I do not own twilight. Stephanie Meyer does.
BTW: I'm not a team Jacob or team Edward or team Paul. I'm not on a team. These guys just happen to be my favorite characters in the story so I make them do what I want. I also write with my moods. Yesterday when I wrote this chapter I was in the mood for Edward so yea. The last few chapters I was either in the mood for Jacob or Paul. Who knows what kind of mood I will be in next chapter.
I woke up the next morning with a very warm, very loud, and very handsome, snoring, Jacob. I laughed out loud at him. He had his arms wrapped around my waist, snuggly and his head was lolled back toward the pillow underneath him. His mouth was hanging wide open and he was snoring like a bear. I couldn't control the giggles that erupted from me. I guess he heard me because he finally shut up and started to wake up.
He closed his mouth and looked over at me. "Shut up." He said with an eye roll. I laughed again as he rolled over away from me.
I climbed out of bed and hurriedly got dressed, in fear of Charlie walking in on me standing in the middle of my room without pants on. I'm sure that would look nice.
Charlie really wouldn't have a reason to worry about me and Jake last night. We fell asleep as soon as we hit the bed; which reminds me of an unexpected phone call I received last night. I will have to bring that up to Jacob later on when he finally gets up.
I left Jake, to continue his beauty sleep, so that I could whip us up something delicious for breakfast. I wasn't in the mood for cold cereal. I was thinking, maybe, some bacon, egg, and cheese sandwiches.
As soon as I started the bacon, Charlie announced that he was summoned into work. I gave him a sullen look and wished him a good day at the station. He did the same by telling me to behave myself. I rolled my eyes at his concern. I was surprisingly calm today. That would probably change when Jake rises from the dead.
As if on cue, Jake appears from the staircase in nothing but his boxers, looking as edible as ever. I still didn't feel the need to pounce on him anymore.
I smiled brightly at him and he returned the gesture. He took a seat at the kitchen table and watched me work on our breakfast.
"You seem awfully chipper this morning." Jake stated from the table.
"Yea well you don't. Why the bitter mood, cinnamon?" I asked him with a laugh. He rolled his eyes at me but gave me a weak snicker.
"I guess I'm still a little pissed at your wannabe-very possessive-boyfriend. That phone call is really eating at my nerves." He said in a sour tone.
I walked over to him while the bacon was frying and sat next to him. "What exactly did he say?" I was glad I didn't have to bring it up, that he did it for me. The fact that Jake knows about me being intimate with Paul still irks me.
"Nothing, he was just trying to question me on why I was with you so late and acting like I had no right to be with you. Honestly, anything he does get on my nerves but anything he does that involves you just pisses me off." He muttered.
"Well, don't let him ruin my day by ruining your mood." I ordered, pushing away from the table to start the eggs.
Jake and I ate in a comfortable silence. I really hope that he isn't going to let this whole Paul situation get to him. Me on the other hand, I still don't know what I am going to do about Paul. It's obvious that it will cause a strain on mine and Jake's friendship and I don't want that to happen. I'll have to figure out something.
After I cleaned up the kitchen, I told Jake that I was in desperate need of a shower so he retired to the living room to watch something on the tele.
I tried not to think about anything while I was showering. I let the water relax all of my muscles and soothe my worries. I didn't stay in as long as I would've normally because I had company to entertain. I rushed myself out of the shower and into my bedroom only to find my phone ringing.
It was Paul. Oh no, this can't be good.
I answered cautiously. "Hello?"
"Bella, hey, how are you?" He asked, slowly.
"Fine. So, um, you called last night? What did you need?" I asked. I was pretty curious as to why he was calling me that late at night.
"Oh, I was calling to check up on you. I'm sorry it was so late. I should've waited until morning, well, now." He said, sheepishly, with a laugh.
"No, no, it's okay. Jake seemed pretty upset, though. What did you say to him?"
