Heyyy! the wedding chapter is here and it's a two-parted (as hopefully you've guessed by the title)...

enjoy readinggggg...

horns out ;)

Hesitations. Part 1

Sunday 27th September

Gee

Well this is weird. The wedding starts in half an hour and I'm not numb or shaky or talking hysterically even though I'll be seeing Dave for the first time in... Fourteen years. But I think that's because instead I'm scared shitless. Crikey.

Jas is all ready to go. And by that I mean her dress (I checked it was white several times) is on, hair is done & makeup just having the finishing touches now. We'll have to leave in a bit for the Church where everyone should be all waiting in either the seats or at the front if you're "in" the wedding. You know people like the best man, the groom, no one too important...

The hen party went fabbytastic. We caught all the guys – Tom, Robbie, all the other people that I have still not learnt the names of. But hey, now I don't have to! Me and Rosie tackled Tom to the ground after spotting him that time. He went down like a girl. Or worse – like Jas. Who was, at that point rocking back and forth in a ball on the floor. And yet surprisingly after catching Tom she went all psycho Spazzy and got stuck in.

In fact come to think of it, it was her alone that took down two lads at once. Super Spazzy Jazzy! Crikey.

Jas isn't quite as fun this morning though. She's practically screamed at every one of us at least three times. How nice. Me, Rosie, Christina and Karen are bridesmaids. Well I'm the Maid of Honour but a bridesmaid as well duh.

We're all wearing the same dress (duh) – it's peach, quite tight fitting and cuts just below the knee. Quite nice I have to say, although I-

"Time to go!" Rosie barked from the doorway. Oh shit. I looked over to Jas who seems confused as to whether she should look excited or nervous. It's kind of a mixture of both I guess. I just don't know if I'm ready.

Oh my giddy god oh my giddy god I just saw DAVE! Only for like half a second because I peeped in the door and up to the front of the church where Tom etc is stood but AHHHH I saw him. I think my non-talking hysterically phase has passed.

He's taller than I remember. And a tad broader and his pale skin in unusually brown too... (maybe he has been abroad recently like those rumours I heard) but his hair is the same brown messiness, of course. Oh lord I can't believe this is actually going to happen. I am actually going to have to see him and talk to him and stuff. Oh my god oh my giddy god.

"Georgia," someone said and I glanced round to see Jas staring at me like I'm stupid. Which I'm not by the way.

"What?" I asked and she raised her eyebrows at me until I got biffed from Rosie.

"Bryony has gone you twit it's your go."

Ahh. Ok. Time to go... Right... I can do this. Yes I can. Just walk. One foot. Then the other. Perfect.

Walking down the aisle with the other bridesmaids behind me. This is so weird. I'm not looking at Dave or the crowd or Tom or anyone I'm just walking forward. And trying not to trip up which is soooo harder than it seems.

Near the front and I can see Dave staring at me. Even though I'm not looking at him. No I won't. I won't. I just need to make it to my position.

Yes yes and thrice yes!! I am perfectly aligned (on the cross that Jas marked out for me) and the wedding is ready to commence! In fact right now they're going over some boring stuff that the "priest" is gabbling about. Tell me what is the point of him asking Tom if he "will take Jassy to be his wife"? It's pretty obvious that Po and Hunky love each other. Duh. For a religious man he's not so bright. Big G would be ashamed.

Robbie keeps sending me encouraging smiles. I wonder if I'm shaking or something? It's nice of Robbie though. Even if I do have to keep looking away quickly because Dave is stood right next to him and I don't need him to see that.

Oh it's over! Finally. Everyone looks vair groovy and all but this wedding business is a rather boring fandango. I think I've been in here like two hours! But still the hymns were surprisingly fabby! Especially when Rosie managed to sneak her Viking Horns on her head as we barbled out, "All things bright and beautiful".

Well that was until Jassy Spassy sent Rosie a glare that practically scared the horns off her head. I guess 'Viking' is not among the many, many themes involved in this wedding. Hey ho.

We're all outside now on the grassy bit round the Church. Thankfully it's not raining like normal merry old England but it's still not that warm. My arms are in fact rather chilly. Jas and Tom and everyone are having wedding piccys done in the big arch doorway. I think I've done mine though. I had one with Jas – one with me, Jas and all the bridesmaids – one with me, Jas, Tom and Robbie – one with me and Robbie (Maid of Honour and Best Man) – one with me, Jas and Bryony - and one with me, Jas, Tom, Robbie, the bridesmaids, the groomsmen and Bryony. What can I say, the camera must love me.

