A/n: Hey everyone! Sorry for updating so late. I have a lot of school work! (stupid grade 11 english class!!!) Anyways, just a reminder, not meant to offend in anyway and nothing belongs to me. Except Angel and Max but I don't really care about them because they are for the use of humor and stupidness. :]
Oh Thanks for the reviews everyone!

Chapter 4: The Horrible Mary-Sue insert. OH GOD! Save Us!

Scully looked over at the clock to see it was almost 2pm. Fuck. She was supposed to be at her Mother's house at 11am. Oh wait. Never mind. It isn't Christmas, I forgot. Chill dudes. I got this.

Scully sat up to see a handsome man who wasn't Mulder sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Hey, who are you and how'd you get into Mulder's apartment?" Scully asked, some of the confusion from last night still dwelled deep in her little redheaded- braaaaaaaaaaaainssssssssssss! Rrrrrrrrrrrrr – oops, sorry Zombies don't come in till next chapter.

"I'm Max Mulder. I'm Mulder's cousin from Tibet. Yeah, and I just moved to Washington D.C to you know, be a FBI Agent like you and my cousin." Max flashed a very large glossy smile. His teeth were shiny and white, so shiny and white, Scully could practically see herself in it.

He looked like a Model. You know those models that you see in those stupid Abercrombie and Fitch ads? Yeah like that, but less stupid. Cause we all know those airhead who model for stores like that are sort of... You know... Dumb. Now I'm going to get 283628369138613876913 Abercrombie snobs bitching at me. I DON'T CARE.

Scully instantly fell in love. "Max, right? You're much more gorgeous than your cousin who's Bed I am sitting in right this very moment make love to me now!"

"But we've just met!"

"Shut up and fuck me!" Scully screamed.

They had hot passionate sex. In which I cannot describe in Detail because this is a T-rated fanfiction. I'll just say to go look up some hardcore porn and imagine a blonde dude from those Abercrombie ads and Scully going at it. OH GOD THE MENTAL IMAGES! MY EYES! THEY BURN!

Meanwhile Mulder, Fox Mulder that is, was in the supermarket, looking for stuff to make Scully breakfast. He went up and down the aisles and looked at a bajillion different cereals.

"Russia-o's? no no. Balls Ahoy? WHAT THE- never mind I'm not gonna ask, PaperHearties? Nah, um Alien Bites?! This sounds good." Mulder spoke to himself. Cause he's crazy like that.

"You like Alien Bites too?" A girlish Squeal, like the sound of a baby pig being taken away from its mother, came from behind him.

Mulder turned around to see a tall beautiful girl with two different coloured eyes (one pink the other a nice shade of seafoam green. Like the crayon.) She had long jetblack hair with rainbow streaks in it and she sparkled. Like Edward Cullen but everyone knows Edward Cullen is a faggot. A-durrr.

"Hi, I'm Angel Greene. I'm new here." Angel giggled in her annoyingly high pitched voice. Wait. ANGEL? WHO THE FLYING FUCK NAMES THEIR KID ANGEL?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

"Ummmm Hi Angel." Mulder tried to control his sudden lust for Angel. It was overpowering. It's level was OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did I actually just put that in this? Oh well.

"Hi, May I ask what your name is?" she laughed and turned to re-apply her jet black lipstick. Cause she's angsty and emotional so she has to show it but wearing dark make up and colourful clothes while listening to shitty emo bands like Linkin Park and Evenesedkjhdkj. I don't know how the fuck you spell that band Amy Lee (queen of whiney bitches) controls. Anyways!

"Fox. Fox Mulder. I'm an FBI Agent. May I ask what you do for a living?" Fox asked.

"Well, I can do just about anything. But in this fanfiction I'm a doctor. Like Scully."

"How do you know about Scully?"

"I'm her aunt's Husband's Cousin's cousin three times removed."

"Makes sense..." Though Mulder wasn't really listening, he was just drooling and staring at Angel's abnormally large tits. Because all Mary-sues usually have big tits. I know, I read the Wikipedia page.

"So would you like to go for some coffee? And then maybe you can show me your apartment. I heard you have a fish tank. I love fish! They're delicious!" Angle asked. Wait. Angle? Damn it I spelt Angel wrong again! FUCK YOU MICROSOFT, FAILING TO FIND MY ERRORS! I will never trust technology ever again!

