The rest of this story, and in fact Chapter Three as well, if from here out dedicated, and actually in existence thanks to Li Nika.
They gave me the nudge I needed to start writing, and have provided some input that has given me a few pointers on what I need to try and get back to, so I can't thank you enough for that hun!
Chapter 4.
The night had passed for Wufei in a whirling mass of torment and broken hearted sorrow. Each wailing howl of the synthesized night time wind startled him into full wakefulness each and every time that his exhausted mind and body sought out the comforting embrace of restful sleep. Each and every bang and rattle of the shutters from his pavement level, ceiling high window made him jump, and images of death, blood, violence and destruction danced around his mind like shrieking spectres, giving him no rest and a heavy hearted feeling in his chest. At some time during the howling, windy night he must have found sleep however, as he was able to wake up with the black mood caused by his night of anguished disturbance still clinging to him. It was nothing new at all for him to awaken without a smile on his lips, he didn't usually greet a new day with tears in his eyes, on his cheeks, and soaking his cheap, thin pillow.
The realisation that he was hurting caused his cheeks to flush... hot embarrassment rushed over him, he was crying, he was hurting, he was longing deeply for someone that could be anywhere... near, far... on another planet... on another plane of existence even. He could be anywhere... yet a man who looked so like him, so very, very like him had just walked into his life, a sylph, a will-o-the-wisp; a dream even... a nightmare... a night terror. The fierce warrior that still existed within the almost delicate looking young man railed and thundered at the feelings of fear, loneliness and despair. This was such a obvious display of weakness! Pathetic, foolish behaviour! How could he lay here crying like a woman! How could he dance, show his body off to anyone with tastes to take in the show? How could he bear the life of lies and vicious deception that he'd entered into? How... had he become this...? His whole life was nothing more now than a completely empty lie... the brave warrior that had once fought with such passion and righteous fury was so hidden, so smothered by the lies and untruths that there was barely any sign that he'd ever been there at all.
"Was it ever real...?" The young man's voice was quiet, he was talking to himself after all, and he hardly needed to shout. "Was that really me...?" But of course he knew it was. He wouldn't have the pain that seemed to permanently reside within him if it wasn't, he wouldn't have the memories of secret affection, of respect, of pride, of... love... if it wasn't real. He would certainly not have the stinging, wrenching sensation of loss and regret... of guilt... of shame for the tears he'd cried. If the warrior lost within him was a lie, was pretend, was a figment, then so were all the feelings he had to live each and every day with, and if there was one thing he knew, then it was just how real, just how strong the feelings were.
Slowly, as the minutes trickled by the darkness that had still cloaked the room when Wufei had opened his eyes began to slowly relent. With every second it gave way to the faux rays of the early morning L5 sun. The young man knew he should get up, he knew he should push himself out of his bed and face the day, but part of him just desperately wanted to pull his blankets up over his head and just hide under them until the horrible feelings of misery and loneliness left, though when that would be he could not even guess. He knew he should not spend his day in that way regardless of his wants. Though he had few real claims on his time he was certain he could find things which he should do. His little abode needed some care and attention for one thing... it had been a while since he had really devoted the time to it that he should have... but... a soft sigh passed Wufei's lips as he pushed himself up. It was... disheartening... seeing what a sorry state his life had fallen into. He was used to spending time in less than satisfactory housing, but never, never before had he ever had to call one of them his own, and honestly take responsibility for the state it was in onto his own shoulders.
Now he did. And he didn't like it one bit.
An uncomfortable, tight feeling in his stomach told Wufei he should probably get himself something to eat as well, he had not eaten a great deal the evening before, if anything... so having something this morning was more important than ever. He had food, as much as anyone else on L5 did, and he still found some small amount of enjoyment in cooking as it took away some of the more unstable aspects of his life, it was something mundane, something normal. He wasn't exceptionally skilled in the culinary arts, but his meals were not horrible by any stretch of the imagination. Food though, he should definitely work on that...
That was enough of a motivation, luckily, to cause Wufei to leave his bed. First of all he moved to his bathroom, he felt unpleasant, waking up with tears and distress had left him feeling the need to try and wash them away, and what better than a shower... the moderately warm water running over his body, washing the feelings, the memories and the terrors of the night away from him, he could only hope that he would feel some reprieve from his torments, spend some of the day in peace rather than being smothered by his memories and desperate wishes.
To some degree the wash did help, he felt somewhat refreshed as he stepped out of the shower, feeling the cold air of his bathroom bite at him. He would put the heating on for a little while. There were only so many days you could happily live with the constant cold of this place. His hair felt better as well. It smelt of shampoo, just a clean, fresh scent, nothing floral or fruity, just, clean. He didn't see the point in smothering yourself with a melee of different aromas, he was happier with just feeling cleansed.
Clothing and food followed in due course. Loose, warm trousers in a black, heavy fabric were mostly covered by a grey tunic with a slight silvery sheen. A tie belt tucked the fabric in around his waist, it was a comfortable outfit, and the long sleeves kept him nicely warm, though his coat was fairly good for that as well. After he had eaten he concluded he would step out for a while, just take a small walk. It was a good way to pass the time, he would only hear later if he was required at work... money was in short supply at the moment, and of course, he often lost out to the real dancers... he wasn't bad, not by a long shot. His movements were elegant, they were graceful and he was skilled, but his employer had a responsibility to the dancers who were not engaged as in lies and deception. He really didn't have a leg to stand on as far as complaining about needing more work went. He simply had to endure what life threw at him, take what he could and never expect a thing.