The last picture with everyone in had the potential to be awkward because Dave was in it also but I clung to Jas' arm and Bryony's hand like glue. Luckily he was put on the other side.

I've just seen Robbie and Bry catching up so I'm heading over to them while Po and Hunky carry on the photographing – and I'm moving away from Dave. They seem to be laughing about something which is normal; no doubt Robbie told her some story about what happened while he was one the road. She loves those ones.

"Hey!" I say overly loud as I get near so they notice me early. Bry finishes of laughing as she steps back to let me in the rather small circle they've formed.

Robbie grins at me, "So how are you finding the wedding?"

I purse my lips together, "...great?" I question and they both laugh at once. Ok I know I'm funny but that was a slight overreaction.

I raise my eyebrows at them both, "What's up?"

Bryony waves her hand, "Nothing, nothing" then she smile up at Robbie and they laugh again. Meh.

Robbie looks at me pointedly though tries to purposely hide his face from Bryony. And of course she's totally aware of this. "How are you doing?" Robbie asks. He says it normally but his eyes tell a different story.

I try and hold a frown because Robbie is talking so miserably in front of Bry but it doesn't last. "I'm fine," I say quietly and I see Bry's eyes narrowing from the corner of mine.

Robbie gives a short nod, "Ok," then the spins back to Bry who is now staring at me curiously. Fantastic. Stupid Robbie. "So what are you wearing to the reception?" he asks Bry who actually snorts.

"Clothes?" She mocks, her attention back to Robbie, "you're actually going to talk to me about clothes?"

Robbie laughs and brushes the top of her hair with his hand, "I guess not then," and Bry smiles up at him. I join in with the laughter as well because maybe it'll help me forget about Dave who is closer to me now than he has been in such a long time.

"Well do you reckon Gee'll let me wear my trackies?" Bry smirks at Robbie, avoiding my eye.

I raise my eyebrows at her and hold my hands up dramatically, "Hey that's fine with me. In fact I'd quite like to see the look on old Owly's face when you turn up dressed in them."

Bry's smile fails as I declare victory. "Oh yeah," I say, "you can't catch me out," I grin and Bry does back.

For the next few minutes me and Bry filled Robbie in on stuff that's been happening while he's been gone... which is... around two or three years I think since his last visit. And shock horror it wasn't exactly interesting. In fact we had nothing in the slightest to tell him. Bry just answered questions Robbie had about high school and friends and stuff. Obviously she went a bit quiet at that point what with the little tiff she's having with Cal. I really do need to ask her about that...

"That guy," Bryony suddenly says interrupting Robbie, "he reminds me of someone," she points straight forward so me and Robbie have to turn around to see who she's looking at.

Of course, it just has to be the person that I don't want it to be but no surprise it is that person because as we all know Big G likes to mess with my shambles of a life.

So yes, the person Bry is talking about is Dave. And he's heading our way. Fab.

Bry

This wedding stuff is weird. I can't decide whether I like it or not. I mean it's all really quite spectacular and amazing and special but on the other hand... I'm the bloody flower girl. Yes that's right, I actually had to throw bloody petals as I walked down the aisle while people stared at me like I was a Barbie doll. Ergh I hate it.

But of course I had to do it. Because it was Jas asking. And her and Gee would have both physically killed me if I had refused. And I do quite like being alive actually.

My dress had the potential to be nice but it was totally ruined by a sort of net thing around the skirt. I could have been trying to catch flies not play a part in a wedding. How odd. And I don't do the "girl who should be awwwwed" at person. That's not me. It's a bloody miracle I didn't punch any one of the old grannies who kept wanting to pinch my cheeks. But like I said; weird.

The ceremony was made slightly more amusing by Gee's old friend Sven who was sat at the front and kept interrupting the priest guy every so often. Jas' face looked murderous. Good times. I haven't seen Jas yet actually, apart from when we were all having photos. And this weird guy kept staring at me.

And I think I know who he is. I think it's the funny guy from Gee's old diaries but I can't be too sure since I've never actually seen a picture or anything. What was his name? Dan? Dave? Dave I think. That's right.

But I don't know why he was staring at me. That's very rude in my opinion. You don't just stare blank out at someone. I mean, if you're really intrigued by a person you should take quick glances at them when they don't notice. This guy Dave was doing it all wrong. Silly, silly boy. Or man. Whatever.

