Of Cabbages & Kings
"To survive, one must be adept to changing situations." –Tyrannosaurus Rex
Part 3: Homework
Questions.
There are moments in our lives that give us cause to ask questions, like, "Why is the sky blue?" Or, "How does Houdini pull off that famous escape trick of his?"
We ask ourselves these questions, and rarely do we get an acceptable answer.
For Raven, her big question would be, "Why the heck is this room filled with Rainbow Monkeys?"
Raven, who had most recently jumped into a portal that just appeared in her room, was not expecting to wind up in a room jam-packed with plush monkeys, each of a different color. After digging herself out of the pile she appeared in, Raven saw a door with a picture of a yin-yang symbol on the front. Wasting not a minute more, Raven opened the door and went through it. After she shut the door, the Rainbow Monkeys started to sing…
"Rainbow Monkeys, Rainbow Monkeys…
Oh, so very rather super-chunky…"
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A mysterious figure floated in front of the entrance to Titans Tower. Without a word, the figure waved his staff and the doors opened.
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The next room was blank. That is to say, there was nothing in it. Except for two small pictures of a key labeled with an R and a picture of a key labeled with a W, the room was completely devoid of decoration. Raven looked around, and cast out her senses for any tricks and/or traps. She could see nor feel none. Still cautious, she strode over to the door on the other side of the room, the door with a picture of a peace symbol. Testing the doorknob to make sure it wouldn't burn her,(Watch a certain movie starring Macaulay Culkin to understand…) Raven opened the door…
…To reveal another door behind it. Frowning, Raven opened this door to reveal another.
And another.
And another.
And another.
And another…
After fifteen doors, Raven was beginning to get pretty annoyed. There had to be a key to getting through-
That's when she realized. She needed a key…!
Raven quickly looked around the room but found no key. Well, except for the pictures-
Wait.
Raven went over to the "pictures" and discovered they weren't picures, but framed alcoves!
Let's see… Raven thought, There are two keys… one labeled R, and one labeled W. I bet the one labeled R is the right one…
Raven took the R key and put it through the door's keyhole. She turned it, heard a click, and when she opened the door…
A brick wall stood in front of her. There was some writing on it.
Rong kee, stooped.
Ha ha ha!
Raven felt very annoyed. Fuming, she closed the door, got the W key- The Wright key- and used it. This time, the door revealed a hallway.
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The mysterious figure entered Raven's room. Silkie, who was chewing one of Raven's bookends, was confused. This man wasn't Starfire, nor was he any other Titan. Who was he…?
The figure, after examing the area where the portal from the last chapter was, created his own portal and jumped into it…
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Raven stared at the room before her. She simply couldn't believe it. For a moment, she considered banging her head against the wall. You would too if it looked like you were standing on the ceiling of a room, or was she on the floor and the door built on the ceiling…? Raven shook herself out of it. She had to get through. Luckily, she had a plan.
Closing her eyes, Raven began to float. Then, she quickly flipped herself upside down, and, ignoring the rush of blood flowing into her skull, made her way to the door- which had a picture of a heart on the front- and went through it.
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The mysterious figure didn't like Rainbow Monkeys anymore then the next mysterious figure, so you can bet the mysterious figure wasn't too happy about winding up in a pile of plushy simians. After digging itself out, the mysterious figure went through the door.
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This next room Raven found herself in looked no stranger then the last one. That is to say, it was devoid of any decoration, except for a tiki resting in one corner, and a bunch of large jigsaw pieces lying on the floor. Where the door should have been was a large frame. Raven needed no more hints on what to do next. She began placing the jigsaws into the frame. It was a little tricky, since the pieces kept falling out now and then, but Raven used her powers to make sure they stayed-
Her mother.
A tall, smiling man.
The taste of a yummy treat.
Someone yelling.
Raven snapped to attention. What was that? A vision of the future? Or a blast from the past? Raven tucked that little vision into a corner in her mind. The puzzle was done anyway. Raven took a step back and reviewed her work.
It was a door.
The vertical jigsaw puzzle, when solved, revealed a door with a yellow smiley face on the front. Raven cautious reached out and touched where the doorknob was. It was real! After opening the picture turned doorway, Raven looked behind her, to make sure she didn't miss anything, and went through it. After she shut the door behind her did the tiki start to sing…
"Oola waka, oola waka, sumpin' not right/
Many wicked icky t'ings gonna happen to-nite…
Oola waka, boola waka, gothy girl beware…"
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The mysterious figure paused. Someone was singing about wickets and Goths…
The target was close. Floating into the air, the mysterious figure began to fly down the hall.
