I have no excuse- I just didn't update, and I'm so sorry, and if there's anyone out there still reading this story, I dedicate this chapter to you, because you've stuck around I love you guys!

This is also, in part, dedicated to my friend Nicole, who's mentioned in one line in this story. She usually makes a cameo appearance in most of my fictions, so here's to you, Nicolette!

Here it is: G is for Georgia.

"Past is present when you carry it with you."

-Mary Dorsett

G is for Georgia

Georgia. Tobias Hankel. Rafael. Dauldid. Had it all really been three years ago? Three years ago since the terror, since the torture, since all the pain reached its peak, since everything seemed to spiral out of control and he felt his whole life slipping through his fingers.

Sometimes Spencer could look at his bare arms and still see the tiny dots, ones on his right from Tobias, ones on his left from himself. He always managed to see them, small points in his skin, although they were long ago healed and faded. Sometimes when he closed his eyes, he could still see the needle poking through his flesh; feel the drugs coursing through his system before he blacked out…

He still had nightmares about it- what human being wouldn't? He would wake up in a cold sweat, with his legs still shaking, his arms wrapped tightly around his torso, images of headstones swirling ominously around his head, and the scent of cooking fish and incense in his nostrils. He could remember every specific spice and herb mingling with the herring, every stab of the needle, every whack against his foot, every blow to his face, every choked breath he took. It was, he supposed, the curse of having an eidetic memory. Some could suppress memories, pretend they never happened; he remembered every detail flawlessly, as if it were still happening, over and over and over again.

Anniversaries of this event were always difficult for him, but lately it had been creeping up on him, an ever present weight resting right in his gut, gnawing at him and pressing into his brain, poking into it, resurfacing memories that should have been long ago forgotten.

He walked into work that morning, made coffee, and smiled at his coworkers, who all seemed oblivious. He figured t it was probably in his best intentions that they remained that way- he'd never been good a voicing his feelings, about talking about what happened. He was better left to himself, left to deal with his demons on his own. So he sat down at his desk, pulled his sleeves down all the way, fastened his watch around the material, and began a long but thankfully numbing day of paperwork.

Around noon, however, Hotch stepped out of his office and JJ called everyone to meet for a briefing. They all made their way to the office and each sat down at the oval table, waiting for JJ to begin speaking as pictures popped up on the electronic board, gory shots obviously taken at a crime scene.

"Three girls were found dead on the edge of a side road in Claxton, three weeks apart. Each of them were stabbed, with evidence of drugs in their system." Spencer gulped and pulled his sleeve down further, blinking, calming his breathing. "They were each sexually assaulted and beaten." JJ clicked the remote, and a picture of another girl popped up on the screen. "There's a fourth girl missing as of yesterday, Nicole Cena."

"Looks like he keeps them for three days before killing them." Emily said, closing her file. "Means we have two days to find her."

"Wheels up in ten minutes." Hotch said, standing and leaving the room. Everyone looked around the table, and Reid's brow furrowed. Where is this, what town was this in, Claxton? That's in…? His mind sorted through all of his knowledge of cities and towns in states, and once he found the answer, he froze.

Georgia.

Reid took a deep breath in and tried to avert the panic attack that he felt creeping it's way through his body. He tried to think of the multiple ways to calm an attack, the ways the nurses had told him after… no, not now, he didn't need this. Right now, he needed to focus. Focus on real things, not feelings. Look at the table, the lights, the mauve bracelet around Emily's wrist, the ring on JJ's finger, the-

"Spencer!" He heard a voice call his name, his first name, surprisingly, and he jumped, snapping his head towards the direction the voice came in. Morgan was looking at him concernedly. "Pretty boy," he said, waving a hand in Reid's direction. "You ok?' Spencer nodded and gulped, then tensed again when he realized Morgan's other hand was on his shoulder.

Slowly inching out of Morgan's grasp, he shook his head, clearing his thoughts. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." He brushed it off, standing, moving out the door, to his desk to get his bag. "I'm fine." I'm fine.

