Author's notes: Revengent suggested a Haub fic, so that's the direction I will take this. I'm a sucker for under-appreciated character, and after Geordi LaForge (Star Trek: TNG), Taub is the most under-appreciated EVER. I'm used to Hilson, so we'll have to see what I can pull off here.

Enjoy.

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House had no where to go. The walls were closing in on him. Laughing faces floated closer to him. People were smiling for Gods' sake. It was horrible.

And it was spreading.

Somehow, weather by luck or pure chance, he had escaped the affliction that was, well, afflicting the hospital.

He was still (kinda) straight.

After that mornings little outing of basically everyone he knew, House was a little shaken up. He had gone to the clinic, of all places, to see if the world was still the same otherwise. It was.

House had never been so glad to wipe a runny nose or swab a possible infection in his life. The clinic patients were still stupid and annoying, the world wasn't completely crazy. Well, it was, but at least it was normal crazy.

After an exhausting ten minutes treating patients, House decided this problem needed addressing. He walked to the nurse and dropped off his files.

"Doctor House, running away screaming at ten twenty-three."

"It's ten twenty-two," said the nurse behind the counter. She was a cute young thing, someone House had only seen a few times before.

He leaned in, squinting at her until she shifted uncomfortably. "Are you one of them?"

"What?"

"What's your boyfriends' name?" House decided to ask something more politically correct.

She frowned. "My girlfriends name is Alice, but thank you for assuming."

House leaned back, frowning. "I may already be too late." He turned elegantly on his heel and marched to Cuddy's office. "Cuddy!" he burst through the doors.

Cuddy jumped and shuffled some papers around. "What?" she asked annoyed.

"Stop being a Lesbian. Wait, that sounds weird coming from me. Uh, stop spreading the love? That's weird too. Hmm," House trailed off, unable to think of how to best word his outrage.

"House, what are you on? I'm not a Lesbian."

"Oh really? Then what's this I hear about you and Cameron?" House pointed an accusing finger directly at Cuddy's left breast.

Cuddy's face turned red, a blush that spoke volumes. "I don't know what you're talking about!" she spluttered.

"Oh, man." House collapsed into a chair. "Am I the only one left standing straight?"

Cuddy finished hiding her paper work from House's prying eyes. "Alright, I know you'll deny everything but, what's wrong?"

House glared. "Shows what you know. I'll only deny most things." House sat up a little straighter, preparing to tell his tale. "Here's the thing. Everyone I know is Gay. In high school, like hangs out with like, so what does that say about me?"

"House, this isn't high school."

"Wanna bet?"

"And," Cuddy ignored him. "One person in your life is not everyone."

"So you admit it?" House waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"No I don't admit anything. I'm talking about Cameron."

"Here's the thing; I didn't just barge in here with baseless acquisitions, I know for a fact because I asked my team." House frowned.

Cuddy paused, considering her options. "Well, what about Wilson?"

"The band camp got to him. Plus a—" House shuddered. "Few more times… It isn't like I'm asked for much! Just a few straight friends to confirm my manly hertrosexualityness."

"Is that word?"

"It is now." House crossed his arms, pouting like a child. "Thirteen is obvious, you and Cameron are bunking and not sharing photos, Kutner is after Foreman, Chase is a fire hazard, and Taub and Foreman are baking cookies."

Cuddy blinked. "That's a new euphemism coming from you. And haven't you heard? Taub and Foreman broke up like two minutes ago. Foreman is going after younger meat, namely—"

"Don't tell me. I don't want to know."

"Maybe this is good for you." Cuddy leaned forward, placing her chin on a hand. "Get you out of your shell."

House started to nod, but managed to catch himself. "You just want me and Wilson to hook up like you've been pushing for the past three years."

"It would win me a lot of money."

"Yeah, because that's definitely an incentive for me." House sighed. "If I hook up with someone, it'll be because of love and all those other mushy things, not because we'll win you a new revealing shirt."

"House…" Cuddy paused, seeming confused. "Have you got your eye on someone?"

"No!" House crossed his arms, looking away.

"You do! You haven't talked like this since Stacey. Who is sh—uh, this person whose gender I cannot pinpoint?"

"No one, like I said. Oh!" House jumped up, looking at his bare wrist. "Look at the time, got to go!" He left post-haste.

"You can't hide forever!" Cuddy called after him as the doors swooshed shut behind him.

House limped away dramatically, muttering under his breath.

"I take it back; this is worse then high school ever was."

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There will be more, so tune in!