I haven't see Callum since school on Thursday. I didn't go on Friday since I didn't get to bed till late. Plus Georgia didn't wake up till gone midday anyway so she couldn't exactly turn around and tell me off for it. But Gee's loose like that. And in occasions like this it's very useful.

I really wish Callum would be friends with me again. I think... I think now that I had that talk with Nathan maybe I can stand to be around him more. Not necessarily best friends or anything but I could probably at least put up with him without having to resort to pushing him in the river.

So then Cal will hopefully forgive me and everything can go back to normal. Well, with the addition of Nate every so often. Hold on, did I just call him Nate? Oh lord, something is really up with me. But I guess I can respect him more now that I know a bit about him.

Even if I don't agree with him. And I don't. I just don't feel the need that he does to find and meet my dad. So what if he's blood related to me? He ditched Gee and clearly didn't want me. I mean, he's not been in my life before so why should I need him now? Answer: I don't.

Me and Robbie are talking outside the Church now since the photographer people don't need us anymore. I had to have a picture on my own, throwing flowers in the air, looking up at them, smiling at the camera and bending one knee. Do I bloody look like a model? Hello?

I'll add that to the negative side of the wedding.

Oh the other hand, Robbie is definitely a plus to this wedding scene. I haven't seen him in so long and it's always fun to talk to him. He makes me laugh all the time.

"So flower girl eh?" Robbie said when he first came over to me, "wouldn't have taken you for the type," he nudged my shoulder.

I frowned at him, albeit not for very long. Robbie's like Libby – you just can't be mad at him. "They made me do it," I told him in my defence to which he grinned.

"You know what, I can totally believe that. Jas was it?"

I nodded and Robbie laughed. "Sounds about right."

"Best man eh?" I said repeating Robbie's own actions towards him.

He grinned and stood up all tall and proud, "That's me. Best, best man ever."

I raised my eyebrows at him, "You're Tom's only best man ever."

Robbie smirked, "Sshhhh."

We talked for a bit after that about general stuff although always ended up veering back to the wedding. How surprising.

"So married life for Tom and Jas," Robbie mused, "you planning on hitching up anytime soon? Any young Casanova's I need to check out before you decide on a date?"

I hit him gently (or not so much) on the arm. "So funny," I said sarcastically, "you're on fire."

Robbie smiled, "Hey I gotta find out somehow. Have you got any boys in your sights these days?"

See normally I would refuse to talk about anything of this nature with anyone other than Gee or Libby – and sometimes maybe not even them. But I like Robbie so I gave him the benefit of the doubt other than believing he's just a nosy arse.

"Nope." I said shaking my head.

"No?" Robbie repeated, "What about that youngen you used to always hang around with? What was his name? Callum?"

I frowned at hearing his name when it's not coming from my mouth. "I... we... he's just a friend." I said eventually, wondering if I can still call him that even.

"Yeah?" Robbie questioned, clearly mistaking my hesitation wrongly. "Well you can always talk to me about it if you want."

I smiled at him but he was totally getting it wrong. "Cal's just a friend." I assured him, "It's just we had a falling out that's all." I shrugged and Robbie seemed to get that I didn't feel like sharing anymore just then because he changed the subject after that.

"So you reckon Jas is having a good time?" Robbie asked and I turned to see Jas practically breaking her face with the way she was smiling. I laughed and turned to Robbie.

"She hates it. I knew it."

We carried on laughing while Gee walked up to us looking rather relieved to get away from the crowds. She joins in the conversation for a bit until I see somehow else heading our way. And it's the same guy that was staring at me non-to discretely before. Lovely.

"That guy," I say interrupting whatever Robbie was saying at that point, "he reminds me of someone," I say. It's really starting to annoy me now because I can't place it. I point to the guy causing Georgia and Robbie to turn around to look.

I give up trying to think who he reminds me of while Gee seems transfixed ahead. I pull Robbie back a bit and ask "is that Dave?" just to check my assumptions are right.

Robbie looks momentarily shocked, which is understandable since he doesn't know I've read Gee's diaries. He frowns a tad before saying "Yeah, yeah that's him."

He said it quietly though and glanced nervously up at Georgia as he did it. If he was worried about her overhearing he didn't really have a problem, it seemed Gee was completely absorbed by what was in front and slowly getting closer...

Dave; apparently.

Libby

Oh this is bad. This could not be worse. I can't believe this. I can't believe what happened and what's happening now. Well that's a bit of a false cliff-hanger seeing as nothing's happening now. And that's the problem.