He saw Morgan behind him, still staring, but he ignored the other man. He could get through this on his own, Reid assured himself. Everything would be alright if he could get through today. He had enough will power, and enough intelligence for everything to be alright. It would be easy. He took another deep breath and headed out towards the plane. It would be easy.

*&*

It wasn't easy.

For what seemed like the thousandth time, Spencer cursed having an eidetic memory as he pulled down the blind for the window. He remembered seeing this very scenery on the way to Georgia… before Tobias. He remembered thinking, when they flew over the country on the way to Georgia the first time, that the scene below him was so sunny, so bright, so beautiful. Now it was raining lightly, the sky was grey, and he couldn't stand the sight of it.

They finished the briefing on the plane moments before. It was a simple profile, really, and now all they had to do was catch the guy, with the help of the Claxton police force. Normally it was almost relaxing, having a profile this basic, this textbook-standard. But now? No, Spencer Reid could have used something difficult, something challenging, to take his mind off of the thoughts and memories he was trying to desperately to ignore, to forget.

Now each person was left to their own thoughts as they continued the flight, which seemed much longer than it should be. Spencer fidgeted for a moment, before deciding on flipping through a book and trying to get some reading done. After about three minutes, however, he realized that it wasn't working- he couldn't concentrate on the words, only on the scenes and flashes of memories floating through his mind. He thought about trying to sleep, but the idea fled from his mind within seconds of entering it. No, sleep would only lead to nightmares. So he just sat there for the rest of the flight, trying not to think.

*&*

The case went easier than most, though it would have gone easier if the Claxton police force had cooperated more fully. But everything was alright in the end. The Unsub was caught within a few hours, the kidnapped girl was found, alive and well, but shaken, and the team was headed back to a hotel for the night before departing early in the morning. The group divided into the usual pairs for their hotel rooms; Rossi and Hotch, JJ and Emily, and Spencer and Derek.

They contemplated going for drinks, but eventually everyone concluded that they were all just too tired. The case had been easy enough, but the Unsub never seemed to sleep, and they'd all been working for several hours straight. Even Hotch, who seemed at times to just keep going and going, was burnt out. It appeared that everyone just wanted to get some sleep.

Everyone except Spencer. Yes, Reid would have been happy to have something keep him going all night, to keep his mind off of everything, off of this three year marker of sorts, off of the memories circulating their way around his brain. But he was beat, and the primal side of his brain told him that it was time to sleep, that he needed to refresh, and he couldn't argue with it.

So they departed with mumbled "Goodnights" and half-waves, each pair slipped off to their respective rooms. Spencer slipped on his bed clothes quickly, wished Morgan a half-hearted goodnight, then turned off the light by his side of the bed and tried to float into, what he hoped, would be a peaceful sleep.

*&*

It was dark. Very dark. The kind of dark where it seemed like your eyes were closed, because there was nothing, anywhere. Dark and empty.

Somewhere in his conscious mind, Spencer knew that the dark wouldn't hurt him, but panic overtook the logical part of his brain and engulfed it, swallowed it whole.

He was falling. No, no, he was stumbling down a hallway. And the dark was lifting, but the panic remained. Even though he could partially recognize his surroundings by now, he was still terrified. It looked like the BAU room, but there was no way. The BAU was cooler, wasn't this hot, wasn't this dusty, or this dim. This room was dusky, and an odd scent floated through the air… herbs… and fish…

Immediately, the pale walls of the room melted away, revealing wood underneath, dilapidated wood that splintered his bare feet. He was sitting now, and Spencer Reid was now completely and utterly terrified, because he recognized this room as well. The wood, the cemetery in the distance, the smell of cooking fish, it was all coming back to him.

He shook violently as the door opened, and a man walked in. His hopes fell. This was not the timid, scuttling walk that he had been hoping for. This was a powerful walk of a man that was so sure of everything he was doing. All Spencer needed was the voice to confirm that he had, once again, been visited by Rafael.

The man in front of him reached forward and grasped his arm, ripping the long sleeve up past his elbow, and there, to Reid's astonishment, were fresh needle marks, still bleeding slightly. Spencer raised his head, the words on his lips ready to plead that he didn't do it, that he was clean and sober and that he hadn't done any of this.

