If one were to go high up, they would find a place.
This place is higher than the sky, higher than heaven, higher than the Earth- Higher than ever the very universe itself.
If you've reached oblivion, than you've gone to high.
It is in this place- higher than everything, but lower than nothing- The dedicated and lucky climber would find the place that is known by few as the Room of the High Ones.
The High Ones are beings of immense power, and even the gods, the ones that take a few minutes away from their busy schedules of gathering worshipers, fear them. They do not rule the multiverse as they occasionally nudge certain parts they are interested in to see what will happen if they do.
There are as many High Ones as there are thoughts, but we will focus on Four in particular.
One is a man whose appearance suggests terrible things to come, should anyone meet him in a dark ally. Large, muscular, completely bald with eyes as sharp as knives and fists that could shatter walnuts made of diamond, he is naked, save a pair of boxer shorts with little hammers dotted on.
The second is another man, this one much different from the first. Simply tall and skinny, he looks so frail that a sudden wind could push him over. He is aged, covered in wrinkles, with a white beard that long that it not only reaches the floor but is also trying to tunnel through it. His clothes consist of a white toga.
Next is a woman, wearing nothing but a nightclub dress. Curvaceous from every angle, she exhales temptation from every pore of her self, and only her eyes prevent here appearance from being truly glamorous.
And last is a white poodle, in a dress with poofy shoulders. That is all.
These Four look down upon the multitude of worlds before them, before concentrating on one that catches their interest.
"That one again?" Life barked, "I thought you were bored with that."
"I have taken in interest." Luck replied, not taking her eyes off the world beneath.
"It's gotten a bit too gloomy for my tastes." Fate remarked
"That man is there now, though," Time muttered, "We better be careful."
"If you three don't want to do anything, then just watch." Luck said, and reached down between her cleavages. From her perfectly shaped bosom she pulls a long stick, and with a snooker champ's talent, gives the world a soft nudge…
Cybertoy00 Presents
Based on work by Legend Maker, Bobcat, Jedi-And, and Associates
Titan Legends
Of Cabbages and Kings
"What I like most about my job is going to new places and meeting new people." Alexander the Great.
Part 6: No Face and the Lobster
It was a quiet day in Jump City- and everyone knew what that meant. Still, though the people of the city knew deep down in wouldn't last, they were endeavoring to enjoy it while they could.
In Titans Tower, the Titans were enjoying the nice, quiet day in three different ways.
Tim and Kory decided to spar, with Robin's skill against Starfire's power. However, the match quickly fell apart as both participants soon began to make out.
In Raven's room, the half-demon's day was soon commandeered by Bob, who felt it was a good day for a lesson in magic.
"I liked that crystal ball." Raven said stonily, staring at the broken artifact.
Bob licked his lips awkwardly as he examined the damage. "Sorry about that. I'll get you another crystal ball, I promise."
"It was a relic from Azarath."
"There are tons of relics from Azarath on the market! I'll get you two of them!"
And in the garage, Vic and Gar were working on Cyborg's baby, the T-Car. Well, Vic was working, Gar was making silly puns based various automobile parts.
"Yo, pass me the monkey wrench," Vic said, holding out a hand, his vision preoccupied with the Car's engine.
"Ook."
Knowing he'd regret it, Vic looked up and found a green monkey holding out the aforementioned tool.
"Oh, that's cute, BB," Vic groaned, suppressing a smirk. "You think of that all by yourself?"
"You're just jealous of my superb jokes." Gar laughed, becoming human.
"You don't have superb jokes. It's one of your good points." Vic replied, releasing the grin.
"I thought that was my good point."
Vic and Gar looked to the new and saw Noel Collins, the pretentiously-named (And possibly psychotic) anti-hero, Savior, master of an energy-thread known as Shimmer.
(Property: Legend Maker)
"Welcome back, grouchy!" Vic greeted, waving the wrench.
Noel looked around. "Wow. I was gone a whole month and the place is still standing."
"Hey, we can take care of ourselves. We just act crazy around you 'cuz we know it'll tick you off," Gar retorted, "So, how was the conference?"
The conference was a series of meetings held in Washington between the 'official' superhero teams and the government. Despite the risk of having so many normally outrageous individuals gathering in the same place, the conference was boring as hell, and so Noel, as the least liked Titan, was usually sent as the rep as the Teen Titans. He usually stayed in line when surrounded by members of more adult teams, such as the Justice League and Doom Patrol.
"Three words; Boring. As. Hell," Noel replied, sighing. "I'll see you later, I need something to drink."
As Noel left, Vic and Gar went back to the T-Car.
"Think we shoulda told him about Bob?" Gar asked.
"Nah, we'll leave that to Raven," Vic answered, "Now, give me 6/9ths wrench- I said 6/9ths, man! Not 5/8ths!"
"Dude, you didn't even look at it!" Gar yelled.
"Don't have to," Vic tapped his nose, "I got instincts."
There was the sound of tires screeching, followed by what sounded like an almost-fatal collision.
Gar glanced at Vic. "What do your instincts say about that?"
Vic met the glance and raised an eyebrow. "They say Nigel hasn't learned how to drive stick, yet."
"I can drive stick," An alien(In more ways than one) voice said, "It's just that someone left an oil slick where that last curve is supposed to be."
Two more figures entered the garage; Robert Candide, goofy wielder of an ancient object known as the Gauntlet.
(Property of Bobcat)
The second, more imposing figure was Nigicalnack Hastionfarlock, or Nigel Hastings, better known as the team doctor Scapel. His imposing stature was due to him being a member of the Blacktrinians, a race of alien invaders.
(Property of Jedi-And)
"Gar, be a pal and check the damage, would you?" Vic asked sarcastically.
Gar transformed his neck into a giraffe's and peeked into where Rob and Nigel had parked. He winced.
"I'll have you know, those dents were there before we left," Rob said, "And they certainly weren't my fault."
Nigel flicked Rob's ear.
"So," Gar's neck retracted back to its original form, "How was Uberton?"
Rob shrugged. "'Bout usual. Nothing out of the ordinary."
Vic and Gar looked to Nigel for confirmation. The Blacktrinian's ears twitched as he counted off his claws.
"We were almost eaten three times by mutant monsters, a horde of killer trees attacked the local high school, and Dr. Peregrine tried to use my blood to power his doomsday device."
"Like I said, 'bout usual."
Nigel gave him a look. Being made a donor for a nitro cannon's fuel tank was not what he called ''Bout usual''. Deciding not to pursue the subject, he asked, "Is Sophie back from her trip?"
Sophie Mathews, also known as the bat-swarm transforming Morgue, had left town on a personal matter about a week before.
"Not yet," Gar replied, before transforming into a dog. Sitting up on his hind legs, he asked, "So, whatdja bring me?"
"I dunno, how about… Granny Candide's world famous cookies!?" Rob asked, and whipped out a Technicolor cookie tin.
"Sweet!" Gar went back to human mode and tossed the tin's lid off. "Hey! What gives?!"
"Oh, uh," Rob had the decency to look guilty. "We might have had a few on the way home…"
"I only had one." Nigel commented, handing Vic the right sized wrench.
"Dude, it's completely empty! Did you lick the crumbs!?"
"Well… At leas the tin is nice, right?" Rob asked, grinning like man who sees the anvil coming down.
Gar checked the cookie tin again. His eyes widened. "Hey! This is the tin that went missing when you left!"
"Well, I had to bring homecoming gift to Grammy with something!"
This argument would have gone on forever, but the bickering was thankfully cut off by the sound of another Titan's entrance.
