Title: Superhero Special Series #1: The Cullen Cave
Rating: T
Character(s): The Cullens, Bella, and Mike
Summary: SUPERHEROS! This is the first edition of the superhero special series! There will be other editions as time goes on. Anyways! This one is about the Cullens having a meeting in the Cullen Cave about what to do to save Bella, the damsel in distress, from their arch nemesis, Mike. Will they save Bella? Or will Mike get away with it?

Word Count: 2,068

Note: This is a special mini series that will happen throughout Vampiristic Humor. They aren't vampires in this series, but when they put their super suits on, they have super powers.

Every superhero has a cool name, so here's the key to that:

Edward: Sexy Charmer

Emmett: The Grizzly Bear

Jasper: The Sensitive One

Rosalie: Beautiful Wonder Gal

Alice: Pixie Girl

Bella: Mind Barrier

Jacob: Alpha Male

Seth: Young Wolf

Mike:…you'll have to read and find out :D

Enjoy and review please!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight!

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Superhero Special Series #1: The Cullen Cave

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"Pixie Girl?" Edward, a.k.a. The Sexy Charmer, called as he took attendance. He was head of the superhero gang known as the Cullens. They were currently in the Cullen Cave, having a meeting. The Cullen Cave had metal walls, and on one wall was a huge TV that took up most of that wall. In the center of the room was a large table with six chairs. Also in the room were desks and file cabinets. On one of the desks sat the super phone.

"Present and hyper!" Replied Alice.

"Sensitive One?"

"What?! Oh, here!" Jasper said.

"Beautiful Wonder Gal?"

"Right here," Rosalie said seductively.

"Grizzly Bear?"

"PRESENT!" Emmett screamed.

"Mind Barrier?"

Silence.

"Mind Barrier?"

Everyone stared at the empty chair next to where Edward sat.

Edward's brow furrowed. "Where's Mind Barrier? Does anyone know?"

There was some mumbling before Alice said,

"Sorry, Sexy Charmer, we haven't heard from her,"

"Check the super phone!" Emmett suggested, pointing to said object.

"Good thinking, Grizzly Bear!" Edward shouted and ran over to the phone. He clicked a button that said "messages" and a long beep went off.

"You have four new super messages," A woman's voice said. "Message one:"

"Hey guys!" Bella greeted happily. "I won't be able to make it to the meeting. I'm going to Renee's for the weekend. Sorry, and talk to you later!"

"End of message. Message Two:"

"Hey guys, it's me again!" Bella greeted again. "Guess what?! I got to Renee's, but she and Phil had to leave for a sudden game. I can come to the meeting! Yay!"

"End of message. Message Three:"

"Sexy Charmer! Pixie Girl! Someone, please pick up!" Bella shouted. "I'm being taken! I can't do anything! Help! He's immune to my--" Suddenly, she was cut off.

"End of message. Message Four:"

There was an evil laugh, but it was computerized so they couldn't make out the exact voice. "That's right, Cullens, I took your girl. I know how precious she is to you. If you want her back alive, give up your powers. Otherwise…" There was a crunch and a scream. "Well, I'll just keep breaking a bone. Muwhahahaha!"

"End of messages."

Everyone remained silent for a minute.

"We have to save Mind Barrier!" Alice yelled.

"But we don't know who took her," Jasper said calmly.

"I think we do, actually," Edward said.

"Explain, Sexy Charmer," Rosalie demanded.

"Well isn't it obvious, Beautiful Wonder Gal? Who's our arch nemesis?"

Emmett's eyes narrowed. "Michaeltard." He growled out.

Edward nodded. "Exactly."

Suddenly, there was beep from the TV on the wall. Everyone turned to stare at it.

Someone was holding a camera and it was showing Bella, bruised and battered, crumpled on the floor.

"I bet that's a sore sight to see," The voice said, turning the camera onto him, showing Mike.

"Michaeltard!" Edward shouted. "Give Bella back to us! Or else!"

"Or else what? I want to see how far you would go to save Mind Barrier!"

"You cruel, sadistic, son of a bi--" Emmett started but was cut off by Edward.

