Spoilers: End of season three, episode "First Strike."

The Friendship Files

Chapter 3

No Longer Afraid

"I feel very comfortable with my life in your hands and at the end of the day that means you're doing a pretty good job."

Jennifer watched Elizabeth Weir climb the stairs until she could no longer hear her footsteps while the commander's words echoed inside her head. The urge to stick a finger in her mouth and chew on the nail was almost more than she could endure.

She entered the transport that would return her to the Infirmary level, hesitated then tapped the screen in a different spot. Instead of the Infirmary she found herself near one of the piers. When the door opened she stepped out into the warm late afternoon sunshine. No one else was there so she had it all to herself which might have been a good thing if she didn't feel so… apprehensive about her new duties. And the water, always the water. One of these days she'd have to learn to swim.

She took her shoes and socks off then rolled up her pants legs. Sitting down, she scooted to the edge and carefully eased her legs off the side letting them dangle. This isn't so bad. In fact, it's kinda nice with nothing between the soles of my feet and the surface of the water. Her worry lifted just a little.

There was just enough of a breeze to create small waves and lift the hair off her face. Her eyes closed and she took a deep breath of the tangy salt air. She let her mind wander from place to place, here to there, in, out, up, down, round and round without rhyme or reason. And just as it always did, her mind zeroed in on Rodney McKay. Carson had warned her about him, but beneath his words she could sense a genuine affection for the cantankerous physicist.

She didn't know McKay well, had only met him a few times, but she sensed that under the façade of arrogance and condescension beat the heart of a truly kind and caring man. All he needed was the right set of circumstances to bring it out.

The first time she'd met him he'd come to the Infirmary with some minor injury that he'd blown way out of proportion. Despite that, or maybe because of it, he'd thoroughly charmed her though he had complained and grumbled the entire time he was there, even going so far as to compare medicine to voodoo. She took no offense at the slur on her chosen profession and had decided to ask if she could buy him a beer sometime but then she'd found out that he was involved in a relationship with Dr. Brown from Botany.

One of the things that puzzled her about his and Katie's association was the lack of public displays of affection. Not once had she seen the two of them even so much as hold hands. They could have been brother and sister for all she could tell just by simple observation. It had been the same with her and Jared Maitland who, ironically, was also a botanist. She'd finally come to realize that he wasn't The One, her soul mate. (See A/N.)

Leaning forward, she watched the water slap and splash against the pier supports. Nothing floated in the water that didn't belong there unlike at home where all kinds of disgusting things would be pushed up against the pylons making the water stink like a landfill.

"Nice afternoon, isn't it?"

"Huh? Oh!" She started to slide off the edge of the pier but a pair of strong arms caught her just in time. "Whoa! Thanks."

"No problem. All part of the service." The voice was familiar though she hadn't spent much time talking to this particular person. It wasn't that she had any reason to avoid him. Their schedules and duties just didn't require them to interact very often. Thumps and the rustle of clothing told her he was removing his jacket, shoes and socks, too. He sat down next to her and she looked over to see Chuck's concerned face. "Why are you out here all alone, Dr. Keller?" She'd told him to call her Jennifer on several occasions but he seemed to prefer the more formal mode of address, maybe to keep some distance between them due to the differences in their standings within the Atlantis community.

She sighed. "I just had to get away from, well, everything for a while."

"Oh? Why?"

"It-It's all finally starting to sink in. I'm three million light years from home, my friend and mentor is dead and, at the not-so-advanced age of 25, I find myself in charge of an entire medical department. In that regard I am way ahead of schedule."

Chuck reached behind him and passed her a bottle of water which she gratefully accepted then opened one for himself. "Butterflies, huh?"

"Yeah. Butterflies the size of Volkswagens."

