SOOOO..it's safe to say that I suck at updating!! I'm sorry and the I can come up with a million and 1 excuses as to why that is..but I won't....so please enjoy!! and leave comments...and constructive criticism please!! i will be forever thankful!! oh and once again im changin the title cuz I rewrote the whole story once again...but im going back to the other that I attempted to write.
N I OWN NOTHING!! :)
Ch. 5: Glass Houses and Stone Envelopes
Thunder beat the sky dully, hinting to the near completion of the stormy conditions. Lightning cracked the heavens, few and far between, and heavy drops of rain still cried out from the enveloping gray puffs above.
She was back.
Under the grumpy clouds and unwavering precipitation, she entered Los Angeles, heart racing, thoughts swimming, and hands slightly trembling in anticipation.
But she was back.
Ashley was a mess, to say the least. Longing anxiety coursed through every vein of her body, memories enveloped her soul, and as she traveled through the busy Los Angeles streets, she swore that she felt her. Her presence, somewhere within the mass of millions. Within the excitement. Within the rush and extended chaos, she felt her.
And she was back. Expectations less than zero, she had to try, and as she made a right turn into an apartment parking lot she sighed deeply.
She knew she had nothing else to lose…
But everything in the world to gain.
May 20, 2008: Three weeks ago and some odd days…
Mrs. Arthur Carlin requests the pleasure of your company…
It wasn't supposed to get to that point.
She just needed to get away, clear her head, and possibly get over what she felt so long ago. What she still felt, especially as she slept, confined to her dreams just to live in faux bliss that escaped her every morning the sun kissed her eyelids.
It wasn't supposed to end like that—her selfish hope that Spencer would wait for her, that Spencer loved her. Because she had loved her, right? Eight years ago, beneath the sad clouds, under the crying rain, Spencer's eyes had shouted everything her mouth was too scared to say. Her lips had worded every feeling her voice was too afraid to proclaim. Spencer had loved her, whether she'd said it or not.
But it was eight years ago. Eight years of forming oceans with rivers of endless tears. Eight years of growing, living, and mere hope. Eight years of unknowing and wonder—of expected waiting.
Waiting? Ashley could've laughed at herself for thinking that. How could Spencer wait for her, when Ashley had barely waited for the blonde?
People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, right?
But who knew stones came in the form of dainty little envelopes with French script. Small envelopes that shattered unsuspecting glass houses to pieces.
It had come that afternoon, situated innocently between a phone bill and Jazz's car payment. She had missed it at first, flipping through the envelopes quickly, as she always had, before discarding the junk mail haphazardly across the kitchen counter.
But, as she had done so, the small beige envelope caught her eye, earning a confused look from the brunette. She picked it up after realizing that it was addressed to her. It wasn't the first wedding invitation she'd receive in the eight years of her absence, the first being from Clay and his marriage to Chelsea, which she, of course, hadn't attended. It would've been too awkward. Too soon.
So she sent a toaster oven as a lovely wedding gift.
The second was from Madison to some unknown man, who earned a skeptical snort from Ashley considering the Latina was a lesbian, the last she knew. But still, she couldn't (more like, wouldn't) go, and in place, sent a microwave oven. But that was then, almost four and a half years ago.
Kyla, she knew from recent phone conversations, had not been in a steady relationship in over two years.
Aiden, she was aware, was in a steady relationship with some female, but they had only been dating for two months. Too early to pop the question in the brunette's opinion. Then again, Aiden had been one for surprises.
And Spencer, Ashley figured, couldn't possibly be getting married. She…well, the brunette didn't know about the blonde's personal life—she never asked. But she couldn't be getting married.
But oh how the tables turn. The blonde whom Ashley Davies had grown to love was indeed getting married. And on Thanksgiving no doubt. It hurt. More than the talented musician would have liked to admit.
"What the fuck, Aiden!?" She asked incredulously into the phone the moment it stopped ringing.
"Well, 'Hi' to you, too." Aiden answered cheerfully. It was typical Ashley and he was far too used to it to let it ruin his day.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Ashley accused, breathing becoming an issue.
