Notes: This is all the dark stuff that was supposed to happen in the last chapter. Just a warning. ^^;
"This is one of Vidal's earlier works," the guide droned. "As you can see, his bold use of strokes infer movement while the picture itself invokes a sense of tranquility."
It just looked like a big gray and black swirl to him. The boy sighed as the group of adults shuffled to the next picture. They clustered around it and muttered strange words to each other. Grownup stuff was sooo boring.
There was a window nearby. It showed a bright, pretty day. It was the perfect day for rolling around on the lawn. Even perfect to sit on the patio with Nurse and sip bitter tea. Anything was better then doing this.
"Are you having fun, Hikari?" Todai asked. The boy glanced up at him briefly. He wasn't stupid. Todai was just trying to get rid of him. All they had done today was boring stuff. Well the boy didn't care how boring it got. He wasn't leaving Todai's side. Odin would be really really mad at him if he messed up.
"It is a bit dry for you isn't it? I suppose after this you'll want to go home and play with your toys."
"I want to stay with you."
"But Hikari…"
"You promised," the boy said,
stomping his foot. He gazed levelly at Todai. If he had to, he was prepared to
throw a screaming fit right here. The man seemed to realize this and sighed. The boring walk continued. More pictures, more
words that he didn't understand. The boy wanted to run around and scream and
jump on things. He yawned so hard that tears came to his eyes.
\I'm with you, kid. I am bored out of my mind,\ Odin said. An adult got boring at adult things? Maybe this was just for older adults. The boy hoped he never got that old.
\Well I'm going to get something to eat. Anything happens; remember to take the disc player out.\
At this point, the boy didn't think anything would happen. The earphone got staticy then went dead. The boy sighed. He liked it when Odin spoke in his ear. It made him feel good to know that the man was watching him. Miss Celia had watched him too. Todai, though, didn't really seem to care. He was always happy when he saw the boy, but never watched him. Todai would ask questions but not really care about the answer. It was as if what the boy had to say wasn't important enough.
After what seemed like forever, the boring walk was finally over. He was happy when they finally got into the car. Todai actually let him sit on the couch! The man didn't even turn on the TV like he usually did. Instead he leaned forward and gave the boy a long look.
"You're not going to give up are you?" Todai asked. The boy shook his head.
"I want to spend the day with you."
"When we get home, I have something really boring to do. Then we can do something fun."
"Why can't I be with you?"
"Because it's an adult thing."
"Why is it an adult thing?"
"Because it's something I have to do."
"Why?"
"Because if I don't do it, some
people are going to be upset."
"Why?"
"Because I said so. It's not a thing for little boys."
"Please can I come? I'll be really good and everything!"
At first, it looked like Todai was going to say no. The boy stared at him hopefully. He couldn't say no. Odin had told the boy to stay with Todai all day long. If Todai said no…then…then everything would be messed up! Finally, the man sighed.
"All right. But you need to keep quiet. And don't tell anyone about this, not even Quatre. Understand?"
"I won't!" the boy said. "I promise."
"If you break your promise,
you'll be in big, big trouble young man."
---
The boy kicked his legs and stared at the fuzzy gray carpet. He was sitting in his own little chair beside Todai's big desk. Nothing interesting had happened so far. Todai was just typing things on his computer. He wanted to plaaaay. This was no fun at all. No fun. No fun. Todai yawned and leaned back. The boy looked up hopefully. Was he done? Could they do something fun now?
"Almost," the man said, patting the boy's head. "We just have to wait to meet someone."
"I don't like waiting." The boy looked back at his feet. Kick. Kick. Kick.
"Do you want to see something special?" Todai asked. The boy nodded. It was better then nothing. Todai opened a drawer and pulled out a silver picture frame. The man stared at the picture a long moment before turning so the boy could see.
The boy's heart stopped. There was a…a man in the picture. The man had brown hair. Dark brown. Like dirt on a playground. The boy could imagine being high in the air, clutching the man's warm hair, watching the clouds pass overhead. A warm voice laughed inside his mind. Laughed and spoke some words he couldn't quite hear.
"Ohh, it's all right," Todai said. The boy suddenly found himself being pulled to the man's chest. Warm tears splashed onto the boy's hands and it took him a moment to realize they were his own tears. He was crying. Why was he crying? He wasn't sad. What was happening to him? Todai's warm hands rubbed circles on his back.
