Disclaimer: I own none of the cartoons within.

Okay, so I might have taken a few liberties with Josh Mankey. This is just my take on him. I was never into Kim Possible. I needed a jock. He sounds like a jock! He really should be a jock! My car broke down! IT WASN'T MY FAULT I SWEAR TO GOD!

Wait... yeah, it was.

Tell me one of the Fargo references/quotes I used in this chapter and win a prize (AKA chapter preview. Very exciting, yes?).

...

Oh hell, just tell me you SAW Fargo and you get a chapter preview.

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1925 HAZUMI DRIVE

Front Yard

Saturday, October 12th

9:40 P.M.

"So this is what a jock party looks like??" Eddy's grin showed his molars.

Kagura nodded. "From the outside."

"And you've been to how many of these?"

"Four or five."

"How wack!"

In a little horizontal line stood Kagura, Eddy, Tomo, Double D, Ed, and Yomi.

Eddy rubbed his hands together. "Now, Kagura, again, where are we to find Kim Possible's camera-happy, horny ex?"

"Josh Mankey, captain of the boys' lacrosse team, is known for getting wasted at every party and passing out after about an hour. He's also always one of the first to show up. The party started at about nine, so he should be just right for special guidance now."

"You did your homework!" Eddy praised her. "So, by the way, what's Josh Mankey look like, anyway?"

Kagura inhaled, paused in thought, exhaled loudly. Shrugged. "Cute."

"Okay. Cute. I don't know what that is. Cute in what kind of way?"

"Oh, just in a general kinda way."

"Whatever," Eddy forget about that and smirked. "Let's cook up some Seven Layer Dip!"

MIYAZAKI HIGH SCHOOL

Pool

Saturday, October 12th

10:31 P.M.

"I'm so vital. This feels so good. MY self-esteem is high as the sky right now!" Kagura rambled on.

"I still came up with the plan!" Eddy felt the need to say.

"Please, please, please keep your voices dooowwwn," Double D hissed, desperation showing in his expression, body language, and aura. He knew how futile his request was.

Tomo, Yomi, and Ed guided a very drunk, blindfolded, gagged Josh Mankey across campus. Eddy and Kagura were at the front of their group with flashlights, and Double D was keeping watch from the back.

Double D glanced back and forth, as if he expected lions, tigers, and bears to materialize in the half a second a full head-turnaround would have taken. "Eddy, I'm past curfew!! I've never been out past curfew. Can we please hurry? You said this whole thing would be done by ten thirty. That's when I told my parents I'd be home. They are no doubt expecting-"

"Keep your voice dowwwwwnnn," Eddy hissed in response.

"This leash was an awesome idea!" Tomo said as she gave Josh a tug. He was trying to look around in his drunkenness, in hope of maybe regaining his vision despite the blindfold on his head. "Thanks goes to Chiyo-chan, as she could not be here tonight… as she is a goody two-shoes."

They reached the old white gates that let people into the pool. Kagura sang a self-esteem song to herself as she brandished the spare key she "borrowed" from her swim coach. Still humming off-key, she inserted into the lock.

Click.

It didn't open. The humming paused. She took they out and reinserted it, making sure she got it right. Click. No opening.

Double bit his fingernails. Eddy stared accusingly.

Clicka-click.

Kagura huffed, as if it was the door's fault. Without turning to the others, she raised a hand to say It's okay, I got it, I got it, just hold on. She tensed her pose, as if to say to the lock, This is it! She stuck the key in again. Now violently, CLICKACLICKACLICKACLICKACLICKACLICKA.

A painfully long pause. Then, "Things have changed, Eddy, beyond the… uh, acts of God."

"… The heck do ya mean?"

"Uh, this might be the wrong keyyyy…" She turned around, guilt welling up in tears in her eyes.

"Can you move away from the gate, please…" Eddy's voice was monotone.

"What-"

"MOVEFRMMMTHEGAAAATE."

"Volume!" Double D hissed, checking his watch for the sixteenth time that night.

"Hey, Ed?"

Ed waved at Eddy, even though they were only a few feet away. "Yah, Eddy?"

"How's Josh?"

"…Who's Josh?"

"What the- fu- who's Josh-… THAT GUY WITH THE LEASH. RIGHT THERE. The one who's trying to tell you to let him go by telling you about how many points he scored in his last game."

"Oh."

"Let Yomi and Tomo hold him. Come here."

Ed stood next to him.

