Disclaimer: No, I DON'T own gundam seed.

Note: Yay! Nicol vision! Things are going to finally start picking up now. This is the last easy-going chapter before major stuffs start to happen. :O Oh, and I changed the spelling of Muww to Mu, so that I have a more correct spelling. I will eventually change this in the previous chapters. Eventually.

COOKIES: Thank you to thegreatwhitewolf, MyLiFeIsMuSiC, reckless-rage, Prince-in-Disguise, SSJ-Jolt, An Angel With Clipped Wings, and girlsniper for the reviews! I hope you enjoyed your cookies!! :D

Reviewers get cookies, as per usual. :D YAY!!

Chapter 5: Turned Backs

On the Vesalius...

Nicol bit his lip as he floated down one of the Vesalius's many hallways, trying not to think about the most recent events. The world seemed like it was thrown into double time, everything flying by so fast that he thought he'd never be able to catch up. He felt numb, like a piece of him had been taken away with his fallen friends. He would never again hear Miguel's arrogant remarks, Rusty's mischievous smile, or above all, Athrun's calm reassurances. He felt a hot tear run down his cheek, and he grit his teeth so hard he feared that they might crack. Nicol didn't know what he could do about his feelings. Yzak had hit things and thrown his boots and the wall. Dearka merely let it all go by putting his efforts to controlling Yzak. What could he, Nicol, do? A nasty voice answered his question by hissing at the very back of his mind.

Nothing!

Nicol stopped in the middle of the passageway, feeling his brain go to a stand still. If he couldn't do anything, why was he here? If he as a soldier could not even control his own emotions, then what good was he? He shook his head from side to side, fighting his own shaking body. He leaned against the window, his chest heaving. He gripped the metal guiding pole tight in his hand, letting it leave thatched prints in his skin. He wanted to get rid of his emotions. He wanted to draw them all out of him like a poison. He clutched the bar tighter with his hand, so hard that small droplets of blood formed in the air around him. Nicol felt as if he might explode, or just simply break down, right in the middle of the corridor. He stayed like that for a few more minutes, before a light tap on his shoulder made him look up.

"Nicol?"

Nicol looked up. It was Dearka, his purple eyes filled with concern.

"Hey, Nicol? Are you alright?"

Nicol felt a sudden desire to scream at him, then felt disgusted with himself. He did not scream at people. It wasn't nice. Instead he put on his usual happy voice. The smooth voice that gave away nothing but joyous innocence. "Oh, hello Dearka. What do you mean? Do I not look alright?"

Dearka scowled, confused. "Umm... yeah, you don't look alright Nicol. You looked like you were trying to break the handrail, and your eyes are all watery and your hair is all messed up. I would say that you are not alright."

Nicol looked briefly at his reflection in the window. It was true. His green hair was full of static, and looked like someone had knotted the ends. His usually clear brown eyes were glassy and unfocused, and there was a tear stain running down his left cheek. To top it off, his usually stiffly ironed uniform was wrinkled, and his white boots had large, black scuff marks on them. "Oh, I guess I don't." Nicol heard his voice crack. He was breaking.

"Erm... did you want to, talk about it, or something?" Dearka looked quite uncomfortable. He wasn't used to dealing with things like this.

Nicol clenched his fists, feeling all the negative emotions bubble up. "No thank you, Dearka, I am fine. I think I will go and fix my uniform." His words were becoming tenser and less pronounced, giving away his grief. He turned in the direction of his room, but was stopped by Dearka's hand.

"Nicol, you sound almost, angry." Dearka's eyes were as wide as saucers. "Come on, just, talk to me or something."

Nicol could hear the words in-between. Why don't you just shout like Yzak? Why are you so soft? Why are you even in the military if you're going to break down like this? He shook his head, and tugged lightly on the arm Dearka was holding. Dearka tightened his grip, pulling Nicol back to face him.

"Nicol." Dearka sounded firmer.