"Shh… It's all right. I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't have showed you. I just wanted to make sure it was really you. You must miss your Mommy terribly don't you?"
The boy blinked? Mommy. Mommy…Mommy lived under a rock. A big gray rock. Suddenly he could see lots of rocks. Huge rocks. All tumbled down together…and dirty gray snow that stung his eyes. Someone was underneath those rocks too. Someone special… Someone who used to hold him close and tell him stories and take him to see the big fish fountain. But…but he couldn't remember.
There was a knock at the door. Todai sat the boy back into his little chair and put the picture away. A serious look came over his face. This was important. The boy pulled the disc player out and sat it on his lap.
"Come in," the man said. Just as the door opened there was a burst of static.
\Oof. These people make spicy food. I swear they don't know the meaning of the term 'mild'.\
A man dressed in a blue suit walked up to the table. There was a very serious, almost angry expression on his face. The man looked at him and blinked.
"Who is that?" the man asked, pointing a finger at the boy. Todai waved his hand.
"It's just my grandson. He wanted to spend some time with
me."
"Look Todai. I don't have time
to reschedule the meeting."
"He's just a boy."
"You can never be too careful."
"He's just six, Lieutenant. Don't you think that's a bit young to be a spy?"
\Lieutenant huh?\ Odin said. \That sounds interesting. As soon as they stop paying attention to you, put the disc player on the table. I can't see anything from down here.\
Lieutenant stared at him hard. The boy stared back. The man was suspicious. The boy wasn't scared though. As long as he didn't act like he was hiding anything, it would be fine. Like Odin said; the best way to sneak out of a building was not to sneak at all. After a little bit, Lieutenant rolled his eyes and plunked what looked like a suitcase on the table.
"Ah," said Todai. Lieutenant opened the suitcase to reveal stacks and stacks of money. The boy's eyes widened. He'd never seen so much money in one place! He leaned forward, setting the disc player on the table. Todai took the money and shifted through it, mumbling to himself. Finally he put it all back in the suitcase.
"Everything seems in order. Very well. It was a pleasure doing business with you," Todai said, popping a disk from his computer and handing it out. Lieutenant took it and stared at it, like he could see what was on it just by looking.
"I don't think I quite trust you."
"Please," Todai said, gesturing to the computer. Lieutenant came around and put the disk in. Different pictures popped up. It looked like different views of the colony with lines all over it. Odin said these kinds of pictures were called…skimaticks or something.
\Son of a bitch!\ Odin snapped. The boy jumped. \You traitorous money-grubbing son of a bitch!\
"Is something wrong, Hikari?" Todai asked. The boy stared at him. He wasn't sure. What was Odin talking about? Why was Odin so mad? Lieutenant took the disk from the computer, nodded to Todai and started to leave the room.
\Why the hell are you doing just sitting there, kid?!\ Odin yelled. \Shoot him! Shoot him you moron!\
Shoot him! The boy looked around. Oh no! The teddy bear! It was still in his room! Oh noooo! The boy tore from the office and ran as fast as he could to his room, stumbling in his hurry. He slammed open the door and looked around. There were soo many toys!
"Master Hikari!" Nurse snapped. "It's very rude to come barging in!" The boy ignored her and began to dig through a nearby pile. Where was it!? Where was that stupid thing!?
\What are you doing!? Get-\ The boy ripped the earphone from his ear. He couldn't concentrate with Odin yelling like that. Nurse started grabbing at him, trying to pull him up. The boy smacked her away. She was yelling now. He didn't care. He had to find the teddy bear!
Then he found it. Right on the very bottom. He snatched it up and tried to pull it apart. It wasn't coming loose. Damnit! Damn it! With a frustrated scream, he grabbed the teddy bear's head and yanked as hard as he could. It came off in his hands. He ran from the room, pulling out the gun as he went. Todai was in the hall, jogging toward the room. When the man saw him, he stopped.
"Hikari! Are you okay?"
The boy lifted the gun. Todai's eyes widened and he reached for him. 'How's my little man?' 'Look! A fire truck! And it's all yours. Happy Birthday, Hikari.' 'Would you like to hear a story?'