"Hey, guys! I'm back!" Tara Markov, the geokinetic Terra, greeted, walking in. She wasn't in her hero uniform, dressed casually in her traveling clothes.
"Hello, Tara," Nigel greeted, waving. Meanwhile, Gar had turned into a tiger and would have pounced if Rob hadn't grabbed his tail. "How was Twilight Town? Did you meet your pen pal?"
"I did one better," Tara said, "I brought him home!"
"Say what?" Vic asked, looking up.
"C'mon in, Blacky!" Tara called out, and a new, unfamiliar figure walked in. It was unlike anything the Titans had ever seen.
It was black. Not African black, but ink black. Like a living shadow that gained a third dimension. And while it was humanoid, it was not human. Its head was perfectly spherical, with only two large white eyes, like miniature moons, as its only facial feature. It was about as tall as Robin, but was hunched over, giving off an aura of fragility. Its hands were a bit larger than most, and it's feet were like oval-ish blobs.
The four boys stared at the black thing. The thing stared back.
Vic was the first to get his voice back. "And what…who…is that, Tara?"
"This is Black Odd, my pen pal," Tara introduced, "Blacky, these are the friends I told you about, the Teen Titans."
Black Odd bowed its(His? Her?) head. "Hello. It is nice to meet you."
Nigel rubbed his ear. Something about Black's voice sounded off to him. It seemed to echo from every pore of the creature's body, and it sounded like the speaker was talking from the bottom of deep cavern.
"See, Blacky is really self-conscious around people," Tara explained, as both sides continued to stare. "So I thought I'd show him that you don't have to completely normal to fit in. Help him learn to walk proud."
Gar, realizing that staring at the thing his girlfriend brought home would ruin his chances of getting to third base, was the first to snap out of his bewildered gaze.
"Well, ah, any friend of Terra's is a friend of ours!" He held out his hand in an invitation for a high-five. "Welcome to Titans Tower, dude!"
Black Odd stared at the open palm for a minute, before placing his own on top. Taking a soft grip, he shook.
"Um, that's not what you do."
"Oh. Sorry."
TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT
Raven got her first look at Black Odd when she saw the impromptu tour group formed for his benefit, just after welcoming Noel back.
"…And on your left, you'll see the evidence room," Vic, now wearing a little blue hat, gestured towards an open door. "Here, we keep souvenirs from our various crime-fighting adventures, such as the Puppet King's lifeless husk, or a hubcap from Ding Dong Daddy's car."
Raven raised an eyebrow. "I didn't know we were opening a hotel."
"Oh, hey Rae!" Gar waved. He pulled Black Odd up front. "This is Terra's pen pal!"
While Black Odd wasn't the most peculiar thing Raven had ever seen, he was worth a good stare.
"…Charmed." She said at last, shaking Black Odd's hand. Looking at the Titans, she asked. "Did you ask Robin if you could have sleep over?"
Tara shrugged. "I'm sure he won't mind."
"Speaking of won't mind…" Vic spoke up, "How did Noel take the Bob thing?"
"Who's Bob?" Nigel asked, his ears twitching.
Raven's eyes widened. "Uh oh."
"Uh oh?" Gar asked.
"I never told Noel about Bob."
"Who's Bob?" Tara asked.
Elmo chose that moment to hop onto Raven's shoulders.
"And where did that monkey come from?" Nigel asked, pointing a clawed finger.
"Oh, he's Bob's." Raven shrugged, subtly trying to shake Elmo off.
Rob formed a Gauntlet-made megaphone and yelled, "WHO THE HECK IS BOB!!?"
After the ringing left everyone's ears, they heard some soft yelling from the main room and some thuds.
"You'll find out." Raven said, leading the way.
TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT
By the time the rest of the Titans (Including Robin and Starfire, the former of home had a few hickies on his face) and Black Odd arrived, whatever fight had happened was over. Bob was sitting at the kitchen table, eating a sandwich. And Noel was…where was Noel?
"Bob, where's Noel?" Raven demanded. She scanned the room. Despite what everyone had heard, there seemed to be no visual sign a fight had broken out.
Bob, still chewing, pointed up. Following the point of his finger, the Titans and Black Odd looked to the ceiling and saw Savior, who was sporting several lumps on his head.
(Don't worry, Bob won't be a Gary Stu…I promise!)
"What happened?" Robin asked.
"It's my fault, to begin with," Bob said, after swallowing. "I felt some bad juju coming from him and thought he was another attacker, so I hit him against the floor. Then he swore a little and called me some nasty names, so I banged him against the ceiling a few times."
"Lower him down, now." Raven told him.
Bob shrugged, and placed the sandwich on the table. Looking up, he didn't see Silkie crawl up and devour the eatable.
"I'm going to let you down, now," Bob called up to Savior, "So, you can calm down."
That was all the warning Noel had as he shot down from the ceiling. Panicking, Raven and Gauntlet quickly moved to catch him with their energy powers. But, just before hitting, Savior froze in the air, and was gently set on the floor. As he was helped up by Cyborg, he opened his mouth- and no sound came out. His lips moved silently.
"Whoops, I almost forgot," Bob clapped his hands. "He was swearing so much that I muted him. Profanity is like wine; it should only be taken in small quantities."
Noel rubbed his jaw a few times, muttered "Ha" under his breath a few times to test his voice, and then asked, "Will someone tell me who the Hell this guy think he is?! I come home to find some loony going through our fridge, and then I'm being tossed around by some invisible force! What the…"
Whatever word Noel was going to say, it was prevented from leaving his mouth by Raven's powers.
"I'm going to explain what happened while you were gone," She said, not just to Noel, but to the other Extra Titans as well. "And if you have any questions, save them until I'm done."
(Three Hours Later…)
"Hey! That story wasn't three hours long!" Gauntlet yelled.
(It's called a shout out. Deal with it.)
"…And that's it," Raven finished, ignoring Gauntlet's attack against the Fourth Wall. It happened so much no one noticed anymore. "Bob's going to teach me magic from now on."
"You sure about this?" Terra asked.
Raven nodded. "Yes. With all the occult lunacy we face, I need to learn more. I need to be a stronger sorceress."
"What about all those spells Malchior beamed into your head?" Gauntlet asked, leaving the Fourth Wall.
Savior scowled. He hated thinking about that incident. He never thought he could lose his girlfriend to a book.
"That's why I need a teacher," Raven said, "Malchior didn't tell me those spells were dark magic, and you can bet he left out more important details as well. I need to know what those spells are…and I need to know now."
"Why? You're not going to use them." Noel asked.
"Because!" Raven yelled, causing everyone except for Bob to jump. "Just not using them doesn't help! I can feel them in my head, trying to get free! Every time we go into battle, they all rise up and try to force their way out! And there's no telling what'll happen if they do!" Taking a deep breath, she continued. "That's why I want Bob around. He can help me figure out what each spell does, and can help undo the damage it causes when released."
"Should be interesting." Bob commented.
Noel's eyes narrowed. Was Raven actually going to trust this guy? After the mind games he played with her, after kidnapping the rest of the core Titans? After what had happened with Malchior? Slowly and cautiously, a Shimmer tendril snaked out and across the floor.
"So, we've got a full-fledge super-wizard on our side?" Terra asked, "Cool!"
"No, you don't," Bob said shortly, "My involvement with you lot is strictly for Raven's magical training. If you jump into something you can't hop out of, I won't lift a finger. Unless I already had a hand in it, in which case, I'll probably lift a finger to wag at you."
Unnoticed by anyone, the Shimmer slowly went up alongside Bob's leg.
"You seem to think that having magical powers can make life better," Bob was now in what Raven called, 'lecture-mode'. "But all magic does is make life more interesting. You can't just wave a wand and wish your problems away. A whole new set of problems would drop in your laps right away."