"Nothing, all I did was ask him why he was answering and if I could speak to you. I'm not really sure why he turned it into a scream-off. But I guess you've realized by now that Jake doesn't really care too much for me. And he sees you as only his so he doesn't really like it when any of us guys from the Rez look at you or talk about you or anything."
Wow. This was news to me. I didn't realize that the other guys that Jake talked to ever even noticed me. I have to admit, that was a small boost to the ego. But why would Jake get all possessive of me? That didn't seem like him. He was always protective but never possessive. Hm, Paul might be seeing it that way because he is, for some unfathomable reason, attracted to me.
"Oh, well he's probably just being over protective. He always has been," I heard Jake call my name then. He must have realized that I was done in the shower. "But hey, I have to go, Jake is calling me. If he knows I am talking to you, then he'll probably pop a vain." I told him truthfully.
"Alright, but Bella, I really do want to hang out with you sometime. We started off ass-backwards and I want to fix it." He said, sweetly. His words made me blush. I don't understand why Jake hates him so much.
"We'll have to wait and see. I don't want my dad getting suspicious. He kind of has a thing for me and Jake." I laughed, nervously. It was the truth; we would have to let things play out.
"Okay, I'll talk to you later."
"Bye." I hung up with him, got dressed quickly, grabbed my phone and ran down stairs with Jake's clothes in my other hand.
I spent the rest of my beautiful Saturday with my best friend and some of it with my father. Sunday went in about the same way, only this time, Jake wasn't sleeping in the bed with me.
I got up the next morning, tired and groggy from sleep, not ready to start my week off. I loathed Mondays. There was something so unwelcoming and tiring about them. I'm sure anyone in the right mind would agree with me.
I was silently praying that Jake and Paul would not attack again today. I don't think I'm up for all the drama right now. I only want to relax and make the time pass as quickly as possible.
I walked into the front of the school building with an odd desire for a change of scenery. Everything has been such a boring routine since the first few weeks of school and I'm already sick of it. I sit with the same people at the same table all the time, every day. I really need to expand my horizons a bit.
Then, as if I had spoken my thoughts aloud, Edward Cullen approached me and asked if I would like to take the long way to class today. I laughed out loud but happily obliged. I wasn't sure where Jake was but I would see him soon enough. I think I passed Paul in the hallway but he didn't notice me. He was flirting with some girl. I felt a ting of jealousy but quickly shook it off. He's not mine so he can do what he wants.
"So, how was your weekend?" Edward asked, momentarily distracting me from my thoughts.
"Uneventful but nice. How about you?"
"It was okay. It could have been more interesting but oh well. There is always this weekend." He smiled at me with that breathtaking grin. I smiled in return, even though I had no idea as to what he is implying.
That was when I saw Jake. He was perched up against the brick wall outside of the school. I had a perfect view of him from the window. He wouldn't be able to see me. He was talking to some beautiful, tan, brunette-possibly Quileute-girl with a physique to kill for. I couldn't help but notice how his eyes kept wandering back to her very revealing, low-cut, v-neck top. He had an impish grin plastered on his face. I felt a roll of nausea run through me. I had stopped walking in order to watch him.
Just when I thought it couldn't get worse, he reached over to her and began playing with a lock of her hair that was hanging off of her perky breast. I gasped and looked away quickly when he moved closer to her. But I guess I'm some sort of masochist because I turned my head back. She had her hand resting on his chest, slightly caressing his muscular build. He licked his lips in return before bending down to whisper something in her ear.
That was just too much. I abruptly turned around and walked in the other direction. Edward was calling out behind me and running up to me. He must have been watching it with me. I looked to him and sympathy was written all over his features.
"You shouldn't have had to see that. That was wrong of him." He tried to soothe me. It barely helped.
"It doesn't matter. Jake is his own person. He can do what he wants-or whoever." I added on, grudgingly. I've seen Jake flirt with other girls but he never got that intimate with them, especially in public. I felt nauseous again. Thank goodness Edward was here to distract me or at least to try and calm me.