"Well, nerves and butterflies are fine. They're just a physical sign that you're mentally ready and eager." He pumped a fist in the air. "The hard part is getting the butterflies to fly in formation." His hands mimed his words surprising a laugh out of her. "And I can totally relate. When we first came to Atlantis I was just a junior technician. My area of expertise is computers. But I was nowhere near high enough up the expedition food chain to be a department head. The person I replaced had degrees out the, um, well, like Dr. McKay, he had several. Mechanical and electrical engineering were his specialties."

"Peter Grodin. I've heard stories about him, how he's considered a hero for what he did on the Ancient's weapons platform, taking out that Wraith hiveship." As the acting CMO she had access to files that were unavailable to the general population and knew the real story of what happened on that weapons platform as well as the events that took place a year later. (See A/N.)

Chuck nodded. "His were some mighty big shoes to fill. He was very well-liked by everyone, including Dr. McKay. When I first stepped into the position it was out of necessity. We needed someone to do his job and I knew more about the systems than anyone else in Ops, aside from Dr. Grodin. In other words, I was in the right place at the right time to get a promotion.

"Don't get me wrong. I love being here in Atlantis and working for Dr. Weir but some days I just need to take a few minutes to sit and watch the water. It helps clear my mind."

She crossed her ankles swinging her feet. "I can see why. I feel more at ease now than I have since Carson…" Leaning back on her hands and closing her eyes, she let the breeze blow gently across her face. "Dr. McKay still blames himself for Dr. Grodin's death. He's certain it was his own lack of experience with the technology that caused the malfunction. I've tried to tell him otherwise but…" Her shoulders lifted in a small shrug.

They sat there in silence for a few more minutes then Chuck scooted back reaching for his shoes and socks. "Well, enough self-indulgence. Time for me to get back to work." Jennifer had already pulled her own socks and shoes back on. Chuck reached a hand down to help her up.

"This is Dr. Weir. All personnel to duty stations! This is not a drill!"

Chuck and Jennifer ran the length of the pier and entered the tower. They parted company, he toward the Gate Room and she to the transport that would take her to the Infirmary level.

"Chuck!" He turned to face her again. "Thanks!"

"Any time, Doc."

* * * * *

Jennifer looked around at the chaos that had once been the Gate Room. She hadn't seen this many casualties since her rotation in the ER when there'd been an accident involving a city bus and an eighteen wheeler. It had been rush hour and the bus was full. Three people had died and more than twenty had been seriously injured including both drivers. She'd been too busy to allow panic to creep in that day but now she could feel its icy fingers trying to take hold of her mind. She took a deep breath and thought about the feel of the breeze on her face, the sound of the water and how serene she'd been for that short span of time. Then, just like that, it all went away, the fear and panic receded as if it had never been leaving her mind as clear as a cloudless moonless night.

She looked up from where she was attending to Elizabeth when Colonel Sheppard entered demanding answers she didn't have then hurried from the room alongside the gurney that carried their commander and friend. Looking over her shoulder past Sheppard's head her eyes locked with Chuck's for a split second. He smiled confidently at her flashing her a quick thumbs up. She returned the gesture just before disappearing down the ramp.

* * * * *

While prepping for surgery she fired orders left and right trusting that they would be carried out without question. And because her staff knew that she was the best person for the job of CMO, they complied.

Just as she pressed her back against the OR door, her newly scrubbed hands raised to let the water drip toward her elbows she caught the tail end of a rumor that Atlantis had dropped out of hyperspace too soon and they were lost but ignored it. Right now, her only concern was Elizabeth and the other injured crew members. Nothing else mattered.

* * * * *

Jennifer made a point of spending time out on the pier whenever she could. As she did that first time she would take off her shoes and socks, roll up her pants legs and dangle her feet. She did it because she enjoyed it, because it felt good to get away from everything just for a few minutes. Sometimes Chuck would be there but mostly she would be alone. She would smile to herself because it felt good to no longer be afraid.

The End

A/N: This references the story "Looking to the Future" by toosweet4u_57, a part of her Jennifer and Rodney series and is used with permission. It also references chapters 7 - 11 of the story "The Return of Katie Brown." Yes, this is a shameless plug by the author.