"So…you got the invite?" her friend asked needlessly.
"Yeah, and stop stalling. Why. The. Fuck. Didn't. You. Tell. Me!?"
Aiden hesitated for a moment as he thought of a reasonable explanation. "You never asked?" Semi-reasonable.
"Don't give me that bullshit," the brunette retaliated, holding back tears. "You know what she means to me."
"Really, Ash?" her friend replied, almost angry. "What she means to you? You haven't seen her in—"
"Fuck that, Aid. I still care about her!"
"How the hell is she supposed to know that—through our hidden phone calls? Through yours and Kyla's secret phone calls? Maybe the wedding gifts for Madison and Clay were an indication. She doesn't owe you anything, Ash."
Ashley was silent, fingers running frustratingly through her hair as the soundless tears trailed her face. "I know, Aid. I just…I fucked up."
Aiden chuckled lightly. "You fucked up eight years ago."
Ashley gave laughed sadly before sighing heavily. "What the hell am I gonna do, Aiden?" she relented, voice small and defeated.
What could she do?
"Come home…" he quietly suggested.
It was a simple offer, the most obvious in Aiden's mind. Why was it so hard?
"I don't know Aiden," she said after a moment. "She probably hates me."
"Well, she does. Wouldn't you hate you?" He paused for a second after his so truthful statement, allowing Ashley to breath a dejected sigh. "But she misses you just as much."
The brunette's heart beat faster, heat rising to her face. The thought of her made her warm. But that never changed—the blonde had always had that effect.
"Aiden…you are such a girl." Ashley smiled as she heard her friend's hearty laughter through the receiver.
"It's not the first time you've said it," he chuckled warmly.
"Aiden…"
"Yeah?"
"I'm coming home."
Ashley eyed the apartment, hesitating briefly before wandering to the door. She pulled out her cell phone, pressed speed dial number two, and placed the phone by her ear.
"I'm back," she spoke the second it stopped ringing.
"Ashley? What do you mean 'your back'?" a surprised Aiden asked through the receiver.
"I mean, what apartment number are you, moron? I'm back in L.A."
"What the fu—really?" Aiden sang excitedly.
Ashley laughed. "What's the number, idiot."
"108!"
"I'm hanging up," she said, smiling broadly at his eagerness before closing her phone. Ashley pushed the number and was quickly buzzed in.
She stopped when she arrived at the door marked 108. She barely lifted the doorknocker before it shot open. Milliseconds later, a strong body collided with hers, nearly knocking her over. Muscular arms wrapped themselves around her small frame and her nose was instantly filled with the pleasant scent of her friend's cologne.
"Ashley! Damn, it's been a long time!" Aiden greeted, squeezing the brunette happily.
"Bi ban breve," Ashley's muffled voice said beneath her friend's arms. He chuckled, lifting his muscular appendages out of the strangling hug. Ashley exhaled loudly, earning a bashful, but cheerful grin from Aiden.
He was slightly taller than Ashley remembered and his black hair had maintained its patented groomed, but untidy appearance. He wore ripped blue jeans and a black wife beater, displaying his physical physique.
"My bad," he chuckled, "I was just…it's been awhile."
"Yeah," the brunette smiled, happy to be breathing and mentally reminding herself to get an x-ray of her ribs. "But next time, don't be so rough."
"I thought you liked it 'rough'," Aiden joked.
"Shut up!" she shot as she punched his arm, producing a wince out of her friend. "Are you gonna invite me in or are we gonna continue this conversation inside the safety of this small ass hallway?"
"My fault," he laughed, "come in, come in."
It was small, Ashley noticed after entering the dining room through the small hallway, but it didn't seem to be too restricted. In fact, the arrangement appeared to be somewhat spacious. The dining room and kitchen rested in an area to the left while a black leather couch ruled the area to the right, resting in front of a large HD plasma television. There was a small hallway leading to other rooms and Ashley noted the clean and homey interior.
Aiden is such a girl…the brunette thought.