"Bella, I know how you feel about him. I can see it in the way you look at him. I'm sure he does too. He might be your best friend but that doesn't make him a good guy. I've seen how he toys with these girls and you. Although, I haven't ever seen him act that way with a girl, besides you." He mused. That really didn't help any.
"God, I hate that he has this affect on me. It isn't fair. How would he like it if he seen me all over some gorgeous guy, that wasn't him?" I questioned out loud. I looked over at Edward, on the brim of tears, and he looked at me with a devious grin. He was up to something.
"Why don't we find out? What do you say; we give him a taste of his own medicine. But if we do, you will have to try and keep your cool and act as if you've seen nothing. But if he calls you out on it, then you politely tell him that you didn't object to him flirting with other girls so it shouldn't matter." Edward explained. I smiled with each word he spoke.
"So wait, you want to help me make Jake jealous, or at least piss him off." I mused, loving the idea but not wanting to use Edward.
"Well, yes. I'm not a vain person but I'm not oblivious to the way a lot of girls react to me, having said that, I think I would be the wiser choice to use here than Mike Newton." He smirked at me as if he were reading my thoughts.
He's right, Mike Newton, the boy who has been crushing on me since I moved here, would not make Jake wince even a little. Edward was perfect for the job.
"Okay, but are you sure? I really don't like the idea of using you like this." I told him truthfully.
He rolled his eyes. "Anything for a friend in need; besides, maybe I'm hoping that I can win you over in the process." He winked at me before grabbing my hand and leading me to class.
I laughed at the absurdity of Edward Cullen wanting me fall for him. A date I could almost see, but wanting me as his girlfriend? That's farther fetched than me having a chance with Jake but the joke gave me tingles, none the less.
We strode into class together feeling giddy and silly. I looked around for Jake but he wasn't in class yet. I wonder why, I thought bitterly. I took my seat where I usually sit and Edward took his. He winked at me from across the room before getting out his cell and waving it toward me as a sign for me to get mine.
A few moments later I received a text from him.
Alright, this is what's going to happen. When he walks in, act normal with a little case of the 'cold shoulder' but don't make it too obvious. Just don't pay as much attention to him as usual. In other words, act like you don't care. Then I want you to react to anything I do. If I smile at you, smile back, if I wink at you, blush LOL. I think you get the idea. Pretty much follow my lead.
I laughed out loud. He was coaching me through a text but I was grateful. He seemed fully into this idea as was I. I couldn't wait to make Jake suffer right along with me. I had some of my own tactics in mind as well.
I know I'm probably over reacting a little but he is never like that with a girl, other than me. And after our romantic weekend together, I can't help but feel a little betrayed. He gets all pissy when I so much as talk to another guy but he can act like that with some girl? It's not fair, at all. I've already told him that I'm not some possession that you can do what you want with, whenever you want.
Instead of texting a reply to Edward, I looked over to him and nodded. He smiled. Jake walked in then. He was five minutes late to class.
After a short scolding from Mr. Thompson, he took his seat next to me. I didn't even look at him but I did almost lose my small breakfast when I seen his accomplice walks in only two minutes after him. I didn't even recognize her before much less know that she has the same first period with us. I felt my face get hot and I looked over to Edward to see him shooting me a sympathetic glance that also said to 'calm down'. I tried to but my anger was only triggered once again when Jake spoke to me.
"Sorry I'm late. Did I miss anything good?" He asked, breathlessly. I still couldn't look at him so instead I kept my eyes focused on Edward. He was my only hope in being able to speak without ruining our plan.
"You're only five minutes late, Jake. Don't worry, you didn't miss any explosions." I said sarcastically. It's not like he would've noticed anyway, he was too busy with his newly acquired skank! I really need to breath.
