Sorry for the wait being a bit longer... hope this'll make up for it!
horns out ;)
Humiliations
Wednesday 30th September
Bryony
I'm avoiding Robbie and Dave. I thought I might as well come out and say it. I just don't really know how to act around them because if I spend time with them I know that I will eventually blurt out what I know... about those two being my possible dads. Meh.
So I'm just avoiding them. Which is harder than you'd think. For one, it seems that Dave is now going to be hanging around for a while and Robbie, well he's living in Jas and Tom's house while they're on their honeymoon, so has no chance of leaving for another two or so weeks. And he's with Rosie and Sven who have suddenly decided to stay for god knows how long... not that Jas will be able to do much about it...
And then there's another person I'm avoiding. Which is (in my opinion) even worse than the first two. It's Callum. Remember? My old best friend? I think I may have to avoid him forever.
If I was the sort of person to blame people I would blame Libby. But I'm not. So I won't.
But if she hadn't said that stuff then I really wouldn't be in this predicament. But I'm really not blaming her. I guess I would have eventually come to this point on my own anyway. She just speeded up the process. A lot...
See when we were at the reception I ended up talking to her about my Callum 'problem'. And she said a lot of stuff and mentioned that Callum probably likes me likes me which is why he was being off and slightly angry with me – he was confused about his feelings.
When I went round to see Callum after school today I wasn't exactly sure about my own feelings. Except really I was but I just told myself I wasn't so I wouldn't be nervous. But the truth is something had changed – once Libby had said that Callum liked me something just switched. And I saw him differently... and... I didn't want him to be my best friend anymore. No, I wanted more.
I had watched him walk quickly past me at the gate like usual so left it ten minutes or so before heading off towards his house. And yes, he was in. Yey...
"Bryony," he said frowning as he opened the door. What a lovely greeting.
"Err... hi," I said awkwardly, waiting for Cal to invite me in but instead he just pulled the door to and stepped out onto the path. So we were talking outside it seemed.
"What do you want?" He asked and not too nicely.
"I...I..." I struggled for words. Lord. "I want to talk about us." Wow, I got it out.
He folded his arms and bent down a bit to look at me, "Shoot."
Ok, so I wasn't quite expecting him to go all casual on me suddenly. I took a deep breath wondering why on earth I was about to say what I then just said, "It's ok if you like me," I told him looking him in the eye, "because... I think I like you too."
He went back to frowning then, probably trying to figure out what I had just meant.
And then he got it. And everything went crap.
"I... Bry... I..." oh shit. Shit shit shit. "Look I'm sorry things got this way but... you... I only see you as a-"
"No," I said suddenly feeling my eyes pricking with water, "No don't... just... I..." I stared at him a few seconds longer while none of us spoke. "Erm, sorry to bother you," I then finished backing away and out of the front garden.
"Bryony!" Callum had called after me but I didn't answer. I didn't need to listen to him trying to make me feel better. If that's even what he was planning to do. After he's forgotten how he just embarrassed me into oblivion I'm sure he'll remember that he wasn't even speaking to me because of what happened last week.
So now you know why I have to avoid him to. And I really don't want to. I just want my friend back. I want to not like him the way I do. I want things to be normal – back when I was most definitely dad-less, had the one friend who was the best friend in the world, Gee happy and making me laugh all the time, Libby helping me with my problems instead of being away at Uni...
Why is this all happening? I don't like it.
I'm nearly home now after being at Callum's. It normally wouldn't take this long but for some reason my legs felt like moving at an extremely slow speed. Does that happen after you get hurt emotionally? Maybe. Or maybe I'm just exaggerating... I mean I never even kissed Callum or anything why should I be so upset? It's not like I know what I'm missing if you get me...
Well except I do. Because he really was my best friend. And even if we weren't a 'couple' then it was still amazing.
I think I should go back to deliberating about my potential dad's now. That'll cheer me up... ha! I haven't said a word to any of them since the wedding. Robbie has been round a couple times to talk to Gee but I just shut myself in my room whenever that happened – I pushed the wardrobe in front of the door so they couldn't get in; a trick I learned from reading Gee's diaries.
Although they never actually tried to get in so it really defeats the point of me locking myself in... but still, good practise right?
Dave has been easier to avoid. Because I think he's actually avoiding me. Like yesterday when I came home from school he was talking to Gee outside but as soon as he saw me walking up the road he suddenly turned and marched off. I guess I'm not the only nervous one around here then. That helps.
When I enter my house though my nerves fly to a whole new level. Why? Because not only is Gee standing in the hallway looking rather nervous herself but so are Dave and Robbie. And it doesn't exactly take a genius to gather that those two don't like each other. Why are they here? And together?