"It's not much…" Aiden said as he opened the refrigerator.
"No, it's nice. It fits your style," she chuckled.
"You want something? A drink?" he offered from the fridge.
"No, I'm fine."
"Suit yourself." He walked away from the fridge, Sprite in hand, and sat on a barstool in the kitchen. Ashley imitated his gesture, faced him, and smiled. She really had missed him.
"That's still your favorite, huh?" Ashley asked, amused.
"Yup. Never gonna change."
"Well, I'm glad some things stay the same."
"Only the minor things. A lot has changed in eight years. We've grown up."
Ashley's stomach clenched.
We. Kyla…Madison…Clay…Glen…Chelsea…Spencer.
"So I hear," the brunette mumbled.
"What do you plan on doing?" he asked, changing the subject.
"I don't know yet…rent a suitable apartment as soon as I find one."
"Are you staying for good this time?" he questioned hopefully.
Ashley hesitated. "It…depends."
Her friend nodded knowingly and dropped the subject. Nothing else being said, Ashley got up to get a closer look at the framed photos posted along the beige walls. Several of the photos were of Aiden alone, goofy and posing. A couple had the gang in its entirety and Ashley tried to ignore the rapid beating of her heart whenever she saw the blonde.
"I can't believe you still—" The brunette stopped abruptly as a particular memory controlled her senses.
"Spencer told me to take that one down," Aiden said to a barely listening brunette as he watched her pause in front of the photo. Ashley grabbed the photo from the wall to get a closer look.
"You took this?" she questioned, her voice small.
"Yea," Aiden responded. "Do you remember that day?"
Ashley chuckled quietly. "Of course."
"Yeah it—" Bzzzz. "I'll be right back." Aiden said quickly as he got up to answer the door.
Ashley sighed as she continued looking at the photo, the memory penetrating her thoughts completely.
February 11, 2000
"Please?"
"No…"
"Ashley…please?"
"No…"
"Ashley!"
"Spencer!"
The frustrated blonde threw her hands up in annoyance. The quad at King High was filled with over eager students, mostly excited about the dance tomorrow night.
Well, all except for a certain brunette who sat on the grass in the distance, back against a tree, annoyed at the persistence of her best friend. Spencer sat beside her, trying to convince Ashley that she should go to the dance.
Trying being the operative word.
"Well, why not?" Spencer whined in irritation. It was ridiculous really. It was just a dance.
"You know I don't do dances," she responded matter-of-factly. She really didn't, the only two she's ever attended being with her best friend. But this time was different. This time her best friend had a boyfriend and Ashley didn't want to witness intimate smiles and goofy eye conversation that she was not apart of.
It hurt enough already.
"But you're going with me," she said sweetly, tilting her head slightly. Ashley had to fight back a smile at the blonde's adorable gesture. It was Ashley kryptonite, they both knew it.
But maybe if she stood her ground just this once, Spencer would understand.
"No, Spence," Ashley started, looking away. "You're going with Mike."
"Ashley," she sighed softly, rolling her eyes, "it's not even like that."
"What is it like, then?" Ashley asked in sudden, irrational anger. "Because it seems to me that you're going with your boyfriend—not me. So don't make this about us when you know damn well it was never about 'us'. It never is."
The blonde peered at her best friend, stunned. For a moment, a brief moment, the teen was speechless. Her initial reaction was anger, but Ashley never lashed out at her like that. Spencer scooted closer to Ashley, linking her arm with her own.
"Are you okay?" She asked quietly. Ashley was silent, instead looking away, watching students laughing and joking in the distance. Spencer slowly moved her right hand to the brunette's face, cupping her left cheek, and guided her face towards her own. All of the unreasonable anger immediately dissipated from the brunette as she gazed into her friend's soft, blue eyes. "Ashley…its always about us. No one can replace that. Not ever."
Ashley nodded, turning her gaze once again. "I'm sorry…" she mumbled, a playful pout on her face.
"I forgive you," the blonde said sweetly. She leaned her head on her friend's shoulder, looking out at the active students in the quad. Of course she would forgive her, it's not like she was mad anyway.