"You better watch your back, Michaeltard,"

"Oh, I will, Sexy Charmer. I will…" He trailed off with an evil laugh, and the screen showed Bella once again before going blank.

Edward growled and his hands clenched into fists.

"Is it just me, or does anyone else think it's rather disturbing when Michaeltard says Sexy Charmer's name?" Alice asked.

"It's not just you," Jasper said.

"Look, we need to come up with a plan," Rosalie said. She pushed a red button and a wall flipped over to show a whiteboard.

Everyone sat down and became quiet as Edward stood, facing the whiteboard. He grabbed a marker and started drawing.

"Wait a minute…" Emmett said. "That's--"

"Plan C," Edward finished for him. He was now done drawing and he turned to face the other superheroes. "I know,"

"But Plan C…that's pretty major, Sexy Charmer," Alice said worriedly.

"It's the only way we're going to be able to save her," Edward sighed. "Okay, you know what to do. We're going to infiltrate his lair and take out his guards. We need to use stealth. Try not to get caught, but if you do, scream, and then all stealth goes out the window. If one of us gets killed…don't stop, keep going." He took a deep breath. "I just want to say it was great working with you guys."

"Don't talk like that!" Emmett shouted. "We can do this! Hands in!"

He put his hand up, and everyone followed.

"Cullens!" They shouted at the same time.

"Alright!" Edward called. "Let's get suited up!"

Edward pushed a black button next to the whiteboard, and the wall changed again. This time, six pods came up, each one containing a superhero suit. Above each pod was the name of the person who the suit belonged to.

Everyone went to their respective pod and pushed a button to open it (so many buttons!).

Edward had green tights with white boxers over them. He had a loose, green shirt on that had the two letters 'SC' capitalized. He also had a green mask over his eyes (like in Spongebob whenever they dress up as Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy) and a white cape (it always billowed, even if it wasn't windy).

Jasper's outfit was similar, only everything was a dark purple and he didn't have a cape or mask, but he did have a dark purple cap on.

Emmett…well, Emmett's was entirely different. His outfit was basically footsie PJ's that had fake bear fur on it. He also had bear ears that he slid onto his head (like a head band).

Rosalie had short black shorts that clung to her skin. She had thigh high red boots and a red, sleeveless, skintight shirt. To finish the outfit, she had black, elbow length, leather gloves.

And last but not least, Alice had black skintight pants that were tucked into black, knee high boots, a skintight black, long sleeve shirt, and black gloves.

Once they were dressed, they turned to Edward, waiting for orders.

"Okay," He said. "We need to call…reinforcements," He whispered the last part dramatically.

Everyone gulped and shifted nervously. They NEVER had to call reinforcements!

Edward whipped over to the super phone and dialed a number.

"Hello, The Alpha Male speaking," A deep voice answered.

"Alpha Male, it's me, Sexy Charmer,"

"Sexy Charmer! What's wrong? You NEVER call us!"

"Mind Barrier's been taken by the evil Michaeltard, and we have to use Plan C,"

"Le gasp! Me and The Young Wolf will come over to the Cullen Cave right away!"

"Thank you, Alpha Male," Edward finished, hanging up.

Approximately five minutes later, Alpha Male, a.k.a. Jacob, came crashing through the door with Young Wolf, a.k.a. Seth, in a very heroic way.

"Alright," Edward said. "Now that everyone's here, we shall go to the Michaeltard Lair!"

Everyone cheered and left the Cullen Cave.

They emerged from a secret entrance and started running. They ran in silence the whole way.

When they were about thirty yards from the lair, they stopped and stared at the huge wall that surrounded Mike's lair.

"How are we going to get past that?" Jasper whispered.

"Beautiful Wonder Gal," Edward whispered. "Use your stunning beams to break down the wall. After she does that, everyone run in and start taking guards out. Keep going in until you find Michaeltard and Mind Barrier."

Everyone nodded and stood up. They started running, and Rosalie pointed her hands at the wall. Blue beams shot out and hit it, causing it to fall down.

They dodged falling stone and brick, all the while taking out guards that had appeared.

Edward was the first one to get into the building. He ran down hallway after hallway, sometimes coming to a dead end.

