XII:
Two steps forward, one step back.
"You look like a million – I've missed you L"
"Sean… don't start"
"Please let me, you know I would do anything for you"
Stolen glances, burning eyes and traces of tears in both pairs.
"We have to move on"
Silence. A turn, another turn and a stop in front of a red light that fills the car.
"I remember when you did this one?"
A cold finger trailing against a naked neck, following a carefully done tattoo of a snake hiding in a lily on a bare back.
"I do too"
"Remember the one I made for you?"
Same fingers unbuttoning a shirt, revealing a chest many nights been spent on.
Another pair of fingers trail over a roaring lion, tattooed over a heart that the lion guards.
"I try to forget"
The traffic light turns reptile green and the engines roar.
The countdown to one starts somewhere in a radio far away.
Ten.
Nine.
Eight.
Cold fingers trails over a cheek, warm ones over a chest.
Seven.
Six.
Same cold ones memorizes a pair of lips, the warm ones finds their way into slick black hair.
Five.
Four.
Bodies are pressed towards each other, desperately clinging onto the past.
Three.
Foreheads meet, eyes meet, souls clash into each other.
Two.
And a kiss was shared before countdown ends.
.
.
.
The vague memory of Sean Nott, a few glasses of champagne, a white limo and a snake and a lion was what woke me up this January the first. That and Hugo with a glass of water in his hands tilting towards my face.
"You Weasleys have to stop invading my bloody home" I yelled and regretted it quickly. The headache was blazing.
"If you care Potter you would get a floo alert" Hugo snapped.
I sat up in my bed – no this was my sofa, Roses black dress was on my body and my left shoe was dangling of my feet. My neck was stiff but my tone was stiffer, "Lily Luna"
"I don't care" Hugo said coldly and handed me a magazine I rarely read for obvious reasons, "I hope you're quite pleased, I'll go and fix us some tea"
My eyes scanned the headlines of The Daily Prophet and I groaned.
LILY POTTER AND ROSE WEASLEY: FIGHT ABOUT BEAUTY
"But this is not true" I burst out towards the kitchen where Hugo was busy.
Hugo scoffed. "Don't mind that, mind page five"
I flipped through the pages and noted that they had made a special about my family in today's issue. My dad and Rose was sharing page two, both hunted down for comments concerning the fight, Hermione and Ron was fighting on page three, James cursed a fat and puffy man that grabbed Horsia on page four and on page five was a awful picture of me, escaping into a limo with the headline: LILY POTTER AND MYSTERIOUS LOVER SPOTTED!
"When did James curse a man?" I yelled (I had to ask) and dragged myself into my kitchen where Hugo sat with a cup in his hand and another one in front of him waiting for me.
Hugo looked rather unpleased when I stepped in my evening attire and the magazine in my hand,"That is not the point. Did you escape with Nott or not?"
I giggled, it was funny. Nott or not. Me in a dress, memory flashes of escaping with Sean Nott… or not. It was extremely funny, all of it.
"You did Lily, didn't you?"
Here is the story with Nott, we dated from end of the sixth year throughout Hogwarts, fell madly in love, lived together and then came the day -- only two months before I moved out to my own flat -- he proposed to me and I declined. Don't ask me why though – until this day I don't know for sure. All I know was that since then I've asked myself why and I know that the reasons I had wasn't enough to leave him.
"What if I did escape with him?"
"Then I don't care anymore" Hugo eyes narrowed, "Did you ever think of Jacob?"
Hugo! How could I forget Jacob? How could I forget his deep blues, the little glittering spot of gray that made me curious, his messy brown hair and the scar running across his face? The tenderness he treated me with, the insecurity he had when he was around me, his killing sincerity and the perfect piece in my family puzzle made me squirm with glee.
So, while sitting in Notts limo with him stroking a hand through my hair, paralyzing my body with his black eyes, sending shivers through every vein by his soft tone and his cold fingers across my cheek, my nose, my lips, my… well, how could I forget Jacob?
"No, I didn't think of him at all" I admitted.
Hugo looked disgusted at me; sometimes I thought that it was more Hugo than me who fell for Jacob."Fine." He snapped, "Get up, wash off the smudged makeup and follow me. You have to apologize to Rose"
I blinked. "Apologize?"
"I don't care what you do against Jacob, he do read The Daily Prophet in Romania too you know. But Rose didn't deserve to be called shallow yesterday"
"So it's okay to call me a bloody drunk in front of the whole high class society of Wizards." I spat, "People I work with, family friends, students from school and even Sean?"