I gulp and am in half a mind to run straight back out again when Robbie says, "We're just leaving Bry," and Dave shoots him a glance that I can't see because he's got his back to me.
I nod my head and make a non-too discretely dash around the outside of them towards Gee.
"See you later," Robbie says as he walks towards the door, looking at me all the while. He's trying to get some reaction out of me or something – or at least a reply. But I don't know what to say. I don't really want to speak to either of the two men in my house right now.
I look away but do it slowly enough that I manage to see Robbie frown from the corner of my eye. But not an angry frown – a worried one. That doesn't make me feel any better – and I'm feeling very shit currently in case you didn't notice – and I guess a part of me wants to go over and say goodbye like I would normally.
But these really aren't normal circumstances so I leave it.
After that Dave and Robbie really didn't waste any time in leaving. And barely a couple of minutes had passed before I found myself sitting on the sofa in the lounge with Gee by my side looking slightly shifty in my opinion.
She's looking at me and I think that now is a good time to share everything that's happened with Callum. From reading her dairies I know that she's had plenty of issues with stupid boys. Maybe she can help me get over Cal? If that's what I want... well it's what I need anyhow.
I wonder how I should start. I'm not stupid, and I know she isn't either so Gee has probably worked out by now that me and Callum aren't on the best of terms at the moment.
But then I think maybe I shouldn't say anything about it. I mean, Gee most likely has enough on her plate what with Dave and Robbie being here and around so I would really just be adding to her worries. I don't want to do that.
And there's also the fact that right this second she looks like she's about to tell me something. Something that she doesn't possibly want to tell me, but she's going to all the same.
"This is going to be a bit of a shock," Gee begins, though she seems like she's the one that's been shocked. "I know I should have told you this a long time ago but I... well that doesn't matter but there's something you should know."
I nod my head. I already know now what she's going to say so I just wait patiently for her to speak and think of what my reaction should be to her words.
Georgia
"It's about your dad," I said to Bry who looked at me impassively. Ok, that's not the best reaction... maybe I should start from the beginning. "You read... you read my diaries right?" I asked and Bry nodded her head silently.
"Well..." I drew a breath, "I think it's time I told you what happened after that. I mean, I guess you want to know right?"
Bry just shrugged. Shrugging? What does that mean? Ahh well...
"Ok I'm just gonna tell you want happened." I said, "I went out with Dave for a while... well a while for me anyway. And then..." Oh crap I can't believe I'm actually going to tell her. Well, I don't have to tell her every little detail. That's not needed. Just the overview.
In fact I think I'll just skip to the end.
"Anyway after me and Dave... ended it I was pretty much pregnant and... well... I wasn't exactly sure who the dad was..."
Bry interrupted me then, "Right, Robbie or Dave."
I stared at her like she had three eyes, which might as well have seeing as she's now the seeing-all girl. How in the name of Big G's undercrackers does she now it's Robbie or Dave? What?! Did Tom tell her? Surely not, Robbie said he wouldn't tell... Did Robbie tell her? No, he wouldn't do that. Dave?
"Who... how do you know?!" I exclaimed in Bry's face. Oops.
She looked hesitant for a moment before finally saying, "Erm... well no one really but... I just... I sort of overheard you and Dave talking at the wedding."
WHAT?! Oh merde merde and thrice merde. This is not happening. I finally pluck or the courage to confront Bry and tell her the truth about my past and she bloody beats me to it! Christ almighty.
"But... I... ok I was going to tell you Bry," I said quickly feeling the worst person ever, "I just didn't know when and then it all-"
"It's alright," Bry said interrupting me. "I don't care. I don't really care about any of it."
Excuse me? "What do you mean you don't care?" I asked. "How can you not care? This is... this is big."
Bry frowned, "You sound like Nathan."
My turn to frown, "Who?"
She shook her head quickly, "No one, ignore me."
Alright. I took a breath. "Are you... are you mad at me?"
"What for?" Bry asked. Silly question. Not that I'm going to say that to her.
"For not telling you sooner." I replied.
Bryony smiled then and I felt a bit better – but not nearly enough to get rid of the total humiliation of Bry already knowing what I was going to tell her.
Although... I haven't actually told her exactly what I was going to. You know, the part about who is her dad out of the two suitors. Haha... oh no wait it's not funny.
"I don't want to know," Bry suddenly says reading my mind yet again. Scary potatoes.
"You don't want to know..."
"...who my dad is," Bry finished for me. "I don't care."
I frowned at her. This is weird. "But... you don't care?" I questioned, confused more than a confused thing in confuzzled land.
She nodded pointedly. "Right."
