Title: Be Still My Heart (Thou Hast Known Worse Than This)
Rating: M FOR MATURE! I mean it!
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, or make a profit off of this. Especially Naminé, Roxas, Axel, or vampires. Though if I did, this would be what they would do...
Warnings: Male x Male interactions, if you know what I mean. Vampires, blood, sexual scenes, foul language.
Notes and such: I want to give a big thanks to batsuko mugenmo who really smacked some inspiration into me with her lovely review! Also to sana-chan9, who is just as lovely! If it seems to go kind of slow, still, that's because it just is. xD There are still some hurtles to jump over before things are revealed! We can't have Roxas being information overloaded! Well, more than he already has been.. But some big things will be happening in the next chapter! Dun dun dunnnnn!
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The distressed look his mother was giving Roxas from across the table was putting his nerves on edge.
After deluding herself into thinking Naminé was his girlfriend, and that they were perfect for each other, she proceeded to spend her free time in between cooking to do the motherly thing and tell embarrassing stories about him. Thankfully for him, she had only started with the recently humiliating stories, and didn't have time to go into the baby stories, ones Roxas had no control over. From there, she questioned Naminé, asking about her parents, what she did to keep herself entertained during the long days.
She was pleased to know that Naminé was an artist, having been one herself growing up, and had made the none-too-subtle slip of, "It'll be nice to have another artist in the family." Roxas had finally cracked, deciding that had been the perfect time to interject.
"Mother, we're not dating!"
Her laughter died abruptly, and she stared at them both curiously. Naminé was smiling at her apologetically, but Roxas refused to look his mother in the eye, cowardly looking off to the side. There was a silence that filled the room, both awkward and confused.
"Oh," his mother said quietly. "Well I'm going to check on the food."
Needless to say she had been unhappy with him for springing the news on her so suddenly.
After a particularly forceful jab of her fork into her meat, Roxas sighed and gave his full attention to his mother, who had vigorously begun chewing the speared food. "I'm sorry, mom."
"You could have let me know before I went and embarrassed myself."
Roxas winced, the bite in her tone making the guilt rise up in his throat. He glanced at Naminé to his left, who was giving him that 'I told you so' look. If Axel were here, he would surely be giving him the same sort of look. Or maybe he'd be staring at Roxas in that hungry way he did when he was about to bite him.
The thought sent shivers up his spine as he visualized the vampire, sitting leisurely on the table beside Roxas' plate of food, his arms crossed over his chest. That chest that was so perfect, so smooth and muscled that it made Roxas' mouth water with just a look. If he concentrated enough, he could still feel the contours of Axel's body underneath his fingertips, his palms flaming as they remembered the way his cool skin made his body burn.
A cough brought him out of his imagination, and he stared dumbly at his mother who was watching him with raised eyebrows. How long had he been fantasizing? It couldn't have been more than a few seconds.
"Are you finished yet?"
His plate was only half empty—or half full if you were feeling optimistic—but he didn't think he could eat another bite with all the thoughts running through his head. Apparently his little daydream had gone on for far longer than he gave himself credit for, because both women had finished their food completely. Naminé was grinning at him secretively, and he knew that she could tell just what he had been thinking about.
With a light blush on his face, he stood up to help his mother carry the dishes into the kitchen. As he was picking up an empty plate that was placed in front of the unoccupied seat, he realized his father hadn't come home. Must have been working late, as usual.
"I would have appreciated a little heads up, Roxas. Do you know how embarrassing that was for me? I bet your friend thinks I'm completely ignorant, and I bet she's even having a laugh right now, while I'm away," his mother lectured as he stood beside her next to the sink.
"Naminé wouldn't do that. And I tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen to me." He knew he sounded like a child when he complained in that voice, but he honestly had tried. Maybe not as hard as he could or should have, but he did nonetheless.
"You don't have a girlfriend, do you?"
The question was so sudden and random, that Roxas could do nothing but blink at his mother. Once he had finally got himself together, he felt a spike of panic surge up in him. He didn't have a girlfriend, technically, but he had Axel. Hell, he didn't even think he was interested in girls.