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Raven walked down the empty hallway, casually glancing at the posters on the wall.
Well, well, well! Look who decided to show up!
Raven chose to ignore the voice. Djinito was just trying to distract her.
Giving me the silent treatment, huh? Well, I'm sure there'll be plenty to say soon enough.
Raven picked up speed, walking faster.
And there will be something to talk about, mark my words.
Raven fast walk evolved into a slow run. Then a regular run.
Whoa! Slow down, it'll hurt if you-
A loud crash echoed throughout the empty hall as Raven slipped on…something, did a double flip in the air, and landed on her head.
Never mind. Look, I know you're worried about your friends, why else would you put yourself through such mental aggravation? But you won't do anyone any good if you crack yer skull or somethin'.
Raven picked herself up and steadied herself against the wall, waiting for the world around her to stop spinning. After a few minutes, she was on the move again. Slower, though. After a few minutes of walking, she came upon a set of huge doors, so big that they could would be like doggy doors to Godzilla. Raven stared at the doors. Somewhere in the background a 'Bum, bum, BUM' sounded off.
Nice touch, Thought Raven sardonically. She had seen a lot during her career as a superhero, so the sight of an 'Oh-My-God-That's-One-Huge-Door' didn't really shake her up. Impressive, but not all that jarring. Besides, the purple-haired beauty has other things to do, like saving her teammates!
Okay, doll, here's the skinny. On the other side of these massive doors(which took me a while to carve, by the way) are your friends. If you can get through, they're all yours.
Raven looked up at the massive mammoth of a doorway. There were no keyholes, and the doors were shut so tight there was no room for her crawl underneath. Yes, it certainly seems impossible.
Not!
For Raven, it was simple. All she'd have to do is chant her special words…
"Azarath…Metrion…Zinthos..."
Summon the dark energies coursing through her body and force open those mega-mammoth doors!
KER-REEEK
Which she just did.
Carefully, Raven walked through the doors, and down the hallway behind it. After a bit of walking, she came to another door. This one, however, looked surprisingly normal. No gimmicks, not one trace of magic, nothing. Raven reached out to the door, grasped the handle, and flung it open.
Before her stood a massive room, like that of an opera audience chamber, except no rows of seats. In their place were large tables, decked out with every type of edible substance on Earth(and a few that weren't from Earth!). Her friends were there as well, clearly enjoying their meal. Upon noticing Raven's arrival, Starfire flew up to her.
"Raven! I'm so glad you have finally come!" Starfire then pulled Raven into one of her, "Super-hugs", but Raven was too busy trying to sort her thoughts to teleport out of it, or tell Starfire to stop. But Starfire seemed to sense what she was thinking, and released the half-demon. By this time the other Titans had run up to her.
"I'm glad as well, Kory-I mean, what's going on?" Raven wanted explanations, and she wanted them yesterday. Robin was about to give a full account on what happened, but Beast Boy beat him to the punch.
"Okay! After we got by some robots, we ended up in this weird room. Then, we followed this loooooong hallway, filled with all sorts of strange stuff, like this singing tiki, and then we came to this room! We wanted to get out, but Bob was all, 'You can't go until Raven shows up.' To keep us busy, he summoned an arcade, broadway show, and buffet, but we all were to busy waiting for you to really enjoy it!" Beast Boy began to pant, as one normally does when one runs one's mouth off without rest. In any case, Beast Boy's ramblings did little to help Raven understand the situation. But it did bring up another question…
"Bob? Who's Bob?" Raven was beginning to get annoyed.
Robin, seeing the vein on Raven's head(the kind of vein that shows how ticked off someone is), pointed to the stage. "He's Bob." Raven looked at where Robin was pointing.
Standing on the stage, in full view of anyone who bothered to look, was a tall, skinny man. He wore a tattered old trench coat that had, although it was in good condition, must have seen better days. His head was covered by a beat-up fedora that looked quite spiffy. His pants appeared to be a simple shade of light blue. It was hard to tell, but the man's shirt might have been red, covered by a black vest. He also wore a tie dotted with smiley-faces, and his gloves were pure white, and his shoes dyed purple. A brown monkey was perched on his shoulder, wearing it's own vest, dotted with peace symbols. But the thing that Raven took note of the most was the man's face. It was oldish, but youngish, as if he wasn't over the hill, but juuust getting there. A wide, wide smile was pasted on his face, the kind of smile a man who isn't all there would have(Just ask the Joker…Muhahahahaha!). His eyes… The man's eyes were filled with multiple lights, each of a different color, as if some was reflecting a light show of a disco ball in his head.