"Why do you care about Nott? He wasn't even there"
"Don't change the subject Hugo"
Our eyes killed each other behind the cups of boiling hot tea and finally it looked like I won.
Hugo put his cup down at the table with a little more force than needed. "I'll tell her that you are sorry then"
"Why tell lies?"
Hugo stood up, looked at me rather unpleasant and levitated his cup to the sink before he spoke, "Who are you?"
With that he Apparated away, far war away. Leaving me with a cup of tea, not strong enough to cure a headache, a lost cousin, a hurt best friend and the thought of sweet Jacob and especially of the small wonder that was called Nott.
--- --- --- --- ---
15, April, 1975
Oh, that is because Potter just asked me if he could take me dancing – Telling me that he wanted to make up for the lost date (A date I never agreed to) on my birthday.
I refused of course because it was Potter, I had morals and I have a secret.
I have two (left) feet but I cannot dance.
That is my secret.
I remember watching my mum and dad dance to a record last summer. They even asked me if I wanted to join but I didn't know the theory behind the steps or how you were suppose to move so I let them dance while I hummed their favorite song.
I really wished that I could dance. Like all the movies Petunia and I used to copy but especially like mum and dad when they floated around to any tune playing looking so...happy?
If I ever learn how to float like a princess I will pour the memory here so it won't be a secret. It will be knowledge.
--- --- --- --- ---
My ergs of hiding from a fight took me into Lily's uncomplicated life, I found myself landing with bare feet on tickling grass. The night had fallen upon the grounds, leaving Hogwarts in a pale lighting.
"I have a secret –" was the first voice, belonging to Lily, that I heard as I approached her habitually.
"I do not read minds for the last time Lily!" Severus burst, loud enough for me to hear it from my distance. Clearly this was a common conversation between them and they were on the edge of fighting.
I wanted to pull out immediately if they did.
"I know, hear me out." Lily said carefully, looking amazing and soft in her considerate state, "I have a secret that I want to share"
Lily and Severus was leaning on the beechtree in front of the still lake and I crashed next to them. I felt the smell of grass from the grounds, flowers from the blossoming trees around us and peach shampoo from Lilys hair. I do not recall feeling any smells previously but I do not recall sitting this close to memory Lily either, only a stretched out hand from her, a hand I wanted to stretch out desperately but I did not touch her, of fright of messing with the memory but when I sat next to her and rolled my eyes as she repeated her statement.
"I have a secr -- are you listening mister?"
"Uh, forgive me. I was busy looking at the moon" Severus trailed off voice said and observed the moon carefully.
"Drop the theories" Lily said offensively.
"I didn't even – I was just." Severus said and looked away. "Never mind"
"I'm sorry" Lily said carefully, knowing that she overdid her case.
"Forgive me too" Severus replied.
I was not sure of what it was that caused them to fight but both of them tensed up. I only knew that the moon was the trigger and these two had no connection to the moon, at least what I knew.
"Repeat your secret" Severus asked after a while and Lily was reminded of it another time.
"It's a silly one… but I cannot dance" Lily said as it was the biggest secret revealed so far.
"Is that a secret?" Severus asked very curious and ironically.
"It is to me" Lily scoffed.
"Uhm, okay. I can't dance either I guess…" Severus said while wrinkling his eyebrows to make him look very old and tapped towards his skull. "But I lock those kind of important wizard world secrets in the Gringotts of my mind"
Lily chuckled, "Oh stop being so sarcastic Sev"
Severus shot her a rare smile.
"I am invited to a wedding – muggle one of course but I don't know how to dance! I told mum that you were taught that in Hogwarts so I could get out of ballroom classes with Tun—Petunia but we don't get courses here. I am doomed" Lily explained to a Severus that tried to process this information though is mind into saying something helpful with his lips that had the rare smile plastered across his lips.
"We could go to the library tomorrow to look at theories" Severus suggested and despite my thoughts of that being a lousy idea Lily liked it.
"Really?" Lily asked happily, "I guess we could do some research"
"If you'd like" Severus replied.
"I would – but…" Lily started and started to finger at the hem of her pants.
"But?" Severus said questioning her sudden embarrassment.
"But I think that is a thing you should practice" Lily said with a newly found interest on the hem of her pants.