His breakfast ended up a simple affair. Simply two pieces of very lightly toasted bread with a scrape of butter, and a little honey spread on them. The sweat flavour of the honey was a treat he allowed himself on days when his mood was at its lowest. It warmed him a little, brought happy memories to the forefront of his mind. It was a flavour he was very attached to. Sadly some of the memories that were attached to it were as saddening as they were happy, but the overall effected tended towards the bittersweet.
Sitting out on a terrace when he should have been somewhere far more violent, somewhere more deadly... that was how the memory began. There had been gentle rays of sunlight kissing his skin, pouring down from the heaves, from the sky... the real... blue... sky. The wind had been dancing around them, brushing his skin and causing his ebony hair to tickle his neck, despite the delicate strands being restrained. He'd been angry, very angry, but then again, from what he could remember spending any time at all around Treize Kushrenada had made him scowl. The older man was very, very clever, and that was infuriating enough. To make it worse however he was faultlessly polite, very civilised and always seemed to keep his word. Apart from their differing views on what direction things should move in, there was nothing at all about the aristocrat that Wufei could find any complaint with. They had been having breakfast together that morning. Wufei was a guess in the intensely fancy home... honey sweetened rosehip tea, fresh fruit, and toast... very lightly toasted at that, and spread with butter, and thick, golden honey.
They were generally amicable company, often quiet, often silent, and only rarely talkative. When they did speak however, they seemed to find their minds similarly engaged, and their thoughts to be highly compatible, and as much as he knew that he was very literally sitting down to tea with the 'enemy', Wufei could not help but enjoy it. It was a different world... there was no violence here. They had an unspoken accord. They were not enemies here... Treize would make no moves towards Wufei, his Gundam, or the other pilots, and Wufei would treat the older man with calm acceptance, and respect. It was a blissful accord. It gave them a world to share outside the reality of what was happening, and it had been the real, firm anchor of the feelings that he still held within him. That day, in the soft, golden morning sunlight, Wufei had looked over at the older man, dappled by the light as it filtered through the open branches of a large old oak, and he had acknowledged his real, deep respect for him... his admiration, his attraction... and on a level that had taken some time to develop, his affection. It had been the root of the emotion he could only call love these days...
Such feelings had never really, fully grown... the seed had been sewn, but that was where it had halted, he wasn't in love with him, he couldn't be... he may have started to feel such a thing, and he may have maintained such feelings for the memory of the man, but how could he be in love with him now? It had been too many years...
Of course it was denial, of course it was, he pushed his feelings aside, as if pretending would ease the ache and sadness. But nothing could. That day would stay with him forever. That day would bring a sad smile to his lips and often a melancholy tear to his eye. He had found Treize wonderful that day, accepted a gentle touch of a larger hand to his and they had spent the day in companionable quiet together. That night a set of unexpectedly soft lips had brushed his knuckles... a murmured goodnight... and that had been that. He'd left before the sun rose. But that was normal. He never stayed long... a few days that was all.
He now wished of course, that he had delayed his leaving, he knew now that every moment was more precious than he could ever have known at the time. But the past is one thing you can certainly never change. It is what it is, and it cannot be undone.
The young man shook his head, his hair was longer now, and currently it was allowed to fall loosely around his face and shoulders. He had finished eating now, the memorable food was gone, and moments later he moved himself up to his feet. A few careful steps brought him across the room to his and out into the hall, from there he was able to enter his bedroom and move over to the vanity... once again he lifted his mask from the polished surface, setting it gently on his face. He was accustomed to hiding now... it was safer. It was a symbol of where he worked... it gave him some manner of security. The final addition was his long black coat. It fell down to his ankles. The fabric wasn't very shaped so it fell about him more like a long shawl with sleeves than a coat, but it was warm, and it kept the snow from soaking him too quickly.
The white flakes clung to him the moment he stepped outside, flying against him, clinging to his hair and clothes and melting rapidly against his decidedly warmer skin. He began to walk... there was no real direction in his movements, simply drifting from here to there, then on to somewhere else once again.
He had been about to turn from one little side street onto a broader, main one when he was halted in his tracks by the sight of a familiar figure once again... he froze, his hand lifted up to cover his mouth as an involuntary murmur of "Treize..." passed his lips. No. No he couldn't stand this... he was dead! He was dead he was dead he was dead! And this was torment!
Seconds later the Chinese man had turned and hurried back up the street where he had stepped out from mere moments before.
Out on the street, Treize Kushrenada turned on the spot to peer behind him... the street was empty barring an older woman pushing a shopping cart along with her... she was paying him no attention at all. Why on earth had he felt so watched suddenly...? He sighed very quietly. This place was bad for him, it was making him more than a little uneasy... the sooner he could leave, the better.
Okay! That's that done, but apparently I was wrong... it's gonna need another chapter or two to actually get through this, but there we go! I've been doing some thinking and it seems to work out for the best. Anyway! I hope this was okay, I tried to get a little more back towards the story's original feel. Leave me a review if you care to! I always like them!
LH~