Chaptah 5:
A Day in the life of Gaara!
*****
Alright. Now that we've cleaned ourselves off, it's time to pay a visit to our favorite little sand ninja, Gaara!
Here we are, hiking through the desert. How we got all the way out here within a matter of minutes, I will never know. We're tired, thirsty, hot, and ready to give up.
BUT WE SHANT GIVE UP! WE ARE FANGIRLS! THE FATE OF FANGIRL UNITY LIES IN OUR HANDS! WITHIN OUR BOSOM! WE MUST! CONTINUE! ON!
The Fangirls look skeptic. But at any cost?
I think about that for a minute. YES, AT ANY COST!
But what if we die out here?
FANGIRLS CANNOT DIE! WE HAVE TOO MUCH ENTHUSIASM AND MOTIVATION!
But--
Okay, enough with the freakin' questions. Let's roll!
The Fangirls reluctantly continue on.
After ten minutes of hiking, we spot a lone tree a little ways off. Zoom in to the tree.
Hey, Fangirls! Can you see what I see?!
The Fangirls gasp. It's Gaara! They sigh in bliss.
Fangirl #012 jumps up in down in excitement. Now that we've found him, maybe he can help us get something to eat!
Fangirl #609 punches her in the face again.
Fangirl #012 holds her bleeding nose. But why can't we just ask him? He might really help us!
DOESN'T THAT GIRL GET ENOUGH?!
The Fangirls shake their heads at #012's stupidity. IT GOES AGAINST THE RULES OF FANGIRL UNITY!
RULES OF FANGIRL UNITY:
1) FANGIRLS MUST NEVER SPEAK TO THEIR IDOL.
2) IF A FANGIRL SPEAKS TO HER IDOL, THE OTHER FANGIRLS MUST PUNCH HER IN THE FACE.
3) IF A FANGIRL SPEAKS ABOUT SPEAKING TO HER IDOL, THE OTHER FANGIRLS MUST PUNCH HER IN THE FACE.
4) IF A FANGIRL THINKS ABOUT SPEAKING TO HER IDOL, THE OTHER FANGIRLS MUST PUNCH HER IN THE FACE.
5) IF A FANGIRL SPEAKS ABOUT THINKING ABOUT SPEAKING TO HER IDOL, THE OTHER FANGIRLS MUST PUNCH HER IN THE FACE.
6) IF A FANGIRL TOUCHES HER IDOL, THE OTHER FANGIRLS MUST PUNCH HER IN THE FACE.
7) IF A FANGIRL SPEAKS ABOUT TOUCHING HER IDOL, THE OTHER FANGIRLS MUST PUNCH HER IN THE FACE.
8) IF A FANGIRL THINKS ABOUT TOUCHING HER IDOL, THE OTHER FANGIRLS MUST PUNCH HER IN THE FACE.
9) IF A FANGIRL SPEAKS ABOUT THINKING ABOUT TOUCHING HER IDOL, THE OTHER FANGIRLS MUST PUNCH HER IN THE FACE.
10) IF A FANGIRL GOES AGAINST ANY OF THE RULES OF FANGIRL UNITY, THE OTHER FANGIRLS MUST PUNCH HER IN THE FACE.
Fangirl #012 hangs her head in shame.
Okay, now that we've gotten that settled, we must focus on Gaara. Fangirls, give him your undivided attention!
The Fangirls' stares are so intense, they could've penetrated Gaara's skull.
Zoom in to see Gaara take off his shirt. Fangirls #335 and #012 faint.
Drama queens.
Now Gaara jumps out of the tree and stands with his head towards the sky, sporting the sexiest man-pose EVER!
I wipe away the drool from the corner of my mouth and continue recording.
…Is it just me, or is Gaara looking directly at us?
The Fangirls gasp as Gaara suddenly bursts into a sprint, headed straight for us.
DARN IT! RUN, FANGIRLS! RUN!
I turn around, but what I see before me almost makes me pee my pants.
Crud.
In an attempt to escape with my life, I punch Gaara in the face and RUN!
Gaara is extremely pissed. He suddenly unleashes his awesome sand powers on Fangirl #012.
Fangirl #012 is crushed to bits, right before our very eyes.
Fangirls, take a minute to mourn for our lost one.
The Fangirls do so, some even shedding a few tears.
…
Then, with a speed that rivaled Rock Lee, we RAN FOR OUR LIVES!
-------------