Raven narrowed her own eyes, and walked over to the stage were 'Bob' was. Standing right in front of him- Er, actually, she was more below him, as he was on the stage and she on the floor. Anyway, she levitated herself onto the stage, now at 'Bob's' level.
'Bob' smiled pleasantly(Of course, he was already smiling…). "Yyyeeees?"
Raven glared at him even more. "So. You're him. You're Djinitio."
Bob, now known as Djinito, morphed his smile into a smirk. "Ya think so?" He asked, haughtily.
"I know so, 'Bob'."
If Djinito's smile got any broader, it would slip off his face. Laughing, Djinito began to clap, applauding Raven. "Very good. Very, very good! But allow me to formally introduce myself. Robert Ziegfried Djinito III Esq., at your service." Djinito paused, thinking slightly. "But you can call me Bob."
Raven stared at the strange man that stood before her. This was nothing like she had expected. Being an empath, she could sense emotions, and if Djinito was planning something nasty, she could tell. But she couldn't sense anything of the sort! What Raven did notice was that the monkey on Bob's shoulder was flicking his master's ear.
"Ow! Oh, and this is my faithful, furry companion, Elmo." Bob said, wincing at the slight pain one would feel if one's ear was flicked by a monkey.
The monkey, Elmo, hopped down from Bob's shoulder before Raven, bowed, and did a little jig before leaping back up next to Bob's head. Raven heard a giggle from behind her. She turned her head to see the rest of the Titans core on the stage with her. That brought back the question she had been saving for Bob since the beginning of all this madness.
"Why?" She asked him, "Why did you enter my dreams?" Bob's omnipresent smile began to look more and more harmless. He answered back, "To talk to you, to meet you."
Raven had not been expecting that. But then again, she should have. "So that's why you did it. To meet me."
"Well, I sure as heck couldn't have walked up to your doorstep, rang the bell, and said, 'Hey there, name's Bob Djinito, Great Magician, at your service, wanna chat?' could I?" Bob cried defensively, "I figured there had to be circumstances!" Raven shook her head. Bob continued. "So I sent you several telepathic messages via your dreams, that's where a mortal is most open to the unknown, and nabbed your friends to give you some incentive."
This brought up another question, which Robin asked. "How did you kidnapped us, anyway?"
"Ahh! A very good question! One that deserves a very good answer!" Bob snapped his fingers(Raven couldn't help but notice Elmo imitating his movements) and a chalkboard wheeled in from behind the curtain. Bob whipped out a piece of chalk and began scribbling on the aforementioned board. "First, I knew that Raven needed to be occupied if I were to capture just you four, so I set up a highly complex pyramid illusion deep in the forest beyond Jump City." Bob scribbled a triangle, supposedly a pyramid. "While she was busy with that I created the illusion that robots were attacking the city, in order to draw you out-"
"The robots!" Cyborg cried suddenly, interrupting Bob, "They were illusions?"
Bob nodded.
Starfire spoke up, "But if the robots were not truly there, how is it we could affect them?"
Bob grinned maniacally and proudly, "My illusions are very realistic. If you were to return to that spot now, you would find no hint that such an event happened- Aside from the damage you guys yourselves caused. Anyway, as I was saying, after getting you youngsters to the 'battle', all I had to do was keep the illusion going long enough to tire you out, and then have some real robots bring you here."
"And where's 'here'?" Robin asked. The rest of the Titans core looked at Bob.
The wacky Magician shrugged, then said, "We're in my mansion." To Bob, this sounded like a perfect explanation. Of course, this brought up another question.
"Okay…which is where?" Asked Beast Boy. Bob looked thoughtful.
"Hmmm… Where is it? That's hard to explain…" Bob shrugged again, "Well… It used to be an empty void I won from a guy named Mxyzptlk, and began filling it up with various things until…" Bob waved his arms around to in order to illustrate the point, whatever it may be. He then noticed the utterly baffled expressions on the Titans' faces. "Let's just say it's neither here nor there."
