Title: Be Still My Heart (Thou Hast Known Worse Than This)
Rating: M FOR MATURE! I mean it!
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, especially Naminé, Roxas, Axel, or vampires. Though if I did, this would be what they would do...
Warnings: Male x Male interactions, if you know what I mean. Vampires, blood, sexual scenes, foul language.
Notes and such: You guys are all so wonderful, and I appreciate each and every review you guys give me! It really makes me want to write right away! Unfortunately, I'm going to have to update probably once a week from now on(maybe twice if you're lucky!), since school started. Darn college, interfering with my writing! That's why this one was kinda late.. It'll probably be around thursday, friday, or saturday, if you don't have the story on alert.
This chapter's also significantly shorter, and kind of boring(in my opinion), but I already have everything all planned out, and the next chapter should be way better for you guys! Ohohoho, and wait 'til chapter 5! I think you guys will really like that one. ;D Anyways, enjoy!
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Waking up wrapped in cool, strong arms was something Roxas wanted to experience every day. Just the thought that he wasn't alone was so refreshing and new to him, and he knew that it was a thing he would not want to give up, especially to return to an empty, small, cold bed. Lifting his arms over his head, he stretched languidly, his back arching off of the warm mattress beneath him. The arms and hands resting on and around his body pulled him closer and Roxas twisted around to face the man behind him.
Deep green eyes were shining at him intensely, causing Roxas' heart to flutter happily. He could get used to this, seeing that beautiful gaze watching him, those well-defined muscles of Axel's body pressed up against his skin.
Unable to stop himself, he slid his hands up the smooth stomach and chest of Axel's body slowly, enjoying the feel of the toned abdomen and angles before he moved to gently trace the dark upside down triangle tattoos underneath his eyes. He had never found another guy attractive before, until Axel came along. But to be fair, he'd never actually been attracted to a girl, either. He felt as though he should be confused about this whole situation, and sudden revelation of his sexuality. Was he gay?
Yeah, probably.
Axel's fingers danced along Roxas' back, leaving a fiery trail of overheated skin in their wake. He wasn't sure if he loved or hated the way Axel could awaken this lusty monster inside of him with just a simple touch, but he'd think about that later. Right now, he wanted Axel bad.
His body shivered as those confident fingers brushed along his hips and jerked his lower body forward quickly, the evident erection pressing firmly against his rapidly growing one. His throat gave out a low moan at the contact, and Roxas dug his fingers into Axel's hard back, positive that if Axel wasn't a vampire, there would be some serious scratches left afterwards. In a movement that was too quick, Axel shifted Roxas onto his back and hovered over him, their bodies pulled apart far enough to prevent any part of them touching.
Roxas wanted to scream at Axel to get back down there and do something, but the look the redhead was giving him silenced him immediately. There was a definite lust that was glazing over his sparkling eyes, but that wasn't the only thing. There appeared to be a hint of obvious sorrow and longing behind all the adoration, causing Roxas' throat to catch, and a warm feeling spread through him.
Any hunger for sexual contact left Roxas without delay, and a yearning to just hold Axel overtook him. He slowly pulled the redhead down by the neck, refusing to look away from the expressive hues of the other until Axel buried his face in Roxas' neck. Doing as he intended, Roxas slid his arms around the suddenly stiff shoulders of the body above him, holding him close and as tightly as he could. The shaking of Axel's body was both visible and felt, and though he wasn't crying physically, Roxas knew that he was releasing similar emotions through the actions. Axel may not be alive anymore, but that didn't mean he could just break the habit of crying when emotions became too overwhelming, even if there was no physical result.
What's going on? What's got him so worked up all of the sudden?
Rubbing soothing circles along Axel's back, he shifted them to the side so that they lay together, curled up again. He wished the other man would let him know what was wrong, but at the time it seemed too soon to ask. Technically, he had only known him for a couple days, and insisting that someone open up their secrets to you was a bit of an imposition.
But he felt like he knew Axel already, like they had known each other for so many years, but at the same time everything about the man was so new, and foreign.
He wanted to know everything about Axel. What he liked, disliked, his favorite scent, and little things like that. There were so many questions bubbling up inside of Roxas, just waiting to be asked, and thankfully the mood lightened a little when he felt lips pressed against his neck.
A moan was inevitable when Axel's wet tongue ventured forth from his mouth to test the hot surface of Roxas' skin. This only seemed to encourage the slick adventurer and he soon found himself with a sexy redheaded vampire sucking on his neck without actually drawing any blood.