The Shimmer was up to his armpit. And still no one noticed.
"In my opinion, the best mages are the ones who can solve their problems with the least amount of magic," Bob continued, "Too much magic can cause catastrophic ripples in reality, anyway."
It was then that the Shimmer went into Bob's left ear. It was in this manner that Noel could 'link-up' with someone's brain, using the Shimmer- which was mutant extension of his own nervous system- to go in and 'download' whatever information he wanted from the unlucky victim's mind, even controlling them to a limited degree.
But instead of doing anything like that, Noel suddenly screamed bloody murder and fell to the floor, shrieking. The other Titans rushed to his aid.
TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT
After calming Noel down, and giving him a sedative prescribed by Scapel, the rest of the Titans went their separate ways. Robin and Starfire resumed their 'sparing session'- And this time, they were really going to spar, honest!- Nigel went out to pick up Sophie from the airport, with an oddly fidgety Gauntlet tagging along. He said he wanted to meet someone there…
Raven, Elmo, and Bob decided to watch Noel, leaving Terra, Beast Boy, and Cyborg with Black Odd.
"So…Blacky," Gar began, as they walked down the hall. "Tell us about yourself."
Black Odd looked up, deep in thought apparently. "I think…I was born in Twilight Town."
"You think?" Cyborg asked.
"All I know for certain was that I became aware of my existence 16 years ago in an abandoned temple," Black Odd explained, "Before that… I don't know."
There was a pause.
"Um, you have any friends in Twilight Town?" Gar asked awkwardly.
"No. Whenever I went out in the streets, I would stay in the shadows. The people… The people were so different, looked so unlike myself that I was afraid… Afraid of being rejected. I did not know how to interact with them, so I watched, from a distance. Tara was the first person I have ever spoken to." Black Odd explained. His echoing tone made his speech sound…mournful. It made Beat Boy think of the day he met Vic…
"There! Take a good long look!" Snapped the tall figure, ripping the hood of his half-robotic head. "I had an accident, and now I'm a monster, all right!? A cyborg!"
"If you've never talked to anyone before, how'd you sign up for the pen pal service?" Vic asked, "Or learn to read and write?"
"I learned how from the children," Black Odd said, "Whenever I watched them in their school, I would listen to the teachers as well. As for joining the service, I did so at night when the post office was closed." Black Odd looked thoughtful. "I did everything in secret, when no one could see…"
"What about your name? Who started calling you Black Odd?" Gar asked.
"Up until I joined the service, I had no name," Black Odd answered, "I had no one to relate to, and only knew myself as me. But when I got to the part of the form that required a name, I had to write something."
"So, why Black Odd?" Vic asked, "That's not exactly a normal name."
"I just needed to write something for the form," Black Odd said, "The post office was where two roads intersected- Black Street and Odd Avenue."
Cyborg wisely chose not to comment, but suddenly realized how much sense those weird letters Tara got made now.
"So, I wrote letters with the name Black Odd, and as time went on, came to think of it as my name," Black Odd continued, "And it was…nice. I had someone to talk to. I didn't realize it before, but I was lonely. But when Tara wrote that she was coming to visit, I was afraid…I was afraid she would not accept me."
Terra thought back to when she first met Black Odd…
"What do you mean, 'He doesn't live here?'" Tara asked the man at the door, "This is 369 Glenn Way, right?"
"Right," The man at the door said, "And there's nobody called 'Black Odd' livin' here. It's just me and my cats."
What sounded like a tiger's roar sounded from the living room.
"But I've been getting letters from here…" Tara began, but was cut off by the man.
"I don't know whose been sendin' you letters, but if you've sending me letters, don't," the man said, "I get enough junk mail to throw out as it is."
The man slammed the door on her, cutting off any response Tara might have had. Sighing, she turned and walked away. She got about three steps when she heard a voice.
"Mm, excuse me…"
Turning around, she saw a somewhat shadowy figure cautiously edge out from an alleyway…
"Hey, after fighting all the real freaks I wrote you about," Tara said, "There was no way I wouldn't accept you."
"What about the people who don't fight monsters?" Black Odd asked, sounding worried. "Will they accept me?"
"They will!" Tara insisted, "We'll help! Right?" That last question was directed towards the sympathetic Vic and Gar.
"No problem! Just leave it to us!" Gar agreed, giving the blond and the Black a thumbs up. He then whispered to Vic, "How?"
"Well, we can't just go on TV and tell everyone to like you," Vic said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "But maybe we can do something about you're appearance so you don't stand out so much."
"Uh…Cy? I don't think plastic surgery would work." Gar said, and got a whack upside the head for his comment.
"I meant, we could give him so new clothes." Vic explained irritably.
Black Odd examined himself. "But, I'm not wearing any clothes."
"Exactly."
Tara smiled. "To the wardrobe department!"
TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT
As they arrived at the Jump City airport, Nigel noticed that Rob was getting more edgy by the minute. When he questioned him about this, Rob would claim it to having "Too-too much caffeine!" and promptly changed the subject.
"Alright, Sophie's plane lands at gate D13," Nigel said, looking at the flight board under arrivals. "So, we have to go… Hey, where are you going!?"
Rob was making a hasty retreat in the exact opposite direction Nigel was going in. "See ya later, say hi to Sophie for me!"
Nigel stared at Rob's retreating backside before resuming his walk to gate D13. Clutching his head, he said, "God, I will never understand humans…or Robert Candid, for that matter."
TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT
Back in the Titans Tower main room, Noel Collins finally regained consciousness. He was lying on the couch, with Raven looking over his face…and Elmo in his hair.
"Noel, are you okay?" Raven asked, concerned.
"What…happened?" Noel asked, his head still throbbing. Those images…that feeling…
"I can explain."
All three turned to look at Bob, who was making another sandwich.
"Raven tells me that you can link up with someone's brain to read their thoughts," Bob said, "When you tried to go into my head, you got hit by my thought static."
"Thought…static?" Noel asked, sitting up. The throbbing was starting to fade.
"You think you're the first person who's tried to read my mind?" Bob chuckled, "Hardly. So many people have picked my brain that I've developed a reflexive counter."
"What did you do?" Raven asked.
"Basically, I gave Shimmer-boy here the feeling of my pain- y'know, the sensation of mental and physical anguish. Not what happened- But the knowledge that it felt bad."
"It wasn't just bad- It was horrifying!" Noel groaned.
Bob shrugged. "I've been through a lot. Seen some pretty nasty stuff. Heard it, too." Taking Noel's shoulder, he said, "I would advise against 'brain-tapping' from now on, though- You keep connecting brains and there's no telling where you'll end up."
Noel looked away and scowled. After being able to go into anyone's mind, this little development soured his disposition even more. "Feh… Well, maybe you can answer this- Why is this monkey combing through my hair for?" He chuckled humorlessly. "Fleas?"
"I doubt it. Elmo has plenty of fleas."
"GAH!"
"He keeps them in a jar on the mantle."
TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT
They say that clothes made the man.
And they're wrong. Clothes do not make a man. To make a man, another man and a woman have to engage in a certain physical ceremony, and even then they have a 50-50 chance of success.
However, attire was a necessary attribute to take into consideration, especially when one is about to go out into the world. How you look can decide whether or not you blend in or stand out of the crowd- for better or worse.
Take Superman, for example. When you get right down to it, he's not that well disguised. No mask to hide his face, and a skin-tight uniform that was just one step away from being too revealing. So, how could he pose as a normal man during his breaks from fighting the never-ending battle?
