What if? – Chapter 5

A.N: I've said it before and I'll say it again – thank you so much for all the feedback. It's amazing motivation. Enjoy!

What If Meredith had talked to Derek on the morning of the ferry crash instead of shutting him out? (3x15)

"I'm a surgeon. I do the rescuing. You are not my knight in shining whatever. You're everywhere, all the time, saying stuff..."

Derek smiled. "This is the happily ever after part, and in the happily ever after part the guy is there, all the time, saying stuff, and the girls love it" He bent down and gave her a soft kiss, "and just for the record, I am your knight in shining whatever." He kissed her again and started to make his way downstairs.

"Derek, wait." He turned at the sound of her voice. "I'll come with you." Derek smiled and held out his hand, she took it and they made their way out to the car.

The ride to the hospital was silent both Meredith and Derek sitting focussed on the road in front of them, each lost in their own thoughts. As Derek pulled the car into the parking lot at Seattle Grace he snuck a look over at his girlfriend. She looked tired, actually she looked exhausted which on any other day wouldn't bother Derek – she was an intern, being able to function exhausted was part of the job description – but today, after what he had witness in the tub, there was something more – her eyes seemed dull and lifeless. It was like she was shutting down from the inside and there was nothing he could say to reach her. "Mer..." he said softly, switching of the engine, "we're here." Meredith turned and met Derek's gaze, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "My mother..." she managed to choke out before she broke down in huge sobs. Derek immediately pulled her into his arms and manoeuvred her over the central console so that she was curled up on his lap, tears soaking the front of his shirt as he whispered soothing words in her ear, "keep breathing, Mer...it's ok, I'm here." Her sobs gradually subsided and her breathing returned to normal but she kept her face turned inwards towards Derek's chest.

"She said I was ordinary, that she raised me to be extraordinary and that she can't believe she's woken up after five years to find that I'm just ordinary." Derek stayed quiet sensing that she had more to say and hating Ellis Grey for what she had done to Meredith. She was usually so strong and independent, yet with a few words her mother had reduced her to the woman he'd found under the water in the tub this morning. "I went back, "she continued quietly "I told her the reason I was so ordinary was her, but she'd gone. I never got to stand up to her so now she thinks I'm weak as well as ordinary."

Derek titled Meredith's head up so that she was looking at him, "Meredith, you need to listen to me...you are anything but ordinary. If your mother had taken the time to know you then she would be able to see that"

"But I haven't chosen a speciality yet...Cristina has."

"So...not knowing what you want to do doesn't make you ordinary. Besides I've already decided – you're choosing neuro" he said with a wink. Meredith giggled.

"You diagnosed an aneurysm on your first day, when even your amazingly handsome and talented attending couldn't work it out. You held a bomb, an actual bomb, in your hand and you didn't run even when everyone else did. You have been in charge of your mother's care and had to keep her secret, you met your father for the first time in twenty years...and you have survived all of it. You are most certainly not ordinary. Besides..." he added with a grin "brilliant neurosurgeons don't fall in love with ordinary people. You are extraordinary, Meredith, in so many more ways than your mother. She was just an extraordinary surgeon, you are an extraordinary person." Meredith searched his face for any hint that he was just saying what she wanted to hear but his eyes showed nothing but sincerity; he really believed what he was saying.

"Thank you," she said "I'm okay now."

"Okay then" replied Derek "but you know where to find me if you need me; it's not weak. I won't think any less of you if you need to talk."

Meredith flinched as Derek hit on exactly what she had been afraid of – that if she let Derek in, if he saw how dark and twisty she actually was, even if she cried too often that Derek would see that she was weak and leave, just like her father had.

"You can't scare me away, you know. I love you. I'm your knight in shining whatever, I'm not going anywhere" Derek said, reading Meredith's mind. He placed a gentle kiss on Meredith's forehead, then her cheek and finally her lips, Meredith immediately deepened the kiss but Derek pulled away reluctantly. "We can't do this here," he gestured around to the curious faces of people passing the car. Meredith blushed, "we should probably go inside" she said clambering back over to the passenger side of the car and getting out.

They walked into the hospital hand in hand, Meredith feeling happier than she had felt in a long time, maybe things would work out after all. The elevator doors opened to reveal the Chief and Addison who was sneaking looks at the Chief's head every so often. Meredith moved quickly to stand in the back corner but Derek stayed in front of the Chief "what's different?", he asked. Meredith's eyes widened at Derek trying to get him to stop talking and Addison muttered "leave him be" so Derek moved to stand beside Meredith as Burke and Mark followed him into the elevator. Derek nodded towards them and whispered "watch" as Burke asked "what happened to your hair?"

