Though This Be Madness
Quick note- Thank you my lovely reviewers, you've made me one very happy author. As for those who read and didn't review-"naughty", is everyone else incredibly excited about the new Alice film? I'm about to spontaneously combust here. Special thanks to konata1keyblade1kunai, ObsessedChocoholic and James Birdsong. You're a special kind you three. More 'fun facts' at the end of this chapter, well sort of. Actually not really come to think of it, they're neither fun nor particularly informative. Sorry.
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Alice's head whipped around, scanning the tiny room for signs of the two men. Her sights lingered on the shadow laden corners of the room, underneath the beds surrounding her and even at the windowsill length curtains, as though the pair may be small and agile enough to crouch there.
She very quickly came to the conclusion that the only place they could possibly be was underneath her own bunk, the very thought of which sent a shiver racing down her spine.
"I used to know a chap who lived under other peoples' beds."
"Is that so?"
"It is indeed."
"Well... is that all about the fellow?"
"Well that's all I knew about him. I only met him once and that's how he'd introduce himself, "Hullo, there! I dwell beneath the beds of others you know." And then he left."
"Oh, well he sounded like the pleasant sort."
"Yes I rather think so too."
Alice eased herself up to kneel on the side of her bed, not daring to let her legs leave the edge of the bed, lest a hand reach out from bellow and snatch the limb.
Not taking her eyes from the edge of the mattress and the floor bellow Alice took in a deep breath to steady herself before she would finally lean over to peek at the darkness below. She had no idea what she would find there, but knew that she must confront the intruders soon.
Before giving herself time to think any further, she quickly ducked her head bellow the bed frame ready to find the strange men. Only to be shocked again with a sight that she had seen quite a bit of recently; nothing.
Leaping onto the floor Alice turned about the room, more desperate that ever to find the source of the nonsensical voices.
"Where are you? I know your there, I can hear you!" She called out into the emptiness, expecting them to materialise out from some unseen crook and reveal themselves.
"You don't suppose she's talking to us do you?"
"I should think so; no-one else about is there? Otherwise she's just taking to an empty room."
"Well there's nothing wrong with that, I've had some of the best conversations while in a room with nothing but myself and an armchair."
"Yes, but you have to admit that armchair is an interesting sort of chap, never knew anyone who was so educated in mid-15th century art forms before. What's he up to now days?"
"Oh, he said he was fed up with provincial life. Went to travel the world and 'find himself'"
"'Find himself'? I couldn't imagine losing him, he was at least 5 foot by 3 ½. Wingback you know, nice leather."
"Uh-huh, I told him the very same thing. But still he left, he was young and reckless and gloss oil varnished. No-one could have stopped him."
Alice only half listened to their conversation, a moment's notice told her it was the talk of mad people. In any case it didn't matter what they said, not while she still didn't know where they were.
"Well? Out with you, I don't have all day you know!" It was becoming quite ridiculous, what these odd men lacked in sanity, they made up for in hiding prowess.
"So you've finally deigned to address us have you? Well it's about time! We've been talking at you for months now, and that's not including the time added on once I realised my watch was running a week late."
"Yes, what has caused this change of heart, hmm? You've wasted a lot time my dear."
"What are you talking about? I've certainly never heard either of you before; I'd think I'd recall meeting people so utterly mad! And for the last time- Where. Are. You!"
"Gosh do you mean to say we've been wasting our time and that you've heard nothing of the situation? We assumed that you were just unimaginably rude. Well then I take back all those remarks I made about you that you didn't hear. Well most of them."
"Perhaps that fall did the trick? But who ever heard of a knock to the head improving one's hearing?"
"Well I have."
"So have I come to think of it."
"Now look here! I've had just about enough of you idiocy, either come forward or leave. I haven't the patience to dealing with this charade much longer."
"Well I'm afraid I just can't comply with either request, we're already as much here as we can get. And we can't leave, not 'til we've finished our errand"
"Yes, we can't fully cross over to the upper lands; we're not rabbits you know."
Alice briefly wondered just exactly what rabbits had to do with anything, before dismissing it as another strange by-product of their madness and getting onto the more pressing issues they presented.
"'Here'? what do you mean by that? You're not here at all."
"Well not physically, no. We couldn't possible fit up here."
Suddenly it clicked. They were in her head.
Alice began to hyperventilate. She wanted to scream in fear. She was having delusions. Like some raving lunatic in an asylum. And not just any delusions, she was imagining crazy people. For a person already insane enough to hear voices, to hear insane voices had to be very bad indeed.
"Now, now don't worry Alice. You're no madder than the rest of us."
This may have served to reassure or frighten Alice further, but she wasn't listening. All she could think of was what a dreadful state she was in. It must have that horrid conversation, that's what triggered it. I've gone mad with grief over my predicament.
Alice continued with this line of thought for some time, so much so that when she next took notice the voices in her head appeared to have forgotten about her completely and where in the midst of their own conversation.
"...so I said to the Dormouse, "But you fell asleep on my crumpet! It's not my fault you're all covered in butter. You're just lucky I realised before I began spreading on the jam.""
"And then what?"
"Well by then he had been awake for more than 3 minutes, so he fell asleep again. This time on my scone."
Alice sighed at such talk, to think that she conjured such moronic prattle.
