Chapter Eight

"god, we did not know what was going on one minute Sirius hated Jennifer then the next minute he was punching the guy she was snogging."

Harry raised his eyebrow, "Hermione was snogging someone?"

"Oh definitely! And Sirius did not like it, one bit!" Remus laughed, at the memory, his wrinkled face shone with the memory.

"But a Death-Eater? Hermione snogged a Death-Eater?"

"Tobias wasn't a Death-eater at this point, he was confused and he saw something in Jennifer and I think Sirius saw it too."

"What did they see?"

"Reality? Hope? I'm not sure but I know it was good, what they saw."

"Did you see it?"

"Every day!"

"So what happened after Sirius punched Zabini?" Ron asked.

"Well Jennifer didn't talk to him for ages…"

"No Lily I will not talk to him!"

"Come on Jen! All he did was punch Zabini in the face."

"Oh my god! I am so not talking to you!"

"Good night Dear!"

"Good night Loser!" I chimed back. I couldn't be angry at Lily she was cute and sweet even when she hated the guy I kind of liked.

I pulled the duvet over my head feeling the stuffy heat warm my body. I knew that if I tried to sleep the dreams would come, all those dreams with the blood and death and horrible things but if I went downstairs where Sirius would be there and I did not feel like getting in an argument at the moment.

So I chose sleep, which was a bad idea.

"Jennifer! Wake up!" lily yelled as I woke my shoulders shaking.

"What's going on?" Alice whispered from her bed.

"She was screaming." Lily whispered. My eyes fluttered open, sweat rolling of me, my white shirt soaked through. My long hair was messier then normal.

"Lily! What the hell?" I pulled myself up onto my elbows.

"You were screaming! What was your dream about?"

"I don't remember. Nothing probably."

"You scared for a minute." Lily pulled me to her chest.

"I'm okay, Lils, I'm fine!" I shook my head to get rid of the dreams I did remember, oh how I remembered them oh so clearly. At this point I had seen almost everything ugly that had happened in my life and it didn't get better. This particular dream showed me men in masked torturing people in a camp site.

"God, Jen don't do that to me again, you scared me." Lily laughed in off, getting off my bed she shuffled back to her bed.

"Hey Lily can you in morning cut my hair?"

Lily laughed, "What?"

"Cut it, please?"

"Ok"

"Thank you, sweetie."

I stayed awake the rest of the night, I listened to my roommates breathing, Lily snored, Alice was quiet and once again my other room mate was out late.

I made a plan that night, I was going to go to Dumbledore demand him to find my parents, find out something about me and then I was going to find Sirius and demand an apology for hitting Tobias because I can not stand another night awake in my dormitory.

At six O'clock I snuck out of the tower, I had potions in two hours and breakfast started at half past. I bustled through the empty corridors, it was cold that morning I remember that well, I pulled my school uniform tighter around me as I came up to the door of Dumbledore's office. I stared at the gargoyle.

"Crap! A password, um Fiddler Frogs? Little Bow Peep!"

Lemon Drops! A voice had screamed in my head. I was confused at this voice but I took its advice, I muttered Lemon Drops and the gargoyle awoke showing me a large stone stairwell.

Thanks subconscious I muttered as ran two by two up the stairs.

Once I was at the door, I stopped to take a deep breathe, if I went behind that door, all hope could be lost, I could never have a family but one the other hand a small part of me, oh a very small naive part of me thought maybe just maybe I could have a family some where and Dumbledore had found in the last few weeks and has been waiting to tell me.

Closing my eyes I pushed open the door, in my past i had been into this office hundreds of times, though only once alone but in my present I had only been here once just before I started school and once again I was not alone, Remus had come with me.

The room was crowded full of old books and junk that looked dangerous, I walked around its circular perimeter stopping every so often to pick up strange but safe looking objects, fob watchers, old potion bottles, dinosaur eggs and a beanie baby.

"Miss French?" a voice asked form behind me scaring me. I drew my wand quickly holding it to the neck of the speaker.

"Oh sorry Professor!" I withdrew my wand putting it back in my pocket.

"Quiet all right dear, know what was it you where after this early on a Friday morning?"

"I need to know if you have any leads on my life." I looked down at my feet, every time I thought about my 'life' I felt ashamed and I got this feeling in the pit of my stomach like I should be doing something more then just studying potions and squabbling with Sirius, like I was meant to be doing something purposeful and of course I had forgotten.