The words died on his tongue, however, when he looked up and met the dark eyes, not of Tobias Hankel, or Rafael, but of Derek Morgan.

"Reid." he said, looking into his eyes, and Spencer tried to say that he didn't do it, he didn't disappoint him, he really didn't mean to. But he felt the familiar rush of adrenaline course through his veins, and darkness began edging its way into his vision.

"Spencer!" He heard Morgan call again, and then it felt, once again, like he was falling…

"Spencer!" The voice was louder now, but still hushed slightly, and Reid shook, trying to get it all to stop. "Pretty boy, come on, wake up."

It was then Reid realized he could open his eyes, and he winced as the light and clean air flooded his vision. He looked up to see Morgan gazing at him, looking almost scared. "Shh, Reid, c'mon, calm down. You had a nightmare" Spencer curled in on himself, leaning in to Morgan, shaking again, tears that wouldn't fall threatening his vision.

"I didn't, I didn't do it, I swear." He choked out over and over into Derek's arms as he held him still. Somewhere in his mind, the logical, awkward side told him to move away from Morgan, tell him that he was fine, that it was alright and to go back to sleep, but that voice was silenced within seconds. In his state of semi-reality, all that mattered to Spencer was staying right where he was, where it was safe.. Once the shaking had subsided slightly, Reid jumped suddenly and pulled up one of the long sleeves of his pajama top.

"See?" He said, relief flooding him once more. "I'm fine. I didn't do it. I'm fine." He repeated, more to himself than anyone else. He started to cough, and Morgan hugged him closer, whispering comforting words into his ear, telling him that yes, he was fine, and that he would never let anything happen to him.

Reid, for the first time, looked around and stretched slightly. They were in the hotel room. The case was finished. The room smelled clean and like nighttime. It was ok, he was ok. He glanced down at the bed covers, focusing on the hideous shade of beige that most hotel rooms seem to have, the images from his dream still crystal clear in his mind, as though someone were playing them on a high definition television.

"Reid, what's scaring you?" Morgan's brow furrowed, and he wracked his memory for anything that could have terrified the kid in front of him. After a moment of silently rubbing Spencer's back, the young man looked up at him with teary eyes, and it hit him. It was around this time that Reid was… by Hankel… and the drugs…

He grabbed Reid in a tight hug, and Spencer knew that Morgan understood why he was so upset. At that, Reid came apart completely, sobbing uncontrollably, as Morgan held on tight, supporting them both on the awkward half sitting position he'd taken on Reid's bed.

"Pretty Boy," he whispered, rubbing his back again, still holding tight. "You're stronger than anyone I know, don't you forget it." Derek grasped Reid's arm and gently lifted up the sleeves. "You see?" He said, fingers moving down Reid's arm to his wrists and hands, gently lacing his fingers. "You see? You're fine. You're strong, and you're alright." Reid curled into Morgan again, still sobbing slightly.

Morgan shifted so he was on the bed fully, and let Spencer lean on him. After a few minutes, he felt Reid's breathing slow, and he realized that the boy was falling asleep. Derek stretched back and wrapped an arm around Reid, trying to make himself more comfortable. He felt Spencer shift to rest his head on his chest, and Derek smiled a bit, liking the warmth the other man gave off.

Spencer felt sleep begin to claim him again, this time more peaceful, calming, but before he closed his eyes, his gaze drifted to the conventional alarm clock on the bedside table. 12:34 A.M. A smile broke onto his face; the next day. He'd made it. He curled up into Morgan again, and succumbed to the deep sleep that he so desperately needed, but not before he felt Morgan's lips brush his forehead, and a whispered voice say "Goodnight, Spencer."

I think I like this one, I've been working on it for a while now, and I think I like the ending, but I feel like I might have made them a bit out of character, but honestly, if you had a deranged multiple personality kidnap you three years ago and get you hooked on drugs, you'd be a little out of character as well, hahaha. Ah well, I hope you enjoyed it! Happy Wednesday, everyone!