"What's the matter with you?" He asked, poking me in the sides. I took a mental note that he poked me with the hand that he practically touched that girl's huge tit with!
I pulled away from him and looked away muttering, "Nothing, I'm just tired." Then I saw her looking at him with lust filled eyes. If I could spit acid, it surely would have ended up in her eyes. I looked away from her before she could notice me. I looked over to Jake for the first time. He was staring at her until he noticed me looking at him and he looked to me.
"Doesn't seem like nothing. Maybe I should ask Charlie to let me stay again this weekend." He suggested while winking at me. I have never felt so repulsed by him in my entire life. I looked back to Edward.
He was smiling at me which gave me an idea. "Sorry, Jake, but you can't. I'm going to be busy this weekend." I said to him with a smile. It wasn't a happy smile; it was more like those 'I'm smiling because you'll be dead one day' kind of smiles. I don't wish that upon him but that is what the smile felt like.
He seemed put-off by me response. Confusion colored his face. "Well, what do you have planned that couldn't end in me staying the night with you?" He asked.
"Well, I plan to hang out with one of my close friends all weekend. And I'm not going to hang with them and come home to sleep with you. That's not right, besides I'm sure you can find any other girl that would be willing to take my place." I told him with much bitterness but I covered it with humor. I set him up in this statement; I wanted to see if he would admit to anything. After all, he never failed to inform me of his new flirts but for some reason he isn't mentioning this one to me.
"Who?" He asked. I knew what he meant but I was in the mood to play dumb.
"Any girl, duh. Who wouldn't want to have you in their bed at night?" I asked with mock surprise.
He rolled his eyes. "Bella, you know what I mean. Who are you hanging with that's so important that you have to ditch me?" He asked. That was a low blow which caused my anger to soar.
"Edward, that's who, god, you really are selfish aren't you? You know, Jacob Black, you aren't the most important thing in the world to me. I do have a life outside of you!" I spat at him. I didn't mean to blow up but I couldn't help it. How dare he make me feel guilty for not wanting to fuck him all weekend when he probably fucked that slut before class!
I jumped up out of my seat, grabbed my stuff, and walked over to Edward. I couldn't sit by him any longer.
He watched me walk away with his jaw hanging open before he turned to glare at Edward, who was smiling brightly at me. If looks could kill, Edward would be six feet under right now. I glared back at Jacob while Edward laughed the entire time. I'm glad someone was getting amusement from this.
I half expected Jake to get up and go sit by his class whore but he stayed put and glared more daggers at Edward throughout the whole class period. I kept talking to Edward as if Jake wasn't even there.
"Well, I guess you did okay. You probably should have been a little less on guard but I can understand. So what was with the sly grin you shot at me earlier?" He asked, curious.
I laughed. "I made us plans for this weekend. I hope you're not busy because I told him that you and I would be together all weekend." I looked at him hopefully. He smiled brightly.
"Why, Bella, I would love to take you to dinner Friday and then take you for a walk on Saturday, and have a study date with you on Sunday." He said, amused.
I laughed at his statement. "Sounds great. I can't wait!" I said with much enthusiasm.
Well I did ask for a change of scenery, didn't I? Well, now my view is a little less consumed with Jacob Black.
Class flew by after that. I all but forgot about Jake sitting only a couple of rows down, burning Edward and I with his eyes. He can get over it. I'm sure his new play toy will occupy him enough.
I was not looking forward to lunch, at all. I wasn't sure if I should sit in my usual spot or sit with Edward. I figured that I would let Jake make that decision so I asked to be excused early.
I made it to lunch, bought my food, and took my seat-on the opposite side of the table from where usually sit-and began eating my food when the rest of my friends made their way in the lunch room.
Jake came over to the table but stopped short when he seen me sitting opposite of him. He looked for a sit next to me but I had made sure that there were none. He grudgingly took his seat across from me. He looked up at me with a sad smile, which I didn't return. I gave him a weak nod and looked to Mike sitting next to me and started a conversation with him.
