People like Bryony have it all and I'm left with... not a lot.

Georgia... Georgia likes to think she has it all. But clearly she's kidding herself (and I mean that in the nicest possible way). She's got better, I think. But she certainly thought highly of herself when she was a tad younger. It was in an amusing way though, and now I think about it I bet a lot of it was just to amuse me.

If I was sat on the wall outside (carefully analysing it before getting onto it of course) a twenty-one year old Gee would attempt to climb the tree saying stuff like "don't worry Libs I'm a tree climbing expert" or "I used to be in the Olympics for tree climbing you know".

However different we are, she never fails to bring a smile to my face. And that right there is her best quality. Forget whatever else she thinks or used to think she is. Making me smile. That's a pretty good thing to possess in my opinion.

I only wish I could have done the same for her during the hard times in her life.

Gee

Expectations mestations sultations ignations expectations. Mush.

Nobody holds any expectations over me. Most people pretty much stopped making expectations of me when I got pregnant. So my life is free for however I want it. Ish.

I guess even before I was pregnant people didn't really have expectations of me anyway. I mean, Mutti and Vati were too wrapped up in their own world to really notice me (surprise surprise) and the Ace Gang were... well they knew me well enough not to expect anything in particular.

There was pretty much only person I remember holding any sort of real expectations over me. And I screwed that up more than a screwed up thing on a screwed up day. But ain't that the story of my life? I am such a fool. And he clearly didn't deserve me. Maybe.

It's eight days to the wedding. The wedding where Jas and Tom get married. Or more importantly in my case, the wedding where I will see Dave for the first time in what? Thirteen years? Nearly fourteen? One of them.

How long did we go out for before all the 'trouble' started? Four, five months? Was it even that long? I know it was good, marvy even at one point though. Before everything went crappy and I broke expectations that was. Stupid expectations. I don't even know why I did it – not at the time, not now; probably won't ever know.

Nobody knows what happened between me and Dave – at least not the whole story anyway. Sometimes I'm even unsure and think I'm remembering stuff wrong. When I do remember that is – mostly I try to not remember because it's weird and... hurts I guess. I know it ended horribly. And I know there was a lot of yelling, shouting akimbo and blubbing. Definitely blubbing.

But I suppose that's the past and this is now. I've gotta grow up (ha) and show my maturiosity side at the wedding. I will be the bestest maid of honour ever to walk the planet and I will stay out of Dave's way. Yupp yupp.

Jas' hen night is on Thursday. I wanted it on Friday but apparently she wants to be "alive and kicking" (how lame) on Saturday to sort out (that means panic over) the last minute plans for the wedding. Oh pleaseeee, if stuff isn't sorted by then, it's clearly not going to be sorted in time anyway. But that's Jassy Spassy alright. Silly vole woman.

We're going round to Jas', (Tom'll be out) then taking things from there. I've made a super surprise for the party that they don't know about yet. Basically it's this list of things that have to be completed by the morning. I'm expecting it to be complete, even if expectations are stupid.

It'll be me, Jas (duh), Rosie, Karen and Christina (people from Jas' work) and the rest of the Ace Gang. They're all coming up north early. Jassy doesn't know – it's a surprise. Originally they weren't gonna come but after Rosie turned up we figured the 'reunion' as such might as well start early. And it'll make Jas happy. I hope.

Libby came to see me yesterday saying that she thought something was up with Bryony. This I thought was vair odd because Bry has been fine with me. I'll have to take Libs' word for it that it's only when they are together.

Speaking of odd things (and I know all about odd things trust moi) it's been four days (my maths skills are fabbity fab as ever) since Bryony told me about reading my diaries and not asking any questions about her Vati. That's right – no questions. Questions: zero. Zilch. None.