One time when he came to one, he turned around and saw a guy with blonde hair standing in his way, a snarl on his face.

Edward crouched into a fighting stance. "Who are you?" He asked.

"My name is James," The guy replied.

Edward relaxed his stance. "Just James?"

James relaxed his stance too. "Yeah,"

"You don't have a cool, awesome name? Just James?"

"Why, isn't my name cool?"

"No, no, it is. It's just…odd,"

The two got back down in a crouch.

"I can't let you past me," James growled and he lunged at Edward.

Edward dodged and went to punch him in the face, but James grabbed his arm and pulled him down. Edward rolled to the side on the ground just as James was about to stomp on him. Edward kicked James' legs and sent him falling towards the ground.

Edward used his mind reading powers to read James' mind. He saw James' plan, and was able to counteract it when James got up and tackled him.

At the last second, Edward jumped out of the way, and James ran into the wall and knocked himself out.

Edward winced and continued running, but then he heard a scream. He stopped and sifted through the minds until he found Jasper's mind. What he saw was Alice lying on the floor, clutching her leg. A big burly guy loomed over Alice and laughed.

"You can't run with your legs like that, can you?" He said. He was about to take a swipe at her, but then Rosalie shot a beam at him, which knocked him onto the ground.

Edward switched his focus onto Emmett to see how he was doing. He ran up to a guy and punched him in the gut.

----Suddenly cheesy news flash music comes on----

"We're sorry to interrupt this program. Breaking news has just come in." A man said.

"Hey, Bob," A new guy said. In the background was Emmett punching the guy. "We're here at the 2009 Strength Competition, and Emmett Cullen has just punched a guy three hundred and sixty-four yards! A new record! That's going to be hard for ANYONE to beat. Back to you, Bob!"

"Thank you for listening to this broadcast. Now back to the story,"

----Goes back to Edward----

Edward focused on where he was and continued running.

Finally, he came face to face with Mike.

"Michaeltard," Edward growled.

"Sexy Charmer," Mike replied in a laid back tone. "So you decided to come,"

"You're going down!"

"Not if I take you down first!"

Edward rushed towards Mike and pulled his fist back and snapped it forward, hitting Mike in the nose. Mike stumbled back and clutched at his nose while Edward smirked.

SUDDENLY!! Mike pulled out a gun and pointed it at—

"WAIT!" Edward shouted, staring at the author. "Superheroes, or in this case, villains, don't have guns!"

"Oh, yeah," I said. "You're right,"

SUDDENLY!! Mike pulled out a little detonator that had a blue button.

"Give up, or I press this and everyone gets blown to bits."

Edward froze and started thinking of a plan. A bead of sweat rolled down the side of his face. He suddenly kicked Mike in the gut, surprising him. He dropped the detonator, and both of them winced, thinking the button would get pushed.

But it didn't.

Edward smirked and calmly picked it up while Mike gaped at him. Edward punched him in the side of the head, knocking him out. He ran inside the room that Bella was in to see her on the floor.

"Mind Barrier!" He exclaimed.

"Sexy Charmer!" She replied.

He carefully picked her up and cradled her against his chest. "Let's go,"

He then ran through the labyrinth of hallways. Every time he passed by a Cullen, they stop what they were doing and follow him until all the Cullens and the reinforcements were out.

"What are we going to do with the place?" Emmett asked.

"Blow it up," Edward responded. He pushed the detonator, and the whole building exploded.

"Where's Michaeltard?" Alice asked from Jasper's arms.

"He's dead," Edward relied. They remained silent the rest of the way.

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Back in the Cullen Cave, the superheroes had put their suits away and were sitting at the table. The reinforcements had gone home, and Alice and Bella had been patched up.

Once again, the Cullens had succeeded. Now, hopefully, with their enemy gone, they could live a peaceful life.

Of course then there would be no plot, so it's not going to be like that for long.

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Oh my gosh. I had SO much fun with this. I thought it was a little weird, but still funny.

There'll be more editions later on. Oh, and this was inspired by that Alltel commercial with those heroes or whatever.

Review please! If you do, tell me what you thought about Mike's name. I want to hear your guys' thoughts on that.

--Panda