"Hey, Bells, I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have been such a cocky jerk." Jacob said suddenly. It caught me off guard but I quickly put that guard right back up.
I shrugged. "It's cool, don't sweat over it. I'm over it." I said nonchalantly. Edward said to act like I don't care so that's what I am doing. Even though I'm burning inside and wanting nothing more than to confront him about the girl. But I couldn't bring myself to feel bad about this.
"Well, why aren't you sitting next to me? You always sit next to me during lunch." He whispered to me.
"Jake, seriously, I meant what I said earlier. I don't hang on every word you say. I do have a life." I said all of this without looking at him. I hate that he was using the pity card on me.
"Well I didn't think that you did; I just thought, since you didn't sit next to me in English…" He didn't finish. I looked around the lunch room for Edward. I needed to get away from Jake.
"Are you really going to be busy all weekend or were you just saying that because you were mad at me?" Jake asked, distracting me.
"Yes, I'm going to be busy all weekend, with Edward." I emphasized his name as I began my search for him again.
"Why, you barely know him." He said in a bitter tone. That was it. It is a good thing that I spotted Edward or else I would have said something not very nice.
I lurched up from the table, very noisily, and walked over to Edward. I didn't look at Jacob again as I sat next to Edward at his table. I noticed that he wasn't alone. He had his family sitting with him.
I've seen them around the school from time to time but I didn't have any classes with any of them. They all seem very well reserved, like Edward, and very beautiful and kind like him. His sister, Rosalie, the beautiful blonde, didn't seem as kind but she wasn't mean either.
His other sister, Alice, seemed to sense my discomfort and included me into the conversation. I already can tell that I and she are going to be great friends. His brothers, Emmet and Jasper, were very welcoming to me too. They all seemed to take some sort of liking to me. Edward sat back and smiled at our exchange. He seemed to appreciate that I liked his family and vice versa. I smiled at him.
Edward and I left for class together when the bell rang. I noticed Jake standing in the doorway with his friend, James, looking at me. I walked right past him with my moral support on my side, cheering me on. I'm so glad I have Edward helping me out or else I would be wallowing and letting Jake get away with it. He deserves every bit of the torture he gets. Even if he might not get jealous of my affection, he will get jealous of my friendship with Edward. He never has liked me interacting with other guys.
I decided to sit with Edward in Biology today. I don't think I can handle any more direct contact with Jacob today. I'll try to find an empty space away from him in our fourth period and then I'm free to go home.
I tried not to look up when Jake walked in to class. Edward looked over at him as he approached us. "Bella, can I come over after school? I think we need to talk." Jake asked while glancing between Edward and me.
"Sorry, Jake. Not today." I said, absentmindedly, without looking at him.
I began my conversation with Edward again. He smiled at me brightly but his eyes wondered back to Jacob, who was still standing there at my seat. I looked up to him with impatience. It was real, though. I've had enough of him for one day. It's amazing how something so small could change the way I look at him. I'm just melodramatic but I'm following my feelings. And I happen to be in one of those moods.
"Why not today? You never have a problem with it any other time." He pressed.
"Because, I have things to do. I have chores, you know." I said in a bored tone, turning back to Edward with an exaggerated, "Anyways," Edward laughed at this.
Jake finally turned around and headed for his seat. I felt a little bad about being so hard on him but he deserved it. Other than the slight remorse I felt, I felt a ting of pleasure, also. Wow, I must be losing my mind. Hurting my best friend has never caused me enjoyment but then again, I wasn't ever intentionally hurting him.
Some people might not agree with my behavior but if the situation were reversed, Jake would act like a huge dick to me. He proved that the other night with Paul. Speaking of Paul; I haven't heard from him or even talked to him since our phone call Saturday morning. I couldn't find it in me to care about that either.
It made me feel guilty to think that I had a one night stand, though. I'm sure I could fix things there but I'm a little occupied with Jacob right now.