Actually, he didn't really think he was interested in anyone but Axel. It's like his sex drive only responded to hot, redheaded, and vampire. Did that make him someone who was into necrophilia?
"No," he answered simply, deciding it best not to elaborate. It took him a few seconds to notice his mother giving him a scrutinizing gaze, and he stepped back in hesitation. "What?"
She took a while to respond, not letting her eyes ease up until she was satisfied. "You're gay."
Roxas could feel his mouth fall open, and his eyes bulge out. He looked ridiculous, staring at her in shock, and he was sure he could hear a quiet snicker from the dining room, but he didn't care about anything but the fact that his mother just accused him of something so important.
"W-why do you say that?" He stuttered, not able to look away from her in surprise.
"I'm your mother," she said obviously. "I just know. Besides, you're no Hayner. So who is he?"
The clanking of dishes did nothing to clear the fog in his mind as he tried to reel in all the information his mother had just slapped him with. So she thought he was gay, and she knew he was crushing on someone. It made him wonder what else she had "Just known" while he was growing up. Well just because she guessed correctly, didn't mean he had to indulge her suspicions.
"What makes you think there's someone?"
She laughed, and Roxas automatically compared the sound to Axel's, noting the distinct lack of life he heard in it, which was ironic in itself. "I think I would know my own son," She placed her hands on her hips. "Out with it already. What's he like?"
The giddiness in her voice made Roxas unsure about divulging any information about Axel. Was it a good idea anyways? It's not like he was going to tell her he was involved with a vampire or anything, and she'd never meet Axel, so he didn't really see a problem. With a dramatized sigh, Roxas leaned against the counter and looked off to the side as he thought of what he'd say to his mother.
"He's really tall," you're just really short. His mother didn't have to say it; he could practically hear it floating in the air. "Really bright red hair, I think it's natural, but I'm not really sure. He's really pale, too. Doesn't get much sun, which I know you probably think is impossible here."
"Well now that I have a picture, what's he like?"
"He's perfect," he sighed dreamily, temporarily forgetting he was talking to his mother. He didn't notice the tender look she watched him with, before placing a hand on his shoulder and patting lightly.
"Well hopefully I get to meet Mr. Perfect soon."
Roxas gave an awkward laugh, before scuttling out of the kitchen to join Naminé in the living room that she had seen herself to. She smiled at his arrival, standing up to meet him.
"Are you ready to leave?"
"When you are," she nodded.
"I think the quicker we get out, the better. Especially before my dad gets here." Roxas reached for her hand, leading her over to the kitchen. Saying their farewell to his mother after several reassurances that he had enough clothes for tomorrow--and that yes, he would shower—they headed out through the door.
The sky was dark outside, the lights of the town illuminating the sidewalk for them to travel along. He released her hand once they were a safe distance from his home that he was confident his mother wouldn't come after them, begging them to stay for dessert or just to talk. He could practically feel his legs twitching, aching to run towards the Mansion as he did nearly every day. Rarely did he make his journey such a slow one since usually he was in much too big of a hurry to see Axel. However, with Naminé as a companion, his rushed feeling was still there, but not as great.
Their trip passed mostly in silence, neither one having any desire to talk, but to just enjoy the scenery. It gave Roxas time to collect his thoughts on some recent happenings.
Honestly, he still couldn't imagine that he had gone all the way with Axel. Remembering it could make Roxas blush, and he felt his face heating lightly in response. It had been everything and nothing he expected. Sure, this morning he had felt incredibly sore and odd, but at the time he had been expecting a lot of pain, and little pleasure. Everything had gone the exact opposite, and the day after was so worth it.
It kind of seemed like his whole life was just put on pause until Axel came along, like all his emotional and physical needs were suddenly let out the emptying of a cage of birds all fluttering and everywhere. He never had any of these desires, these purely sexual wants that were coursing through him constantly now. Hopefully this would only be a short-term problem. People couldn't live a normal life with all this floating around in their head, could they?
