Apprehension

Chapter Three: Venom

(Jasper's POV)

As I took Bella's hand and helped her from the car, I was delighted to pick up on Bella's happiness – no – pride at my gesture. I really felt like my self-control had come a long way in just a few hours. It was endearing to me knowing that this simple human girl recognized my progress in what would usually be considered such a small gesture. But I had learned that Bella was anything but simple, and if it weren't for the steady heartbeat I could hear drumming away, I wouldn't even be sure she was all that human.

We walked through the small parking lot in silence as we approached the entrance of the bookstore. I held the door open for her and she smiled timidly at me. Edward had mentioned to Emmett and I before how Bella felt awkward with even the simplest acts of chivalry. I chuckled as she passed me into the store. In my day, these small gestures were simply just expectedfrom men. It was just right. Today, human boys – and that's what most of them were to me, regardless of whether they were thirteen years old or thirty – could seldom be caught being gentlemen. I could see why most females were taken off guard on the rare occasion a door was held open for them or they were helped out of a car. At least Edward and I had taken it down a few notches since our day. At least we didn't stand whenever a young lady such as Bella joined us in a room. That was just going overboard in these times. Maybe I would make it a point to stand whenever Bella walked into a room from now on. I chuckled at my plan. Bella turned around to look at me, confused.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing… I was just thinking about something." I cleared my throat to try and sober my amusement. "Is there a specific book you're looking for?" I was curious as to why Bella wanted to come all the way here just to go to a bookstore.

"No, but there is something I wanted to research." She looked like she didn't want to go on. "Well, you see… I wanted to know more about Jacob's culture, his ancestry. I purchased a book here a while ago, but it only briefly went over that subject." I could feel her dread as she shuddered again. Another memory? I thought back to what might have happened the last time she was in this little bookstore, and then remembered what Alice had told me. That night, Bella had come very close to being assaulted by a group of drunken assholes. I sent out another calming wave to Bella, hoping that she would feel safe with me here. I would have laughed at the irony if I weren't starting to feel angry that anyone would intentionally want to hurt Bella. I didn't want to say that I had an excuse because I was essentially a monster, but what was their excuse for simply being subhuman? Disgusting. I wanted to spit venom. I clenched and unclenched my hands at my side. Trying to think about something else, I remembered what she'd just said.

"You're researching werewolves?" Why on earth was she so obsessed with those filthy animals?

"Well, yes." Bella looked at me like she couldn't fathom why I would be so averse to the idea. Maybe it was a good idea for her to research them, if it would better prepare her to be around such ill-controlled mutts. I couldn't think of what would happen if one of her puppy dog friends lost their cool in her presence. She looked annoyed. "I'm going to browse… I'll come find you when I'm done." She turned to walked away from me and I chuckled again.

"Ok, I'll just be outside." I walked out of the shop, taking a mental note to keep track of Bella's emotions in case something happened in my absence. Edward would never forgive me if I let anything happen to her.

As I stepped outside I was thankful that it had recently rained, and the fresh mist in the air and water on the ground dampened most of the human scents in the area. I stood there with my eyes closed, thinking about the conversation I'd just had with Bella.

Bella cleared her throat next to me, making a fresh stream of her breath fill the space in front of us. I clenched the steering wheel as venom coated my tongue. I could sense a mixture of fear and anxiety coming from Bella, and I fought to relax. Sending a wave of calm towards her, I hoped that she would feel less in danger from me. She turned and smiled at me.

"Sorry…" I didn't want her to feel scared of me, but I was glad she still had some sense of self-preservation. I knew that was a constant concern of my Edward's.

"Huh?"

"Well I know I can be… scary." I knew that more than anyone. "But I really am in control, Bella. I hope that assures you." I wanted her to believe me. I had to make up for what I'd already done to her and my brother.

"Oh, no Jasper! Those feelings weren't towards you. I was just remembering something…" I found it endearing that she was trying to cover up her real reasons for being afraid. I asked her to elaborate.

"I was thinking about how thankful I was that you and Alice had been there to protect me in Phoenix. The words you said to me… about me being worth saving, for Edward's sake." I nodded; remembering what I'd told her… it had been one of my first real conversations with her. Actually, I'm sure it was one of my only real conversations with Bella. The fact was that she was worth saving. She made my brother feel so happy. Anyone could see that, and none of us wanted anything bad to happen to her. She continued explaining. "But that of course led to thoughts about James." She shuddered and I sensed her anxiety again. Well that made more sense. I guessed she was telling the truth about her feelings of fear not being for me.