After school, I had Edward wait for me outside of my class so that he could walk me out. I really enjoyed spending time with Edward; he is a genuinely sweet guy who doesn't mind torturing people: my kind of guy.
It was pretty nippy outside, so I walked a little closer to Edward and linked my arm with his. He smiled at my gesture but didn't say anything about it. I secretly hoped that Jacob could see us. I didn't do this because of Jake, I was actually cold and Edward is pretty warm, but if Jake does see us, the better.
We came up to my truck and I turned to give him a large hug. He went stiff for a moment but he quickly returned the embrace.
"Thank you so much for helping me and for agreeing to go out with me this weekend. I still can't help but feel like I'm taking advantage of you." I told him truthfully.
"No problem and you are technically taking advantage of me but as long as you are enjoying it as much as me, then I won't complain." He said with much amusement. This made me laugh.
I gave him another big squeeze before he opened my truck door for me and I hopped in. I waved goodbye to him as he walked away. I looked around for Jake and seen him leaning up against his car with his arms crossed, staring at me with anger clear on his face. Then my view was blocked by his little whore. I quickly looked away and sped off out of the parking lot. I didn't want to run them over.
I hurried home as fast as I could. I had to try and forget about that stupid girl. I hate being so consumed with jealousy; it makes me feel sick. I should've known that this was too good to be true but he's supposed to be my best friend. Doesn't he think that after what we did that I would be just a little offended to see him groping some girl? I gave him my virginity and he gave me his. I guess that I was only his way around embarrassment with other girls; he didn't have anything to be embarrassed about. He was perfect. But now I regret all of it. I regret agreeing to this 'friends with benefits' shit and I regret making love-no-fucking him.
What a crock! He made me feel so bad about sleeping with Paul but yet he can do this? He said we made love and held me and kissed me. He made me feel like I was actually wanted. How can he do this to me…to us? I hope he realizes the severity of the situation. He has really hurt me.
I started making dinner in hopes of taking my mind off of things. I figured I would do something a little more extravagant. I decided on lasagna. That sounds delicious; thank goodness I have everything that I need because I really do not feel like going to the grocery store.
Knock, Knock, Knock. Who could that be? It's only five so it's not Charlie, besides, Charlie doesn't knock to enter his own house.
I ran to open the door and saw Jacob standing outside. What in the hell is he doing here? I specifically remember telling him not to come over today. So why is he here?
He stood there looking at me with a sullen face. I couldn't help but feel bad.
"Do you need something, Jake?" I asked in a kinder voice but not giving him room to walk in. Good thing it's not raining.
"Yea, I need to talk to my best friend." He said. I rolled my eyes at him but kept my tone light and friendly.
"Jake, I'm in the middle of making dinner. I don't have time for conversations." I told him truthfully. He crossed his arms and looked at the ground.
"Bella, can you please tell me what I did? You never act this distant. I apologized for what I said in first." He pleaded. "Can I please come in? It's freezing out here."
I thought about it for a second; it wasn't in my plan for him to get sick so I let him in. He walked straight toward the kitchen and stood by the counter where I was slicing the pepperoni.
"Look, I'm really busy so just say what you got to say and go. I want to have this ready by the time Charlie gets here." I pressed, still being polite.
"Why are you so mad at me?" He asked.
"I'm not mad at you." I lied. Saying the words made me feel nauseous. I've never wanted so badly, to yell at him and tell him how I feel.
"Liar." He called me out on it. Damn. Fine, I will tell him but it's not going to change anything between me and Edward. He really is a great guy and I still plan to spend all weekend with him.
"Fine, you really want to know?" Of course he did.
"Yes, that's why I'm here. Whatever it is, I know we can get through it. You're my best friend and I don't have any plans of letting you get away." He explained. I really didn't care to hear that.