The fact was that nobody ever looked at Superman's face. They just saw that big, honkin' S on his chest. And the cape, everyone loved the cape. No one would tell it was him if he wore a normal business suit.
Which is why Terra, Beast Boy, and Cyborg decided that if Black Odd was going to join society, he should at least try to dress the part. With the right uniform, no one would notice Black Odd's…visual abnormalities. They would only seen his clothes.
So the real question was, what would be appropriate? The Titans had plenty of clothes outside of their uniforms (For undercover work, casual day, and assorted sillyness), but figuring out what Black Odd could wear was a chore.
For one thing, the unique shape of his feet made it impossible for him to wear shoes. And dresses were out, too, mainly because they looked weird. Dark clothes weren't even considered for the fact that they ruined the effect.
The first outfit was something akin to hippies- every inch of the fabric was tie-dye, making Black Odd look like a rainbow had thrown up on him. He also wore a headband and a peace medallion.
"Far out, but not what we're looking for." Tara decided.
The next costume was white disco suit, complete with a pink afro wig.
"Dude, if disco does make a comeback, it won't be here." Gar declared, giving the outfit a thumbs down.
Then he came out in some kind of Mr. Miracle design.
"We wanna avoid any lawsuits here, BO." Vic told him.
After about a half hour, they managed to find some that worked; light blue pants, a white shirt, and a jungle green jacket.
Tara rubbed her chin. "Something's missing…"
Gar brightened as inspiration struck. "I know!"
The green shifted rushed out, and was back instantly with a red baseball cap in his hands. On the front of the cap was a picture of a galaxy. He fitted the cap onto Black Odd's head. Stepping back, he reviewed the complete work with Tara and Vic.
"Now, that's what I'm talking about!" Vic proclaimed.
Black Odd checked himself in the mirror. "It's…good?"
"I think it's perfect," Tara nodded. She jerked a thumb over her shoulder and made for the door. "Let's go test it out in town."
TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT
Sophie Matthews, (Property: Jedi-And) otherwise known Morgue, did not what one would call the traditional body shape of a heroine. Unlike those girls, who traditionally strove for figures akin to an hourglass, Sophie's figure had something extra in the middle. Several pounds worth of something. And that's not to say she didn't strive for the hourglass look, it's just that she had significantly less success than most heroines. But, as everyone (Even Terra) would say, she had a wonderful personality.
Not that this mattered Nigel, who still didn't understand human culture, though he was making progress.
"Welcome back to Jump City," He said to his girlfriend, as they made their way to the luggage pick-up. "How was the 'Undertakers Unlimited World Conference in Romania'?"
Sophie groaned. "It was awful. I don't even know why I went."
"I'm sure the Author doesn't know either," Nigel replied, ignoring the fall of the Fourth Wall. "Well, since Robert isn't here, I thought someone should do it!"
"Where is Rob?" Sophie asked, "I thought he was coming with you."
"He was, but he ran off for some reason," Nigel explained, "He's been acting even stranger than usual…"
Nigel's then ears twitched- He had much better hearing than normal humans, and in his musings, he faintly heard a familiar voice, accompanied by an unfamiliar voice.
"You picked a good time to visit Jump, there's an anime convention…"
"I know!"
Nigel, following the sound, and Sophie, following Nigel, turned their heads and saw Rob, walking next to a cute Japanese girl who appeared to be around his age. The girl was wearing a green skirt, a white shirt with an ax on the front, and a blue coat. Her short, neck-length hair was done up in a ponytail, except for two strands that hung over her ears in the traditional hime cut. Behind the two of them was a suitcase with numerous anime stickers that Rob was pulling with his Gauntlet. Nigel and Sophie stared at the two as they left the airport.
"I thought he didn't have a girlfriend." Sophie said at last.
TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT
Robert 'Gauntlet' Candid did not have a girlfriend. No one knew this better than he did, much to his consternation. He had girls of the week, but unfortunately, not one of them called him back, and when he called them, they claimed to be busy washing their hair. Some just vanished off the face of the Earth.
But at the moment, not having a girlfriend was working to his advantage, as he was now busy with a Friend Who Was A Girl.
Yohko and Rob went way back. A member of a family of martial artists practicing an illegal art, Yohko met Rob when her clan visited Uberton during their kindergarten years. The two hit it off immediately, especially when they hit her brother Kurai with water balloons. Yohko, after years of putting up with her tight-laced, honor obsessed brother, found Rob's nonsensical antics immensely endearing, while Rob liked having a friend who wouldn't shake their head in dismay.
Yeah, it was one of those relationships.
(Property of Bobcat…I guess.)
"So, after we get you checked into your hotel," Rob said, "What do you wanna do first? Hit the pier side fair? Check out Ocean World? Go to the prison and make fun of the convicts?"
"Well, all of that does sound fun," Yohko said, as heaven's light shone down on her beautiful face, making her captivating eyes sparkle. "But there's something else I want to do first."
Rob shook his head. What just happened? "Er, what?"
Yohko stared at Rob, before mischievously smiling a smile that gleam in such a way that made all of the most valued gems on Earth dull by comparison. (Rob shook his head again, this time hitting himself)
"Rob-kun…" Yohko began, her smile dropping. "I have…urges."
Rob snapped out of his self-injuring to look at Yohko. "Ur-urges?"
"There are times where I can't feel fulfilled with sillyness," Yohko said, stepping closer to him. "I need something else."
"S-something else?" Rob asked, beginning to sweat.
"I could get it from any bouya," Yohko explained, now in a husky tone. "But I want it from you." Yohko pressed her body against Rob's. And while she wasn't voluptuous, she wasn't flat-chested either, and the pressure from her mummeries were wreaking havoc with several of Rob's glands.
"Glah… Wha-whaddya want…?" Rob asked, his heart rate accelerating, God knows why.
"I want…" Yohko breathed into his ear, before saying normally, "Pizza."
"You want pizza!?" Rob cried, facefaulting.
Yohko giggled, momentarily growing whiskers. "Well, what did you think I wanted?"
Rob chose not to answer. However, part of him was thinking, Phew, she only wants lunch, while another, somewhat lower part, was thinking, Damn, she only wants lunch.
TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT
In the Titans Tower main room, Noel sat on the couch, glowering at Bob and Raven, who were looking out the window. Actually, he was glowering at Bob, and Raven was just caught in the crossfire.
He didn't trust Bob. Why should he? The man kidnapped the other Titans. And he messed around with Raven's head. How could Raven trust him? She was usually smarter than that…
Noel's inner-hate fest was interrupted by a tugging on his pant leg. Looking down, he saw Elmo holding up a Chinese checkers board.
"What? You wanna play?" Noel asked sardonically.
"Ook."
Noel took that to mean yes. And so, with the air of someone who has decided he can't escape the falling anvil, Noel set up the board.
Meanwhile, Bob and Raven continued to talk.
"Look, will you get off the ball-thing?" Bob asked, "You don't even need it!"
Raven crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
"Diving's easy, once you know the basic theory. Any sort of reflective surface will do- Here, watch." Bob produced a kettle from his trench coat and poured himself a pot of tea. After he finished pouring, he held out the 'World's Greatest Dad' mug to Raven. "Look, and tell me what you see."
"Ripples" Was Raven's immediate answer.
"Just wait for the water to settle." Bob told her.
Three minutes later, the tea was still rippling.
"Bob, the tea won't calm down. Why?" Raven asked, glancing at the Magician.
"Someone must be trying to contact us," Bob mused, "But who…"
An image appeared in the tea. It was of a beautiful woman who, despite being completely naked, managed to avoid breaking any laws of decency by being wrapped in snakes.
"Oh. Hello, Hannah." Bob said, rolling his eyes.