The wedding's just finishing so everyone is dispersing off to the reception which is quite close so it shouldn't take long. And I really really just want to get out of this posh, tight dress and put on something more comfortable.

I sat on the front row for the ceremony which is just about awkward enough anyway for someone like me. But it doesn't end there. I was placed between the worst possible people in the whole Church it seemed.

On my left was this obscenely tall, blonde guy who just about smiled the biggest smile that ever existed for the whole of the two hours that the wedding lasted for. And every so often he kept nudging me and saying, "Oh yaaa," in the strangest accent ever because I'm positive he isn't English, "yaaaa." And he didn't even have the curtsey to whisper it so I'm pretty sure they could hear him three rows back. Jas didn't look happy.

Oh and on my right were my parents. They don't really need explaining though.

During the wedding I kept looking at Robbie at the front. I didn't mean to exactly, I just couldn't help it. It's like my eyes seemed to be stuck on him. But I guess it doesn't even matter because he never looked my way once. And why would he? He didn't know it was me did he? And we're hardly close.

I think the reason I'm feeling hopeless and secretive and dithery is because I haven't got it off my chest yet about the kiss. But I can't tell Gee... who I tell a lot of my stuff to. But she would flip out about this I know. And the worst part is I don't know who at.

I was going to ring my friends the day after on the Friday but I just couldn't bring myself to. It was their first day at Uni and at our last get together on Wednesday I lied and told them all I was alright about Uni and that everything would be fine. So if I called them I would be the biggest idiot on the planet because this problem is before I'm even at Uni. Pathetic.

I wasn't the only one acting funny during the wedding though. Gee was stood at the front looking like she'd been hypnotised. For the majority of the time she just keep staring straight forward. I think she was avoiding her old boyfriend Dave. I'm not sure which one he is but by the looks of things he was stood near Robbie and Tom's groomsmen. At least I'm not the only one screwed up slightly, even if it is my sister.

We're all outside the Church and just like before I can't take my eyes off Robbie. There's just something inside me that really wants to talk to him- no yell at him. Why doesn't he know me? Argh it's so annoying. I never have to go through stuff like this. I'm not that obsessive girl that feels attracted to guys she doesn't even know.

Except I do know a bit about Robbie... I just don't know him, know him. As in... I don't know him like Georgia knows him.

Ok that is everything wrong with this. I can't be doing this. I can't be thinking like this. I mean it's my sister and her... well very good friend. It's Robbie and Georgia... I'm not in there. No.

So why am I currently walking up to Robbie, Georgia and Bry who are congregated far off from everyone else? Oh lord, I don't know.

Georgia seems very distracted. Probably worrying about Dave again. I feel sorry for her but I've certainly got my fair share of it now. Robbie and Bry are talking quietly to each other but they break about when I arrive.

"Libby!" Bry exclaims happily. I think she's still trying to make it up to me after Thursday night when everything bad went on. She had me worried sick for ages. Well until I went back to her house and found her sitting there with hot chocolate. At least she made me a cup. That plus the fact that I'd just kissed Robbie stopped me from yelling at her. Plus I don't think I've ever yelled at anyone in my life so I wouldn't be very good at it.

But I feel like yelling at Robbie now. A lot. I'm rather scared about what's come over me. But it just hurts to know that he didn't know it was me.

I smile back at Bry and look over to Robbie nervously. Who by the way does not look nervous in the slightest. Which just makes me more nervous. Great.

"Hey Libby, you ok?" Robbie asks and I nod silently before opening my mouth to say something I really don't want to say. But I say it anyway. "Can I erm... well can I have a-a-a word with you? Please." I add on the end quick and feel like the biggest loser on the planet.

I probably am the biggest loser on the planet since the most action I've had boy-wise is with a thirty-three year old guy who just happens to be my sister's ex and who is possibly still in love with her and who doesn't actually remember snogging me. My life is fantastic right now.

If Robbie is feeling confused he doesn't show it and nods his head while saying, "Sure." Then he taps Gee on the shoulder and looks at her tenderly. And it makes my insides feel funny. Ergh.

"Gee... will you," he motions with his hand, "will you be ok? I'm going over there so..."

Georgia nods and whispers, "yeah... yeah I think... yeah."

Me and Robbie have just walked a bit away from Georgia and it's so annoying because he keeps looking over to her. Probably because this guy (I think Dave) has just approached her. But I don't care about that right now. All this would be a lot easier if Robbie would actually look at me for five seconds.

"Erm so can...can I talk to you?" I say timidly, trying to get Robbie to tune out from Georgia-net.