Being a guy was so frustrating. Girls probably didn't go through all this…
A firm hand on his back brought him out of his reverie, and he jumped in surprise, turning immediately in order to defend himself. Arms at the ready, he looked up at his "attacker" only to meet with amused green eyes.
"Hold it there, tiger. I'm only escorting you back to the Mansion. Wouldn't want anything happening to my two favorite people," Axel grinned, sending a wink to the both of them.
They had already made it to the woods, the cracking of twigs and leaves beneath his feet and the lack of streetlights giving it away. He could barely make out Naminé in the moonlight, but he could see her teeth, white and glinting with the shine from the sky, smiling widely as she was apparently happy to see their redheaded vampire companion. Naminé had yet to show Roxas anything near that beaming of a smile, and he wondered what it was about Axel meeting them outside that had her all excited.
Maybe she likes him, too, he frowned.
He really didn't want to have to compete with her for Axel's affection.
Though I'm sure she hasn't had nearly as much affection as I've had.
…Or has she?
A sudden pang of jealousy spiked through him as he glanced from the redhead to the blond, carefully scrutinizing every shift of their bodies, each glance and smile, wondering if there was some hidden meeting behind them.
Naminé blinked three times. Meet me at the foyer, midnight.
Axel grunted and rolled his eyes at whatever she had said. Duh, we meet there every night.
She laughed and ran a hand through her hair. Tonight will be special. I'll even wear that little—
"Roxas!"
Snapping his head up, he blinked at Axel questioningly. "Uh, yeah?"
"We've been trying to get a move-on for ages! You've just been zonked out, staring at us all creepily." Axel scratched the back of his head, his eyebrows raised in half worry.
"Oh, sorry. We can go."
The way to the Mansion went much quicker than the trip to the woods, Roxas blaming Axel's long legs and vampire speed forcing him and Naminé to jog rather than walk.
As quickly as he had thought about it, Roxas concluded that his concern over Axel and Naminé's relationship prior to him hanging around was ridiculous. If they had in fact been together, it was none of his business. Affirming himself that way, he slid through the doors of the Mansion after Naminé, Axel securing the houses locks.
He first noticed many of the lights were on, and doors were left open, something that never occurred often when it was just the three of them. A loud laughter echoed from the room behind the stairs, and it was with trepidation that Roxas made his way towards the door, remembering the last time he was attacked during a similar situation. The low murmurs grew closer, and if he listened close enough he could even here a faint melody in the background.
"No one is going to attack you this time, I promise," Axel whispered into his ear from behind, startling Roxas so much that he gasps and whipped his body around defensively. He received a sad smile that only lasted a second before Axel nodded his head towards the open door, his red spikes bouncing with the action.
"I wasn't worried," he lied.
Axel chuckled and ran a hand through Roxas' hair, ruffling it gently into disarray. The chilly hand rested against his cheek, and he leaned into the touch, watching the vampire through his lashes. Axel stared at him for a long while, seemingly unsure of what to do. Not being patient enough to wait for an action from him, Roxas took initiative and reached a hand up to rest against Axel's neck as he slid up on his tip-toes. Thankfully Axel complied and met him halfway, their lips coming together slowly and hesitantly, more like a new couple than people who had been as physically intimate with each other as they had.
Tingles crawled along inside his stomach, but were short-lived when a voice called out to them. "Yo, lovebirds! Quit with the lip smackin' and get over here already!"
Roxas pulled away with a sigh, but was pulled back quickly into a tight hug, Axel's lips searching out his again in a quick, but passionate, kiss. His legs wobbled unsteadily for a few moments when Axel set him back down, and he was sent a mischievous grin as he was pulled into the room.
There were several people lounging around on the couches, some standing off to the side. Roxas wondered if they were all vampires, though he could tell right away by the lack of color in their skin, and the fact that they all looked like animated dolls, than people. He felt intimidated, being the odd one out and the only human in the room, seeing as Naminé had disappeared from their sight.