"Hello, Bob," The woman said, with a voice like poisoned honey. She looked at Raven. "Who's that?"
Bob shrugged. "That's Raven, my new student."
"Oh," Now Hannah's tone changed, from poisoned honey to honeyed poison. "I didn't know you were that way."
Bob rolled his eyes skyward. Tell an hourglass figure you don't care for her personality, and the things people say…!
"Do you have some point to make?" Raven asked the mug.
"No, not really…just, look out your window, will you?"
Bob and Raven looked. They saw how beautiful the ocean looked with the sun shining down on it.
"Nice." Raven commented.
"Very therapeutic." Bob added.
"Look the other way…morons."
Bob and Raven turned their gaze towards the city. A giant lobster thing was rampaging amongst the metropolis.
"SKREEOOORRK!!" It shrieked.
Raven's eyes widened. "That's…big."
"Isn't it, though? You should see how big it gets when it reaches the water. Have fun!"
As Hannah's image faded from the tea, Bob asked dryly, "Hannah, have you ever thought about finding a man and settling down…?"
Ignoring Bob's comments, Raven used her powers to hit the big read button marked ALARM- PRESS ONLY FOR EMERGENCIES. (With a little note that said, 'This means you, Beast Boy- R') As the klaxons blared, Noel abandoned his (Losing) game with Elmo while Robin and Starfire (The former of which still had a slight hickey on his neck) rushed in.
"What's the emergency?!" Robin demanded.
"Look out the window." Raven told them.
They looked.
"Oh, how nice." Robin nodded.
"Very therapeutic." Noel added.
Raven felt a vein throb.
"I think Raven is referring to the giant lobster thing going 'Skreork' whilst rampaging in the city." Starfire commented, pointing.
Robin and Savior looked, and both jumped in alarm.
"Where did that thing come from?!" Savior.
"It's just a little nuisance from a one-time tennis partner." Bob said, apparently more preoccupied with the tea than the lobster.
Robin whirled at Bob. "You mean we have to deal with another of your enemies!? Again?!"
"I should hope not. I'll take care of it." Bob replied airily.
"Then deal with it," Noel hissed, "Now!"
"I doubt I can do anything now." Bob remarked, pursing his lips in thought. His head was pulled down to Noel's face by the Shimmer. "Whoa!"
"You're the big-shot, all-knowning, master Magician," Noel snarled, "And this is your problem- so solve it."
Bob casually cut the Shimmer off with scissors- Noel fell to the floor, screaming- and straightened up. "Maybe I better show you…"
In one smooth movement, Bob upended his mug over his open palm. Instead of splashing down on the floor and staining the rug, the tea floated above his hand, forming a ball. The ball began to spin, and as it spun it glowed bright colors, different to those watching. While Robin, Starfire, and Savior saw the normal colors of the rainbow, Raven saw Octarine.
"Someone open the window." Bob ordered.
After Starfire pushed open the sheet of glass that overlooked the city, Bob pulled the hand with the glowing tea-ball back.
"By Winds of Eagles! Fantastic Flights, fly! Change the world!!" Bob declared, and threw the ball out, where it left a multicolored trail in the air as it flew.
I didn't NEED to say all that stuff, Bob thought at Raven, But if you make magic look too easy, they'll just ask for more.
The ball of empowered tea continued its unchanging flight, barreling down onto the Giant Lobster Thing (PP).
However, when it struck, the ball bounced off of the gargantuan crustacean's shell with a splank, turning Jack Djinn into a clown.(1)
The ones at the Tower stared.
"So…" Raven said, breaking the silence. "Immune to magic, huh?"
"Eh, I'll think of something." Bob shrugged, putting away the mug.
"We don't have time for you to think!" Robin yelled, and waved the Titans in for a Pre-Play Huddle. "Alright, here's what we do! Star, I want you to fly in and see if you can't keep that thing from hurting people!"
"By myself?" Starfire asked, amazed at what she perceived to be Robin's orders.
"No, I'll radio the others and you'll have their support," To Raven and Savior, he said, "Raven, Noel, I want you to get the T-Ship ready for take-off. I'll be in the R-Cycle."
"T-Ship? R-Cycle?" Noel's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Robin, you're not saying…"
"What I'm saying is, Titans, GO!"
TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT
At Al's Pizza Shack, Beast Boy, Cyborg, and Terra were treating Black Odd to lunch, which proved to be a show in its own right. Lacking a visible mouth (Or maybe even a mouth at all…), any food Black Odd would simply vanish underneath his eyes. It was similar to watching a ship enter the Bermuda Triangle. The downside was that they were so busy watching this phenomena that Black Odd managed to eat three slices before any of them ate one.
"SKREEOOORRK!!"
Black Odd put down the fourth slice he was eating. "What is that noise?"
The three Titans looked up to see the GLT screeching and rampaging down the street.
"Dude!" Beast Boy cried, "Who ordered the seafood!?"
The beeping of their T-coms just managed to make themselves heard over all the ruckus.
"Cyborg! Terra! Beast Boy!" Robin yelled, "There's a giant monster running loose in the city!"
"Really!" Cyborg shot back, "I hadn't noticed!"
Robin ignored the sarcasm. "I want you to go collect Morgue in the T-Car, then meet Raven, Savior and I at these coordinates," the communicator displayed an address. "Beast Boy, I want you and Terra to assist Starfire with keeping civilians safe!"
"What about Gauntlet and Scapel?" Terra asked, pulling her personal boulder out of the T-Car's trunk.
"They're going to help you. Robin out!"
"You heard the man!" Cyborg yelled, and leapt into the T-Car's driver's seat.
"What am I supposed to do?" Black Odd asked, now on his fifth slice.
"Just find a safe place- Away from the lobster!" Beast Boy yelled, turning into a seagull.
"Okay."
And with that, Black Odd got up, adjusted his hate, and walked away- it was a strange, flip-flopping stride, as each leg lifted up straight, only to come down bent, as if he remembered that he had knees, and kept his arms limp.
Once again, the three Titans stared at their new friend, this time at his retreating back.
"Uh…anyway…" Cyborg shook himself, "Titans, go!"
TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT
"…And that's the plan," Robin finished over Scapel's T-com, "I want you to help Starfire, Beast Boy, Terra and Gauntlet keep civilians safe while the rest of us deal with that lobster directly, understand?"
Scapel leaned back against the telephone booth Sophie was using to change into her Morgue outfit.
"I comprehend your current strategy," Scapel replied, "But, I know Gauntlet will not be happy with it. After all, you promised that the next time we use that…"
"I know what I promised him, but there's no time!" Robin told him, "We can't wait for Cyborg to pick him up- The T-Car's route goes directly past you, it's faster."
"Affirmative." Scapel cut the connection, just as Morgue, fully costumed, came out.
"Some welcome back party," The mortician-meta remarked, checking her tranquilizer. "Next time, I'd just prefer a light lunch."
"We'll see what I can do," Scapel said, giving his cane a twirl.
There was a beep, and they saw the T-Car drive up.
I wonder how many traffic laws he broke to get here so quickly. Scapel thought.
"Yo, welcome back to Jump!" Cyborg yelled to Morgue as she climbed into shotgun. "I hope you like seafood!"
TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT
After breaking contact with Scapel, Robin quickly dialed up Gauntlet. In the distance, he saw the T-Ship rise up from the ocean surrounding Titans Tower Island.
I hope he doesn't complain too much… Robin thought, leaning against his R-Cycle.
There was a beep as his signal was answered- but not by Robert Candid.
"Moshi moshi!" A cute, Japanese girl's appeared on the screen. "This is Rob-kun's phone. Rob-kun is busy fighting a kaiju at the moment and can't talk at the moment. Would you like to leave a message?"