Mulder woke from his perverted stare and said, "wait how old are you? You look like jailbait!"

"I'm 25 and ½! And I'm already a fully fledged doctor, a ballerina, and I have Master's in almost every subject you could think of. I am creative and intelligent and can play almost any instrument there is, including the didgeridoo and can paint like Michael Angelo. I'm the smartest Goth-alternative Girl this side of the world, I also have a connection to the world conspiracy and believe in all things supernatural and unexplained. And I have the hots for you, Fox..." Her annoying high pitched voice would be described by most sue writers as "sweet" and "angelic" but in reality, it was annoying as fuck.

"well then let's just skip coffee and head to my place!" Mulder said, ecstatic that he was finally gonna get laid. After like what? 1639871238 years? What a loser, eh? (hah Canadian humour.)

They headed for Mulder's apartment, where Scully and Max were still going at it. Whoa. That's just creepy. Anyways...

Mulder walked in on his Cousin from Tibet dominating over Scully. They were doing some weird Bondage thing and Scully had a ball gag in her mouth. Oh ew, THE MENTAL IMAGES ARE BACK! GET THEM OUT OF MY HEADDDDDDDDDD!

!

"What the fuck is going on here?!" Mulder exclaimed. "Max I thought we sent you to Tibet to be a farmer in the mountains?! And Scully what are you doing?"

"mm habing ot mdfm hex wit Mat wha dos et ook ike?" Scully's words were muffled by the ball gag.

"Get away from my partner let her breathe!" Mulder yelled at his long lost cousin and ripped him away from his Scully. He was still utterly in love with her after all and didn't like his cousin. At all.

"Chill dude, Her and I are in Love. We cannot be separated by our eternal love for eachother!" Max protested, getting super emotional. Fucking emo.

Suddenly Angel interjected, "Fox, why are you getting so upset over a Ginger? I mean, everyone knows Gingers don't have souls... which is why I like, totally want to be friends with Dana cause her and I share that attribute! Hehe!"

Scully was suddenly fully dressed again and stood near Max. "That's a little creepy, but Max is right Mulder, We are in complete and total love with each other and there's nothing for you to do about it."

Mulder glanced at Scully and then at Max and then at Angel and then at Ponyo. Wait what? Never mind. He glanced back at Scully and gave her his panic look. It's the same look as every other look he gives her. He then frowned, broken hearted for a second.

"But Scully I love-" But he was interrupted by Angel.

"WHY DON'T WE GO ON A DOUBLE DATE?! WE COULD GO TO A CONCERT OR TO A CLUB AND NOT DANCE LIKE REAL GOTHS DO! I WANT TO BE A GOTH SO BADLY IF YOU CAN TELL." Angel screeched in her annoying voice.

"The First step to being a Goth is to shut the fuck up." Mulder muttered under his breath as they got their coats and headed out the door to go clubbing. Even though it was only noon.

Yeah, they're hardcore like that. Or as you kids these days say: HXC To ThE MaX HoMiEz xxtOtAllllllLyxXxxX!11!1!1!!11. Right? God, I hate humanity.

They went to a club just outide town and Scully and Mulder didn't feel comfortable amongst the teenagers with fake IDs and "Goth" people with white makeup streaked with sweat.

Angel took Mulder onto the dance floor and started dancing to Always by Erasure. Best. Song. Ever. Nothing can beat that song. NOTHING I TELL YOU.

Mulder insisted he couldn't dance but she continued to flail and throw herself about the dance floor. She looked like an idiot but then again most teenagers now a days do. I mean, with their grinding and bumping and this gangster shit and wait Angel's 25 what the fuck is she doing this childish sexual shit for? I just used Childish and Sexual in the same sentence. Many people reading this will think of me as a pedophile or something now. Shit, my cover's been blown! GET TO THE CAR LOUISE! THEY'RE ON TO US!

Scully sat at the bar and started to get drunk. Max having to pay for all her drinks. After the 20th drink the bartender cut her off and she left Max to pay the expensive bill. She made her way to the dance floor, stumbling towards Mulder standing awkwardly to the side of the dance floor while Angel danced with a bunch of random different people. All The people she danced with were kinda ugly compared to her. But of course, she a Mary Sue, so she's obviously prettier than everyone in the world OKAY?!