"Right," he answers quickly snapping his head round, "sorry go on. What can I do for you?"

I frown then because he actually has no clue about anything. I guess in the back of my mind I was hoping (in vain) that really he might remember. But apparently not.

"It's about Thursday night," I say. "Well Friday morning really... but Thursday night I guess... it depends on what you-" I stop talking. Because I'm just blabbering now. And it's not helping anything.

Robbie folds his arms in front of me and questions, "Ok so Thursday night or Friday morning..."

Ok...here goes... "I... you...when you were in the woods you..." I pause to take a deep breath and avert my eyes, "you...we... sort of... erm, kissed."

Robbie raises his eyebrows and a sort of amused look crosses his face, "I'm sorry? We... we kissed?"

I frown as I nod silently.

"I... I think you're mistaken," Robbie says and I can feel the blood rush to my face.

"No," I say shaking my head, "I'm not mistaken. The person you kissed in the woods, it was me."

Robbie shakes his head. And the scary thing is he does actually look genuinely confused. "Erm Libby I'm not sure what you..." he pauses and starts again, "I didn't kiss anyone that night."

My frown increases. So not only does he not remember that it was me but he doesn't remember the kiss at all? Do I suck that much? I know I've not had much experience but still...

"I was on Tom's stag party on Thursday." Robbie says after a while bringing my eyes up to meet his again.

"I know," I acknowledge, "You were wearing a mask."

"I was wearing a mask?" Robbie repeats even more confused now. Then slowly his eyes widen and he says, "I was wearing a mask. We were... we were running from... from the girls..."

I nod my head and tell him to continue. Why do I get the feeling this is the first time he's remembering all this? How much did he drink?!

"I was in the woods with Ben... and they were coming so I ran and tripped and then-"

All I do is stand there like a lemon while realisation suddenly dawns on Robbie about what happened. His eyes go scarily wide and he brings a hand up to rub across his forehead in despair. At least I think its despair...

"I...we..." Robbie stutters and it pleases me to learn I'm not the only dithering fool in the face of this problem, "we kissed?" He confirms and I hate the way his mouth distorts as he says it.

I nod silently and look away. His reaction is not what I... well actually I don't know what I expected his reaction to be but still...

Robbie puts a hand on my shoulder and it feels like he's purposely trying to point out the height difference. Which isn't even that great by the way – I'm actually quite tall.

"I'm sorry Libby... I... sorry. It should never have happened." Robbie says and it hurts because he really does mean it. Shit.

Jas

There are only a few things in my life that I don't need to hesitate for when thinking or talking about them. For example, I can quite happily say, with no hint of hesitation that I love weddings, I love my parents, I love my friends and one hundred percent, I love Tom.

I am now officially called Jasmine Jennings and it's the best feeling in the world, even if I don't particularly like my full name. But the Jennings bit is a great addition.

The wedding was fantastic. Everything went perfectly. Well apart from stupid Sven speaking out loud during the service, but I soon forgot about that when it came to our vows. I can't believe the way Tom makes me feel – it's without a doubt the most amazing feeling in the world. I wish I could have that feeling every day. And now I can – every second of every day because he's my husband.

Crikey that feels great to say.

We've just finished all our pictures. Me and Tom were in the last few by ourselves obviously. I don't think I want to take my dress off ever. Not even for the reception. Tom says it'll probably annoy me during the night but I don't care – it's staying on. You only get married once right? Or at least I hope it's that way for me.

This has been the best day of my life, hands down. Everyone I love is here and it just adds to how special this all is for me. I can't stop smiling – it's like a disease. But a really, really good one that

I never want to find a cure for.

In truth I should actually be really mad at Georgia and the rest of my friends for making me do all the stuff on my hen party. But surprisingly I just can't seem to bring myself to do it. I know I was ridiculously drunk (which will never happen again) but I think I still did enjoy myself. So I guess part of me (a teensy part) is actually really grateful to Gee.

Not that I'll ever tell her that. I've got her thinking she owes me for ruining the Jenning's fruit and veg stock. Even if they didn't mind in the slightest. That's not the point at all.

Remember how before I said I have no hesitations about loving weddings, especially this one? Well apparently all that is about to come to an end. Why?

Because right this moment Dave is walking up to Georgia and Bryony. And oddly enough Gee's not moving. They're actually going to talk after fourteen years. Oh god.

Please, please don't let them ruin my wedding. Please.

sooooo... more to come as promiseddd (:

horns out ;)