While Robin was getting used to the weirdness Robert Candid seemed to attract, this was the limit. "Who the hell are you?" He blurted without thinking. When did Gauntlet have a secretary?!
"I'm Yohko, who first appeared in a flashback during Bobcat's Epic of Gauntlet," the girl explained, "Rob-kun gave me his communicator and told me to take his calls while he fights for truth, justice, and pizza." The image on the T-Com's screen shifted to show the GLT, on top of which Robin could just make out sparks and flashes of yellow energy- Rob's Gauntlet in action.
Deciding that there was no time to bicker, and that he faintly recalled hearing about Yohko somewhere in Rob's debut story, Robin told her, "Well, give...Rob-Kun…this message…"
TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT
Ordinarily, Gauntlet would love fighting a giant monster, and was doing so with gusto. One of the perks of being a superhero was the clash with inflated freaks of nature. However, his current one-sided duel with the Giant Lobster Thing was being hampered by the fact he couldn't get over that Yohko looked so good in the right light…or the wrong one, something deeper than his gut told him.
Another annoyance was the unnatural endurance the GLT possessed. Nothing he could create with his Gauntlet, could hurt it, be it hammers, spikes, or elongated nut-crackers. As he formed a giant drill, the GLT bucked, knocking him off. Luckily (Or, for his machismo, unluckily), Yohko caught him before he could put a Gauntlet shaped hole in the pavement.
"I meant to do that." He told her, in a desperate half-assed attempt to remain cool.
"No, you didn't," Yohko replied shortly. Setting her childhood friend down, she said, "You're leader Robin called. He says you are to keep civilians safe, that Beast Boy, Starfire, Terra and Scapel are coming to help, and magic can't harm the kaiju." She scrunched up her face in thought. "Oh, he also says he is sorry for not including you this time. What do you suppose that means?"
"Not including me?" Gauntlet wondered aloud. He looked up at the GLT, and put 2 and 2 together. "That bastard!"
"What?" Yohko asked.
"You'd think after all we've been through, they could at least indulge just once! Just once!"
"How?" Yohko asked again.
"Well, fine! Who needs 'em? I can take this Godzilla reject on my own!" Gauntlet formed a yellow pogo stick. "Yoicks, and away…!"
"But, Rob-kun, the lobster can't be hurt by your object, remember?" Yohko reminded him, causing him to halt in mid-bounce.
"Hmm… True. Well, like they say, if you can't beat 'em," Gauntlet donned a ten-gallon cowboy hat, "Tame 'em! Yeehaw!"
Gauntlet the Kid resumed his leap back onto the GLT's back, and quickly reformed his pogo-stick into something resembling a leash.
"Git along, ya little doggy! Ya! Yah!" the wannabe cowboy yelled, trying with much effort to keep the Lobster from smashing more buildings. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Yohko back into an alleyway.
Meanwhile, the other Titans arrived on the scene.
"Looks like Rob could use some help!" Beast Boy yelled, turning into an eagle.
"I'll say, who does he think he is, Pecos Bill!?" Terra asked, floating in on her Personal Boulder.
"Well, he's got the right idea," Scapel admitted, "Any way we can add to it?"
"We must fan out and keep innocents out of harm's way!" Starfire ordered.
As the Titans moved around, a beam of energy shot out and struck the Lobster in one of its eyes, enraging it.
"Hm!?" Starfire looked around wildly. "Who did that!?"
TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT
Yohko, her hands smoking, whispered, "Ganbatte, Titans-tachi, Rob-kun."
TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT
Meanwhile, Robin saw the T-Car approaching. It was time.
"Titans…" He ordered, "Together!"
As each vehicle changed their configuration, the song I Am Impact from the Ganbare Goemon series began to play.
DASH! DASH! DASH!
(Translated)
The burning sun, gleaming on my shoulders
Here we go, start, the machine comes alive
"Was Gauntlet messing with this thing?" Robin asked as his R-Cycle became a head. "Where's that music coming from?"
I am machinery, I am a metal being (Hey!)
Jump out onto the sky, steel spirit
As the T-Ship became a torso and arms, Savior muttered, "I can't believe we're using this again…"
"Quiet." Raven told him. She was indifferent to the whole thing, to be honest.
(Let's go!)
Breakdown!
And with all my might,
Power to the highest limit, Super Punch!
"Well, you gotta admit, it does adds tone." Cyborg defended, as the T-Car became a pair of legs.
"I feel like we're in a bad Power Rangers clone." Morgue groaned. This was her first time with this thing, and she was a bit worried. She knew how those rubbery Japanese giant battles ended.
I am the best, yes, Impact
The Head connected with the Torso, which connected with the Legs to become…
"Titans Go-Bot 5!" the Five Titans proclaimed.
DASH! DASH! DASH!
"Right! We have to get that Giant Lobster out of the city!" Robin ordered as the music ended. "And we have to keep it away from the coast, right, Raven?"
"That's right," Raven affirmed, "Judging from what Hannah said, that thing could get bigger if underwater."
"Then what are we waiting for?" Cyborg asked rhetorically. "Let's go kick some Japanese monster butt! Booyah!"
TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT
Meanwhile, the GLT and the Titans present had come to an understanding. The Lobster understood that it was supposed to go around screaming, while smashing up buildings during its merry stroll down the street, and the Titans understood that they were supposed keep the rubble and the flailing pincers from hurting innocent bystanders.
"Scapel, that car!" Starfire shrieked, "Children!"
The Blacktrinian moved swiftly, grabbing the two moppets and jumping away from the impact of a car thrown skyward and downward by a Lobster tail.
"Cool!" The kiddies shrieked.
"Why haven't you two run home?" Scapel asked them.
"Cause we wanna watch you guys beat up the monster!" The little boy a baseball cap worn backwards said.
"Go home," Scapel ordered. When they didn't move, he added. "Or I'll eat you."
That did it. Scapel wondered how much damage to his public image that little bout of on-the-fly child-rearing caused.
Suddenly, there was a stomp. Then another.
Stomp. Stomp. Stomp.
In one smooth motion, the Titans Go-Bot 5 jumped down in front of the GLT, the impact of its landing causing EVERYONE to stop what they were doing and look.
The Go-Bot jerked a thumb at itself, and over a loudspeaker, Cyborg asked, "Yeah, you know I'm cool."
"Damn you, Robin!" Gauntlet yelled.
"Gauntlet, clear out!" Robin ordered, ignoring the jeer. "We don't want you getting hurt as well."
From the relative safety of her alleyway, Yohko looked up at the giant combined mecha.
"A giant Titans robot…" She giggled. "Sugoi!"
From an even safer vantage point several buildings away, Black Odd stared at the showdown in the making.
"Where did that giant come from?" He wondered aloud.
"Alright, let's get this show going," Cyborg muttered, and punched some commands into his controls. "Super Sonic Cannon…"
The Go-Bot raised an arm-cannon to bare on the Lobster…
"Cyborg, we don't want to destroy the city with it!" Savior yelled at him.
"Oh, right. Sorry." Cyborg rubbed his head sheepishly.
"Let's just stick to the basics," Robin ordered, "Go-fists, attack!"
The Go-Bot took the stance of an unprofessional boxer and delivered two left jabs and a right hook onto the Lobster's face. The Lobster reeled back in pain, screaming.
"I wish that thing would not do that." Scapel muttered, clutching his hypersensitive ears.
The Lobster rushed back at the Go-Bot with such speed and force that the surprised Titans piloting it had no time to respond and were shoved back. Hard.