"Took you long enough, Axel. We were about to die from boredom," drawled one of the men reclined in one of the plush chairs in the corner. His hair was long and shaggy with a light brown color that, when moved, had a pink tint to it that made Roxas question if it was natural or if all vampires had some sort of hair-enhancing transformation.
"Axel's Escort Service ensures its passengers arrive to their destination safely, regardless of how long it takes," Demyx supplied. Roxas couldn't help but smile at that, imagining Axel driving people around like a limousine driver.
"Ha-ha, very funny." Axel led Roxas to an unoccupied spot next on one of the couches next to a blond man fingering a poker chip with his forefinger and thumb.
The man was inspecting him precariously, and a look around the room proved that all the other occupants were doing the same as well. From the man with the silvery hair covering half of his face, to the guy standing forebodingly across the room with scars on his face and gray streaks in his dark brown hair, they all studied him with a little bit of amazement. Uneasiness pricked him, as he was pulled into Axel's lap.
"Luxord, Xigbar, Marluxia, Zexion, and I'm sure you remember Demyx." Axel identified the men with a definitive point of his finger to each one, leaving no room for repeats.
"Um, nice to meet you guys. I'm Roxas."
Luxord, Zexion, and Demyx filled the room with their laughter, and Roxas sunk back against Axel. Was it wrong of him to introduce himself?
"We know who you are, Roxas," Luxord said from beside them.
"How?"
Everyone was silent. There seemed to be this unspoken agreement that if Axel hadn't talked about it, neither would they. Maybe Axel was the leader of this vampire gang. He nearly snorted out loud as he imagined Axel talking in an Italian accent, with a cigar in his mouth like the characters he'd seen in movies or shows.
Axel cleared his throat quietly, all thoughts of mob bosses cleared away.
"Before you lost your memories you used to be a part of our group. We've all known each other for a very long time."
"Then why can't you just let me remember? I thought you suppressed all my memories?"
"No," Axel shook his head, as Roxas twisted in the vampire's lap to watch him. "I didn't suppress all of your memories, only of the more recent ones from the past month."
Month!? Roxas had studiously counted each day since he'd met the vampire, and his records only dated back two weeks, at most, if you incorporated the fragmented memories he had here and there. Certainly not as far as a whole month worth of days in the vampire's company. He chose to ignore this, for now.
"If you didn't, then who did?"
"We can't erase memories completely, it's not within our abilities," Zexion clarified from behind a thick leather-bound book. "We can cover them up in darkness, your brain overlooks it naturally, and if we see fit, we can clear the darkness and release the memories. Any vampire can do it, if they know what they're looking for. However, we have no control over what the brain and body choose to do."
It was something he had already heard from Naminé, but in greater detail, which he appreciated. "So you're saying I got rid of my memories?"
"In a way." Roxas turned his head to see Marluxia, who had been silently observing them, stand up and pace the room. "Axel has informed us that you've been remembering things," he said slowly, and Roxas nodded in confirmation. "Are you sure these are actual memories? Could they, perhaps, be fantasies or wishful thinking?"
"No," he responded immediately, feeling his face heating familiarly. "They're memories, I'm sure. Axel can vouch for that."
"Well then I have a hypothesis."
Roxas realized after a couple seconds that Marluxia would not elaborate on his guesses. The curiosity was eating at him, but he knew better than to ask questions that would clearly not be answered while he was around. The vampires quickly fell into light conversation, and he could feel Axel's body relax underneath him. Unnoticed by Roxas, Naminé crept into the room and made her way over to the blond, offering him a cup of water and some snacks.
"I figured you might want something sweet, since we left your house so suddenly."
Roxas was broken out of his empty thoughts by the offer, and he gladly accepted a few cookies off of the plate. He grinned broadly before biting into it and chewing enthusiastically, reveling in the warmth and smoothness as it slid down his throat. "Mm, this is so good," he moaned, and Axel's arms wrapped tighter around his midsection.
"Ooh, cookies!"