Todai's voice echoed in his head. The boy squeezed his eyes shut and pulled the trigger. Then again. And again. Nurse started to scream. She was screaming and screaming. The boy lowered the gun, hands shaking so badly he could hardly hold it. He slowly opened his eyes. Todai was lying on the floor. The white walls were red.
He had to…he had to hide the gun. He had to hide it. No one would know if he hid it. Odin said that no one could ever know what he did. The body of the teddy bear was lying on the floor. It was dead too. The boy picked it up and shoved the gun inside, pulling the cotton over it. Nurse was crying now, calling him a bad boy over and over. Something nearby started beeping.
The boy wanted to hear Odin's voice again. Odin would be proud of him. Odin wouldn't call him a bad boy. Hands still shaking, he slipped in the earphone. There was nothing. Silence. As if the man weren't even there.
"I…I did it," he said shakily.
\Yeah. You did it.\ Odin did not sound happy. That wasn't right. Why wasn't he happy? \You really did it. You handed the L-4 colonies over to the Alliance. Great job, kid.\
"But…" The boy felt ready to cry. "But…I shot him!"
\Very good. But the lieutenant was the one with the information. You shot the wrong person, you little idiot.\ The beeping sound became faster. The boy turned to see what it was. There was a little circle thing attached to the wall. In the center of the circle thing was a flashing red light. The boy's eyes widened. Was… was that a…?
\Holy shit! Kid! Get out of-\
The beeping stopped. There were a few seconds of complete silence. A few seconds that seemed to last a million years. Then the world exploded.
---
Darkness. He hurt. He couldn't breathe. Couldn't move. Something was on top of him, crushing him. It was all alone here. All alone in the dark. It was scary. So scary. He didn't want to be alone! He didn't want to go into that lonely black! He would go where the bad people went. He would go there and never see Odin again.
Above him were voices. But they were far away. So far away…and getting farther. They were all leaving him. Because he was bad. Because he had messed up. Help me Odin! He thought. Where are you? Help me! Please! I'll be good! I won't mess up next time! But no one came. No one came and he was still all alone.
He couldn't hear now. The dark had swallowed him. It was all around and cold…and lonely. He was sinking. Sinking into the loneliness. Because he had been bad… Because he had been bad…
Riding high on someone's shoulders. Fingers in warm brown hair.
'What's up there?' whispered a warm, friendly voice. A voice that loved him. 'Look. See what's up there.'
The boy opened his eyes. There was a small hole in the black and…and he could see… Clouds…the boy thought. He reached for them. It hurt…but he reached anyway. If he could catch a cloud. If he could only catch a cloud.
"Hey! Look over there!" Something moved above him and a warm hand took his. "Can you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you can hear me." The voice that was floating down to him was grownup. Was he…was he going to be saved? The boy tried to squeeze but he could only twitch his fingers.
"Good," the grownup said. "Good. You'll be all right. We'll get you out. Everything will be all right."
---
It was dark. But, warm dark. He could breathe. He was on something soft and there was something cool against his skin. Voices… Noises…
Beep. Beep. Beep. Went something beside him. Oh no! Not again! The beeping got faster. A warm hand covered his and squeezed gently.
"It's all right now. There's nothing to be afraid of." A woman's voice. Soft and gentle. It didn't sound like Nurse. The boy slowly opened his eyes. The light hurt and made him wince. He blinked a few times and soon a ceiling slid into focus. Tiled ceiling. Hospital.
"Good morning Hikari." The boy looked over and saw Miss Celia. She was smiling at him. She looked really happy. But her eyes were puffy and red, like she'd been crying. Why had Miss Celia been sad?
"You'll be all right," she said, lightly brushing his hair from his face. "You had us all really worried for quite a while. You're a very lucky boy." He wanted to say thank you. He wanted to say that he was glad she was here. He wanted to ask if she cared that he was bad. His mouth wouldn't move though…and his mind was really tired.
"Look, I even fixed your teddy," she said, holding up the toy. He closed his eyes. He didn't like that thing. He didn't like it, but he still had it. It was still with him. He couldn't let it go. Not yet. Maybe not ever. Miss Celia went on talking.
"Guess what? Once you get out of here you get to come home with me. Wouldn't you like that, Hikari? To live with me? And you'll always be with me. I won't let anyone take you away."