Bob would've said more, but Raven held up her hand. She had something to say. "Let me get this straight, "Raven said, "You invaded my dreams, kidnapped my friends, made me run around town, tossed me in a room full of Rainbow Monkeys… just so we could talk?"
If Bob's smile was any brighter, it would be its own sun.
"Yup!" Bob paused, checking a pocket watch he pulled from his trench coat pocket. "But we're gonna have to put our discussion on hold."
Raven blinked. Ever have one of those days where nothing makes sense? This was one of those days for her. "What? Why?"
It was at that moment the bigger-than-life doors were flung open by a force one could only describe as 'evil'. Bob pointed to the doors and said, "That's why."
Walking slowly through the doors of hugeness was a man…was it? It was hard to tell, as the mysterious figure(Yes, it's that guy) wore what may have been a cross between Grecian armor and the outfit a Predator wears. The figures face was hidden behind what could have been a duplicate of Majora's Mask. Not an exact copy, but a pretty good one. The figure, in his/her right hand, clutched a tall gnarled-looking staff, topped of by a Blue Cone.
"Bob," The figure said(Judging from the voice, we'll say it's a he), "I've found you at last!" Bob didn't look intimidated. Instead, he cautiously pulled out from behind his back an umbrella, of all things, and held it in what may have been a defensive position. Raven also noticed Bob's smile becoming somewhat crazy.
"So," Bob said, "Gorac, still plotting domination of all the realities?"
The Titans Core straightened up when they heard that. Gorac smirked, even though no one could tell.
"Of course! After I smite you, that's my next challenge!" Gorac took a step forward, Bob a step back.
The two beings stared at and into each other…
The theme from The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly began to play from somewhere…
This ended when a Robin whistled, getting the two beings of unusual powers' attention.
"Mind telling me what you meant by 'domination'?" Robin asked, addressing Gorac. The masked villain sneered, even though no one could tell.
He said nastily, "What's it to you, boy? I simply plan on killing anyone who doesn't agree to follow me."
Robin nodded, and subtly pulled a birdarang out of his utility belt.
Just what we needed, He thought. Robin then said, "I thought so. TITANS, GO!"
With that all to familiar battle-cry, the Titans charged, and since Bob was right in front of them, he and Elmo(who was clinging to Bob's shoulder) got pushed into the charge as well.
You'd think the concept of being assaulted by a group of young heroes and a Magician would be more than enough to at least upset someone, but Gorac didn't even blink(At least, I think he didn't blink…). He merely held up his staff, and the Blue Cone topping it began to glow. Suddenly, the Titans plus Bob and Elmo were struck by lightning blue beams, and paralyzed. Gorac spread his arms apart, and the captured ones were divided into two groups, Raven, Bob, and Elmo, and the rest of the Titans Core. Gorac looked to the Titans Core minus Raven.
"You four are…spirited, to say the least. I may have plans for you yet." The masked Warlock turned his head to look at Raven, Bob , and Elmo, the last of which was having what we in the animal kingdom call a 'panic attack'. "But you, Bob, and she whose aura is similar to the last Demon what allied with you… You and the monkey shall spend the rest of your lives haunted by your memories…"
Gorac raised his staff again, and the from the Blue Cone came yet another blue bolt, this one creating a blue-ish vortex. Into the vortex first went Raven, Bob, and Elmo, then the Titans Core minus Raven, and finally Gorac himself, laughing evilly all the way…
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"Raven! Raven, wake up!"
Five more minutes, please…
"WAKE UP!"
Raven woke up with a start. Near her knelt Bob, who had been screaming in her ear. On his shoulder was Elmo, who held a little gong.
"Welcome to the land of the woken, sunshine." Bob said. He must have been pretty loud, his voice sounded hoarse.
"Bob?" Raven asked, "Wha- what happened?" Bob gestured, and Raven realized she was sitting in some sand. Upon standing up, she saw sand all around her. They were in a desert. Bob looked at her plainly. "Whaddya think?" He asked plainly. Raven didn't bother to look at him back.
"I think we're in for a long walk home…"
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Oh no! Raven, along with the strange Magician, Bob, and his pet monkey Elmo, are trapped in a desert! How will they escape! And what happened to the rest of the Titans Core, and the evil Warlock, Gorac? Find out next time, in Of Cabbages & Kings! And will some PLEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSEEEE review! C'mon, I'm getting desperate, here!
Next episode: Extra Credit
T-E-E-N T-I-T-A-N-S, Teen Titans, let's go!