Then Alice began to wonder about the voices themselves. Why would she summon such people to her, in didn't make one atom of sense. There were obviously two distinct characters, both as foolish as the other. Apart from that Alice couldn't tell who they were supposed to be at all.
"My dear friend do you hear that? Why I quite believe that she doesn't recognise us!"
"Truly? Well that is odd indeed. Well you know I don't have my hat on right now, perhaps that's why...There! Alice do you remember now?"
Alice hadn't a clue of what to make of this strange exchange, "I don't quite know what you mean; I assure you that we haven't met previously. You don't even have any corporal forms for goodness sake!"
"Well I quite take offence to that! I'll have you know I'm one of the most corporal beings in my acquaintance."
"If you've forgotten you should just come out and say it. Even if it does show what a careless and selfish thing you are."
Alice did think to become offended, before she realised that she would have just angered herself seeing as they were figments of her own imagination.
"Now if you're quite done being ill-mannered I'll start up the introductions. I'm the March Hare and he's the Hatter."
"Are you quite sure? I could have sworn a moment ago I was the March Hare and you were the Hatter."
"Now don't be foolish sir, see? You've got the hat, I've got the ears."
"Well now I know I've never met you before! How could I forget such people?" Alice exclaimed.
"Is that really so? In that case excuse us a moment, my friend and I must convene in private."
Suddenly Alice felt a great whoosh! in her head as though a great wind had cleared by it. She could still hear the far off whispers of the pair, but it was as they were somehow further from her head than usual.
Eventually they returned and clearing his throat the Hatter began, "So we take it from your answers that you recall nothing from your time in Wonderland? Nothing at all, no pompous white rabbits? Grinning Cheshire cats? Numerous Queens?" The Hatter sped up his speech as he went on and Alice was exceedingly confused. But anyone would be when confronted with such a barrage of nonsense.
"No I do not recall anything of the sort, and why should I? What normal person would have memories containing such things?"
"Well I'm afraid this makes it all very difficult to us, we couldn't possibly explain it all to you here. I had rather thought that the most difficult part of this task would be to make contact with you at all, never did I think your feeble ability to recall events would stand in the way!" The March Hare ended piteously, giving a small, possibly mocking sniff.
"We shall just have to work around it, now Alice don't you concern yourself with the matter for the moment. The March Hare and I have a few extra things to sort out now. We'll tell you when you're needed."
Alice bristled at the statement. So the manifestations of her own madness saw fit to give her orders! And what's more it was given in that infuriating 'go along and play now' tone she thought she had been done with. As though she, the only real person in this situation was in the way.
Suddenly Alice heard a noise that wasn't issuing from her own head, the squeak of a door hinge. She turned around quickly, almost guiltily towards the entrance.
The school nurse bustled into the room carrying a stack of small boxes, which clinked as she moved. She had made her way to the small table next to the door, settling the glass bottle filled boxes down before noticing Alice standing in the centre of the room.
"Good heavens girl! What do think you're doing? You shouldn't be up and about with that head of yours."
Alice had just remembered that just a few hours ago, when she was voice-free, she had fallen backwards off a ladder. "Oh, right! Well it doesn't hurt at all you know and I think I'll manage fine on my own." She attempted to side-step the white clad woman and exit the room, she did not by any means want to stay in this place.
"Now stop right now, sit down while I have a look at you." She pushed Alice onto the nearest bed, where she sat primly on the edge, waiting to make her escape.
"Now you haven't had any odd symptoms have you? Dizziness, headache, sleepiness, anything at all?"
It didn't even occur to Alice to mention the Hatter and the March Hare. If anyone where to find out she'd be carted out of here and to god knows where.
"No, none at all." At this point Alice heard the faint clink of china that could not have come from the clinic. What were they up to now?
"Why we're having tea of course, silly girl it's six o'clock!"
"Are you certain Miss, that was quite the fall I hear." Alice had to concentrate to catch what the nurse had said, someone was slurping their tea rather loudly in her head.
"Yes, I'm quite sure."
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Author's notes- Hello! Once again it's the very early hours of the morning and I come bearing words! Not so many as last chapter, I do hope they don't get progressively smaller, who knows where we'd be in few chapters time?
Anyhoo, titbits ahoy! Almost none for this chapter, though I must say it is an absolute delight writing for the Hatter and Hare, they're so much fun. Please do tell me what you thought of them, not crazy enough, too crazy? Just the right boundaries of craziness on the craze'o meter?
If you're wondering why this chapter was so quickly done, well just look at the quality! Obviously compiled in seconds. That and well I needed to type some stray lines before they fell out of my head and before I knew it POOF there was a chapter fully formed. Athena in full glory!
Oh, and if you're wondering about the chapter titles, which you're not why would you be- The 1st is a reference to that odd noise Alice hears. 'The Bristol Hum' is another name for a causeless humming sound some people hear. Look it up on Wikipedia if you've got time. And yes I learnt that from 'Have I Got News For You' who didn't? Or was it 'QI'? I can't quite remember now.
2nd was merely a reference to the names of the two people who were possibly the Hatter and Hare in 'Through the looking glass' as you were probably already aware. After all, you're smart people.
If you thought the above was flattery to get you to review you were right. Well done, now get to it. Seriously people I need to know, I'm lost without your comments. Good, Bad, Shut up? Alright then.