Be with Miss Celia? Forever? Could he really? Odin probably didn't even like him now. He'd messed up. But…but Miss Celia did. Miss Celia still liked him. And maybe…he could get rid of the teddy bear then.
A part of him was really happy thinking that…but another part was sad. Living with Miss Celia meant that he would never see Odin again. He would miss Odin. Odin was something he'd always had. Odin had always been there. All his life, everything kept changing. New places, new missions. But Odin had always stayed the same. Odin never changed. Even if Odin didn't love him, he loved Odin so much. But…he loved Miss Celia too. Whenever he was with her…he was happy.
---
The boy carefully patted the sand castle into place. He wasn't well enough to play on the swings yet but sand was fun too. He'd been at the orphanage for a few days now. It wasn't too bad now. No one spoke to him much…but at least that meant no teasing. The boy liked being by himself though. All he really needed was Miss Celia. They were friends again and she even moved his room closer to hers! It was better then anything in the world. Everything was perfect now.
There were footsteps behind him and a shadow fell over his castle. Suddenly sand was raining down all over him. It got in his eyes and mouth, and his cast too. The boy narrowed his eyes. Almost everything was perfect. Above him, the teenagers laughed.
"Did we scare you? Did we make you go wee-wee in the sand?" Dakeem said. The boy grabbed his teddy bear and reached for his crutch. A brown hand snatched it away from him. The boy glared up at Dakeem.
"Give it back," he said.
"I don't think so. You need to stay here so you won't run away."
"What do you want?" the boy asked. Dakeem tossed the crutch to one of his friends and leaned closer to the boy's face.
"Didn't you watch the news? They found Todai's body. He was shot right through the head. He was murdered. And I'm gonna tell them you did it. In fact, Miss Celia's talking with the police right now. I think I'm gonna go over there."
The boy stared at him. He was lying about the police. Dakeem lied all the time. Why couldn't the teenager just leave him alone?
"That was way over the line, Dakeem!" one of the teenagers snapped. "The poor kid has been through hell."
"Aww comon'! He's just a stupid kid! Besides, he's Miss Celia's favorite."
"So what? I'm sick of you being such an asshole," the other teenager said. The teenager who had just spoken helped the boy up and gave him back his crutch. Dakeem was shooting them both with a look of pure hatred. Then his eyes narrowed. He was going to cause trouble. Maybe not now…but soon.
The boy limped to his room, clutching the teddy bear tightly. He was not going to risk it again. If Miss Celia ever found out what was hidden in the bear, he'd be in a whole lot of trouble. She was the kind of person who didn't like to see anything hurt. If she knew what he had done…she would probably hate him forever.
Once he was safely inside, he locked the door. Then he plunked himself on the bed and started picking at the loose seams around the teddy bear's neck. Miss Celia could do many things well…but sewing was not one of them. But that was good in a way. At least he wouldn't have to tear it apart again. He didn't think he could do it a second time. He pulled the gun from the cotton.
It was heavy in his hands. Really heavy. He sighed and lay back on the bed, holding the gun above him. It made his heart heavy to look at it. It would be hard living with Miss Celia. Even if Dakeem went away. The boy knew he'd never be able to get rid of the gun. He would always have to hide it. A part of him would always be afraid of being found out.
He sighed, put the gun on the bed beside him and tucked his hands behind his head. Dinner would be in an hour or so. He and Miss Celia were having macaroni and cheese tonight. Besides steak, that was the best stuff in the world. He closed his eyes, listening to the silence of the room. It was so peaceful here. So quiet. For just a little while, he didn't have to worry about anything.
The boy didn't realize he was dozing until a knock on the door woke him up. He sat up, heart pounding. The knock came again.
"Hikari? Are you awake?" It was Miss Celia. The clock on the wall told him it was almost time for dinner. The boy slipped the gun into his gray tank top and stashed the teddy bear under the covers. Then he grabbed the crutch and hobbled to the door. When he opened it Miss Celia smiled at him. There was something else in her eyes too. She was worried about something.
They went in silence to her office. Two big bowls of ice cream were sitting on the desk. Now the boy knew something was wrong. Miss Celia never served ice cream unless there was some special reason. By the sad way she was smiling, it didn't seem like the good kind of special.