"But I... I was going to tell you... now... before I told them..." I stuttered and Bry shook her head.
"I don't want to know." She said firmly, "Tell them if you want, but not me."
Has she gone loopy? How can she not want to know?! I'm so confused...
Currently sitting alone in the lounge watching some naff programme about winning something or other. I've been embarrassed, humiliated, made a fool of many times in my life... mostly because of me but still...
And now I'm having one of those moments again – where I feel so bad that putting my head in the toilet sounds like good sense. I can't believe Bry already knew about that... and yet doesn't want to know about that.
I bet she knew I was embarrassed. I think anyone would have known. What sort of mum doesn't know that their kid knows that they have two possible dads without their mum telling them first?
Ok that came out a bit weird. But this is no ordinary fandango of a situation. This is a bloody crisis.
During these past few days alone I've had more embarrassing moments than I can count on one hand. On Monday (the day after the wedding) Dave came round to see me. Fab. Well it was probably because I asked him to come but still...
I tried to make sure it would be after Bry had left for school but he turned up earlier and they met on the path. She scuttled round him and ignored him totally. At least now I know why she was acting oddly... I just figured it was because of her whole Callum situation... which I'm not too sure on at the moment... but there are other issues at hand.
Anyway Dave came inside and I told him that the paternity test didn't need to be done because I was going to tell everyone who the dad is. Of course, the cheeky arse that he thought that I was going to tell him right then! He sort of gestured with his hand into the air waiting for me to speak.
Fat chance. I made it clear that I was going to tell Bryony first and then Robbie and Dave. He seemed to agree with that though which made things a whole lot easier. In fact if Dave had decided to stay on a bit longer or something maybe we could have actually had a nice chit chat of sorts.
But he didn't. He just left straight away saying he had other 'things' to do. I wonder what these other 'things' are? He's being vair mysterious I have to say. Not that I would question him on it (unless drunk). We're not that close yet or anything. Not even close to being that close in fact.
Robbie was round yesterday – you know, just to even things up clearly. And it was weird because he seemed a bit off. Definitely because Dave is back clearly. I tried to make him feel a bit better by making a joke and stuff because it was me that needed to be bummed out right now and Robbie being bummed out meant I couldn't be bummed out...
What was I saying before I so rudely interrupted myself? Meh it's gone...
So Robbie and Dave have both been round separately... and not long ago they were round today. Together. I thought I'd tell them both together that I was planning on telling Bry who her dad was that day. This day. Today.
Or at least I was going to until she just said that she doesn't want me to... Robbie and Dave seemed cool about it. Ish. Well they didn't look at each other for the entire ten minutes they were here stood in the same room but still... at least they didn't kill each other or anything. Yet.
But now my plan has gone pooey cos it doesn't seem like I'm going to be able to tell Bryony who her Vati is because she doesn't want to know and so I can't tell Dave or Robbie or anyone else because I promised myself yonks ago that I would never tell anyone until I've told Bry.
What in the name of Call-me-Arnold am I supposed to do? People – Robbie and Dave and the rest of the world – want answers! That I can't give them! Merde merde and thrice merde!
I am going to be so embarrassed. I wonder what excuse I can use. Am I too old to use the "I forgot" card? Arrrrggggh. Why does Big G hate me? Silly, silly man. He needs a hobby and then he can stop ruining my life. I shall write him a letter.
What's his address again? Never mind I'm sure Call-me-Arnold'll have it. He's meant to be Big G's 'person' or something. Whatever that means. Some people are just plain weird.
Although, on an up note to this craposity at least Jassy can share in my humiliations. Poor girly. But she does have a groovy (ish) honeymoon to go on so I can't feel too sorry for her. I should give her a ring sometime before she leaves actually. I saw her this morning actually, her and some others – it made me feel slightly odd what with the situation we were coping with (as in not about me for once), but I'm not exactly sure why...
Jas
I don't feel well. And yet I feel completely and utterly happy at the same time. How can that be? It's one weird feeling I can tell you.
On the one hand I know I am the luckiest person in the world because I am now married to my soul mate, the love of my life and the person I want to be with forever. That's pretty darn good. And we're leaving for the honeymoon today as well - two and a bit weeks in Hawaii. I can't wait – we've booked a hotel nearest one of the most volatile volcanoes in the world. Imagine all the wildlife to discover around there?
I can just see us now having our picture taken as molten rock floats down the mountainside towards us. So romantic and beautiful. It'll look like one of those exotic postcards. Maybe we should use it as a postcard? Like a Christmas card that we can send out together – I bet Tom would like that. I know I would and we're married now so really we have to like the same things. It's the logical thing right?