It's not that there's been no questions. I've had loads about the Ace Gang and stuff we got up to at school. We even talked about boy stuff for a moment. And by that I mean I was wondering in my head if she had snogged anyone yet. So I thought back to my first snog – with Whelk boy and thought I should give her some tips. You know – stay away from creepy, sucky monsters and whatnot. I brought up her bestie Callum and casually asked her if he had snogged her yet. In a normal way of course.

"So have you and Callum reached number five yet?"

"Don't make me puke."

Anyway when we were talking about general mess Bryony kept asking questions about the other girls – she really hit it off with Rosie and keeps going round to Jas' to see her and Sven. Now a responsible parent would keep her away from a creature like Sven at all costs but a Georgia Nicolson parent, well she would let her daughter learn from her own mistakes. Oh yeah.

In true moi fashion I ended up blurting out the surprise about everyone coming for the hen night. Although that's not really scary potatoes shocking since I do tend to tell Bry quite a lot. She got really excited and starting helping me with the list of stuff too. Although I think her suggestion of "spin the bottle with a load of strangers" is a bit too tame for my liking. Plus if we don't find any strangers in time it'll just be a bunch of girls playing. Erlack. Just before Jas' wedding is not a good time to start up the lezzie rumours again.

In fact no time is good for that.

I think when the Ace Gang have their reunion we should totally make Bry an honorary member. We've been putting on some loud music and practising all the dances every night. Apparently Rosie and her are 'performing' them at the wedding reception so she wants to get it perfect. I wonder if Jas knows. That'll be a fun conversation. I'll have to let Bry borrow my horns so the audience gets the full effect. And I wonder if I can dig out my paddles too...

Rosie. Sven. Rosie and Sven. Rosie Mees. Sven... what is his last name? Something Swedish I think. Is Rosie even still Rosie Mees? Is she not Rosie Sven? (That's the substitute for his last name. How creative of me to use his first name.) Who knows. I certainly don't.

What in the name of Big G's pantyhose (if he has them which he may in today's modern world) is going on with them two anyway? It's a vair freaky thing if I say so myself and I've been through some vair freaky stuff. Freaky deaky with knobs on. Me and Jas keep on twittering about it whenever we get a free moment (Rosie seems to be everywhere – that's quite scary too.)

Jas thinks that it's all just an act on Rosie's behalf. She says that Rosie is actually in love with Sven though he just thinks she married him so he can stay in the country. Poor Ro Ro if the Old Wise Woman of the forest is true. She will have her Viking heart broken and I certainly know what that's like. Minus the Viking bit.

Unless of course Sven feels the same way. Then they're both in love with each other but are pretending they're not in love with each other but just matey mates. Matey mates that are married but don't live together but go to weddings 'together' even though they aren't in a relationship.

My head is confuzzled.

It's nice to have the Viking Queen around again though. And Sven though I'll be dead as a dead fish on a platter before I admit that. He's still as tall as ever. And as blonde. But weirdly enough his accent as gone all funny. It's not quite English but not quite Reindeer-a-go-go land-ish anymore. That hurts my head too.

Rosie has... not changed in the slightest. Luckily. She's still the same mad old bat that actually makes me look rather normal. Which I am of course. Norma normal. There's nothing like Rosie, my Mutti or my Vati to make me feel normal. And people say I'm the noisy one. Just cos I'm lively.

I wonder if Rosie knows Jas won't let her wear her Viking horns during the ceremony. I asked once if I could wear my blue and white striped scarf if it's a little chilly. I got a biff on the head for that one but don't worry my dear fans... I biffed her back. Harder.

Much how Angus used to do; bless his crazy, mad, lunatic, raging, wild, furry soul. He died quite a while ago actually. We had a little ceremony for him in Mutti and Vati's back garden. About the only right thing in there. Gordy is still alive and moving. Well, moving is probably exaggerating a little too much. He's an old thing now he is. But he still manages to give a good hiss and scratch every now and then. Good times.