"Morgue, you were supposed to strengthen the legs!" Robin yelled as they flew.
"Sorry!" Sophie cried, "It's not like I'm good at this! This is my first time!"
"Oof!"Raven grunted as she felt her seat shake. "I hope Bob comes up with something soon, or I'll lose my lunch."
Raven, are you busy?
Raven's eyes widened. Bob! Where are you!?
TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT
I'm in this little field outside of the town, Bob thought at her, I think I know how to get rid of that thing, but I could use your help.
Bob leaned on the shovel he'd been using and wiped his brow. This was hard work!
Can you come over?
TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT
Raven gritted her teeth. I'm kind of busy…! She thought angrily. So far, all their attacks had done nothing to the GLT except make it determined to crush the Go-Bot. And since they were fighting defensively, this meant they couldn't use the Go-Bot's more powerful weapons. And since she was operating one of the arms, that meant she couldn't just leave…
Could she?
Give me five minutes.
Take your time. No rush.
Spotting Gauntlet down below, she activated her communicator. "Robin, I have to go. Bob's figured out how to get rid of the Lobster. He needs my help."
"You can't just leave," Robin told her, "You're piloting the robot, remember?"
"I have a replacement," She told him, and cut the connection. Calling Gauntlet, she asked, "Robert, you still want to pilot the Go-Bot, right?"
"Damn straight!"
"Then hang on. Azarath…Metrion…Zinthos!"
There was a black flash, and Raven vanished from her cockpit. In her place was Gauntlet.
"Huh? What th…" Confusion gave way to excitement as Rob realized where he was. "Ohhh, yeah…"
To everyone's surprise, the Go-Bot did a theatrical spin before posing.
"Super!"
"Dammit, who let Rob in!?"
TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT
Raven, meanwhile, reappeared where Bob was. While Bob's lessons in energy efficiency were helping, she still felt a chunk of her endurance go as she teleported.
"I'm here, Bob. What do you have in mind?" She asked. Bob tossed her a shovel. She stared at it. "Did I miss something?"
"We can't destroy that Lobster without wrecking the city," Bob told her, "So, we have to send someplace else."
Raven didn't budge. "A teleportation spell?"
"Close," Bob grinned, "The thing's immune to magic, so we have to make a portal," He gestured to a large circle of runes painted into the grass. "Just dig where I've traced it out. I'll work one side while you do the other."
Raven sighed, and began to concentrate. "Azarath…"
"No magic," Bob ordered, "We have to carve the runes by hand. If we form the runes out of magic, the Lobster's shield might knock them away and we'll never be rid of it."
Bob whipped his own shovel and began to dig. Raven, after a moment's thought, began to dig as well.
TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT
The fight against the Giant Lobster Thing was not going well for the Titans Go-Bot 5, mostly due to a non-consensus of opinion among its pilots.
Gauntlet wanted use a plethora of fighting moves straight out of shonen series, and Cyborg was frequently attempting to bust out the Go-Bot's advanced weapons. Savior was furious that Gauntlet had been allowed into the Go-Bot at all, for the same reason that Gauntlet wanted to pilot it, and Morgue, who had not been taught how to operate combine mecha's at driver's ed', was still trying to get a hold of working her leg. In the middle of it all was Robin, who was currently experiencing the task-manager's nightmare.
Outside, the rest of the Titans minus Raven were trying to support the best they could, which wasn't much outside of making sure there was nobody around to get hurt. Any attempts to attack the Lobster were met either indifference or rage from the crustacean.
"There must be something we can do…" Scapel muttered, when Terra landed beside him. "Hmm? What are you doing?"
"I've got an idea," the blond told him, "I can't use my full powers without wrecking the city…"
"A risk we all know about." Scapel interjected.
"…But, I think I can do something with what I can use," Terra went on, ignoring the interruption. She hopped off of Personal Boulder and onto the street. "I need to really concentrate, so watch my back, okay?"
Terra's eyes glowed yellow, and the Boulder shot off, flying directly at the GLT. However, instead of hitting it, it curved in the air, and began to circle around the Lobster's eyes. Again and again, and around it went…
…And around, and around…
…And the eyes, who tangled their stalks following, began to spin themselves.
Robin saw this as their chance. "It's distracted! Get it!"
"Roger that!" Gauntlet whooped, and punched in a command.
The Go-Bot lunged at the GLT, picked it up, and put it on it's shoulders in a very familiar submission hold.
"TOWER BRIDGE!"
The Lobster screeched and writhed, squirming to escape the hold.
"…That actually worked. Good job." Scapel said, turning to Terra…who was swaying as well.
"Around and round and round…" She moaned, dizzy.
Scapel facefaulted.
"So cool!" Those two children cheered.
Scapel shot up. "I thought I told you children to go home!"
"They're paintin' the house, so Ma sent us back here so's we don't 'inhale those nasty fumes'." The boy replied.
Scapel facefaulted again.
TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT
Mr. Lark at the Smiley Face Employment Agency stared at his latest visitor from across his desk. He had gotten all kinds before. Aliens, mutants, cannibals, nobody was turned down at Smiley Face…
…But mainly because the aliens, mutants and cannibals looked human…
"So," Mr. Lark said uneasily, shuffling his paperwork in a desperate attempt to avoid looking at his client. "What kind of experience do you have?"
"Blaaargh."
"You…say you fought the Teen Titans every time they added a new member to their squad in Jump City, hmm?"
"Blargh."
"And worked…for…supervillains." Mr. Lark thought about this. "How about waiting tables?
"Blargh!" Mortimer liked that a lot.
TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT
"…Okay, that should do it," Bob throw the shovel aside and clapped his hands. "We're done! Runes in place, now I'll toss in some hocus pocus! Nice work, Raven."
Raven, gasping and heaving, fell to the ground, sweat pouring down her temple. "You…had…to…pick…the…hardest…soil…"
Bob adjusted his hat. "Oh, pipe down. You fight supervillains once a week and a little digging is too much?"
"Fight…with…magic…"
"Just take a deep breath and call your friends. We're ready to act." Bob threw off his trench coat, and gave his arms a wave. As he wiggled his fingers, the air began to ripple…
TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT
Back in the city, the GLT and Titans Go-Bot 5 were engaged in fisticuffs brawl, the crustacean having escaped the Tower Bridge hold the Go-Bot had put it in under Rob's orders. Now it was flailing its oversized pincers at the Go-Bot, which was blocking and attacking as best it could.
"For something with no fists, it's pretty good at punching!" Cyborg grunted as he readjusted the Go-Bot's footing. He didn't want to be knocked over again.
"I just wish we knew what kind of miracle Bob was cooking up," Robin commented. He directed the Go-Bot to punch at an opening in the GLT's guard. "I don't like working without a clue."
"Can we trust that guy?" Savior asked, "I mean, he did kidnap you guys once…"
"And he saved us when we were being controlled, Savior," Robin said sternly, "Look, if it helps, I don't trust him completely either, but we have no choice. And Raven-" There was a beeping. Robin activated the comm'. "Yeah?"
"It's me." Raven's still flushed face appeared on the screen.
"Raven!" Savior cried, "What happened to you?!"
"Just a little tired. Bob's a hard taskmaster." Raven replied. Before Noel could demand for an explanation, she said, "We're ready to send the Lobster away. Just bring it to us."
Robin checked her location and blanched. "Raven, that's on the other side of the city! How do you expect us to get it there!?"
"You've got a giant robot…just carry it…or something…"
TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT
"They're on their way," Raven told bob, hanging up. "But it might take them a minute."
"Fair enough," Bob shrugged, "Take a moment to rest."
