Disclaimer: All of the characters are the property of Dick Wolf. I thank him, the writers, the directors and all the great actors who brought them "to life" for our benefit. Any "liberties" I have taken with them stems from my fond admiration (and a few personal quirks I will seek "help" for).

AN: This story is not set within the accepted "canon" for the characters as it is only officially portrayed by the TV series. So I get to "fool around" with them in ways in which they've never been seen, stretching that to the limit and suspending the "reality" that is "fiction" to start with…now there's a contradiction in terms!!!

(And yeah Goren I know the proper word for that is oxymoron…now please get out of that chick costume...it does nothing for me and y'all moulting feathers everywhere)

Some seasonal silliness...

DIRTY ALEX

As she approached the door, Eames felt in her gut there would be big trouble waiting for her on the other side. Resisting the temptation to kick it down, she burst through, her right hand close to her hip and her gun.

"Don't move scumbag!!" she yelled at the perp who almost jumped out of his shorts with horrified surprise.

Those hours spent in front of the mirror practising a "fast draw" paid off as her gun was out and levelled at his head in a nanosecond. Though she would deny until the day the devil skated to work she ever did that.

"Got ya red-handed" Eames snapped as the thief made a feeble attempt to hide his ill gotten gains behind his back.

She saw in his eyes what he was thinking. The way they flickered to the door on the other side of the room. Wondering if he could make it through before she shot him.

Eames gestured fractionally with the barrel of her weapon before locking it tight again in the double handed grip.

"Do ya feel lucky punk?" she asked, trying to recall why her words sounded familiar. "This may not be the most powerful handgun in the world but you'll be singing soprano before you make it to that door"

The bad guy's head dropped slightly in a gesture of surrender.

"Okay" Eames barked. "Now put it down. Slowly. No sudden moves. And keep those hands where I can see them!"

She watched the body language, not the object as he placed it carefully on the table, letting it go with an exaggerated motion and then putting his hands in the air.

"Turn around dirtbag" ordered Eames "And get over there"

The direction was emphasised with a little waggle of her gun as he did as he was told. Finally she holstered the weapon.

Bobby slumped in his seat with a sigh of relief and the rest of the Squad Room relaxed as his partner sat at her desk.

"Try stealing my giant Easter Egg again Goren and I swear you'll be a dead man" Alex muttered as she turned to her computer.

He opened his folder, crossed "Plan D" from the list and began to think about "E".

AN: And yeah Goren I know the word for a male bird too...there was no need to show me...on the other hand...