Chapter 6 - True power?

The next day went on smoothly. Silver skipped breakfast... there was no breakfast at Shadow's anyway, so he went to do some shopping. Once he was back Shadow was already awake, so Silver prepared some coffee for them, and took some to Shadow, together with two just-baked muffins he had bought at his favorite bakery for him. During the day, Shadow acted much more polite than usual. His leg had started healing, and it hurt much less now, so he could finally rest and it showed. But this was Shadow after all. So Silver knew he had to keep his distance, even if he had felt so close the night before, or else Shadow could start feeling uncomfortable in his company again or even go back to his hostile attitude. After all, he was used to being alone all the time.

The day was sunny outside and Silver was feeling much better. At the begenning he wasn't sure about this idea, but coming to Shadow's had proved to be the right thing to do after all. Things were going alright, Shadow had let him take care ot his wounds... And he didn't have to spend the days after the attack on his own, back at home.

That afternoon he even got to check Shadow's temperature correctly. He was still running a very small fever as a consequence from the infection, but it was nothing compared to the day before. Shadow also let Silver stay in his room to read, sitting by the window under the sunlight. He took the opportunity to watch him. Under his red eyes, the ivory hedgehod didn't seem to fear him like other people did. He also wouldn't just ignore him, like some other people chose to do. Silver looked like he felt comfortable being around him... and even filled in the permanent void produced by his loneliness. But not as an intruder. Silver had drawn an invisible line between them and was respecting it. That night, when Silver had gone to sleep, Shadow started thinking he might get used to this, and that scared him. He'd been used to being alone for so many years now...

The next day had brought dark clouds to Green Valley. The falling, heavy summer rain could be seen from the darkened room in which the two inhabitants were eating breakfast. That same morning one of them had tried to go downstairs on his own, even when the other one had asked him not to do so. Acording to Silver, it would still take at least one more day until it was safe enough for Shadow to walk freely. But what Silver didn't know was how hard it was for him, to feel useless. Silver had tried to explain that the faster he healed, the sooner he'd be able to run again. Logic had seemed to ease Shadow's anxiousness and he had gone back to his room without further complaint. Now they were listening to the sound of the rain as they drank some hot milk coffee. And Shadow found himself gazing at the white one, once again, as the last one stared out of the window entranced by the view. Shadow didn't want to think anymore. He just let his eyes rest on him, if they were comfortable that way then so be it.

Some hours and a cozy lamb nap* later the rain stopped, yet the sky remained dark and gloomy. After having something to eat, Silver started cleaning the wound again so that he could change the bandages. While he was at it, Shadow told him something he would've never expected to hear:

-"Some of the things you do... they remind me of her."

-"...her?"

-"Maria. ...She used to take care of me. She cared for me... And she had been the only one ever since."

Maria? Shadow never mentioned his past in his presence before... The situation was delicate now. Was Shadow trying to start a conversation? Or did he just want to express himself, to be listened to? And who was this Maria? The only one who ever cared...?

-"Who... is she?"

-"A human girl I grew up with... she was raised in the ARK because the atmosphere down here would harm her. She's not longer alive though." Said Shadow.

-"Oh... did something bad happen to her?"

-"She died several years ago..."- Shadow paused for a few seconds -"She was killed, by GUN soldiers. Right in front of me, right after she had saved my life..." Silver let out a small gasp.

-"I... was powerless at the time. ...I've been always being protected by her, and could never return the favor back. She was so young..."

-"Shadow... That sounds really hard... I'm really sorry that you can't be with her..." So he did have a close friend once. He knows what if feels like. And he just stayed alone all this time after losing her? Losing her like that... how... painful. It sounds unfair, but... "But why would GUN want to attack a girl? Were they after her?"

-"No, not after her... That is a rather long story. I might tell you... but some other time."

-"Ok, I understand. This Maria... sounds like she was a beautiful person."

-"She was beautiful indeed. In the inside and on the outside too. She didn't deserved to die like that. I couldn't stand losing her... I still have nightmares about that day." Silver waited for a second, taking some time to think about Blaze,and the day she disappeared, leaving him on his own. He had felt that same closeness to her. He also had have a hard time trying to overcome the whole episode. Silver tried talking some more, –"You know, before she disappeared... I'm not sure what I would've done without Blaze. She always took care of me... She does even now, I believe. Whenever I doubt about something, I hear her voice somewhere inside my head telling me what's the right thing to do..."

-"Do you miss her?"

-"Of course I do, I miss her a lot. I guess we all need someone who cares... close to us."

-"Maria would take care of me, like an older sister. We grew up together, we did everyhting as a team... But that's never coming back. I've lost her forever."

They both remained silent for a while, caught in deep thought. This changed things. This changed Silver's image of Shadow completely. It's like he had never known him at all before, and just now was beginning to peek inside him. Shadow's eyes had softened since he started talking about Maria; Silver could see warmth, affection and care in them, and finally sadness, pain and guilt. Some things started to make sense now. He gave it some more thought, remembering the things Blaze had taught him, the words his mother spoke once, his own experiences. He finally spoke, in a soft voice. He felt like he had to. He felt Shadow needed it.

-"Shadow, I'd like to tell you something... I don't know if I'm the right person to do so, or if my opinion is correct at all, but I believe I have to tell you what I think. Just... take it as an opinion... from someone who knows little about you, ok?"

