Broken

Tali sat in the cramped quarters of an Admiral in the Quarian fleet. Aboard the flagship of her people and leading them into a battle, one might have thought she would be beaming with pride. Instead, she sat alone as her ship journeyed to its destination. She was starting at a small, wooden house.

She ran her hands over the model, it's simple triangular roof and other human features made it a bit foreign to her eyes, but she could understand the intention behind it. Her gaze was focused on the small inscription. "This will be yours", it said.

Tali did not know whether to feel betrayed or "just" heartbroken. Part of her had a bit of resentment towards Shepard. Why could he not tell her? Why did he just leave?

She had noticed some changes in him. She had assumed it was stress, the weight of command finally being revealed to her as she had grown close to him. She had always admired his strength and poise. More than that, the fact he could show kindness and humility towards people, whether it was letting people like Shiala live to help the colonists on Feros or when he had helped a mourning mother on Omega. Yet, recently his character had darkened. He began to complain of pains. He withdrew from her a bit. Before when they slept together, she had always clung to him so tightly, as if she was afraid she was going to lose him in the night. She would always wake up with her head nuzzled against his body, where she wanted to be. Now, she would awake to find him sitting, alone, or pacing. Sometimes it seemed as if he never got any sleep at all. She didn't want to pry, to force her way into his life as her reading about human relationships had indicated that some might consider that a "nagging girlfriend". Even so, she could not help but be concerned. Everything she had done that had once brought a laugh or hug from him now would bring just merely a smile, a pained one, or sometimes just a nod of appreciation for her effort.

Now she knew why. Why could he not tell me?! He must have known, the Illusive man must have known, and he trusted that monster more than her?

She felt like smashing the house, to break it apart in anger. She raised a fist and prepared to bring it down, to shatter this "gift" which was just a memento of sadness.

She couldn't muster the strength to. As the feeling of anger receded, she began to realize why he must have done what he did. Just as she clung to him in the night, if she had known his plan, she would have never let him go. Worse, she might have gone with him, forcing herself into the shuttle and flying to whatever fate awaited him. The Reapers might have a use for Shepard, but for her though, she most certainly would have perished, been perhaps even been a liability to him.

A heavy sigh escaped her lips and as tears rolled down her face. She couldn't hate him, but her love was poisoned with a feeling that she should already be mourning his passing. She had watched him for so long, as a young female, and always thought she would never have her chance. When Liara and Shepard became close, she hid the stings of jealousy behind her helmet, eventually accepting the fact that someone like him could not see past a visor and her suit. She had wished so badly to be beautiful like Liara, or more importantly able to show herself. She remembered the look on his face when they went to Illium. He was heartbroken then, telling her he felt that he didn't know who he was anymore, that the world had left him behind as had Liara. She had been there to comfort him, to know him, and eventually to love him.

She had had Shepard, after so long. Then she had lost him in a single night.

Lost. Part of her refused to believe he was lost. Part of her thought she could still feel him, out there and in pain, but alive. She knew not what fate awaited him at the hands of the Reapers or if he could sustain himself against such a foe. Would he be strong enough to overcome such a senseless destructive instinct that they possessed?

She hoped, she prayed, she knew he could. With the words of her people she uttered a small blessing for him, for all of their friends, and for herself. That she would have the strength to endure whatever happened during the battle, even if it meant…

She didn't want to think it…

Even if it meant losing him.