Severus did the wrinkled eyebrow look towards Lily that made her smile and I couldn't help to think that this was an odd couple and inseparable. Lily was blazing fire herself with composure and goodness in her while Severus was the calm water with poise and hidden darkness in him but in each other's company they seemed to be a boy and a girl and that was that. The odd boy in the black robes and mishandled appearance was just a boy in the company of the cute girl with the hidden bookworm mind hidden by colorful auburn hair.
"I am sure that I told you that I couldn't dance" Severus said to Lily assuring. "And I am sure that you told me that you could neither"
His fingeres were playing with the grass they both sat in while Lily fingered with the hem of her pants. She hesitated a couple of times, shaking her hair lightly to flush me over with the smell of peach shampoo before she spoke, "But we'll try it – well, if Potter and posy doesn't come and taunt us for standing on the grounds dancing"
Severus looked longing and happily at the moon instead of bitterly, the light played beautifully on the water and made the newly appearing waves shift between pale white and dark blue. "They won't come" Severus finally said and Lily turned a suspicious eye towards the same moon he looked at.
"So you will dance with me?" Lily asked Severus after analyzing the moons different whites and Severus was brought back to earth's current events.
"I cannot dance" Severus stated but continued his denial, "besides, there is no music"
Lily smiled, straight white teeth lurking between pink lips that were drained of color in the moonlight.
"Neither can I" Lily said simply and stood up, leaving my side and Severus with his fingers in the grass.
Lily offered her hand to the seated Severus and added, "and I'll sing, if you don't mind"
Severus seemed to consider this for short amount of time before he grabbed her hand to pull himself up from his place in the shadows of the beech tree.
"I do not mind"
Lily grabbed his hand and placed it on her lower back and Severus crooked smile came to live, not as brightly as Lilys but with the expression of his face it might as well be. Severus even took Lilys hand in his before she could put it there herself and this left Lily a bit shocked but she smiled towards Severus that seemed a bit nervous. Lily started to hum on a song I haven't heard and I could tell two things, she was neither a dancer nor a singer. Severus however floated somehow to the music Lily produced in the darkness.
I felt the pull, taking me away from the memory but I couldn't leave – I didn't want to return to my world so I fought it. It was mind against mind, her desire to end her memory, possibly from me and my will of seeing her memory and creating new memories for myself but mostly hide from my bitter ones. I heard her name ending the memory and I felt a violent pull from the outer world, the pull intended for me.
***
Princesses dance, and I want to feel like a princess.
Even if it is just for one day.
Lily
***
I fought it; I fought it and felt ill, hurt and wounded by stupid intruding manner. Much like the first time I entered Lilys memories but somehow, I managed to stay. Maybe she let me or maybe I was supposed to be here, it didn't matter because I stayed and they stood there dancing, Lily a bit clumsily and Severus a bit stiffly but they moved.
"But you know how to move" Lily said a bit amazed and stumbled a bit when Severus turned her in a half circle and drew her a bit closer to him to firm his loosening grip.
"Not much, just the theory but I never put it to practice" Severus said and Lily went for a surprise dip with Severus holding her up, flushed by the turn of events and scared that he might drop her.
This moment seemed somehow too intimidate for me to observe, there was no kissing experiments or sharing dreams or even secrets but they seemed somehow falling or floating in this moment. If they could glitter and shine, they would.
I watched Lily laugh with her head down in the dip and Severus struggle not to drop her on the soft grass. When she turned up from her little dip with her hair over her face she shook it quickly to be able to see the grinning Severus.
"I think your dance partner will find you amusing if you go for dips out of nowhere and comeback to shake your hair that wildly" Severus said, obviously joking as a first.
"You think?" Lily said smiling and Severus turned her again and pulled her closer to him to get a better hold of Lily. Lily continued to hum on her little melody while Severus mumbled the word 'peaches' towards Lily, causing her to pause her humming to chuckle towards the delighted Severus.
I watched Lily snuggled in closer to Severus and rested her head comfortably on his shoulder.
"Best friend?" I heard Lily start sincerely. "I told you had to practice it" Lily whispered somewhat muffled by Severus embrace.
"I guess you have to" Severus whispered back and carefully placed his head on hers.
The moonlight lid up the trees, the water and the two of them as they improvised some bad twirling clumsily while Lily started to hum an offbeat and poorly sounding melody. By the look of Severus content face this was the sweetest melody he'd ever heard.
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