What If – chapter 4

A.N: First of all, sorry for the delay – I managed to get a couple of days work last week so I've haven't had a lot of time for writing. Second, THANK YOU for all the comments and alerts – it's great to hear that you're enjoying the story. And lastly, thank you to McMerDer for the suggestion for this what if. Keep the suggestions and reviews coming!

Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy – just a devoted fan having some fun. Patrick Dempsey is on my Christmas list though!

What If Meredith was actually pregnant? (3x04)

"Holy crap! Are you pregnant?"

Thanks Cristina, say it louder, there must be some people in the basement who didn't hear you thought Meredith bitterly as she tried and failed to fight off the second wave of sickness that overcame her. She glanced up to see everyone staring at her and Derek making his way back down the stairs and groaned. As she was being led away between Cristina and George she heard Addison's voice ring out "an adulterous lovechild?" and groaned inwardly – great, if the whole hospital didn't know before they certainly did now. Derek was soon at Meredith's side and was fighting with Bailey in order to stay there. When Bailey told him he'd done enough he simply replied "I appreciate what you're saying Doctor Bailey but I'm asking as her friend." Bailey raised a sceptical eyebrow. "What? We're dating" said Derek "I'll sit by her head and hold her hand, I won't say a word."

"Fine" Bailey conceded looking between Meredith and Derek "but if you say one word you'll be out of that door so fast..." Derek took George's place at Meredith's side and led her down the hall to an empty exam room.

By the time Meredith was in a gown and settled in the exam room she had thrown up twice more but to her utter dismay she had managed to vomit all over Derek's shoes. "I'm sorry" Meredith muttered for the fourth time since the incident wondering why a man would want to stick around her especially after she had emptied the contents of her stomach on his shoes. Derek chuckled, tilting his head on one side "don't worry, I never really liked them that much anyway, you did me a favour." It was moments like this when Meredith wondered why she hadn't made her decision already – Derek was looking at her like she was the centre of his universe, his fingers gently brushing some stray hair away from her eyes even after she had barfed on him! Behind Derek, Cristina was pretending to gag and suddenly burst out "McDreamy, for the love of all things sanitary go and change your shoes – they stink, its making me want to vomit."

"Dr Yang, can I remind you that I am, in fact, your boss?"

"Um...Bailey said no talking and you are not my boss in here." Before Derek could respond Meredith cut in "I'll be fine Derek. Go and change your shoes, they do smell kinda nasty. And..." she smiled sweetly "maybe you could bring me some ice chips on your way back?" Derek rolled his eyes at the blatant attempt to get him to leave the room so that they could talk – most likely about him. "Fine," he said placing a gentle kiss on the top of Meredith's head "I'll be back soon."

"So who's the father?" Cristina asked as soon as the door had clicked shut.

"Was I this mean to you when you were pregnant?" Meredith asked but Cristina just smirked in reply.

"It's would have to be Derek's, there's no way it could be Finn's"

"You haven't had sex with the vet yet?! You have to get out of that relationship...immediately"

Meredith scowled at Cristina's assessment of her situation and groaned. "What if I am pregnant?" she asked in a small voice. Cristina opened her mouth to reply but before she could Bailey came back in looking stern. "I have your results Grey. Do you want to wait for Shepherd?"

"No, it's ok Dr Bailey. If there's anything to tell, I'll tell Derek"

"Tell Derek what?" he said re-entering the room, dressed in street clothes, his face concerned. "I got the rest of the day off" he explained as he made his way back over to Meredith and grabbed her hand.

"That I'm pregnant, right Doctor Bailey?" said Meredith. She felt Derek squeeze her hand tighter as Bailey nodded. Meredith closed her eyes and leaned back against the scratchy pillow on the exam table – pregnant, how could she be pregnant? Well, she knew how she could be pregnant and she even knew how far along she was but that didn't bring her any kind of comfort. When she opened her eyes Cristina and Bailey had left the room and Derek was watching her carefully. "Mer..." he whispered bringing his head closer to hers so that their foreheads were resting against each other.

"Derek, I don't know if I can do this. Look at me, I'm a mess. And you're married. And I'm an intern. And I didn't exactly have the greatest role model..." Derek put his hand over her mouth effectively putting a stop to her rambling and smiled. "You're not a mess, you're beautiful and you are not your matter – if you decide that this is what you want then I have no doubt that you will make a wonderful mother." Meredith moved Derek's hand away. "And you'll make a wonderful father" she smiled. As she spoke Derek lost the battle to restrain his emotions and his blue eyes glistened with unshed tears. "Me?" he said hesitantly. "Yes, you. I never slept with Finn". The guilt that Derek had been trying to suppress since their fight in the stairwell rose up and made him feel nauseous. "I'm so sorry for everything I said Meredith, I didn't mean it. I was so jealous when I saw you coming down those stairs – you looked so comfortable, like you belonged there and it drove me crazy because really I only wanted you to look comfortable in one of my shirts, perched on the counter in the trailer – it drove me crazy." Meredith smiled.

