I have nothing to put in the author's note :( Oh well, As always I do not own Artemis Fowl, my f(r)iends or anything else useful. I just own me.
"Stupid little bitch!" bellowed Butler as L scampered over to where Artemis was stood.
"Save me!" she begged, diving behind him. Artemis turned his head to look at her, pulling her 'cute' face (it worked when she was six... now it's just creepy) "You know, when you look at me like that, I almost feel sorry for you," he said.
"Really?" L looked hopeful.
"Almost," repeated Artemis, stepping aside to reveal Butler now armed with a lamp.
Squealing, L dived out of the way, just dodging Butler as he charged at her. "I wouldn't do that if I were you," she warned shakily, "I know much tougher people than you."
"And who would that be?" he sneered.
"Can't say. But they're tough," she squeaked.
"That's because you don't know anyone tougher than me."
Butler lunged at L again, only just missing her with the lamp. "Somebody do something!" she screamed. She managed to dash behind him and hid behind a chair. If it hadn't been for her whimpers, he might not have known where she was. However, life is rarely so kind, and as it was he threw the chair out of the way and stamped on her back as she tried to stand. "Don't you think we should intervene?" suggested Emo.
"Where did you learn that word?" asked Sh4d0w.
"Internet."
L gasped as Butler forced his foot down harder on her back. Artemis sighed and brought the fairy-communicator up to his face. "Holly, do you think you could please remove some crazy people from my house? Preferably before I have a murder to cover up... No, that won't be a problem... bring a mind-wipe kit, mind, they know about the people... Yes, thank you Holly."
Artemis moved slowly towards Butler and L, who was still pinned to the floor with a pained expression on her face. "Surely, Butler, you are not going to let such an imbecile get the better of you?" Artemis said, attempting to calm him. He lifted his foot, kicked her once in the side, and turned away. "You'd better get her away from me before I lose it completely," he snapped.
L clambered to her feet, clutching her wounded side. "You just wait 'till I get my five inch heels; I'm gonna hurt you so bad," she threatened. Butler turned back to her, his fist clenched. "Or maybe we can just both pretend this didn't happen," she suggested feebly, shrinking back. She dodged to the side as Butler swung at her, not quite fast enough though and he hit her shoulder. She scrambled, as fast as someone fresh from a fight with Butler could, to the other side of the room and hid behind Nikola. Butler faltered when he saw her, stopping where he was. "I told you I know tougher people than you!" L taunted, glaring at him from behind Nikola.