"You dyed it" interrupted Mark. As the Chief was left to explain that men with grey hair get noticed less than men who don't, Derek felt Meredith bury her face in the back on his jacket shuddering with silent laughter. "Looks good Chief," Derek managed to choke out before he had to bite down on the inside of his mouth to keep from laughing out loud. Burke and Mark added their compliments before Addison intervened. "He is alone," she hissed "all alone. Do any of you know what that's like?" She gestured towards Burke "lives with Cristina", Derek "dates the perfect twelve year old" and finally Mark "manwhore!!"

At that point Meredith began to choke from trying to restrain her giggles and luckily for them the elevator chimed at that moment and the doors opened allowing them to escape. Meredith stood in the corridor doubled over with laughter and Derek was relieved to finally hear her laugh again. "I should go" she said. She leaned over and kissed him before turning and heading towards the intern's locker room.

By the time Derek reached the dock, later that day, he was almost frantic with worry. The images on the news of the burning ferry was etched into his memory and all he could think was that Meredith had been one of the first to arrive on the scene and hadn't been seen since except by the now silent little girl who was clutching his hand. The rest of Bailey's interns were on their way back to Seattle Grace with patients and hadn't seen Meredith except to say that they had seen her helping this little girl much earlier. As the girl raised her finger to point out over the water Derek's heart stopped but before he could move he heard panting coming from below him. He looked over the edge to find Meredith trying to haul herself out of the water but slipping back each time. Derek though off his jacket and completely forgetting about the little girl he charged down the rickety steps just as Meredith slipped back into the water again, cursing. Derek lay flat on his stomach and grabbed Meredith's arm keeping her from slipping back under the water again. "Derek" she said, her voice shaking "it's really cold." Her arms were almost the same colour as her scrubs and she was shaking so violently that Derek was struggling to keep his hold on her.

"I'm tired, Derek" she said softly. "I know you are Mer, but I need you to help me here, I need you to pull yourself up one more time, okay?" replied Derek with a hint of desperation in his voice. She can't give up, I can't lose her. "Okay" she said. Derek stood up and grabbed her under her arms and pulled with every last bit of his strength. The combined force of Meredith and Derek caused Derek to topple backwards onto the dock pulling Meredith out on top of him. "That was great, Mer" Derek said as he scrambled to his feet and picked up Meredith, carrying her up the stairs "just stay awake for me, okay, I need you to stay awake." Meredith's teeth were chattering as he placed his jacket around her as tightly as he could; she looked like a child, his coat dwarfing her tiny frame. "Now who's being bossy?" she said as she huddled closer to Derek. Derek chuckled as he picked her up and carried her over the waiting ambulances.

In the chaos of their arrival back at Seattle Grace Derek had somehow agreed to wait in the waiting room. He had tried to argue but Bailey had sent him away like a naughty child and hadn't heard anything since. "Hard to get any of these doctors to talk to you," said the man sitting to Derek's left "I'm waiting on my wife."

"Yeah, my girlfriend was there" replied Derek. After the man promised to put Meredith in his prayers, Derek sat with his head in his hands wondering if he had done enough, unable to believe that he was faced with having to think about life without her. She had saved him from drowning and now he could only hope that he had managed to do the same for her.

Just at the moment Bailey emerged from Meredith's room. Derek ran over but before he could speak Bailey held up her hand. "She's been asking for you" she said kindly and stepped aside. Meredith was lying in bed under several layers of blankets but she was her usual colour, she was awake but more importantly she was smiling.

"Hey"

"Hey," he replied as he moved to take the seat next to her bed. "You look cosy" he said nodding to all the blankets.

"Yeah, I didn't think I was ever going to warm up," she bit her lip nervously, "thank you, you know, for saving me. I was just about to give up. I was so cold and tired." Derek moved to sit next to her on the bed and gathered her up in his arms.

"You don't need to thank me. You saved me first."

A.N: I am aware that the ending is a little on the cheesy side, but I'm afraid, occasionally I like a little cheese! Besides, I loved Derek's drowning metaphor and the idea that Meredith saved him then he literally saves Meredith – I'm a big fan of little parallels like that – obviously I spend waaay to much time thinking about this sort of thing but, hey! I'm an English literature student, it's what i do! Hope you enjoyed it anyway – please review and let me know what you think!