This is probably the quickest I've ever updated, you know. Then again, the past one and a half chapters have been rotting in a folder on my memory stick since... at least November. Yeah, just checked the 'last modified' thingy on last chapter - 17th Novemer 2009, 11:52. Woooooow. Can't believe I remembered that. And you don't really care, either, do you? (I'll tell you all how I knew it was November anyway: everyone apart from my science class was doing an exam (haha, suckers) and we were in a computer room and I showed my friend .)

Anyway, the first half of this chapter is based off an episode of Scrubs and the rest is building up the the whole plot idea I had . Although, the bit that made me want to carry on is the Scrubs bit, so meh.

Thank you, osaka-chan4, firstly for reviewing, but also for reminding me about Shi-chan's 'rooster' XD Because I totally forgot a funny little idea there.

Enjoy ^^

The day of the funeral dawned, but Tohru was the only one weeping. Everyone else was on edge, for said funeral was being held in the main house and Akito wasn't there. This could only mean doom was approaching and DAMN! was it pissed off.

"Party all the time! Paaartaaaay aaaall the tiiii~iiime!" the conveniently placed gospel choir sung, as the cheerful minister skipped forward.

"Shigure left only two requests." he said slowly, still bopping to the imaginary beat of the song. "One was that we played this song and the other that he got a last hug from each of you."

The casket opened, revealing Shigure, arms outstretched and mouth pulled up into a horrific smile.

Ayame was the first in line for the posthumous hug-fest.

"Aaya, stop humping the corpse." Hatori deadpanned, not even bothering to waste energy on face palming.

Several awkward moments later, the doors at the back of the room slid open and the dark-haired woman slumped against the wood.

"Shi... Shigure..."

She staggered forwards, pushing Tohru into the cake face-first as she used her to keep herself upright.

When the hysterical woman reached the body, she grasped him tightly with her bony arms.

"You were the only one I never faked it with..."

"Double-eww tee eff, hoar?" Akito exclaimed from the entrance, the emo wind that always seemed to follow the family head blowing a couple of (black) leaves around her. She glided along her mother's path, nodding appreciatively at the girl still face down in the cake. ("Nice work, bitch.")

Akito proceeded to drop-kick Ren out of the way and take her turn hugging the cadaver.

"You bastard."

Suddenly, his eyes flicked open and his arms grabbed her, pulling her even closer.

"I knew you loved me, I always knew it. I-"

Akito reached into a pocket hidden in her kimono and pulled out a gun, 'busting a cap' into the buttocks of the seemingly revived Shigure.

"W... Worth it..." he gurgled as he hit the floor.

-

"And then they'd have my real funeral." Shigure said out of the blue to the gathered family. Hatori, who had been explaining the situation to them all in the overcrowded kitchen of the House Where It All Began (Ayame had insisted this would be better for security), while the 'victim' in question got distracted squinted as he tilted his head to the side uncharacteristically.

"Are you an idiot?"

"No, sir. I'm a dreamer." he replied, mock outraged.

"A...ah, but that doesn't explain how you are alive..." Tohru piped up,

"I wasn't listening when dear old Akii-chan's dad was explaining it to us, but he said something about near death experiences releasing the curse. Something about them scaring the fuzzy little bastards away." he replied off-handedly.

-FLASHBACK-

Hatori, Shigure, Ayame and a much younger Kureno sat on Akito's dad's porch. In the background, they could hear the steady thunking of the thing-that-goes-doink and the unnerving squawk of a bird that flew into a windscreen. Kureno was torn between going to help and staying under Akito's dad's unfocused stare. Wisely, he stayed, for the man looked as though he was about to impart great wisdom.

"Remember, near death experiences release the curse. Something about them scaring the fuzzy little bast- I mean, critters, away." he told them sagely.

-END FLASHBACK-

Shigure sat back in his seat, stroking an imaginary beard, nodding. "That sounds about right."

Rin huffed impatiently, fiddling with the handle of her teacup. "I call bullshit. If it was true, Akito would have freed us all from the curse fifteen times over."

Ayame laughed condescendingly as he patted her shoulder, stopping only when Kisa bit him on the arm. As he clutched it in melodramatic agony, Rin patted her on the head and gave her a fiver.

"Ah yes, as I was saying-" Ayame said, forgetting about the bite marks momentarily. "Akito cannot be the cause of death; I mean, what kind of God wants its people dead?"

The family contemplated the irony of the statement in silence.

"I am curious, however," Hatsuharu began calmly. "As to what happened to your di-" Yuki swiftly clamped a hand over his mouth.

"Not in front of the children!" he hissed. Kisa rolled her eyes.

"I knew what he was going to say, nii-chan." she said softly. ("She better hadn't have..." muttered Hiro.)

"Oh, I was referring to Honda-san actually."

As this conversation took place, Ritsu panicked. Sweat beaded on his forehead as he glanced around the room. He knew they all knew, and they were judging him for not being able to say it. Well, he'd show them.

"I'M SO SORRY, THE OPERATION WAS GOING TO TAKE PLACE ANY DAY SO I DIDN'T NEED MINE AND-" His outburst was interrupted by an embarrassed Shigure, who pulled his younger cousin back into his seat as the rest of the room stared.

Kyo looked as though he wanted to vomit. Indeed, he snatched Yuki's teacup out of his hands and emptied the contents of his stomach into it.

"Oh gross, we have to clean this up you bastard!" Yuki complained.

"You know what's 'gross'?" Hatori asked monotonously . "Being the surgeon for that operation. You have no room to complain."

"But-"

"No room." he affirmed.

Tohru was lost in thought. She wanted to free the Sohmas of the curse, did she not? Knowing the only way to do so was to kill them, did she still want to? And if so, could she?

But this was her chance to save Kyo from the assorted nasties Akito had lined up for him, her chance to absolve Yuki from his responsibilities as the rat of the zodiac, to let Shigure become the loveable pervert he had always wanted to be.

She opened eyes filled with new resolve.

She would end the curse.

She would kill them.

She would kill them all.

...

Wait, what?

Eh, that was a lame ending. But can't you just see MassMurderer!Tohru?

Yeah, I have issues. And I don't actually know what absolve means. Just heard my English teacher use it . It sounds like dissolve, and it would be cool to dissolve.. people... eh... I'll shut up now...

Also, Google Chrome is awesome: I buggered up and did something to the page without saving the authors note up at the top and it let me go back and not have to type it all out again. I would have cried if I'd had to T-T

-Scurries away to think of ideas for everybody's violent fake deaths-