"You. You are my problem. I saw you with that girl in our first period. Don't look at me like that. I didn't get angry because you were with another girl; it just upset me because you're never like that with another girl. I guess it hit a soft spot because of everything that we've done. If you are planning on shacking up with the school slut, then give me a heads up so I don't get in the way." I ranted. I don't know if what I said even made sense but it is how I feel.
"That's what this is about? You saw me flirt with some girl?" He asked.
"Yea, Jake, I also saw you two eye-fucking each other right behind my head! Ugh, look, if it might not seem like a big deal to you but it is to me." I snapped at him.
"Oh, I see, so you can fuck Paul the night after we have sex but yet I can't fondle some girl without you ditching me for some other guy?" He spat at me. "That's hardly fair, Bella."
"For one, I didn't ditch you! I made a new friend and I plan to keep that friend too. He saw you with that girl too and noticed that it was out of the ordinary so he offered to hang out with me today!" I yelled in his face. We were only inches apart and I had a knife in my hand. I was ready to use it too.
"Oh yea, so what about Paul? What excuse do you have for him?"
"I can't believe you are seriously making me feel guilty about him, again. I apologized to you for that. I even ditched him to be with you. I can't believe I let things get this far with us. I should have known that I would be the one to pay in the end." I said mostly to myself.
He looked surprised that the conversation took on this turn. "So you regret ever sleeping with me? Is that what you're saying?" He asked his voice full of remorse.
"Yes. You said that us being in a relationship would ruin us more than sex. Now look at us. Not a week later and we are already fighting about it. If we never had sex, then I wouldn't feel so tied to you and you wouldn't be playing the Paul card on me. Hell, if we wouldn't have skipped that day, Paul wouldn't even be a part of this." I told him honestly. It hurt so badly to say those things. I felt the roll of nausea again.
"Well, I don't regret it." He said while taking a step closer to me. I moved back. "Bella, I'm sorry I made you feel that way. Answer something for me." He demanded in a sad voice.
"What?"
"Do you want to be with me?"
I looked at him then. Why was he asking me this? I could tell that it wasn't an offer but a question. Just a question.
"I don't know." I lied. Of course I want to be with him. "I mean, yes, I did, until now."
"What changed?" He asked with his voice even more sad. I could feel my heart breaking.
"I came to terms that I wasn't meant for you. You don't see me like that and you want one thing from me-besides my friendship-and I don't think I can give that to you anymore. I love you much more than I should." I felt my face get hot. I never wanted to tell him this but it was all the truth. When I thought that we had a chance of being together, I was content, but now that I know there's no hope…I can't do it.
"Bella, why didn't you tell me, before?" He questioned, searching my eyes for something. I had to look away. I had to get away. I turned for the stairs and ran up to my room. Unfortunately, he was faster and caught up to me before I made it in. He grabbed me around the waist at the top of the stairs and held me there.
"Jacob, just let go of me and leave. Just forget I ever said anything. Forget about me." I demanded. But he didn't budge.
"What? Bella, I'm not going anywhere and you're just being emotional. You don't mean what you're saying." But I did. I couldn't stand being with him like this and having these feelings. They've been building and I can't take it anymore. I have to put an end to this now because he obviously doesn't feel the same and even if he did, I don't think we could be friends.
"Just let me up, please." I begged. He did. I walked into me room and left the door open for him. He finally walked in behind me and sat next to me on my bed. "Look, I can't do this anymore. I'm going to leave you alone and you can be with anyone or do anything with anyone without having to worry about my jealously. This game of cat and mouse has gotten old to me. I can't take it anymore." I told him truthfully.
I felt like I could throw up at any moment. So much has changed in such a short time. Everything happens for a reason. This day happened to wake me up. Jacob Black and I have run our course. If it's meant to be, then it will someday happen but that day is not today or tomorrow.
"What are you saying, Bella? That you don't want to be friends anymore?" He asked. He wasn't looking at me. "Are you breaking up with me?"