Above, the thoughtful sun enveloped the King High students in peaceful light as whispering breezes fluttered past them. The brunette loved days like this, days in which Spencer's eyes shone a little brighter, and Ashley's days were a little warmer. Ashley listened to her friend's peaceful breathing beside her as it simultaneously went in sync with her own. As it always had.
"Spence?" Ashley spoke quietly after a moment.
"Yea?"
"I'll go to the dance with you." The brunette felt her friend's lips form into a small smile as she leaned in closer to her.
"Thank you."
"I don't know, Ky. It doesn't look right."
"It's fine, Ashley. You look beautiful."
"But—"
"Don't even think about changing again. Spencer and Aiden's gonna be here soon."
Kyla's voice was final as she left the room to check her make-up in the bathroom mirror, leaving her half sister to unleash a quiet train of swear words. Ashley let out a frustrated sigh as she looked over her reflection again. She was unsure of what kind of clothing would be suited for a Valentine's Day dance. Casual? Formal? Semi-formal? It was stressing her out to say the least, and she made a mental note to curse Spencer when she got the chance.
Ashley decided on a strapless red mini tube dress, length stopping shortly above the knees and its material gently hugging her in all of the right places. It accentuated her breasts and hugged her hips, all the while creating an image of pure beauty. Her red-streaked brunette hair was done neatly in a messy bun with thin pieces of loose curls hanging on the sides of her face, complementing her gold chain well, and she stood only a few inches taller in her red and black stilettos. She was gorgeous.
"Wow," she heard someone breathe behind her, the person's voice immediately sending sweet tingles throughout her body. She turned to find Spencer, clad in a white fitting medium length halter dress, hair done in loose, blonde curls gently kissing her shoulder, and face lightly done with make-up—she was the definition of beauty. Ashley felt her heart beat increase tenfold, throat suddenly dry, face flushed with the compliment her friend had breathed.
"You are so beautiful," Ashley whispered, though the words were amplified greatly in Spencer's ears.
The blonde broke eye contact as she looked away; blush creeping across her cheeks as her lips upturned into a smile. Spencer looked up and sauntered over to her friend, tilting her head, as a sly smile formed on her face. Ashley felt a longing flame fuse in her stomach as she maintained eye contact with her best friend.
"You think so?" Spencer said, blue eyes blazing.
"Always…" she muttered, distracted by the closeness of her friend's breath on her face, in her ear.
"You are gorgeous," Spencer whispered, lips lightly dancing across Ashley's ear, causing her breath to hitch.
"Spencer—"
"Are you girls…ready?" Aiden asked as he walked in the room, producing a frustrated sigh out of Ashley.
"Yea, just waiting on Ky," Spencer responded, unfazed by Aiden's interruption. She placed a quick kiss on Ashley's cheek before leaning away from her, causing the brunette's eyes to flutter and the area of the kiss to burn sweetly.
"I'm here," the girl announced upon entering the room. "Wow, Spence, you look gorgeous."
"What about me?" Aiden questioned with a faux pout.
"You look handsome as always, Aid," she answered with a playful eye-roll before leaning in to kiss him on the cheek.
"Let's roll," he answered with a smile, linking his arm with Kyla's. Aiden made eye contact with Ashley and offered a quick wink before leaving the bedroom.
"Ready to go?" the blonde asked with an adorable smirk.
Ashley took a deep breath before relating her answer.
"As ready as I'll ever be."
The dance set-up was pretty simple at the King High gymnasium. A DJ spin-table was set up to the very back of the gym, huge speakers on either side, while a tables ran along the far left wall and was filled with various punch and snacks. Tables were set up on the opposite side of the DJ, leaving the massive area in the middle to be reserved for dancing. And within the collection of dancers, Spencer and Ashley had just finished one of many dances of the night, "Miami" by Will Smith, and needed a break from the active, and perhaps, already drunk, high schoolers. They grabbed an open table, Spencer making a quick get-a-way to retrieve a couple of much needed drinks.
