I couldn't resist writing this when the idea of confronting Hatter with coffee got stuck in my head. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Hatter is absolutely horrified.
"Alice, you have no tea!" he yells in a strained voice. She must just have run out. That must be it. There has to be a simple explanation for the complete lack of Hatter's fix. Yes, Alice must have just finished all her tea and will pop back with more when she returns from the store. He just has to wait it out.
When Alice gets back twenty minutes later, she finds Hatter sitting anxiously in her living room, performing rapid hat tricks. The look of relief on his face surprises her. And confuses her. What could possibly have happened while she was gone?
"Hey, you, I thought I told you to make yourself at home. Get something to drink," she insists.
"Couldn't find any tea. You didn't happen to get some, love, did you?"
Alice gives a short laugh. "Wow, didn't know your addiction was that serious. Sorry though, I didn't. I'll get some to have around for you though. No big deal."
Her statement doesn't process for a few seconds. Hatter always keeps some on hand, never actually letting his supply run out. That would be unthinkable. But even if it did, he would immediately restock. Unless his Alice is… no, she couldn't possibly be… the thought is too baffling to even entertain.
"But, don't you need some for yourself?" he asks, only a hint of desperation in his voice.
Shaking her head, Alice replies, "Not really, I only drink it occasionally, when I have a cold or something. I'm much more of a coffee person."
Hatter's stomach churns.
"Don't joke. But please tell me you're joking. Please. Seriously, Alice. No green tea? Black? Earl Grey? Chai? I'll even settle for those fruit-flavored frivolities you Oysters seem to like so much."
"No, really, I drink coffee. Every day." Obviously the situation is humorous to Alice, but he just doesn't see it. "Haven't you ever noticed before?" she laughs.
The truth is out. Alice is… she's a coffee person.
"Oh. Oh god, you're serious." Hatter thinks back over the past month since he's come to the Oyster world and can't once recall Alice drinking tea. "But - that stuff smells vile, Alice. How can you stand it?"
Hatter's expression makes Alice try to swallow her laughter, but she's barely able to. "Have you even tried it?"
Alarm spreads over his face. "No! How could you even ask that?!"
Alice can't believe how honestly upset Hatter is getting over the subject. "Well, will you at least give it a chance?" When he makes a face, she attacks from a different angle. "Don't you trust me enough?"
That pushes Hatter to give in. "Fine. But if this does irreparable damage to me…"
"Don't be such a baby," she chides.
"I'm not being a baby, I'm protesting torture," he mutters, but Alice chooses to ignore it.
"Here, you're going to watch this."
Hatter sighs dramatically but follows Alice to the kitchen counter. She plugs the coffee maker into the wall. "Here," she instructs, "fill the pot to this line and pour it in the back here." Hatter does what she says without spirit, but Alice's actions intrigue him despite his prejudice.
"What's that?" he questions, puzzling as to why Alice is holding a miniature shovel.
"I'm scooping out the coffee grounds to brew it. And don't make that face."
"Looks like dirt."
"Shut up."
He continues to watch her with mild interest as she fills the filter with grounds and sets the pot to brew. Equal parts of curiosity and disgust swirl around his face until Alice turns around and glares at him.
"What?"
"I know what you're thinking. And stop it."
"Sorry. I mean it's interesting, but come on. There's no art to it! Everything's so mechanized. There's no love in the coffee, Alice. No love."
Alice shakes her head. "That's where you're wrong," she insists. "There's plenty of love in coffee. You have to know how much water to use, what kind of grounds, how not to burn it, the appropriate uses of cream and sugar… you get the idea. Not just anyone can make a good pot of coffee."
Hatter laughs at the intense glow in Alice's eyes. "Fine, I stand corrected. Keep your pants on, love." He pauses; a wicked grin spreads over his face. "Or don't, actually, I wouldn't complain."
Alice pretends to be annoyed and smacks him on the arm. "Mmhmm, right. You need to focus, sir."
"Ok, ok!" He surrenders, hands held up in the air.
"Coffee's almost done anyway," Alice says. Just then the glowing light turns off. Alice pulls down a couple of mugs from the cupboard and pours out the almost black liquid. Hatter wrinkles his nose at the sight of it but quickly rearranges his face when Alice turns back to him.
"He picks up his cup and says, "Here goes nothing," taking a huge sip.
Hatter has to force himself to swallow. "Alice, I'm not sure if this relationship is going to work."
She laughs and takes his mug away. "It's your first time, you should probably use cream and sugar." She adds some to his cup, more than she would ever put in her own, and hands it back to him. His face looks a little less traumatized, but he's still not happy.
"Well?"
Hatter takes a few more sips before looking back at her.
"Can we please get some Earl Grey?"