But all that is the good stuff – the stuff that's making me feel great and doing quite a good job at blocking out all the messy things that are threatening to make me feel... well not good. I don't like them things. Even if everyone else seemed rather amused. Trust me, it was not amusing.
It started near the end of the wedding reception which of course is just typical because it was so close to be a truly perfect night. But that was clearly not allowed to happen. All this does mean that I'm right though, as I did in fact predict, or rather worry, that something would unfortunately 'kick off' at some point and make a silly scene.
It's just that I was so set on this being between Georgia, Robbie and Dave that I momentarily forgot all about the Ace Gang and the Barmy Army. Crikey what a fool I was.
People were beginning to leave and I felt the need to nip to the loo before saying goodbye with Tom. However when I got to the toilets I was greeted, well not really but I walked in to see Jools pressed up against toilet cubicle number one (which is my lucky one so I wanted to use it) practically eating the insides out of some poor boy.
Or at least this was my initial impression until I registered that the poor boy was not in fact her sweet, kind date and boyfriend but Rollo who is neither poor nor a boy, judging by the way he was interacting with his old girlfriend. Ew.
I could have left them to it then and pretended I hadn't seen (which may have stopped what happened later on) but I knew I should tell them to stop because Jools did have a date and... well it was my lucky cubicle.
"Jools what are you doing!?" I yelled rushing over to them and pulling hard on Rollo's jacket to get him away – it worked, slightly. Rollo tried to ignore me but Jools sort of stuck her head to the side (while Rollo continued to suck her neck – again, ew) and her eyes went a tad wide in acknowledgement.
She quickly made Rollo get off her and tried to straighten out her dress while I stood up straight and folded my arms at the two of them. A disgrace they are.
"You two are a disgrace," I told them.
Jools bit her lip and glanced down at the floor while Rollo tried to pull himself together. "No offence Jas," he said, "but we're all grownups now and-"
"That's what I thought," I said interrupting him, "But you two behaving like animals in here while people are out there is not very grown up is it." I said, directing the "people out there" bit at Jools so she knew I was meaning her date, Sam.
"Look I'm sorry I didn't mean for it to happen it was stupid ok! Don't tell anyone please!" Jools tried to bargin with me.
However it was Rollo that answered next. "Didn't mean for it to happen?" He exclaimed, "You were practically drooling all over me!"
"How dare you!" Jools shouted in return, "You think you have so much control over me? Well control this, I'm leaving... with my boyfriend!"
Rollo gave a harsh laugh as Jools stormed out the room, "What? The boyfriend that does nothing for you?"
I heard Jools growl or something as she went through the door leaving me with an angry looking Rollo. He opened his mouth to say something to me but this time I beat him to it and ordered, "Just get out."
By this point I really needed to pee in my lucky cubicle.
I thought, or prayed, that all the nonsense that occurred in those toilets would stay in those toilets and not ruin the end of the evening. But as you can guess, I was wrong about that too.
Just a few minutes later Jools was dancing in the arms of Sam which apparently aggravated Rollo just a little too much... in that he felt the need to storm up to them and pull them apart in a much more successful way than what I had tried with him and Jools not long before.
I didn't catch much of what they were talking about (probably because my hands were pressed hard against my ears) but it ended with Dec and Ed rushing over to drag Rollo away. And Jools was looking very dishevelled when Sam seemed to walk off as well leaving her alone on the dance floor. It did make me feel sorry for her, but really she really shouldn't have kissed Rollo.
After that Mabs and Ellen went to get her, making her sit at one end of the room with them. Which, at the time, Gee annoyingly thought was rather funny because there was Jools, Mabs and Ellen sat nearest us glaring at Rollo, Ed and Dec who were pretty much opposite them and glaring back.
I didn't find it funny. It was very, very not funny so in order to prevent anything else happening I prepared to get up and talk to the girls. But Tom got up just before me and said he would handle it. I love him, I really do.
If I tried to look at it from a positive point of view I suppose I could be a tad grateful that it was at the very end of the evening, so even if it did turn the mood rather sour it didn't have to last too long.
On everyone's way out though they would turn to me and whisper "I'm sorry about those people," even if they didn't know them. This, obviously, made me just more embarrassed. My guests were apologising to me, and not even the ones that were involved.
Well maybe that's a bit harsh, Jools and Rollo did come up to me and apologise sincerely – though I'm fairly sure it was Tom's doing. Still, they did, and not together thankfully (in their apologies they seemed to come to the conclusion that it was not their fault but the other one's – I didn't say anything.)
That was all on Sunday night, it's now Wednesday and these 'issues' as such have not gone away, hence me feeling a bit unwell. I'm just so glad I can get away from it all on my honeymoon with Tom.