She and Bob were sitting in two lawn chairs Bob had pulled out of his trench coat, and Elmo was seated calmly on Bob's shoulder. A pot of tea was cooking on a campfire nearby.
Raven felt a bit uneasy just sitting there while her friends were fighting, but she also knew that she had to watch the portal with Bob and make sure nothing disrupted the runes before the GLT was brought forth.
And besides, she was tired. Bob had made her dig her half of the rune circle, which had the radius as long as a football field, by hand. She had never done anything like that without some magic. Her legs, her arms, her hands and torso ached like she had never ached before. And when she tried to cheat and use her powers to manipulate the shovel, Bob would zip over and give her a quick flick on the ear.
"Oh, no you don't," He would say, "That's cheating."
And when she complained, he would say, "The exercise will do you good, get to it!"
Currently, Bob was pouring her a glass of tea. As he handed her a cup, he asked, "That Noel…does he brain tap people much? Once a day, week, month, what?"
Raven took a sip. She thought about it. How often did Noel use the Shimmer to link up with someone's brain?
"He does do it a lot," She admitted, "We've been trying to keep him from using it to hurt people, but…"
"Ah, that explains it." Bob nodded sagely.
"Explains what?"
Bob poured his own cup of tea and took a sip. "During that brief moment when he tried to tap my brain and got stung, I sensed two minds inside his body…one getting stronger than the other."
Raven dropped her cup.
TT-TT-TT-TT-TT-TT
"Okay, guys. Ready?" Robin asked.
"I am in position." Starfire confirmed.
"We're all set." Beast Boy replied, turning in a pterodactyl and carrying Scapel up.
"I'm as ready as I'm ever gonna be." Terra said.
"All right. Let's begin Operation: Flip-side!" Robin ordered.
Terra set her hands down and used her geokinetic powers to give the street a good shake. And she had to concentrate, as she not only had to disrupt the Lobster's movements, but she also had to stabilize the area so the buildings wouldn't crumble apart. At the same time, the Go-Bot grabbed the Lobster from underneath and tossed the immense shelled creature into the high. As it went up, Scapel jumped from Beast Boy's back and followed it, accompanied by Starfire. The two struck the beast's underbelly with such force that it went even higher. And just as it reached the height of its ascent, the Go-Bot raised its arms, revealing to cannons where its hands should be.
"Cyborg! Gauntlet!" Robin yelled, "Fire!"
"You got it, man!" Cyborg whooped, "Sonic-Gauntlet…"
"Double Barrel!" Gauntlet finished eagerly.
Two pulsing beams- one sonic blue and the other glowing yellow- shot at the Lobster, sending it flying.
"Raven, it's headed your way!" Robin screamed into his communicator.
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"I see it, Robin!" Raven confirmed. To Bob she yelled, "Bob, now!"
"Not yet," Bob waved her off. "It's too soon. It needs to be inside the circle for the portal to work."
The Lobster, at first a baseball-sized dot on the horizon, became a soccer ball-sized dot.
"Bob!" Raven yelled.
"Its shield might keep it from going inside the portal," Bob explained, "Relax. I know what I'm doing."
Now the Lobster's form was mattress-sized. Queen-sized mattress-sized.
"Now, Bob?" Raven asked testily, "While we're three-dimensional?"
"Gimme a minute," Bob said, drinking from his mug. "I want to finish my tea."
Elmo hopped onto Raven's shoulder as she sank into the shadows. The Lobster's shadow was now covering them.
"Okay, now." Bob said simply, and stomped on a rune. As one, the other runes light up. By this time the GLT's body was now blocking out the sky as it descended a terrifying rate of speed.
The area inside the rune circle glowed white and released a beam of light…
-Raven poked her head out of the shadow-
…And the Lobster was gone.
Bob looked down at his student and grinned.
"A bit high-strung, aren't you?" He chuckled, releasing a butterfly. "I'd have thought you'd be used to this sort of thing by now."
"That doesn't mean I have to like it."
"Ook."
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Later that night, six of the Titans were enjoying a quiet dinner at home. Rob was out with his friend Yohko, Tara and Gar had taken Black Odd to the diner, and Vic was out with Sarah Simms. Bob had returned to the private universe from whence they came (Though he had warned that he would be back), leaving Elmo in Titans Tower to 'keep an eye on Raven' (Actually, Elmo just wanted to search Noel's hair for spare change). All in all, things were quiet. After getting rid of the Lobster and prying Gauntlet out of the Go-Bot, Jump City's criminal element had decided that they needed a go lie-down after that spectacle.
"Lobsters, robots, loony magicians…" Sophie shook her head and knocked back another soda. "I picked a crazy day to come back."
"Don't tell me you regret being a Teen Titan, do you, Sophie?" Robin asked, raising an eyebrow.
Sophie shook her head. "Muggings, supervillains, insurance salesmen are one thing…but maybe we should leave the giant monster battles to the Japanese."
"Speaking of which," Kory commented, "I wonder who that girl Robert went off with is. Someone he met while we were in Japan?"
"I'm sure he'll tell us when he's ready…even if we aren't," Raven replied, "What I'd like to know is where Bob sent the Lobster."
"He sent it back to that Hannah woman you mentioned, didn't he?" Noel asked suspiciously.
"No. If he did Hannah would just send it back," Raven answered. To Elmo she asked, "Do you know what he did?"
Elmo thought about it, and jumped out of Noel's hair. Picking up the remote, he turned on the TV to a news report.
"…And in other news," Anchorwoman Jan Yong said on-screen, "A Giant Lobster Thing inexplicably appeared at the Collinscorp Headquarters this afternoon. The beast was soon suppressed by the Justice League, but not before destroying over 3.7 billion dollars worth of property. Amazingly, no children under the age of thirteen were among those injured. Company owner Maxwell Collins refused to comment, as he was too busy tearing out his hair."
The Titans stared at the screen. They then stared at Noel, who had an expression that was a mix of horror and delight. They looked at Elmo, who had one of those 'Here we go again' faces, uncommon on monkeys. Then they turned to Raven, who had the look of someone who's realized the light at the end of a tunnel is in fact a train.
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At the diner, Terra, Beast Boy, and Black Odd stared at their new waiter.
Mortimer didn't know what they were staring at. Didn't they like his new uniform?
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A/N: Okay, a new chapter! And this one with the Legendverse OCs! Woo! I hope I kept them in character!
Okay, some explanations.
Firstly, the girl Yohko is not mine. Not originally. She first appeared in a flashback in Bobcat's Epic of Gauntlet, chapter 6. She seemed like a cute character, so I thought I would bring her into the present, mostly to mess with Gauntlet's head. Heheheh. I'll probably develop her character a bit more as the story goes on.
Secondly, the Titans Go-Bot 5 is not an original creation. The Go-Bot first appeared in the comic adaption of the Teen Titans animated series, Teen Titans Go!, issue 9. The theme song provided by Gauntlet comes from the video game, Mystical Ninja: Starring Goemon!, made by Konami.
Thirdly, Mortimer is an OC created by Legend Maker and named by Bobcat. Since he hasn't appeared for quite a while in the Legendsverse, I thought I should explain why.
Fourthly, Black Odd is NOT going to join the Teen Titans. Not this branch, anyway. There are far too many heroes there.
Oh yeah, Sarah Simms does appear in the canon set up by Warner Bros., but only in the Teen Titans Go! Comic adaption. More on her later.
See you next! Read and Review!
(1) Jack spent many weeks entertaining children at birthday parties and store openings, finding a happiness in this new form madness. The spell wore off after a the fifth week, just as Jack was made governor of California, which only goes to show what kind of world we live in where even psychotic murderer turned party-clown can become an elected official.