That day the vampire, James, threatened Bella… the decision to help protect her from his evil intentions was an easy one. I knew even if Alice's foreseen relationship with this human girl had not yet begun yet, my wife would be devastated to lose her so soon. And Edward… I now knew what would have happened if my brother had lost Bella that day. He would have flown to Italy much sooner than he did. I shook my head, realizing how close we were to having lost my brother. I brought that possibility to life the second time, when I had savagely attacked Bella on her birthday. It was one of the weakest moments in my existence. I couldn't believe it when Alice and Edward both forgave me. But… did Bella? That was it. I was determined to make her understand how infinitely full of remorse I was.

"Bella…" I started. "I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am… about what happened on your birthday. As I said before, I've always been the weakest link when it comes to our 'vegetarian' life style." I wondered how long it would take before that excuse became old. I didn't want it to be an excuse. There was no excuse for what I'd done. "I was so ashamed at my actions that evening, and you have to know that I have never wanted to harm you in any way whatsoever. I could never… consciously… do that to you, or Edward - or Alice, for that matter." That was a lie. I had consciously wanted to harm Bella at one time… when she first intruded upon our lives. I had wanted to remove her as a potential threat. I didn't know Bella personally at the time and I thought she might expose us after Edward had foolishly gotten between her and a car. I couldn't allow Alice to live in even the slightest danger. I'd said as much to Edward, but he was determined to protect Bella. I'd accused him of not loving anyone the way I love Alice. But I was wrong… of course neither of us had realized that at the time. It was only after we had realized how deeply Bella affected Edward when my feelings changed. I wouldn't allow anyone to hurt her, just as Edward wouldn't have allowed me to hurt her either. He'd proven that on her birthday. "I felt such remorse after what I put Edward through. The pain… I could feel it in my brother every day." Well, every day that he was still with us. The pain was immense and it overwhelmed me to feel what he was going through. I was ashamed to feel relief when he had left to track down Victoria. In those months, I didn't have to bear his agony along with him. Still, I felt what the rest of my family was missing when he left, in addition to my own feelings of regret. "I can't imagine what you were feeling while we were away. Then, when you and Alice risked your lives to save Edward, I dreaded the possibility that either of you could be hurt… Because of me." I was so angry with myself when the consequences of my actions unraveled before me. Alice was going to face the Volturi, and I wouldn't be able to protect her. I was angry with Edward too, for his rash actions… but honestly, could I blame him? Who was to say I wouldn't have done the same exact thing should Alice have died? I was grateful that she was more durable than Bella was.

Beside me, Bella's feelings were going out of control. "Oh, Jasper please don't blame yourself for anything that happened back then. It's really water under the bridge. I know you weren't yourself when you... When you faltered." Her choice of words did not go unnoticed by me. "I don't blame you or anyone else… I just wish you and Edward could just understand that."

I was touched that she so easily forgave me – that she saw no reason to forgive me in the first place. But how could I not blame myself? The evidence of my fault in the whole situation was blatantly clear. She continued speaking.

"But I'm glad that you've found control – I know it's been hard for you with me constantly around. I hope you didn't feel obligated to accompany me tonight."

Immediately, I tried to assure her that in no way did I see this as an obligation. "Not at all, Bella. I welcome the opportunity to spend time with you. As I mentioned in Phoenix, you have made such a wonderful impression on our family. You've truly made Edward feel complete – I know that without a shadow of a doubt." I felt it every day. "You have been wonderful to him, and I truly see you as a little sister." I repeated only what I'd told Edward on the phone.

"Thank you, Jasper, you don't know how much it means to me to hear that. Sometimes I've wondered if… well, if you even liked me at all." It hurt to know that she felt I disliked her, but I could understand her impression.

"I'm so sorry if I made you feel that way. It isn't the case at all. You're very dear to me, as you are with every other member in my family." My feelings towards Bella weren't solely due to her relationship with my brother. I had really come to enjoy Bella's presence, when I wasn't completely frightened that I would kill her. I knew what she was feeling when she was around me – what she felt towards Edward and those around us. She truly didn't have a mean bone in her body. Her feelings calmed me, made the air around us content and enjoyable. It was a relief.