Robbie is looking after the house for us while we're away and apparently Rosie and Sven have decided to stay on longer. Without asking I should add, though I guess with the whole Jools/Rollo problem I'm not too bothered about them. Probably a mistake but at least I won't have to worry about it for another few weeks.
This morning I'd been into town to grab a few last minute things for the honeymoon to come home to find a weeping Jools in the arms of Rosie, Gee, Mabs and Ellen. God knows how all of them got there in the short time I'd been away. I thought Jools, Mabs and Ellen had already left to go back down south or wherever they are currently at.
"What's going on?" I asked to which I received many not-so pleasant glares. Jools just looked at me and burst into tears all over again.
"Sam broke up with me," She managed to say and I couldn't help but join the others in comforting her then. I didn't even realise she liked him that much. But I guess that shows she does.
"I went to see Rollo..." Ok maybe not. "...I told him," she spluttered, "but he said he d-d-didn't want me either."
Oh dear. No wonder Jools was in a mess. Crikey.
She then went on to tell us all that for the past five years she has in fact been in touch with Rollo through varies ways and even met up with him on occasions. And no, this didn't stop once she started to date Sam.
Sam even proposed not long ago apparently but of course, Jools said no. And we all know why.
I think Mabs knew about the whole Jools/Rollo situation because she was looking a bit nervous and shifty herself when Jools was blurting everything out. Now she could have warned me prior to the wedding. That would have been nice. But I won't hold it against her I guess since really it's Jools that's in the wrong, not her.
Not that I'll tell Jools that. She's still at mine now, crushed and weeping. Gee has gone back to her house – she said she had some stuff to take care of though she didn't seem to keen to do it. Still, I'm sure it's done now whatever it is.
I don't know what Jools is going to do or anything but for some reason I found myself staying that they are all welcome to stay at mine while they get themselves sorted. Where the heck did that come from? Me and Tom'll probably come home to a wrecked house.
Still, I just want to get away from the humiliations now. Bring on the honeymoon.
Dave
I think my life has revolved around humiliations. I pretty much hopped from one to the other constantly as I grew up. Being embarrassed isn't something that fazes me. Hell, when I was younger I used to love it. But I was a comedian of sorts. The funny guy; that was me.
And I guess it served me well considering I'm now a columnist, meaning I get paid to be funny and play on my embarrassing moments in the past – so yeah, the funny background is useful. I work for a national newspaper so I'm never really set in one location. I don't mind I guess, it's not as if I have anything that ties me down to a certain area.
Although very recently I've been hoping that that will change.
I still haven't found what I'm looking for. Both things in fact. For one, Gee still won't tell me who's Bry's dad is although she's assured me that a paternity test will not be necessary. I can't help feeling that she's just going to turn around and humiliate me just a bit more by saying that in fact she's not going to tell me. Me or Robbie; though I don't really want to think about him.
As for the second thing on my list, well that's just about as embarrassing; if not more because it appears I seem to know even less about that than the Bryony matter. Still, I'm used to it all in my life by now.
I was round at Gee's today. I was also round after the wedding which was altogether more... enjoyable (I think) because Robbie wasn't there like he was an hour ago. Gee, of course, was all nervy and stuttery, though at least I got to know why – she said she was going to tell Bryony who her dad was as soon as she got in from school.
And sure enough Bryony turned up not long after which I am grateful for because it meant I didn't have to be in the same room as Robbie for too long. That wouldn't have been too good by all accounts.
I can't understand much of what's happening right now. But mostly I just nod my head and roll with it – that's how I've always coped in the past. Well mostly.
I'm waiting for a call or anything from Gee. I need to know. I really do. Even if I'm not sure what I'll do if Bry is my daughter, or even if she isn't. I've never pictured myself as a dad. I never thought I wanted to be a dad. I don't even know if I do now.
But one way or another I guess I sort of am... I just need more information about both circumstances. I've half found my way through one and now I should move onto the other.
And I think I have a head way. I think that I'm making a bit of progress. Who knows, this time next week maybe I'll have all my answers. I hope that'll be a positive thing for me. Though I don't know which answers would make me happy.
I guess I'll have to wait and see.
Now do you want to hear more from Dave? Or just have little snippets here and there like this? Let me know... and why is he acting rather mysterioussss? hmmm
And I would much appreciate it if you amazing guys would go onto my profile & vote for who you want to be Bry's dad & who you want Gee to end up with...
and let me know all your theories/ponderings surrounding any of the characters in this story - I think that's why I love it so much, there's dramas going on left, right & centre.
horns out ;)