"Please sit down my dear." He walked over to his chair gesturing for me to take a seat.

"Just tell me please." My voice broke.

"There is nothing, Miss French, I have searched missing persons all around the world, there is no one missing that fits you."

"No one?" My heart sank and for the first time it set in that I was completely alone, "In the entire world?"

"I searched the Wizardry and Muggle database in every country in the world, Australia, Thailand, America, Scotland, name a country I searched there, I'm so sorry my dear but its as if you never excited until you showed up on our shore." He truly did look sincere however his sincere apology did not make me feel any better, but being the brave strong girl I was back then I held my head up high and smiled.

"Its okay Sir, I thought as much I mean it's been so long now, I'm okay with being alone now."

"Child there is no need to be brave here; I can understand your pain."

"No offence Sir but I highly doubt that." On that note I left his office, running down the stairs and the corridor, my school bag knocking my left leg as I ran, my long hair whipping my cheeks and clinging to the now fresh tears that rolled down my face, I had been so brave with the Headmaster but the moment I ran out that door the tears began to fall.

I stopped for a second to check my watch, I still had an hour and an half before class, though the idea of class did not comfort me like school work usually did. It put a lump in my throat the size of a mango.

I resumed running, heading towards the common room, most students would be at breakfast now so I could make a run for my room with out being spotted. I muttered the password to the fat lady and made a mad dash to the girl dormitory stairs.

"Jennifer?" A voice called behind me, "Wait up!" Sirius appeared next to me, he wore as minimal amount of school uniform as he could with out being reprimanded for it, he wore jeans and a white shirt with his tie hanging loosely around it under his normal school robes. If I hadn't been so distracted at that moment I would have found him rather sexy.

"Not in the mood right now Sirius." I croaked out between hyperventilating sobs.

"What the hell happened to you? Jen?" He pulled me close and for a moment I fought his, punching his chest, heart-renching sobs broke through my lips as I pounded his chest, he let me punch him and he then pulled me close holding me as my violent moment subsided and my sobs quieted down. He flattened me hair and muttered calming words.

After a moment I pulled away wiping my tears with the cuff on my sweater, "I got your shirt all wet."

"Aw, don't worry about. What's going on? Was it Tobias?"

"No, it's not Tobias! God I can't even tell you." I turned to run up the stairs away from him and his probing questions.

"What can't you tell me?" He held on tight to my wrist, almost cutting off the circulation.

"It's not important." I could feel a fresh wave of tears forming in my eyes.

"You come crying onto my shoulder and it's not important?!"

""I can't tell you, you would understand!"

"Try me!"

"No!"

"Jennifer! Please tell me what is going on inside your head!"

"I lied to you! To everyone!"
That shut Sirius up, he let go of my wrist and backed away from me, "What do you mean you lied to us?"

"Can we sit down please?" I went to sit by the fire on the floor, I pulled my legs under me and faced the fire, I knew at that moment I had to come clean to someone and Sirius was the person to do it, I had told him everything already except the truth about me, so I guess at that point I hadn't told him much at all. He sat across from me, his head turned towards me while I stared at the fire.

"I lied about traveling the world; I've never seen the world, nothing bar Hogwarts and the train station. And I don't have parents or a family, or at least I don't think I so and neither does the Head Master, I have no one on this entire planet. I woke up here just before school started with a limp and no memory of who I was and where I came from. I lied to Remus about my name, its not Jennifer Abigail French, and I'm not from Manchester originally, I have no idea about either of them."

Sirius stared at me his eyes never leaving my face, "Why are you telling me this now?"

"Because I always had hoped you know, hoped that one day I will find my parents and we will live happily ever after and all that shit."

"Why have you lost hope? Why now?"

"Dumbledore searched every where for me, for my parents but all over the world there is no body missing that fits me! I'm not missing, I don't even exist! Do you know what it feels like to not exist, to be no one?"

Sirius pulled me close, "You are someone, you're my friend, and you exist, who needs a family when you have me?" He was trying to make me laugh to make me smile,

And it worked just for a moment I laughed so hard, Sirius was truly a sweet boy so kind and caring even if he was someone who had punched the boy I liked in the face after I had snogged him.

"Yeah, coz your so awesome!" I mockingly pushed him aside.

"Oh I am!" he pulled me close and I rested my face on his shoulder staring at the fire.

"We good?"

"Just don't punch anyone!"

"Deal."

"Deal."