-"...Um, just go ahead."

Silver grabbed some clean bandages and started twisting them in his bare hands as he spoke.

-"At the beginning, I thought... I thougt you just cared about yourself, and you alone. You never seemed to be worried about the rest, like you just cooperated because you had nothing better to do. Then I came here and saw your house, run down and messy, the very own place where you live in... and learnt how you don't feed yourself properly. That, added too the fact that you never get medical assistance when you're wounded... made me think that you didn't even care about yourself. That scared me a little." – Shadow looked puzzled.–"No, please, don't get me wrong. Please let me finish..."

-"Ok... Go on." - Shadow didn't look offended, just curious. Silver had been analysing him, and that made him wonder about his conclusions.

-"I worried me... At some point I blamed a possible lack of love and care in your childhood... people who don't receive love usually don't know how to give it, to show it to other people and, specially, to themselves. You know... it's said that it's not possible to love someone if you don't know how to love yourself first... But I didn't know anything about you at all, until now. If you did receive affection, then I think that you must know how to give it back. I also think that the reason why you don't like being around people is that you're still depressed about losing Maria, since she was the only one to love and care for you. I believe... that maybe you didn't want anyone to 'replace' her. It shows you care deeply for her... maybe you never wanted anyone to fill that space she left, because she was unique for you...? Irreplaceable... It's like you didn't even want yourself to replace her. And that could only be if... Am I right if I say that, at some point, you feel guilty for her death?"

-"I... did feel guilt before. It was hard to accept the fact that I couldn't have done anything to change... what happened." – Shadow's eyes looked deeply into the wall across the room. He was listening carefully to Silver's words while his eyes shone a bit more than usual.

-"Shadow. Maria must've been an amazing person, caring for you like that. And I think that she probably would've wanted you to be happy, caring for yourself and for the rest, as she did with you. If she saw you like this, scarcely eating, not treating your wounds... wouldn't she worry about you?"

- "She.... did ask something from me. Right before she... before she saved me, she asked me to save the people of this planet."

- "She did? She must've been very brave. I guess she included you among them then... See, it's not what she asked from you, but why she asked for it. She probably loved the people of her planet, that's why she wanted you to protect them. In order for you to be able to protect someone, you have to care about them, have an interest in them. The greatest power comes when you want to protect something. Like... the reason why I came to the past in the first place, to protect my future homeland."

Shadow thought about the moment when ARK had been under attack. The way Maria, who usually would stay in her room and never did too much exercise because of her condition, had followed him and had run faster than never before all across the ARK. The flawless way in which she had operated the controls of that escape capsule, even under the pression of being pursued by armed men, only so that she could save him. If only he had known that there was no room for her in that capsule, that she knew the danger they were in and still put her life on the line to give him a chance... All that bravery, all that power Maria showed... did it came from her desire to protect him? And with him, the people of the Earth? Silver interrupted his thoughts yet once again.

-"Just think about Sonic, for example. All the times he fights against Eggman, all the tought situations he goes through... He cares about those he protects. And he clearly cares for himself" – that was undeniable –"that's why he naturally knows how to care for the rest, regardless of that self-centered image he always shows. Being powerful, like you are, is of course necessary, but you need something to control all that power, a reason to guide it into the right direction, or it will eventually turn harmful and pointless. If you want to fulfill Maria's wish, you need to overcome her loss and start loving yourself again." –Silver listened to his own words and blushed a bit, maybe they sounded too harsh. Overcoming the loss of the only person who had ever cared for you was easier said than done, he knew that. –"At least... it's just a theory. It's not like I know you enough yet... maybe I'm just wrong... maybe I'm just being rude and I should shut up..."

Silver decided to make silence. He had finally reached his point, there was no turning back, he had talked enough. Shadow had listened, without interrupting. Now it was Silver's turn to wait and listen back.

-"I don't know if I'll be able to. I still miss her... too much. It's not the same now that she's gone, it hurts inside."

-"I know the feeling. I understand you, believe me, I miss Blaze too. But I don't think you have completely lost her though."

-"What do you mean by that?"

-"As long as you coutinue to remember her like that, she won't be completely gone. I think I know where she is now... I can feel her... right here." – Silver dropped the bandage he was holding and placed his bare hand on Shadow's chest, fingers hidden between white fur. There he found Shadow's steady heartbeats. – "I'm sure a part of her still lives inside you, because you remember and care about her so much, after all this time."

Shadow closed his eyes. He started thinking about her and for a few seconds, he could see her clearly. A nice, warm feeling slowly run through his body. Maybe Silver was right? He opened his eyes as he felt the warmness of Silver's hand leave it's place on his chest.

-"I'm... I'm sorry I did that. I forgot you disliked it." –Silver stood up, blushing. – "I'm finished with the bandaging so... I'll just leave for now. I'm sorry I said all that, I got carried away... I talk too much sometimes and-"

-"Silver, I'm not upset."

-"What?"

-"I said I'm not angry... you didn't do anything bad, so you shoudln't apologize."

-"Oh... right, I just... I'll be taking these to- uh..." – The doorbell suddenly rang cutting Silver's words. He was thankful that something would distract them for a while. – "I'd better go see who it is."

*Lamb Nap: It's how Spanish call a short nap between breakfast and lunch. Try it, no more than half an hour... it's refreshing!