My reflections were interrupted when a human passed me, blowing smoke in my face from his cigarette. Vile. I looked at my watch and determined that it had been ten minutes since I left Bella in the store. I wondered if I should go in and check on her, and suddenly I was convinced when I felt a great amount of fear coming from inside the small establishment. I fought to maintain a human speed as I hurried back into the store, scanning the aisles for Bella. I heard someone speaking to her.

"Hey you look familiar. Don't I know you from somewhere, beautiful?" It was the idiot who blew passed me a few minutes ago, I was sure. No one else had come into the store before him. I wondered if he thought that pick up line actually worked. I turned towards his voice, making my way to where he and Bella stood. Bella's fear increased, and I sped up.

"Um… no, I – " She gulped. I wondered what about this stranger could have her so scared. "I don't think so."

"No I'm sure I've seen you somewhere…" the stranger insisted. I arrived at the other end of the aisle, a few yards behind him. Bella hadn't noticed me yet, and she was turning the other way, ready to walk away from him.

"Wait, you're that chick I ran into with my friends." He laughed, reaching out and grabbing Bella's arm. Bella wrenched herself from his grasp, stumbling into the bookshelf behind her, and falling to the ground. I growled, and rushed to the man, grabbing his shoulder and flinging him to the side. It took an enormous amount of control to make sure I didn't use too much of my strength as he fell back a few feet from Bella and I. I crouched down to make sure she was ok, checking the back of her head where she'd hit it against the shelf.

"Bella!" I prayed there would be no blood as I felt the back of her head gently. I found none, and was relieved both because it would be infinitely easier to stay at her side, and because she wasn't too greatly hurt. "Are you alright?" I looked into her eyes, concerned as her anxiety rose.

"Jasper… he – " I looked back at the filth that had the audacity to put his hand on Bella. He was still on his ass, backing up a few more feet, as I'm sure he somehow sensed the amount of danger he was in.

"Who is he, Bella? Do you know him?" I couldn't imagine why Bella was so scared of this person. I sniffed the air and smelled alcohol. Jesus, it was the middle of the day. I felt my expression turn into a scowl.

"He… he and his friends, they tried to… to," she stuttered. "But Edward came…"

It dawned on me just who exactly this person was. He was the same man responsible for cornering Bella in an alley near here. I tried not to think of what could have happened if my brother hadn't arrived in time. I couldn't stop myself from sending waves of terror to the subhuman filth in front of me, careful not to let it affect Bella. She was scared enough without my help. I saw him steal a glance at Bella, and it infuriated me.

"Just WHO do you think you are?" I yelled.

Bella gently grasped the bottom of my pant leg. "Jasper, don't…" I could tell she was worried of what would happen if I lost my control here. Just then, my phone rang. I stood up, looking down at the disgusting excuse for a human in front of me. "Get the hell out of here!"

He ran out, and I looked at my phone. Alice. I immediately flipped it open and put it against my ear.

"Jasper, my love!" Alice exclaimed.

"Alice…" my voice shook as I fought to calm down.

"I'm so proud of you. Is Bella alright?" I looked back, and Bella was still on the ground. I crouched down again to help her up.

"Yes she's fine, she's just a little shaken." I tried to calm her with my extra abilities, satisfied when I saw her shoulders relax.

"I'm so proud of you, Jasper." Alice repeated, and I felt so much love for her then. "I'm sorry I didn't see sooner. I could have avoided this whole thing. When I called you earlier, I'd just seen that you two would both be coming home safely. I didn't know what was going to happen before that until a few seconds ago. But I'm glad that you're both alright."

"It's okay, love, you can't see everything. And yes, we're both fine." I looked back at Bella again to make sure I was telling the truth. She was smoothing out her clothes. I smiled at her comfortingly before speaking into the phone and returning my attention to Alice. "I'll see you at home." I smiled, anticipating when I would be able to hold her again. It had only been a few hours since I last saw her, but I missed her still.

Before I hung up, a thought occurred to me. "Alice?"

"Yes, Edward knows. He's home already – you should hurry back, before he loses it. I love you. See you soon." Click. I heard Bella's phone vibrate then, knowing it was my brother on the other end.

Some of you might be wondering if this is the moment mentioned in the story's summary, where Jasper is "forced to spring into action when Bella's life is endangered." It isn't.

More to come!

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