Wiggling fingers blocked his vision of the cookies as Demyx reached over to grab a handful, tossing them into his mouth unabashedly. Roxas was astonished to see the cookie disappear effortlessly into the vampire's mouth, and the cookie eater seemed to notice, holding a cookie in midair with his mouth wide open.
"I didn't know vampires can eat food," he murmured timidly.
Axel laughed, the rumble low and vibrating against his back, Zexion joining in not much later. "Demyx is one of the few who still enjoys human food."
"To vampires—the normal ones—regular food tastes dull and bland. It's a hassle to eat it, and we just have to regurgitate it later anyways, so there's no point to eating it."
Roxas turned to Zexion. "Then why does he eat it?"
"Because it's so yummy," Demyx crooned, sliding a hand around Naminé's shoulders. He thanked her profusely for the treats once the plate was emptied, and she replied with a smile.
They hung out for hours, the time passing by quickly and slowly at the same time. Being around the vampires felt natural and they treated him as though he belonged with them. It was such a refreshing feeling, though there were awkward moments.
For instance when Demyx tried to wrestle with Roxas and ended up being thrown against the room by Axel who claimed he was far too fragile to be rough-housing with a vampire. As much as he hated to admit it, just being pushed to the ground by the older man had caused a very painful landing for him, and he mentally added yet another bruise to his list.
Maybe hanging around these vampires was beginning to get dangerous.
For the most part, everything was easy and comfortable, except for when he caught Xigbar staring at him cryptically. The man didn't talk much, and when he did it was never in jest. He was kind of creepy, standing there with those beady eyes that Roxas could practically feel on him from across the room.
Zexion, who had set his book precariously on the coffee table was spurring on Demyx in some sort of competition between the blond man and Marluxia, was quickly become someone Roxas liked. Though he seemed serious at first, he was actually rather quirky and tended to tease Demyx relentlessly, though there was always an affectionate hint to it all. Roxas wasn't normally known for his observational skills, but he could certainly tell there was something between the two. It made him wonder if any of the other vampires had significant others…
It wasn't as though they didn't have time to find one. But then again, they were in no rush, either.
A deep yawn from Roxas caught Axel's attention, and he felt a hand run through his hair slowly, almost like a pet to his head. He turned to the redhead, and was rewarded with a blinding smile. Sure, Roxas was more of a personal kind of guy, and he wasn't too big on public displays of affection, but when he was around Axel, all of his beliefs were thrown out the window. Without much thought for the reactions, he leaned over to press a needy kiss against Axel's willing mouth.
The sudden warmth that rushed through his body, consuming his stomach and heart in an aching burn that made him crave the other, was more intense than he had anticipated, and he pulled away breathlessly. He was too busy staring wide-eyed into Axel's swirling green eyes that he didn't take note of their company watching mutely the display that they found so fascinating.
"I'm taking Roxas to bed," Axel whispered, sure that the others would hear him perfectly regardless of the distance.
With a snort from Demyx, Axel scooped Roxas into his arms and led him through the door and up the stairs. They arrived in the same room as yesterday, and Roxas was set lightly on top of the bed, the sheets cooler than even Axel until his body warmed them up. Nimble fingers worked along Roxas' shirt, lifting it up over his head before moving down to his jeans, which came off with just as much ease.
His heart was pounding expectantly, and he felt the little bumps rise along his skin, wondering if Axel was stripping him for some late-night activities.
Axel's fingers moved much more quickly and assuredly on his own button-down shirt, almost moving too fast for Roxas to see. He scooted over, allowing more room in the bed for Axel to join, despite the fact that he took up little room on the spacious bed to begin with. The redhead did so, climbing in, unfortunately, with only his boxers on. The ripple of his muscles as he slid effortlessly next to Roxas was incredibly enticing, and he had half the mind to just lick the redhead.
Snap out of it, Roxas! You're getting weird again!
"It's nice to just hold you in my arms," Axel mumbled into Roxas' hair as he circled his arms around the blond, pulling him into a loose embrace. He 'Hm'ed in agreement and buried his nose against the sweet smelling skin of his vampire. The fatigue cradling him like the blankets around his shoulders made his mind go fuzzy with thoughts of Axel. He hadn't felt this tired earlier when they were with the rest of the vampires.
