Author's notes: I do my best/worst writing at two in the morning, which is when this whole thing was written. Do any other writers do this?
ALSO House/Taub is now to be referred to as Touse, because I think it sounds more like a fatal illness.
"I'm sorry, sir or ma'am, but you've got a case of the Touse, the only treatment is to read every one of Adenils' House fanfics and review them. God be with you."
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Taub consulted his chart of magic wonder and medicine before scribbling down the cure all he had just given the patient. Thankfully Bavarian flu was completely curable, and they had gotten to it in time.
Taub was just about to take his leave when House limped in. He took one look at the unconscious patient and snorted. "She dead?"
"No," Taub rolled his eyes. "She's unconscious; the fact the treatment is a sedative should have tipped you off."
"Right," House tapped his cane on the ground. "Back to the plot. Does your wife know you're a raging homosexual?"
Taub blinked slowly, tilting his head to one side and smiling ever so slightly. "What wife?"
"Hmm," House hummed. "You know the canon one?"
"Oh, that wife! I think you mean ex-wife. She… left me." Taub looked sad for a moment. "She could forgive the cheating, but not this." He frowned.
"Isn't this a comedy? Snap out of it man!"
"Oh, er, right. Well, actually she left me for a younger man who turned out to have a horrible case of AIDS and he was gay, I think you met him. Nice guy went fox hunting with his dad a lot. Anyway, long story short she now works in northern Canada as a student of mortuary science."
House blinked. "That must be a long story. There were not enough details for me to even slightly understand where that went."
Taub smiled. "Anyway, still clinging to what little heterosexuality you have left?"
"Yes. I mean, I have a lot of hetersexualityness. I'm full of the straightness. Fear me." House made a clawing motion with one hand. "Rawr."
Taub continued to smile and look pleasantly confused. "Right. Well, best be off then."
"Sure."
"Right."
"Yep."
"I'll just be going."
"Okay."
"Right."
"Sure."
Taub and House stood staring and blinking at one another. Finally Taub walked out of the patients' room and into the hallway.
"See you soon."
House stayed behind, watching the monitors beep slowly with the steady rise and fall of the patients' chest. "Well," House said to himself. "That worked."
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Author's notes: Haha, they are so OOC. Oh well.
Also, I have a plot! Yay! I'm writing more as we speak, so you should see the next few chapters up within a couple weeks. Yay!