The feeling was so different from the previous experiences Roxas had of Axel's mouth on his neck, and hands down this was not nearly as favorable as when Axel actually sucked his blood, though it was still rather enjoyable. A gentle nip finished off the not-quite-breakfast for the vampire before he pulled his head back from the crook of the blonde's neck, and grinned down at Roxas with those dazzling white teeth.
"You got over that fast," he smiled back, hoping that his light teasing wouldn't offend.
"Yeah, I had a girly moment, excuse me."
The dramatic eye roll and deep sigh when he attempted to push the blond away were enough to make Roxas sure that Axel was joking around, and he pulled Axel back to him, snuggling into the offered body in front of him. He couldn't help this constant need to touch the other, and he wondered idly if this was normal.
Of course this wasn't normal. Nothing about this situation was ordinary in any way, because the fact that Axel was a vampire set the whole scale off balance all by itself. Throw in the fact that he and Roxas were both male, and Roxas couldn't even remember the first time he had met this man just made it tip over that much more. No, judging all of this by comparing it to "normal" was not going to work.
"Is this supposed to happen?"
"What?"
"I can't stop wanting to just touch you. Not like that, I just want to be in contact, I guess to make sure you're really there."
"Why wouldn't I be here?"
"I don't know. It's just a feeling," he admitted, breathing against the pale shoulder that he rested his head against.
Axel didn't respond right away, and when he did, his response didn't seem to make any sense with his question. "They always tell you to trust your gut feeling, but I think sometimes your heart's feelings tend to block it and make you choose the wrong choice."
It was quiet between the two for a while, Roxas' soft breathing mingling with the sound of the fireplace crackling a few feet away from them. He was thankful for the warmth that the fire created in the room, even if he had never really acknowledged its existence until then. While Axel brought out the heat hidden inside his body with his touch, the contact did not actually warm him up with body heat, like he supposed happened with another human person. Not that he was complaining, because Roxas would choose Axel over anyone else, human or not, at once.
"How do you know if you've made the right choice or not, Roxas?" The whisper was almost too soft for him to hear, but in between the pauses of the fire, the unsure question rang loudly through his ears. Was he asking him because he wanted to know if Roxas made the right choice, or did he honestly want to know a way to test any decision? Either way, the blond didn't have an answer, and figured it best not to respond, since he was sure the question was not meant to be heard.
They remained unspeaking for several minutes, and Roxas could feel his lids grow heavy, sleep trying to claim him once more. He seriously contemplated taking a nap—falling asleep in Axel's arms would always be appealing—but he thought it better to stay up.
"Tell me about your life," Axel murmured against Roxas' hair, his fingers gently running through the silky soft blond tresses, to which the boy moaned and snuggled closer.
"Well what do you want to know?"
"Hm," the redhead paused, thinking for a second. "Do you have any friends?"
Roxas nodded. "Hayner, Pence, and Olette are my best friends."
"What are they like?" The fingers that brushed against his scalp began to knead the skin there instead, entertaining Roxas with a massage, an act that made his skin tingle.
"Hayner's really competitive, and we're usually always racing or fighting. He can be kind of moody though. Pence is a nice guy, he knows a lot of things, though most of them are pretty random, or weird. Um, and Olette's kind of the mother hen, always watching out for us and stuff. But she's really girly, and likes to drag us along to go shopping with her."
Axel didn't respond, and Roxas wondered if he was asleep.
"That sounds nice," was simple reply.
"Do you have friends, Axel?" The man nodded only strong enough for Roxas to feel, and he continued, curious. "What are yours like?"
"I don't consider them 'best friends', but we've known each other for a couple hundred years or so." Roxas knew if Axel could see him, he'd look completely ridiculous with his eyes bulged out at the fact that Axel was clearly over two-hundred years old. "I suppose Demyx is my closest friend now."
"Now?" Roxas interjected. "Did you have someone closer to you than him before?"
The red hair that filled his vision moved slightly, and Roxas took that to mean yes, but Axel didn't explain, so he didn't ask any further. He would find out more about his vampire eventually.
"Demyx is a bit of an idiot, and he's really lazy, but pretty entertaining, I guess. Then there's Zexion, and Saix, Luxord, Xigbar…Just a bunch of people, really. They're not important."
"Not important? But they're your friends, aren't they?"
He was suddenly pulled away from him position against Axel in order for a more pleasant view of Axel's beautiful face and intense stare. The fingers that had been massaging his head a few seconds ago were no placed tenderly against his cheek, and he instinctively pressed into the palm.
"I can live without them. They've helped me greatly, and for that I am thankful, but they can't give me what I need."
Roxas swallowed the lump that was suddenly blocking his airway. "What is it that you need?"
