Itachi was worried about Sasuke. He had come home after school looking flustered and confused and headed straight for the shower. Of course, Itachi had politely not mentioned this. Even if he had, Sasuke would have bitten his head off. Metaphorically.

Itachi was rather clueless when it came to the teen psyche; he seemed to have skipped out on the painful years of puberty that the rest of the world has to suffer through. So Itachi ambled over to the bookstore one day and bought How to Raise your Teenage Son. He figured that son could be easily substituted with brother.

Hearing the shower still running, Itachi furtively retrieved the book from its hiding place under the sofa

cushions and flipped through it. Ah, here was something. "If your teen has been showering excessively,

it may mean he is masturbating more often." Sasuke had been in there for over a half hour. That was

certainly excessive, considering Sasuke's showers usually lasted five minutes. "This is cause by a variety

of reasons. Your teen may be experiencing a raise in hormone levels, stimulated by pornography or

sexual activity. You must prepare-"

"What are you reading?"

Itachi snapped the book shut. "Nothing." He tried to keep his tone level. When had Sasuke gotten out of the shower? He was toweling his hair, dripping all over the nice, white carpet.

"Whatever." Sasuke looked bored. "I'm going to my room; don't bother me." Sasuke left wet footprints all down the hall as he walked toward his room. Itachi opened his book again. That sexual activity thing was pretty alarming.

"Itachi?" Itachi nearly jumped out of skin when Sasuke reappeared. "I'm going to a party this Saturday. Is that alright?"

A party. Everything Itachi read said they were a breeding ground for sex, drugs, and alchohol. All of Itachi's instincts were shouting at him to refuse, to make Sasuke stay home, where it was nice and safe and sex-free. Yes, no sex was nice. But Itachi's trader mouth didn't comply with his instinct's wishes.

"Sure, Sasuke." Itachi smiled widely and falsely. "Go right ahead."

"…Right." Sasuke stared at him for a second. "Thanks, nii-san."

Itachi waited until he heard Sasuke's door shut to stash the book under the couch pillow, breathing a sigh of relief. Then he remembered what he had read.

Was Sasuke watching porn in there?

Oh God.

_ _ _ _ _

Sasuke woke up to a metallic rendition of "Sexy Back". It took him a moment to remember that it was the ringtone Naruto had set himself, and another to wonder why the hell Naruto was calling him at five thirty on a Tuesday morning.

Sasuke groped for his phone. "What."

"Hey, Sasuke. I was thinking." Sasuke slid out of bed, grabbing for pants as he did so.

"Oh, no. What a frightening concept." Sasuke held a pair of navy slacks up to the light. Too formal. He tossed them on the bed.

"Ha, ha. Frickin' hilarious. Seriously, man. You were acting really weird yesterday after lunch. Did something happen?"

"You couldn't tell me this at school today because…?" Sasuke pulled on a pair of tight black jeans, gazing at himself in the mirror. Yeah, he was hot. This would serve Sai right. Not that he was trying to impress Sai, or anything.

"I don't know. Did something happen with Sai?"

Sasuke scowled. Naruto was probably the dumbest person on earth; how could he suspect anything?

"No. I'm hanging up."

"'K, bye."

Sasuke took several deep breaths, trying to quell the kill Naruto thoughts, as he walked, still shirtless, into the living room. Itachi was reading the newspaper and nearly choked on his coffee when he saw Sasuke. Why was Sasuke surrounded by morons? "Good morning, nii-san."

"Hn." Sasuke wondered why Itachi was being so weird. It wasn't as if he hadn't seen Sasuke naked before. But had Sasuke ever seen Itachi naked? He wasn't sure. Seeing Itachi naked wouldn't exactly be unpleasant; quite the opposite actually .Come to think of it, what would kissing Itachi be like? Sasuke found himself staring at Itachi's lips.

Sasuke imagined taking a bath with Itachi, like they used to when they were little. Mmm, Itachi all naked and wet and-

Oh god. He wasn't just gay, he was in to incest. What on earth was next?

_ _ _ _ _

Haku's phone buzzed. "Sorry," he murmured Zabuza, who stopped quizzing him on physiology. Zabuza shrugged, motioning to the waitress for another cup of coffee while Haku flicked his phone open. New text from Naruto!

Want 2 get lunch ? ?

"Who is it?" Zabuza craned his head over, trying to read the message. Haku smiled.

"Naruto." Aren't you at school?

"The Monday kid?" Zabuza snorted. "I don't know what you see in him. He's loud and obnoxious."

Haku shrugged. Naruto was sweet; besides, it wasn't every day you met someone as refreshingly straightforward as Naruto. But Zabuza wouldn't understand that so Haku didn't say anything.

Ill ditch ;)

God, could Naruto get any more adorable? But Haku didn't want to be a bad influence. He really should turn the offer down, but somehow found himself typing in: Sounds good, meet you at the school gates. Zabuza read the text, lips tight with disapproval and said, "Hey, Haku. Does he know?" At Haku's shake of the head, Zabuza sucked in his breath. "That's bad, 'ku. What's he going to do when he finds out?"

"You didn't have a heart attack when I told you I was a man," Haku pointed out.

"Yeah, but not all guys are as great as I am." Haku rolled his eyes affectionately, giving Zabuza a kiss on the cheek.

"You know I love you, 'Za, but I want to have fun with Naruto. That's all." Zabuza raised his eyebrows.

"Just be careful, Haku. You know I worry."

_ _ _ _ _

"Where were you yesterday?"

Sakura shaded her eyes, glancing up at her sort-of-sometimes best friend. Ino stood, hands on hips, blocking Sakura's sun. Behind her, Naruto and Lee were involved in some sort of ridiculous basketball-dodgeball type game, which seemed to involve a lot of yelling. Boys.

"Dentist appointment." Sakura stretched out her legs, alarmed at how white they glowed in the sun. She should really invest in some tanning oil or something like that.

"Oh. Well you missed a lot." Ino sat down next to Sakura, absently shredding little bits of grass as she spoke, "Naruto's taking some girl named Haku to my party. You know, the party everyone's talking about."

Sakura laughed. "Naruto doesn't know any girls. None that would go out with him, anyway."

Ino sprinkled grass into Sakura's lap, wrinkling her nose in a way that nose guys found irresistible and Sakura though was annoying. "Except Hinata."

Sakura shrugged, annoyed, and brushed blades of grass off her skirt. They left little greenish smears on the pink fabric. "Whatever," she said, "Naruto doesn't like her at all. Where is he anyway?"

Ino smirked and said, "He's with Haku; she came met him at the gate. She's pretty cute. You know, dark eyes, pale skin, the works." Sakura scowled. It's not like she cared, or anything.

"I'm going to find Sai," Ino announced, "He left at lunch yesterday, too. If I were you," she added, turning, "I would invest in some bronzer. Seriously."

Sakura glared at Ino's retreating back. What a bitch. Her legs weren't that pasty. And what was all that about Naruto and that Haku girl? He was probably just using her to make Sakura jealous; how childish. Well, two could play at that game.

Sakura would find an incredibly hot, older guy to take to Ino's party, a guy that all the other girls wanted. Not Sasuke; he would never agree to the plan, but someone better. Older. More mature. Someone like…

Sasuke's brother, Itachi.