But in my opinion, if there's ever been anyone in the history of ever who's exceeded expectations it's Super Cat Angus. If he were at Hogwarts and doing those silly frogspawn tests he'd get an EEE: extremely exceeds expectations. He was brill and fab and amazing beyond the valley of everything brill and fab and amazing.

R.I.P mate. I hope you're happily ripping off body parts and causing as much chaos as possible in kitty cat heaven. That's my boy.

Bryony

I don't think I've ever felt a need to live up to expectations. And I don't really want to. People have never really expected anything of me in particular so it's never really bothered me.

Recently, as in the last four days though, that seems to have changed; with Gee that is. And I know why even if I am playing the unknowing, oblivious idiot. (That I have to say I am pretty good at. I should be an actress.)

It's not as if I've never thought about my dad. I mean I have gone 13 years alone with Gee so obviously I don't know the first thing about him. I guess this is why Gee keeps wondering when I'm suddenly going to snap and ask a million things at once about him. But the thing is, I don't want to know anything about him. I'm not one of those girls you see in films that leave home in order to find out their 'true identity'. I know my identity and I'm perfectly happy with it.

Despite what people may think, having just the one parent hasn't been in anyway bad for me. Not even in the slightest. I've got everyone I'd ever need around me whenever I need them. There's Gee for everyday stuff and having fun, the Grands to tell me off, Libby to help with my random problems and recommend good books to read, Jas to teach me about nature and help me with school work occasionally and Tom for the "why are you boys such idiots?" conversations, although up till now we haven't had to have one of them.

I say up till now because I can sense one coming on very, very soon.

Nathan whatshisface is the most arrogant, big headed, conceited person to ever walk to the planet. That right there is a fact. I don't think I can handle another four weeks with him under half term. But even then it won't end. Why? Because Cal is now insisting we'hang out' when we're not at school. As in I actually have to spend time with Nate outside of the obligatory corridors of Richmond high school. And at least then I can ignore him/block him out by choosing to work instead but outside of school? I'm screwed, as I learnt today.

Cal tricked me of course. Sneaky schemer. He knew that I would just make up an excuse and not go if he had told me 'good old' Nathan was coming. And he would have been right. But as it turns out I got excited to actually be spending some time just me and Cal like the old days for nothing. I can't believe Cal did that to me. Although at least it means that he's finally got it into his head that me and Nathan are just not going to be friends. I still don't know why he expected us to get along in the first place. We are just so different. And he is... not nice.

We met up at 9 this morning for badminton. I should have known something was up just from that. Cal is definitely not a morning person like me. But then again I just figured he was trying to make it up to me for bringing such a tit into our lives. Damn I wish that was right.

Of course when I turned up at the sports hall to be greeted by that smug face it put a damper on my morning. And Cal was ten minutes late which meant I had to put up with his company until someone normal came. Callum said it was because he got up late, which would normally be a reasonable excuse for him but I know that he was 'late' on purpose so that me and Nathan would have to talk. Well his plan failed. To the max.

At first it was alright, or at least bearable. We sat at opposite ends of the court 'sorting our stuff out'. And by this I mean I pulled out the same battered old racket that Tom gave me and Nathan started polishing, yes polishing his shiny new perfect expensive racket that might as well have had a sticker on saying "yes I'm better than you" on it.

And just when you expect someone can't get any worse, they do. It was not enough for Nathan to sit in silence. No, he had to make his way over to me, swinging his racket dramatically so that it just missed my head. I made sure not to move.

"What do you want?" I hissed at him to which he just smirked. Jerk.

"Nothing, nothing," he said casually, "You any good then?" Clearly that was a remark towards my racket.

I stood up then so that my face was inches from his. His eyes are scarily dark. "I don't need money to win my way on the court." I said angrily before pushing past him and walking to the other side. I didn't get far though because he followed me. Apparently annoying me from afar is simply not satisfying enough.

"Are you questioning my talent?" Nathan asked, an amused expression on his face.