He almost wanted to look away from the gaze that was so extreme and powerful, but at the same time he feared he would be struck by lightning by even blinking. Slowly, as if almost hesitant and cautious, Axel leaned forward; his face grew bigger in Roxas' vision as he pressed a chaste kiss against his lips.
It was so dissimilar from the kisses they had shared before. The simplicity and honesty in it made the action seem more innocent and pure, leaving Roxas' stomach twisting in knots before and after.
It seemed like forever that they stayed in that position during the time following the kiss, both staring into each other's eyes as Axel's hand rested against Roxas' cheek, but there was a sense of contentment that seemed to settle over them like a warm blanket. There was no surprise, really, when the younger man found himself drifting off into a light slumber, his mind imagining all sorts of fantasies involving the mysterious redhead beside him.
"Tell me about vampires," Roxas demanded lightly once he was more awake and refreshed. He felt incredibly lazy, spending his night and day in the very comfortable bed, with a very tempting looking vampire. These things couldn't be helped, he supposed. It wasn't as though he felt and desire to get up and go home, and who was he to suddenly start doing what he didn't want? Never had he felt more selfish than when he was near Axel, and he knew the man was probably a bad influence, but man, what an influence.
"I'm assuming you want to know all the mundane little details, right?" The blond nodded, his messed up hair shifting with the movement. "Well, I can see my reflection. I mean, I'd have to be able to, to look this good."
The mischievous wink that followed the overconfident statement had Roxas swooning.
"I can't be touched by sunlight, hence the lack of uncovered windows," he motioned to the evident windows that were covered up by a metal contraption, effectively blocking out all sunlight. "I can move really fast, don't really have any body temperature besides 'cold', I can do some snazzy party tricks, and my main preference for a meal is blood, as you probably remember."
Roxas nodded, his cheeks heating up faintly at the memory of the night before, his fingers sliding up to feel the tender skin of his neck. He glanced up at Axel when he noticed the other had gone silent, and found those brilliant green eyes watching him carefully.
"Does it hurt?"
"A little, but it's not really noticeable unless I touch it."
Axel didn't seem to like that fact, and he frowned, a crease forming between his eyebrows, though not making him any less attractive. "I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do to make it go away. It has to heal naturally."
"What, no healing powers?" Roxas grinned, shoving him gently with his shoulder, which Axel returned, chuckling. "What about your eyes?"
A red brow quirked up and Axel gave him a genuinely confused stare. "What about 'em?"
"They change color, kind of. Sometimes they're dark, but mostly they're a really bright green."
Crossing his eyes, Axel made an honest attempt to look at his eyes regardless of the fact that he knew it was futile. Roxas laughed, earning a big grin from the redhead.
"I really don't know about that. But now that I think about it, your eyes get like that, too."
"Do they?"
Roxas didn't bother making an attempt to look at his eyes like Axel had, especially since the redhead seemed to be frozen suddenly, staring at Roxas with wide eyes. His mouth was agape, and he had a shocked look on his face that worried Roxas deeply.
"Are you okay, Axel?"
Snapping out of his trance as quickly as he went into it, he nodded aggressively, staring down at the cream colored bed sheets. What the heck?
"Are you ever going to give me my memories back?" It was a whispered request that he couldn't help asking, this odd behavior from Axel unexpectedly pulling the question from his mouth, though he had been planning to ask it later. "I mean," he hesitated. "Well, since we've already done what you made me forget, I figured it wouldn't matter anymore."
It seemed like a logical, reasonable request, but when Axel finally looked back at him, his eyes were darkened, no longer that warm, dazzling emerald he had seen earlier. His body was rigid, and in a movement Roxas' eyes couldn't catch fast enough, he was standing across the room, slipping into a pair of worn-out jeans.
Startled and confused, Roxas sat up, pulling the blanket over and around him now that he was the only nude body in the room. Axel's body temperature was naturally colder than Roxas', but now that the redhead was on the side of the large room, he could practically feel the icy chill radiating off of the other.
"Was that out of line? I'm sorry," Roxas said, staring down at his busy hands that were now rather forcefully picking at imaginary pieces of lint on the blanket. The day had been going so well, and now he felt like he had ruined it all within a few minutes. Whatever he said earlier about Axel's eyes must have actually upset him in some way, and of course he had to add fuel to the fire with the memories. Way to go, idiot.
"It's not that." Axel turned torso around, the muscles on his back twisting and stretching in an aesthetically pleasing way to the blond on the bed. "I just don't think it's best for you to remember things yet."