"Xion escaped."
It was said so softly that Roxas had to blink and think for a long while, wondering if he had dreamt it. "What?"
"The girl who attacked you last night, she got away sometime afterwards while I was with you, and they don't know where she has gone to."
"Where would she go?"
Axel sighed, and after a long while continued. "The guys you met tonight were only half of the Organization we make up. There are thirteen of us, fourteen if you count Xion, but she's not really part of the group, she's more like a carry-on," the malice in his voice was poorly covered up, and Roxas shivered, wondering what Xion could have done to receive such hate from Axel. "There have been some rumors about what the other members of the Organization are up to, but nothings for certain yet. That's why the other guys are here. We've basically been split into two teams."
"What was the split caused by?"
"The other guys are searching for something—hoping—but we think they're making a foolish mistake by letting their desires get the better of them. It's all pointless really, but they have their heads stuck, and won't listen to reasoning. Xion's probably gone to them, since she'd do anything to get out of the skin of a vampire."
"You mean she wants to become a human again? Is that possible?"
The tender look Axel showed Roxas when he stared up in disbelief surprised him.
"Get some sleep, Rox. You look as tired as the dead."
If only he could be the dead, like Axel, then they could spend more time like this, not having to worry about putting a limit on anything. But that's all just wishful thinking and fantasies. Marluxia might come barging in, asking questions.
"They're corrupting you, Ax!"
"Calm down, would ya? Nobody's corrupting me."
"Of course you can't see it! You don't realize that all these ideas they have are brainwashing you," he shouted, hands fisting tightly at his sides.
"Don't be daft. I've been thinking this myself since before they even got wind of the rumors! I've wanted it for—since I met you."
He shook his head, his eyes directed pointedly to the gravel beneath them. He wouldn't let Axel get past him again, worming his hand around his heart and squeezing until he relented and let him have what he wanted. This time he wouldn't be a pushover.
"Come on, we'll just go and see for ourselves. If it's not there, we'll come back, I promise."
"Promise?"
The redhead nodded, an action assumed rather than seen. "No—Axel—I can't let you! It could be a trick. It's happened before, so don't give me that unbelieving look."
But Axel gave him that look anyways, that look that clearly said, 'yeah right'. And no matter how many times he averted his gaze, he found himself staring back into those pleading jade hues. Axel knew he had him so tightly wound around his finger that every little twitch and move had him bending to his will. It was painful sometimes, but in the end he would do anything for the redhead, even something as silly as going on a wild goose chase across the world.
"I might be wrong, but if I'm not… Well, if I'm not, imagine the possibilities. We could actually do all the things we talk about. Walk around during the day just for the hell of it, be like normal people. Hell—we could even go to Sunset Terrace."
He didn't protest that it all sounded wonderful. As corny and cliché as it sounded, they could have that life, the one that was only whispered in intimate moments when they felt the need to be unusually romantic. But it was something they imagined together, not something they were determined to see become a reality. Until now, the possibility had never even occurred to him.
But if Axel believed they could do it, that they could successfully acquire this new life, then who was he to deter that drive?
With a conquered sigh, he nodded, immediately feeling the bone-crushing hug and the powerful kiss. And all he could do was close his eyes, kiss back, and hope they succeed.
-
So those little bits in italics were actually parts I had been thinking of making a prequel with. I actually had the whole prequel planned out first (back then it was actually the main story!), and had intended to write it all out, when I ended up writing the first chapter of this, heh…
I still think about writing it, though. But I'm not sure if anyone would even be interested in a prequel, or if just putting inserts of it into this story would be a better choice.
Woo! Big talk, when I'm not even done with this story! I shouldn't get ahead of myself. xD
Please review! It really does drive me to write more(AND FASTER!), especially at times like this when my schoolwork is-a stackin' and tests are-a comin'. Every little bit helps. C:
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