Disclaimer: I do not own anything from CSI: Miami, wouldn't want to!

A/N: Thanks you for all the reviews, alerts and encouragement! Thanks for reading! It's a little long, hope you like it! Ryan's past I made up as I went along. Enjoy!

Later in the day Ryan came downstairs to find Horatio in the kitchen making lunch. Having missed breakfast he realized he was really hungry.

"Hey Ryan, you surprised me! Have a seat, I was just making us a little lunch." Horatio, leaning against the counter, was mixing some batter.

"Can I help?"

"You can make the toast." As Ryan moved to the counter to put the bread in the toaster, his boss couldn't help noticing his haggard appearance. Horatio poured the batter onto the griddle and soon they were enjoying a delicious lunch. After clearing the table and washing the dishes they retreated to the living room.

Ryan was concerned that maybe Horatio didn't want him there anymore, especially if he was reminded of the past. "I'm feeling a lot better now, I can go home now if you want me to."

Horatio knew that the boy wasn't well enough yet to be on his own. "I don't want you to leave yet. I thought I could get to know more about you."

"There's not much to tell," Ryan responded.

" I know you graduated top in your class as a microbiology major in Boston and went through the academy finishing early. You've only just told me about your Uncle Ron being in a nursing home so that I could sign your medical proxy. Maybe you could fill in some blanks for me?"

"You really want to know?"

"I do, Ryan, I do."

The young man looked warily at his boss and shrugged his shoulders slightly. "Earliest I remember is when I was five...my mother got married. He seemed so old to me, but mom seemed to be happy. We moved to this huge house, I didn't like it"

"Why not?" Horatio could see a series of emotions flash across Ryan's face at that question.

"I didn't get to see my mom as much. We used to be together all the time...then I saw her at meals and when she would come kiss me good night. I missed her. I had a nanny and tutors growing up."

"What about your stepfather?"

"He was nice enough to adopt me."

"What was he like, did he spend time with you?" Ryan's face went blank like he didn't want to say too much. Horatio felt bad for asking and was going to save him from having to answer.

"He was busy with his own son...I hardly saw them," Ryan finally replied in a small voice.

Horatio was shocked, Ryan had a very lonely childhood.

Ryan continued lost in the past, "When I was twelve, my parents died in a car accident. I was sent to live with my stepfathers older brother, Uncle Ron. He did his best with me. I got accepted to Boston University at an early age. When I graduated my uncle retired from the bench and we moved to Miami. He encouraged me to help others, so I decided to go to the academy. I really found something worthwhile. I liked being a cop but hated that I kept arresting repeat offenders. I applied to become a CSI to help keep criminals off the street. I couldn't believe it when I got hired by you. I was eager to start a job I knew I would love...now I blew it!

"You didn't blow anything. I wish I took the time before now to talk to you. I need to share with you something important. I'll be right back!" Horatio knew he had to prove to Ryan that he genuinely cared. He went up the stairs to his room and took a box from his closet. This was harder than he thought it would be. He slowly opened the box and sat heavily on his bed as old emotions swamped him. He carefully picked up one of the photos as if it would shatter, tears fell as the memories flooded his thoughts.

Ryan didn't know what to do. He never told anyone about his past. Sadly no one had ever asked. He felt so alone right now. He laid back on the couch and just closed his eyes. If he had more strength he would have ran as far away as he could. He briefly wondered what Horatio was going to share with him when he dozed off.

Time had slipped by as Horatio allowed himself to be immersed in the past. He slowly put the pictures he had spread out back in the box. Coming back downstairs he noticed Ryan had fallen asleep. He covered his charge with a small blanket put the box on the table and went into the kitchen. It was time for Ryan to take his medication so he went about preparing a light snack. Just as he was finished filling two bowls with soup, he thought he heard Ryan say something. Looking into the living room to see what the young man may want, he saw he was still asleep. Ryan called out again and Horatio quickly went over to him. He didn't want the boy to hurt himself as he started thrashing about caught up in a bad dream. He grabbed Ryan's hand and arm trying to get him to wake. "Ryan, son, wake up, you're safe!"

"Nooo! Please...no!" the agitated young man screamed, twisting to get away from his tormentor. "Help me, please," he cried out. He heard his boss' voice, but knew it wasn't real, he never came. "Please help..." he softly whimpered.

Horatio's heart was breaking, "Ryan, wake up! You're okay now, come on son wake up!" He gently shook him by the shoulders. Suddenly the young man bolted upright, crying out in pain, tears streaming down his face. "No one came...no one helped me..."he stammered.