Ashley watched her discretely, taking in her friend's quiet confidence, basking in her own want for her. The night had been going well. Dancing close (but not too close) and laughing at everything, all the while etching each and every moment into her mind. Adding to every other moment with Spencer that was as blissful as this night. She was sure her heart would explode from its activeness, positive that the strain on her rapidly beating muscle was not healthy in the slightest. No matter how sweet it was.
"Having a good time?" Aiden whispered in Ashley's ear, producing a startled jump.
"Jeez, Aid! Creepy, much?" Ashley breathed.
Aiden laughed. "I'm sorry. But if you weren't so busy stalking Spencer, maybe you would've heard me the first time."
Ashley blushed, mentally thanking the dim lighting in the gymnasium. "I wasn't stalking."
"Yeeeaaa…sure."
"Shut up!" she shot, punching his arm. "Aren't you supposed to be with Kyla anyway?"
"Her and Madi went on a little potty break; you know you females travel in groups."
Ashley smiled. "Whatever Aiden."
"So…I'm sorry for earlier." He stated after a minute.
"What are you talking about?" The brunette questioned, thoroughly confused.
"For interrupting you two before we left."
"Nothing happened," Ashley dismissed. "Nothing to be sorry for."
"But that's not exactly true, is it?" Ashley looked away. "My God—how can two people be so unbelievably blind?" He asked in exasperation.
"Shut up, Aiden! I'm not blind, alright! It's just hard—"
"What's hard?" Spencer asked innocently, making her presence known as she sat to the left of Ashley.
"Me," Aiden answered, earning a purely shocked face from the unsuspecting blonde. "I'm just going to go over there, I think I see Kyla."
"I seriously don't know why we keep him around," Spencer chuckled, placing a red plastic cup in front of her friend.
"Yea," Ashley sighed, "me neither."
"So, what were you really talking about?" Ashley looked at Spencer, unsurprised by the question, all the while trying to think of something convincing to say.
"You." It wasn't a lie. Not Really.
"And what did you say about good ole' me?"
"He was just wondering why you went with me…and not Mike." Spencer looked away, taking a small sip of her punch as if she was deciding whether or not to answer.
"Um…we broke up." She answered not looking at her friend.
The brunette spit out the punch she had recently (attempted) to drink. "You what? When? Why didn't you tell me?"
"Last week…like Wednesday. And it's not even a big deal." She responded, focusing on everything in front of her that was not Ashley
"But why? Did he cheat on you? I swear I'll kick his ass if he did! Where is he—"
"No," Spencer said softly, placing a single finger on Ashley's moving lips, immediately ending her speech. Ashley felt her body burn, tingles shooting throughout her veins, lips on fire with one single touch. "He didn't cheat. He was wonderful. I ended it with him."
Ashley felt angel-soft fingers leaving a fiery trail as they slowly journeyed its way to move a loose piece of hair out of the way, tucking it gently behind the brunette's ear. Ashley's eyes fluttered close, mouth becoming dry as she attempted to slow her breathing down.
"Have you ever been in love?" Spencer asked innocently, eyes boring into Ashley's as if trying to divulge an unasked answer.
"Where is this coming from, Spence?"
"I was just wondering. Curious, I guess…So have you?"
"Yes," Ashley breathed so silently, she was sure Spencer didn't hear her. But of course she did. She could tell by the way her eyes sparkled with curiosity, even beneath the dark lighting of the room. She could tell by the way her head tilted so adorably, it took everything in her not to kiss the blonde.
"How does it feel?"
Ashley looked away, unable to focus on the only eyes she would ever want to look at, but unable to because it would give far too much away. "It's the best and the worst feeling in the world," the brunette started quietly. "It's hard to articulate because it's probably different for everyone, but it's like—it's everything. Especially when you're so deep in love that hearing a whisper of the other's name—just a whisper—feels you up, lifts you, and places you on cloud nine, and all you can do is smile. And it may happen at the dumbest time, too. Like when your taking a test, like one worth so much that if you tank it, you're sure to fail the class. But you can't help it because you think about them so much that you don't even care. You don't care that the teacher yells at you for writing their name for each answer blank like they're the only thing that matters. Which is so true, because they are the only thing that matters."