Scully stumbled up to Mulder and flung her arms around him. "Your Cousin is annoying me." Her voice was starting to slur and her eyebrow arched up in her infamous 'look'.

"Really now? You realized this now?" Mulder grumbled.

"He's too clingy, it's like he wants to get married or something." Scully was still hanging off of Mulder. She turned to look at Max who was standing by the bar, looking like a lost puppy. He was in a tuxedo and a priest stood behind him waiting for Scully to come join his little ceremony. "See what I mean?"

"He's always been like that. His first Girlfriend killed herself just to get away from him." Mulder growled, still slightly jealous.

"So, what about you and whatsherface, Angle? Angelina Jolie? Rebecca? I dun know..." Scully hiccupped, her eyes slid closed as she nuzzled up to him.

"Angel? She's alright I guess, but she's nothing compared to you." Mulder smiled and wrapped an arm around Scully.

Suddenly Angel's INTENCE MARY-SUE RAGE JEALOUSY kicked in and she barged towards them. "What are you doing?!" She snapped at them, her hands on her hips.

"We're just sitting and having a frien-" Mulder started.

"We're changing a fucking tire what does it look like you stupid bitch!" Scully said drunkenly.

Angel huffed and puffed and she blew a little pig's straw house down before she came back and growled angrily at Scully, "You damn well better stay away from my man or I'll unleash my INTENCE MARY-SUE RAGE JEALOUSY on you okay?!"

Scully bared her teeth at the woman and Mulder interjected, "Wait, who said I was your man? I only wanted to have sex with you cause Scully can't get it through her thick head that I am unconditionally and irrevocably in love with her." Yeah, I just stole that from the back cover of Twat- I MEAN- Twilight. I don't even LIKE Twilight! Bring it!

"You do?!" Scully said astonished, but still drunk.

"You do?!" Angel said pissed off.

"Yeah, ever since I went back in time to the 1940's and made out with Scully's past self." Mulder shrugged as if it was nothing.

"You were on Morphine Mulder you were hallucinating. It was all just a dream." Scully waved it off.

"No, I was clearly making out with you." Mulder stated defiantly.

"THAT DOESN'T MATTER!" Angel spat. "WHAT MATTERS IS THAT MULDER AND I ARE GOING TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER AND HAVE BABIES AND SELL THEM ON THE BLACK MARKET AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT THAT!"

Clearly pissed off that this bitch was screaming at her while she was drunk, Scully threw her fist into Angel's face, and broke Angel's stupid make-up caked face. Angel screamed and Max ran to the scene.

"Are you alright my love?" He asked Scully.

Scully punched him too. Cause he was fucking annoying.

Scully grabbed Mulder by the wrist and dragged him out to the parking lot. "Take me home." She demanded, "I've had enough of this Mary-Sue bullshit! When is this chapter going to end?!"

"Soon Scully, soon I hope..." Mulder sighed and started the car. "My place or Yours?"

"Mine. Now. Before I rip your testicles into little tiny pieces..."

"Alright Your place it is!" Mulder gasped and stepped on the gas.

Meanwhile Angel was on the dance floor still, her nose broken and bleeding everywhere. Max rubbed his sore cheek.

"I will make Fox Mulder mine!" Angel screeched.

"I just want my Dana-baby back." Max sobbed.

"Shut up you fucking pussy!" Angel hissed.

"NO YOU SHUT UP YOU WHORE!" Max yelled.

"OH GOD I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE CALL ME DEROGITORY NAMES! LET'S HAVE HOT STEAMY SEX THAT IS TOO KINKY FOR THIS T-RATED FANFICTION!" Angel screamed in her girlish squeal.

"DANA WHO?!" Max said, obviously now in Love with Angel.

"I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH FOX BUT YOU'LL DO UNTIL I KILL DANA SCULLY AND MAKE FOX MY HUSBAND OKAY?" Angel shouted

"WHY ARE WE SHOUTING?!"

"SHUT UP!"

And so, Angel and Max left the club together, it was only 2:30 in the afternoon, but they were going out for dinner, even though Angel's nose was still bleeding profusely.

And Scully and Mulder were back at Scully's apartment, sitting on the couch together. They were like two teenagers going to prom. They sat at opposite end of the couch and glanced at each other awkwardly, turning away, blushing and giggling every time they made eye contact.

They did this alllllllll day. It was rather annoying actually.

Damn it.