I think I actually snorted at that point. It would make sense as to why Nathan's face twisted anyway.

"Maybe you shouldn't judge people so easily Bryony." Ergh what is he now? A bloody philosopher and shrink? I tried to ignore him and walk away when I remembered I had left my bottle over by my stuff was went back to get it – still ignoring him at all costs.

"You're awfully pale you know," he said out of nowhere. I mean come on, what brings someone to say that when you're about to play badminton? It didn't stop me turning to glare at him though and of course notice how tanned his skin is. Of course, something else he apparently 'beats' me in.

Libby told me how she believes the sun's basically the hidden enemy of the earth because it kills stuff, burns people and sucks the life out of things, (most commonly known as heat stroke). I like that theory and tend to stick to it. I don't care if I don't tan because frankly it would look stupid anyway what with my hair being a sort of dirty blonde colour. And Libby, her hair's properly blonde so looks good with her white skin. Or at least I think so. Tanned people are just burned people.

This thought comforted me as Nathan removed his jackets, clearly just to show off his brown arms from the summer, if you would call it that. Personally I prefer showing off his tainted skin, which is all it is. He's English, not African. He should be white not brown – that's going against nature.

Anyway where was I before going off on that tangent? Oh yeah lovely Nate and his stupid comments about my white skin.

"Well aren't you observant," I said sarcastically. Nathan opened his mouth to reply but it was then that Cal turned up looking all flustered and with his pathetic excuse of sleeping in late. It's a good job he came when he did before I ended up using my racket for hitting things other than shuttlecocks.

Nathan wouldn't be having kids after that.

Putting all my energy into slamming things at Nathan really helped my mood though. Cocky arse decided he would go on his own against me and Cal. Obviously he was expecting us to be shit because he strolled around the court at first like he owned it. We showed him though and ended up winning, even if it was closer than I would have liked.

Not that I'll ever admit it out loud (it's bad enough here) but Nathan is annoyingly good. But then again his super rich parents probably bought him his own court when he was five. It wouldn't surprise me.

I'm glad he lost. I don't think I would have been able to refrain from really hitting him if I'd had had to see his stuck up face congratulate me for my efforts.

I need to get Nathan out my head. I guess I could do what Gee wants me to (I think) and start obsessing over everything to do with my dad. If only I felt the need. But I don't.

I don't need to be rich and have lots of money. I don't need to have the perfect family with a mum and dad and brothers and sisters. I don't have to have loads of friends constantly around me to make me feel happy. I don't have to do any of that because I guess that's what most people would expect a girl like me to want.

Normally I'll admit that people generally want what they don't or can't have. But me, I'm perfectly fine with what I've got, whether it be my bizarre family or my whiter than sheets legs. I'm happy. And I don't need anything else, not a tan or an annoying rich friend or even a dad.

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Jas

I like expectations. Expectations make for better people; they give us all something to aspire to. This is why I like to set my expectations high, even if sometimes I can't reach them. If you put the effort in, that's all that matters.

It's eight days till the wedding and everything is in place. Of course, I suspect that there will be something else that just happens to crop up in the mean time but I've prepared for that. I've got from now till Thursday when my Hen Party is (God help me since Gee is planning it) and then Saturday to refresh and make final plans – Friday will most likely be spent sleeping.

It's not going to be a big hen party. There is only five of us in total, but I'm expecting Georgia to do something... Georgia-like and I'm ready for that. I hope. I feel quite sorry for Karen and Christina right now (friends from work) as they've never met Georgia before. Or Rosie for that matter. The most they have to deal with is noisy, little, Primary school children. I can't even begin to imagine what they'll make of these big kids. My career could be over.

Me and tom have decided that from Thursday onwards we're going to 'separate' until the wedding. It was Tom's idea and I like it – very traditional. Unfortunately, as with most things, this has a downside. For me, it's that I have to live with Georgia for three days. I may go insane. I put my foot down for the hen night though – that's taking place at mine while Robbie takes Tom out somewhere so we don't meet.