"Oh god, Ryan, I'm so sorry!" Horatio was at a loss as to what to do. Instinct kicked in as he sat next to the distraught young man and took him into his arms. "I wish I could go back in time and been there for you. I can't change what happened, though I wish I could. Please let me help you now!"

"B-because, you feel g-guilty?"

"Because you need someone and I really want to help."

Ryan was upset, not able to focus. He didn't notice his boss leaving the room to go into the kitchen. He didn't hear the microwave beep. Nor did he notice Horatio come back with a tray, holding food and the box. H put the tray on the table and softly cleared his throat, "Ryan?"

The young man blinked and finally looked up into worried eyes, a blank look on his face. "Food? Thanks," he weakly stated.

"You need your strength, plus you need to take your meds." Horatio sat next to Ryan handing him his pills and a small bowl of soup. Letting the warmth of the soup relax them, they both quietly ate.

Putting his bowl down Ryan noticed the small box on the tray. "What's in this?" He picked up the box, looking it over.

"That's all I have left...some photos I wanted to share with you." Before Ryan could open the box they both startled at the sound of the doorbell. Ryan reluctantly put the box down leaned back and closed his eyes. He heard Horatio talking and then opened his eyes to see Calliegh and Eric before him. "Hey guys," he muttered, slipping on a mask of indifference. Inside he could feel his anger start to flare.

"Hey yourself Ryan!" Calliegh threw back.

"Hey, man we miss you!" Eric exclaimed.

"Yeah, right," Ryan sarcastically replied.

"Well it's true," Calliegh quickly emphasized.

Something inside of Ryan snapped and he slowly got up from the couch, shaking off Horatio's help.

All the confusion, hurt and anger he had been holding back suddenly forced itself forward. Before he could stop himself he started shouting at them, "Why is it you suddenly care about me now!? I've tried for three years to get you to like me, and nothing worked. I always tried to do my best, it was never good enough! Now you miss me? No one missed me enough when I got abducted! No one questioned why I never came back with that suspect! No one tried to find me! No one asked me how I knew where the crime scene was, I wasn't called to it! When I finally was able to fix things with that missing evidence, you were both so mad at me, I couldn't explain why. And you Horatio, where was the concern for me and my career if something went wrong with faking your death! You all didn't think much of me then, why do you pretend to care now?!" Ryan had been pacing when he suddenly felt he room spinning. As he started to fall forward he felt strong arms catch him and sit him on the couch. Thinking it was Horatio, he was surprised to find Eric helping him.

"Ryan are you okay?" Eric asked worriedly.

"No, I can't...catch my breadth!"

"H, get me a paper bag, I think he's hyperventilating!"

Horatio ran to the kitchen and got a small lunch bag and handed it to Eric. Holding the bag over Ryan's nose and mouth he ordered him to slow his breathing. "In...out! Come on," he said softly, "Steady now, that's good!"

As Ryan's breathing evened out he sat back exhausted. Tears were streaming down his face. He felt so pitiful breaking down in front of the others.

Eric took a seat next Ryan and Calliegh sat before him on the table. "Look Ryan," she began, "we don't blame you for hating us. We hate ourselves for what we allowed to happen . Not just this past disaster, but how we mistreated you through the years. You have every right to be angry with us."

"Yeah Ryan, we were completely in the wrong. I especially want to apologize, man...it was hard for me after Tim died, he was my best friend. It was hard to see anyone fill his spot, so I was determined not to like whoever it was." He turned to face the younger CSI, "I figured if I didn't like you I wouldn't get hurt if...if something were to happen. I was so wrong! I know it hasn't been easy for you to work with me in the past, especially with my temper, but I hope you'll give me another chance." He finished quietly.

Calliegh seeing no response from Ryan continued, "We never took the time to get to know you as a person. We both know you're one of the best CSI's that we've worked with! I...we, would both like to start again, get to really know you. We want to be your friends and teammates. Will you think about it...please? Calliegh asked hopefully trying to catch Ryan's eye.

Ryan sat and listened to all that was said. He could feel Horatio come behind him and rest his hand on his shoulder. 'I don't know how I should feel? They sound like they really mean it. Should I stay mad about how I was treated in the past? Should I just accept what happened and move on? They're treating me real nice now, but what will happen once we get back to work? What if they get to know me and come to hate who I am? I just don't know any more. I just don't know!'

Finally looking at his teammates he spoke quietly, "I don't hate you both. I feel hurt and disappointed being overlooked. I obviously wasn't important to anyone, and I still really don't matter," he finished softly.