"You don't get jealous"

"Apparently I do, when it comes to you anyway," grinned Derek as he captured her lips in a hard kiss. When they broke apart Meredith bit her lip and said nervously, "this is so complicated Derek. How are we going to do this? I'm an intern. You're still married, at least officially, and then there's..FINN!" Derek turned to see none other than Finn standing at the door of Meredith's room clutching an overly-large bunch of pink flowers. "I came to take you out to lunch but the nurse said you had been taken ill so..." Finn trailed off as he noticed Derek's hand entwined with Meredith's that had strayed to rest on Meredith's stomach. "Um, what's going on?" Finn said shooting Derek a look so angry that Meredith didn't think he had been capable of. Derek, in turn, looked like he was ready to say something very rude in response to Finn's question or worse, punch him and Meredith's mind momentarily wandered to how hot they would look fighting each other...shirtless. 'Damn, hormones work quickly' mused Meredith before saying out loud "Derek, could you give us a minute?" Finn shot Derek a triumphant look but Derek turned to Meredith "I can stay...if you want me to stay, I'll stay."Meredith's head was screaming yes but she shook her head. "Ok then," Derek said "I'll be back soon"

"Take your time" Finn called as the door was closing. "So..." he said turning back to Meredith "how are you feeling?" Scared, angry, confused, hopeful "Fine," said Meredith deciding that listing everything she was actually feeling would be a tad melodramatic. Finn nodded and smiled and Meredith suddenly had the urge to scream – clearly, she was not fine she was laying in an exam room in a hospital, the same exam room she noticed that her child had been conceived in during the slutty, adulterous prom sex. Meredith laughed out loud at the irony of it all. Finn looked like he was ready to take her up to psych and Meredith realised that even if she hadn't been pregnant, she had made her decision. Derek knew her – if he had been here he would have laughed along with her and wouldn't look at her like she had completely lost her mind, he never would have accepted that she was fine and would have understood the massive range of dark and twisty thoughts which were currently running through her brain and would have known exactly what to say to make her feel better knowing that he would have to say it all again when she re-freaked out. "Finn, you should go" Meredith said finally.

"What? I just got here, I don't have any patients. Oh..." he said. "It's Derek"

"It always was" said Meredith honestly.

"He's going to hurt you again" Finn said and with that he stormed out of the room. Before the door had even shut Derek was back by her side. "Were you eavesdropping?" Meredith asked trying her best to sound annoyed but finding it oddly comforting that Derek hadn't actually gone anywhere. "Maybe," Derek replied flashing her his McDreamiest smile and kissing her softly. "You didn't tell him about the baby," he said nervously.

"No" said Meredith "because the baby didn't have anything to do with my choice. When I said I met you and I was done, I meant it. It just took a while to realise it. I choose you – whether there is a baby or not." Derek's face split into a wide grin and his eyes lit up. Meredith smiled back feeling truly happy for the first time since Addison had glided into the hospital and identified her as the 'woman who had been screwing her husband' but the euphoria quickly faded when she remembered that in eight months time she would be responsible for not only herself but another human being.

"You're freaking out" stated Derek, it wasn't a question.

"Just a bit"

"Okay," said Derek "right now, you don't have to worry. We have plenty of time to sort things out." He gently stroked her cheek and brushed away the few tears that had begun to fall. "We?" she said in a small voice. "Yes, I'm not letting you do this alone. You're it for me too, you know." That was another thing she loved about Derek, he said all the right things but on top of that he said even more with his eyes when he wasn't saying anything. In fact, it was his eyes that got her into trouble in the first place, no man had ever looked at her like Derek Shepherd. "I hope the baby has your eyes," she murmured "but maybe not your nose" she giggled. "Hey!" Derek whined, mock offended and captured Meredith's lips. The kiss was rapidly heating up and Derek had virtually crawled onto the exam table on top of her when the door burst open "eugh, can't you control yourself for a few minutes? That's how you ended up with a McBaby in the first place" Cristina's voice echoed down the corridor.

"Cristina," Meredith growled, "everyone will hear you"

"Don't kid yourself Mer, everyone already knows – gossip never sleeps at Seattle Grace"

"Great!" Meredith muttered as Derek re-settled himself in the chair next to her, and not a moment too soon as bailey chose that moment to walk in. "Alright Grey, the rest of your tests suggest that everything is fine. I need you to take the rest of the day off, see the Chief tomorrow about your schedule and make an appointment with OB/GYN. Dr Yang will process your discharge." As Bailey and Cristina left Meredith turned to Derek and smiled "let's go home."

A.N: Okay, I'm pretty sure that wasn't my best work – I definitely ran out of steam towards the end. Sorry! I will try and make the next one better. Would love to know what you guys think.