"See the white gate? Charge into it. As hard as you can. That gate is not of this planet. He wants to hurt you, Ed. HE WANTS TO HURT ME, ED! STOP HIM! CHARGE!"

Ed ran full force into the gate and it broke open.

Eddy brought his fist up in celebration.

"Did I do good, Eddy?" Ed's face was red.

"GREAT JOB, Ed. You totally saved my hide. Tomo, Yomi, bring him in!" No Josh moved into the gate. "Girls?"

"HE'S ON THE MOVE!" Tomo and Yomi took after their running drunkard.

"WHAT? YOU LOST OUR UNDERAGE DRINKER?!" Double D jumped up and down in fear. "PLEASE RETRIEVE HIM!"

They all took off after him, except Double D, who began to run, but stopped after two steps. And Ed was lying on the ground.

"Blood has been shed, Double D."

---

"Well, I'm officially a half hour past curfew, Eddy," Double D said.

Eddy didn't even look back towards him. The odd group shuffled along the streets of one of their neighborhoods.

"I have never in my life come home even a minute past curfew."

Eddy whistled to himself and looked around.

"Indeed. This will be my last late night mission."

Eddy spoke. Not to Double D. "That was an adventure. I think I want that removed from the menu… Double D, you get that? Can we make new copies? I don't want Seven Layer Dip on the menu anymore… Double D?"

"I'll get right on that, Eddy. Right on that."

"See that you do… I need to sleep over at your house tonight… Ed too… oh yeah, good job tonight, team!!"

Yomi halfheartedly put her fist up, then let it drop.

"I'm still really, really sorry about the key thing," Kagura sniffed. "But that was kinda fun."

"We didn't get him in the pool, you know!" Tomo laughed.

Kagura snickered. "His pants fell down. He reached the same street where the party was." She lost it. "And then his pants. Fell down. HA! Whoa daddy!"

Even Yomi cracked a smile. "That'll teach this generation's males who yank their pants down before leaving the house every day."

Double D was resisting a smile and failing.

Tomo stopped laughing and looked at her hand. "I need unguent."

"Yeah, that chase got kind of out of hand…" Eddy mumbled. "Sorry, I guess."

Ed was just looking around the suburban street, confusion furrowing his brow. "Where's… pancakes' house?"

---

MIYAZAKI HIGH SCHOOL

Courtyard

Monday, October 14th

8:10 A.M.

The punky girl with purple hair and purple leggings sticking out from under her skirt clutched her electric guitar. She was not the only kid in the school to be constantly carrying an instrument, but she was the only girl to carry around an electric guitar. "Hey, Ami, you know that couple Scott and Jean?"

"Of course!" answered her pink-haired friend. "Pep Club and Yearbook got so many nominations for them being 'cutest couple'."

"They're really annoying."

"Aw, Yumi, them too? Why?"

"Just for that."

"Oh, yeah, I totally agree," Eddy walked up to where they were sitting at a blue plastic picnic table. Double D, looking put upon followed and clasped his hands behind his back. "For different reasons, though."

"Hah! I knew there was another reason to hate them!" Yumi said.

"Why do you hate them?" Ami added.

"Well, you know… various reasons… they're a sickeningly cute couple… they're sooo preppy… the economy…"

"The economy?" Ami asked in disbelief.

Yumi scowled. "You're weird. Go away."

Eddy began to walk away.

Double D turned to leave, but quickly said "Teen mothers live on welfare, which equals taxes. Pass it on."

He was gone before he could see their eyes widen and hear their simultaneous "Oh snap!!"

MIYAZAKI MIGH SCHOOL

Girls' Locker Room

Monday, October 14th

Period 4

11:57 A.M.

"Jean missed martial arts club again," Juniper Lee, captain of the girls' martial arts team said as she fixed the single, purposefully placed pink curl in her black hair.

"She was probably with Scott," Piper, another prominent member of said team conceded, as she made sure her blue-black hair was ridiculously spiky.

Kagura adjusted her bra in the mirror next to them. "My friend said he saw her in the pharmacy…"

"…And?" Piper asked.

"She was buying a ton of candy."

"…"

"And a pregnancy test."

Two gasp-laughs.

MIYAZAKI HIGH SCHOOL

Girls Bathroom, Third Floor, First Hallway

Monday, October 14th

12:35 P.M.

"Forgive me, anybody, somebody, for I have sinned…" Yomi murmured to herself with an eyebrow raised and voice dripping with cynicism. She wrote Jean + Scott had sex with no condom!! on the wall with a red Sharpie, the squeaks echoing off the depressingly empty tiles lining the room.