The statement was both incredibly confusing, and yet at the same time, somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that Axel was sure of what he was doing. Tch, like Roxas ever listened to that part of his brain.
"How can you know what's best for me? You don't even know me!"
Before he could even see the sad look in the green eyes that made his heart clench, Roxas knew it had been the wrong thing to blurt out unthinkingly.
"You're right. I don't know you. So why are you here, with a complete stranger? Surely your mother taught you better than that."
"I didn't mean it." There was a hint of a whine in his voice, but at the thought of having to leave, he'd make any kind of noises to stay.
"Of course you did."
Without dressing himself further than his jeans, Axel slowly—for a vampire—made his way to the door, pausing before the large wooden door shut all the way to glance back at Roxas with sympathetic eyes.
"You should get dressed. I'll send Naminé up in a few to walk you out of the woods." Roxas wanted to protest, but something about Axel's tone made him choose to remain silent. "I also think you shouldn't come back here, Roxas. It's too dangerous for you, being around me. And we don't even know each other, so there's really no reason for you to come back. But thanks for last night, and this morning. It was nice having company other than Naminé for a change."
Without waiting for a reply from Roxas, which he was about to firmly execute to the insane vampire, the door shut with a resolute click, leaving Roxas completely alone with his thoughts.
Running a hand through his bed-head, he slid off the bed quietly, albeit angrily. Who was Axel to tell him what to do? If he wanted to come back, he would come back, and there was nothing he could say about it! It's not like he owned this mansion, he had no say over who came in or out.
Mumbling grumpily, he hopped into his pants unceremoniously, not hearing when someone knocked on the door softly, before pushing it open. A blonde head peeked out from behind the wood, and Roxas motioned for Naminé to come in.
"Good afternoon, Roxas!" Her light hair was styled a little differently today, falling in soft curls down her shoulder, rather than being straight as usual. He commented on it, giving his input for which she thanked him gracefully.
"Naminé, did Axel ever erase your memories?"
A pale yellow brow arched at his seemingly random question, before she gave him a sad smile. She knew something, and Roxas was certain. But would she tell him?
"He can't erase memories, Roxas," she announced in a tone that made it seem like an obvious answer. Before he could protest, she continued. "What Axel is able to do, is simply cover up memories. It's both a gift and a curse."
"How is that a curse? You can make anyone forget something; it seems like the perfect thing to be able to do."
"Exactly," she smiled knowingly at him for a moment before reaching out to grab his hand. "Come on, I've made lunch and by now it will be cold!"
They quickly ran out of the room, Roxas still trying to comprehend what she had told him, and why. Something big was going on here, and he felt like he was being left out. I will get down to the bottom of this, Axel. You better watch out, you can't get rid of me so easily. Not after all that we've shared.
The walk home from the woods was quiet and much needed.
Naminé had left him at the hole into the town, deeming it safe enough for him to continue on his way with a simple hug and a goodbye. She seemed like a genuinely nice girl, and Roxas only hoped he would get to know her better, because everyone could always use nice people in their life.
And according to Axel, her drawing held some sort of power, and he was curious to find out how. Perhaps if they became close enough friends, she'd show him first-hand how it all worked.
Axel was another story.
Maybe the vampire was bipolar? That could be the only explanation for why he suddenly freaked out, when they had been having such a good time. Not to mention the whole spiel about Roxas being in danger near him.
He knew he should have been more afraid or surprised when he realized Axel was not exactly living, and sucked blood for food. Nothing near the same thing as fear or shock went through his mind, though, and he was puzzled himself.
Perhaps it was because he had that feeling of already knowing Axel, and that strange presence looming in the back of his mind that was making him feel as though he was missing something important. It was as though there was a black curtain hanging around part of his memory. He could hear the sounds coming from the other side, just faintly, but he was too far away to reach the opaque material.
Groaning, he lifted a hand to his head, rubbing his temples harshly as he tried to ease the pain thudding from his brain. It only seemed to occur when he was trying to remember things, trying to pull back that damn curtain and see.
He hated being left out of the loop, especially when he knew it was intentional, and this was no exception. The hope that Axel would cave and let him have his memories was burning bright, and he could only anticipate the day when things would make sense.
He'll be damned if he lets some silly—yet incredibly attractive--vampire order him around. Roxas was a stubborn boy, and that obstinate desire to know everything would beat Axel's charm and elusiveness, even if it took a little time.
I'll see you tomorrow, Axel. And the day after that, and the day after that, until you get it in your head that I'm not going away unless you honestly don't want me around anymore.
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So who do you guys think are the more evil, or bad members of Organization XIII? I'd like to know, so tell me in a review!
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