I can't take this. He is supposed to be the strong one, not me.
"Yes. It's for the best. I think we should just move on from each other. I can't be this close to you having the feelings that I have for you. It's not healthy for me. But think of it this way, I won't be holding you back anymore; you can do what you want without having to run it by me. I'm not saying that we can't ever talk anymore just that we can't do what we're doing anymore. We need space and you need freedom." I could feel my jaw tensing up as I spoke each word. What hurt even worse is the truth in all of my words. He knew it too.
"NO! I won't let you. You can't leave me. I'll never talk to another girl again. I swear. Only you, Bella. You're my Bella and I'm your Jacob. We're supposed to be best friends forever." He pleaded with me. He took my hands and kissed each of them.
"Jacob, don't say that. I don't care if you talk to other girls. This is all me. I can't do this because of me." I told him. I was crying at this point. I always knew that it would hurt to say goodbye to the man I love but I didn't think that it would hurt this bad.
"Be with me. Please, take me. I want you Bella. I've always wanted you. I just didn't want to risk losing our friendship. Please, be with me." He begged. What is he asking me? This isn't going to solve anything. He must be desperate.
"Jake, stop being so dramatic. There's no need for all of this. You have plenty of other friends and there are plenty of other girls that will occupy your time. I'm not the end of the world." Once again, I could feel the burn in my throat, my stomach, my jaw. These words were incapacitating me.
"I love you. Don't you hear what I'm saying? I have to have you, Bella. I was afraid to because I didn't want to ruin us and I didn't think that you wanted me. Please, please be with me. I can't lose you. I refuse to."
"You can't be serious. You don't want me Jake. You're just saying these things. Alright, look, we can still be friends but we need some space. Okay, does that work?" I pleaded with him. I couldn't stand hearing him say those things to me. I had to fix this. I can compromise.
"No, I want to be with you. You want to be with me. Please, Bella." He begged. Ugh, I wish he would stop this!
"Jacob, just shut up! Don't say that shit to me. Can you not see that this is hard enough for me? I don't need you adding on to it!" I shouted at him.
"No, Bella, you shut the fuck up! Don't you dare tell me what I feel. I'm in love with you and I have been. I know that it might not seem like it but it's the truth." Then he kissed me. He kissed me with so much force it knocked us down on the bed. I tried to push him off of me but he grabbed my hands and held me down. I wanted it so bad but I knew that it would hurt me later on in the long run. I can't let this happen.
Then, as if hearing my prayers, Charlie's cruiser pulls up in the driveway. Jacob sat up automatically.
"Charlie's here, you should probably go. Look, we can figure this all out later. I have to go finish dinner." I told him.
"Bella, wait, I'm not leaving until you tell me that everything is okay. At least tell me that you aren't going to leave me. I can't lose you." H begged once again.
"Fine, everything is okay for now. We will talk more about it later; now let's go down stairs before Charlie comes up here." I ordered, dragging him out of my room with me.
Charlie was sitting on the couch flipping through the television. "Hey, kids. Everything alright?"
"Yea, Dad, everything is fine. Jake was just leaving." I yelled to him. Unfortunately, he didn't buy it. He came into the foyer with us. Great, an audience.
"Seriously, Charlie, everything's okay. We just had a fight." Jake reassured him. Charlie nodded but didn't budge. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay? We can talk more then?" He asked, hopeful.
"Sure, sure." I said. I would talk to him but this doesn't mean that I'm abandoning Edward. The thought of him actually made me suddenly happier. I can't wait to see him tomorrow.
"I love you." Jake told me as he pulled me in for a hug. Charlie left the room this time. Hearing him say this to me with all the conviction in his voice made my heart swell.
"I love you too, you big jerk." I whispered against him. He laughed at me and kissed me lightly on the lips.
I love comments...let me know what you think...and tell me if you think she should take Jake up on his offer or if she should give up their friendship all together...
Much love XOXO