Disclaimer:All of the characters are the property of Dick Wolf. I thank him, the writers, the directors and all the great actors who brought them "to life" for our benefit. Any "liberties" I have taken with them stems from my fond admiration (and a few personal quirks I will seek "help" for).

AN: This story is not set within the accepted "canon" for the characters as it is only officially portrayed by the TV series. So I get to "fool around" with them in ways in which they've never been seen, stretching that to the limit and suspending the "reality" that is "fiction" to start with…now there's a contradiction in terms!!!

(And yeah Goren I know the proper word for that is oxymoron…I warned you that chimney was far too narrow so don't blame me if it's more than chestnuts getting roasted now…)

As the annual round of office Christmas Parties gets under way, Bobby is not looking forward to the one at 1PP this year…

SANTA'S NOT SO LITTLE HELPER

Bobby opened his apartment door. Alex had been knocking for ten minutes, the neighbours would soon be wondering what all the noise was about and she might have her spare key. And bolt cutters to deal with the chain.

She stepped through with a glare at him sufficient to turn a man to stone. And wither with sheer terror, the parts of the anatomy most obviously marked you out as male.

"Why aren't you changed yet?" she demanded to know.

"I'm sick. The flu" he croaked. Hopefully, in a very convincing way.

"One that suddenly came on in the hour since I dropped you off, I suppose?"

There was an unpromising tone of scepticism in her voice had Bobby wondering if he was losing his ability to "sell a story".

"I'll check you know" Alex went on. "Get the thermometer from the bathroom? So which is it to be?"

"I'll go get dressed" he muttered slinking off in the direction of his bedroom.

Alex waited for the door to shut behind Bobby. Slightly disappointed, thinking of some of places you could accurately take a temperature reading with a mercury thermometer. But doubting whether her partner would meekly submit to her putting the instrument anywhere near some of them. And whether she could hold Bobby down to do it, if he didn't.

Alex went into the kitchen and got her make up bag from her purse. Goren was being very difficult about the 1PP Christmas Party this year. Like a sulky brat at the costume hire shop earlier. Though that was his own fault. For having such big feet they always had trouble finding anything to fit him.

As she put a few things out on the table, Alex wondered whether she could also engineer some kind of "accident" to Claire while she was here. That slut of a cookie jar grinning seductively on the counter that Bobby had bought to replace Clara. It took her almost two years to finally dispose of her. And at least Clara had the excuse of being a cow to not be wearing any panties. Instead, she filled the time checking the trash, cupboards and the icebox for any evidence he might, unknown to her, be cooking for two these days.

Hearing a tinkling sound she turned to see Bobby at the door. Glowering, as he pulled on the second of the green, curly toed shoes with bells at the end.

"These are pinching" he complained, pulling on the hem of the short blue and gold striped tunic.

But too late to stop Alex concluding it wasn't only his toes overly confined, as the red tights he was wearing left little to the imagination. Though "little" was probably the wrong adjective to use for what drew her attention and you didn't need an especially active "imagination".

"Sit down" she said. "I'll do your make up. At least try to get yourself in an elf frame of mind Bobby"

"And how does one do that Alex?" he asked with a wince had nothing to do with the ridiculous shoes. "Find a basidiomycetous fungus to sit on?"

"Stop showing off" Alex snapped reaching for red lipstick and putting some in a circular pattern on his right cheek. "It's your own fault they won't let you be Santa again this year"

"How was I to know that girl was the Captain's sister?" he muttered. "She was over 21. I checked her ID before I let her onto my lap"

"I should damn well hope so given what she was doing in it when he found the pair of you. Sit still"

Alex turned Bobby's head none too gently to make his left cheek suitably "rosy".

"Someone must have spiked my punch" Bobby growled. "Never did find out who did that"

"I'm sure I wouldn't know" Alex lied glibly, handing him his elf hat with the jaunty feather.

She had an entirely different strategy to try to make sure she got an early Christmas present this year...

AN ; Remember it's not the rocking around the Christmas tree that wears you out…it's what you get up to under it…I must go…Bobby's just tying a ribbon round an early gift for me…