"And it's even better when you get to see them. It brightens your day and you consider them the rainbow to any storm. But it sucks at the same time because you're certain—so certain that the fact that your heart beats one million beats per minute is so unhealthy that it scares you sometimes. It scares you that you love them so damn much. And it sucks when your voice is unsteady, and it sucks that your stomach unloads so many butterflies it becomes difficult to even think about eating. It sucks that every facial expression made makes you weak, so weak that you barely stand the idea of standing. But that's okay because it's the best weak feeling in the world."
Ashley paused for a moment, feeling Spencer's eyes trained on her, unmoving, as if blinking would make all of her friend's words drift away. But Ashley couldn't stop. She was gone too far, and now it felt like a great boulder was being lifted.
"But it gets bad sometimes. Especially the times when you're so exhausted—so tired—but you can't sleep because the only bed, the only comfort, is in their arms. Not in the expensive ass king size mattress. Not in the expensive ass sheets or the many pillows resting on your bed. Nope. It's only okay in their arms. Their arms holding you, legs wrapped around you, warmth filling you as you quickly fall asleep. Then when you wake up next to them? That's the safest feeling in the world—being wrapped in strong, but gentle arms. And everything about it is perfect. So overwhelmingly perfect. And it kills you that you can't kiss them. It kills you that you can't claim them as your own. Because the worse feeling in the world is the fact that you've fallen in love with someone you can't have…because everything is screaming at you, telling you it's wrong. It's not right. And it sucks because you can't control it. There's not a damn thing that you can do about it. And it hurts so, so bad. It feels like it's killing you, surely, but slowly everyday. But you don't care because, as cliché as it sounds, you feel like it's the sweetest way to die. You're sure of it."
Spencer sat in silence as Ashley ended. After a moment, and without words, Spencer stood up and offered a hand to Ashley. The brunette gracefully accepted it and followed behind her friend to the dance floor. A slow song played gently in the background as the two joined the many couples dancing on the floor.
The two friends stood at a distance at first, Ashley's hands gently holding Spencer's hips while Spencer's wrapped snuggly around Ashley's neck, swaying in beat to the song playing.
"You can come closer you know," Spencer spoke silently, eyes blazing a bright blue.
Ashley moved in, hands resting on the small of Spencer's back, and she swore she heard Spencer's breath hitch slightly. They were only a few inches apart, and Spencer leaned into her further, her nose brushing against Ashley's cheek.
"This feels perfect, doesn't it…" It was said so quietly that Ashley was unsure if she heard it. But it must've been said, because her heart was racing too fast for it to be unreal. The flesh of her ear, much like earlier that night, seared way to much for it not to have felt the softest lips brush them. It felt so damn perfect.
SNAP!
Ashley blinked as she thought about the sudden reminiscence. The picture must've been taken by Aiden. She didn't even know the picture existed, capturing one of the best moments in her life. Spencer, in her arms, both looking at each other, just looking. But they were so close, lips maybe five centimeters apart. She remembered the look in Spencer's eyes, one of the few times she displayed any signs of want. But it left as quickly as it came, recalling that the song had ended, only to be replaced by a far more upbeat tune, officially ending their moment.
In the distance, Ashley heard the footsteps entering the small apartment, guessing that the person at the door had indeed come in. She placed the picture back to its rightful place, and turned around.
"Aiden, I…"
"Ash, I swear I didn't know about this," Aiden informed as he heard the words suddenly die on her lips.
But Ashley heard none of it. All she felt was her stomach flip as she focused on the being in front of her. Even from a short distance Ashley saw the brilliant blue eyes blaze in mixed emotion—anger and sadness—neither one making her feel relieved. The tingles were not to be unmistaken though. It was no doubt that the person in front of her, standing with pure surprise written on her face, was anyone other than—
"Spencer…"