"I thought it would be nice to have desert first today," she explained. The boy sat, propping his leg up on a big pile of cushions. The doctor's said his leg had been broken in three places. A couple of his ribs were broken too so he wasn't allowed to play much. The boy hated being hurt. It was so annoying.
"Hikari…" Miss Celia started. The boy prepared himself. Here it came. "I know…you probably don't want to talk about this… but… The police were by today." The boy's heart leapt up into his throat. Did…did they know?
"They…discovered that the man you were adopted by, Akemi Todai, that…well he was shot." The boy looked down, clenching his hand. What was she saying? Did they know he did it? Did Nurse tell them? She reached over and took his hand.
"Do you know something? Hikari?"
He shook his head. Maybe if he lied. Maybe. She would hate him if she knew how bad he was.
"If you know something, you have to tell me. We want to find the bad guys who did this. Did you see who shot him?"
"No." He tried to speak normally, but his voice came out as a squeak.
"Hikari…" She trailed off. For a while there was silence. Maybe she believed him. He slowly looked up at her. Miss Celia's blue eyes narrowed.
"It was him wasn't it?" She was angry. Very angry. But she hadn't raised her voice at all. "The man who left you here. The man you were talking to in the store. That's Odin Lo, isn't it?"
"No!" the boy cried, shaking his head. No he couldn't let her believe that! Odin would get into trouble…and…and Miss Celia was Quatre's brother and she would tell her father and whoever Odin worked for would be in trouble too! The boy had to tell her the truth. He couldn't mess up again. He could not mess up again!
"I did it! I shot him! I did!"
"It's all right, Hikari. You don't have to protect him. You don't have to lie. He won't hurt you again. I'll make sure of it." Nooo! This was a problem… A… problem. Odin always said…there was usually only one way to deal with a problem. The boy closed his eyes. There would be no more mistakes. No more mess ups.
The clock read 5:59:50. The dinner bell would ring exactly at six. No more mistakes. No more mistakes. He had ten seconds. Nine. Eight. He started to pull the gun from his tank top.
"I'm sorry," he said. Seven. Six. Five. He looked at Miss Celia. Four. Three. Two.
"I have to kill you." One…
---
The boy sat against the alley wall, staring at the night dark street. Everything was taken care of. He'd even erased his name from the files. It was easy enough once he'd figured out her password. Quatre Raberba… She'd really loved him.
Now he was empty. He wasn't sad. Or scared. Just…empty. He suddenly understood all to well what it mean to kill. It was the worst thing ever. To take away someone's life. To take them away from everyone who loved them. He'd killed the light…and now all that was left was darkness. The boy stared at the gun. He had no where to go. He had completed his mission, even if he had failed. It was over. Everything was over. There was no one to love him. So maybe…it was all right to kill no one loved. No one would even know he'd gone.
The boy laughed. It hurt to laugh, but he did. He was the perfect assassin! No one would know! No one would care! Not even Odin was as good as he was! The boy laughed and laughed until he couldn't anymore. Then he stared at the gun. No one would care… No one would care…
Suddenly light flared in his eyes. He winced and put a hand over his face, shielding himself. It took him a moment to realize the lights belonged to a car. The door opened and someone came over to him. Gentle hands pried the gun from his fingers.
"If you don't be careful you're liable to blow your face off, kid," Odin said. The boy bowed his head and wrapped his arms around himself.
"I failed…" he whispered. "I was bad. It won't matter…"
"Nah. I didn't even see it coming. I'm sorry for yelling at
you. I was just angry. I knew that bastard Todai was up to something. I should
have warned you to keep on your guard. Anyway, let's get moving. There's a
whole army of mobile suits out there and if we don't leave now we won't be able
to."
"Does it matter?" the boy asked,
looking up at him. Odin stared at him.
"What happened to you? You're eyes are like ice."
"Isn't that how it's supposed to be?"
"Yeah." Odin shoulders slumped
and he suddenly sounded tired. "Let's go, kid. Our work isn't over yet."
The boy stood. Even if they
didn't escape…it didn't matter. Nothing really mattered. Not any more.
---
More Notes: Eh heh heh… Told you it was dark. ^^;
Disclaimer: How many times must I tell you I don't own them? ^^;