Although thinking about it I'd quite like to see Robbie again. He hasn't stayed up here for longer than a night in over five years. He surprised me, Robbie – I always took him for a 'home' person if that makes sense. Like the people he made friends with as a child he would keep for life, and he would always live in the area he was brought up in. Clearly I was wrong though because Robbie hasn't 'lived' here since he took that trip to London with the Stiff Dylans years ago.

I wonder if he's still friends with them? Well bar Masimo of course who... well they never really got on. And if Robbie is in contact with the other members it's not as if he sees them often. But he travels so much that I guess it's hard for him to have really close friends. Apart from Tom of course – him and Tom are closer than even I knew. I'm glad he's Tom's best man. I bet he's really looking forward to the wedding and seeing everyone again – Tom, his parents, old friends, his family, Gee, even Bry probably.

Robbie's only met Bry a few times, but every time he does he seems to have the time of his life. They connect really well though those two. And not just in the normal adult-child way. They joke and play and laugh constantly as well – Robbie is really good with her.

I wonder if Bryony remembers him. Wait, what am I saying? Of course she'll remember him, the last time she saw him (even if it was only for a day) she was ten. I teach children of years seven and eight and they remember plenty of stuff.

I remember one short trip of Robbies – he had said that it would be his last in a long time (and he was right – 3 years!) and he choose to spend all his time with Bryony which, knowing their connection wasn't too shocking. But I recall a specific moment when Bry called him "Uncle Robbie". She only said it once but the look on Robbie's face; he looked crushed. Till this day I have tried to work out what Robbie was thinking back then. My first thought was that he didn't want it to be just "Uncles". I know that at one stage in the past Robbie was really in love with Georgia. Maybe he was thinking back to when he imagined it would be his daughter in front of him with Gee, not his 'niece' as such.

But like I said, that was just my first thought. Other than that I've considered that Robbie was upset with himself – thinking that Bry thought of him as an Uncle but he wasn't around enough to be a 'worthy' one. Maybe he felt guilty? Of course this is ridiculous if true because Robbie is a fantastic role model and if need be, Uncle, for Bry. And she likes him a lot. Surely he knows that?

The weird thing is that Bryony never called Robbie "Uncle" after that one time. Or maybe it's not weird – Bryony can be a very perceptive girl when she wants to be. She knew, just knew that Robbie was uncomfortable with that naming so didn't use it again. That's something I love about Bryony – she picks things up, learns things to help her in the future. I wish Georgia would do that.

My parents held high expectations of me when I was younger and I think that was a good idea. Despite certain bad influences (basically the whole of the Ace Gang) I worked hard in school got good grades and even made Head Girl in Sixth Form. Ok, maybe I still would have done the same otherwise, but I believe that my parents' expectations of me pushed me further.

When me and Tom have kids (and we will) I will expect them to have good manners, a good work ethic and generally be well behaved.

I expect we'll have two kids. Two is a good number. One girl and one boy so it's even. See I'd love a little girl to dress up and teach about the natural world and I know Tom would love to baby her too. But then there's also the 'boy factor'. I can see Tom teaching a little boy to play football or something – he'd love that.

So yeah, one of each sounds perfect. Maybe the boy first, so he can be protect his little sister as they both grow up. Gee always says that since I work around little children constantly that it would put me off having them myself. But if anything it's made me even more excited to have my own baby. I can't wait to get married and start a family. It'll definitely be the best moments of my life I'm positive.

And I don't care if people think I'll "jinx" the future by holding high expectations, I have high expectations but I know that Tom or any child we have will totally exceed them. Bring it on.

The wedding is getting closer! oo oo oo! keep reading & reviewing to learn more about present stuff & gee's past! xD

ps. harry potter fic: truth is stranger than fiction

HORNS OUT!