Nicol couldn't take it anymore. It was just too much. "Leave me alone!" He jerked his arm out of Dearka's hand, running down the hallway, leaving a very shocked Dearka behind.

"Nicol!"

He ignored him, running faster. He just wanted everyone to go away. He just wanted to be left alone. Was that so much to ask? He wiped his eyes, stopping as he reached his dormitory. Not really seeing the world around him, he punched the code in for the door. He sniffled as he crashed onto his bed, burying his face into his pillow. Reaching underneath his mattress, he pulled out his manuscripts. The things he held most dear in the world, besides his friends. He opened the book, flipping through the endless pages of crisp notes that he had written. He saw the song he had written for his parent's anniversary, the early ones with many crossed out notes, the songs he had written in a fever of inspiration, happy and beautiful, yet tear-jerking all at the same time. His eyes dark, he flipped to the very last pages. The blank ones. Picking up a pencil from the floor, he began to write, teardrops staining the white pages.



On the Archangel...

Mu waited, unsure of what to do. His first instinct was to follow Kira, to support him, but something was holding him back. He tapped his foot, watching the door that Kira had just disappeared behind. The female doctor was watching him, her features puzzled. She was obviously wondering why he wasn't following. He smiled at her reassuringly, to which she shrugged her shoulders and busied herself with changing the sheets on the bed that Kira had been sleeping on. Mu sat on a round stool, waiting for Kira to return.

Several minutes passed before Kira came back in. His bangs obstructed his eyes, and his fists were clenched. He sat down on the stool opposite Mu without a word, staring at the floor like it was his worst enemy. A moment later, his small mechanical bird flew in and landed on his shoulder, tilting its head and chirping softly. Mu felt his mouth open, but he quickly closed it again. He was at a loss as to what he should actually say. How'd it go? What happened? Are you alright? He stared at the dejected looking figure hunched on the stool, sympathy pouring out to the kid. Several moments passed without words spoken. The doctor remained as silent, quietly rearranging the medical equipment around the room. It was a long time before Kira opened his mouth to speak.

"Mu..." his voice sounded low and crackled, like someone had scraped out the inside of his throat. "I was just wondering..."

Mu tried to put as much gentleness as he could into his own voice. "Yes Kira?"

Kira swallowed and looked up, his eyes swimming pools of misery. "What's going to happen to t-the pilot?"

Mu swore there was no oxygen in the room as he struggled for an answer. How much should he tell? "Well, we're heading over to Artemis, remember? He will probably be dropped off there, and considering his relations with Patrick Zala, he will be made a hostage." Or, they will execute him.

Kira's eyes flashed, obviously sensing that Mu was not telling him something. "And if Patrick Zala refuses to meet their demands?"

Mu sighed and tried to regain his original easy going demeanour. "Then, I don't know. That's war for you, kid. He's not dead, and he's still an enemy, so he will probably be made, I dunno, a prisoner of war or something." Mu stopped as Kira's skin turned a pale color. "Look Kira, he's the enemy. You know that right? He tried to shoot you down. He tried to shoot us down. Don't you get it?"

Kira stood, his eyes shadowed once again. "I understand."

Mu raised his eyebrows, unsure of what Kira was going to do next. "Are you going to be okay?"

Kira answered coldly. "Yes."

Mu felt part of him drain out. "That's...good." Kira ignored him and turned out of the door without saying a word.

Er, hi! Eh heh... looks sheepish uh... this chapter is probably much shorter than that other one, but I have a little, ahem, writer's block on what exactly to do next. I know the plot line from here, just not how to write it down exactly... eh heh. I will write it soon as I figure out exactly what I'm going to do. Oh, yes, Nicol was a bit OOC, but if you're friend got blowed up into itty bitty pieces you'd be pretty upset too! Now that I look back on it, Kira was kinda OOC too, but I'll explain his strange behaviour in the next chapter. Thank you for being so patient! Until next chapter, bye bye! :D