Chapter One

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will."

- Mahatma Gandhi

___

Wolves were favored. Even owls were a popular form. But for Marach, true pleasure came in the form of the hawk.

Or, at least he thought it did. He'd felt nothing in five hundred of his seven hundred years. The world was like a silent movie of old, gray and colorless. He could feign a measure of pleasure in those days, humans forced to be entertained by cinema with no sounds and no color. Knowing that someone else saw what he saw of the world, even if it was only on a white sheet in a smoky room, was enough for him.

But sound came to movies, as did color…and colors would surely come for him.

Marach beat his wings harder, enjoying the strength of the wind on his face. He knew many other Carpathian males had lost faith that they would find the other half of their soul; their lifemate, the light to their darkness. Marach himself had lost faith that they could be saved. It was so hard to have faith in a Prince to figure out how to save everyone when he himself was unclaimed. But unlike many of his brethren, Marach chose instead to go to sleep. It wasn't exactly a coward's way out but something in him told him he wasn't ready to face the dawn, and he couldn't surrender himself to his darkness, to become the accursed vampire…the undead.

Marach had slept for almost thirty years. When he awoke he was surprised to find that the world had changed. Mikhail had found his lifemate, as did everyone else in his closely knit circle. Psychic humans, Jaguars, mages, and all the like had suddenly sprung up in the world as though they'd awakened from a slumber as he did. So many males had found their lifemates that it took Marach completely by surprise. And…it gave him hope. He knew other unclaimed males felt jealousy for the bonded ones, but such feelings never touched him. He knew it was the surest sign that his lifemate was out there…and he would find her no matter what. It didn't matter if she was a baby or elderly, when he found her he would cherish her and love her no matter what.

He froze slightly, gliding against the wind. Something was wrong. Something sinister had overtaken the air…a vampire was nearby.

Marach glided towards the ground, a clearing in a massive sea of trees. Upon landing he transformed, taking on his natural form. He was a tall as his Carpathian brethren, but he wasn't nearly as broadly built as many were. He'd cut his hair long ago, mahogany brown strands tied back at his neck. Dark eyes scanned the area, trying to find that trace of evil. It was close by…and it was getting closer…

Something burst from the trees to his left. He jumped away and dodged a blow that came close to his head. He flipped backwards and landed on his feet, his knees bent.

"So it is you, Marach."

His breath caught in his throat. He rose to his feet, cursing slightly as he faced the vampire. "Cassander."

"Been a long time, hasn't it?" Cassander hissed, smiling at Marach with filthy, bloodstained teeth. "And I see you are alone as usual."

"And I see you have turned," Marach replied slowly, squaring his body off. If he felt emotions he would no doubt be feeling outrage…and grief. Cassander wasn't just any vampire; he'd been one of Marach's closest friends. They'd shared blood and a link. Marach cursed himself for not being able to sense his friend's turning much sooner. He would've been able to confront him before this…and maybe even save him…

Cassander laughed and spread his arms wide. "And I see you're making the same mistake everyone else is. You're holding out on your fate."

"I'm holding out for my lifemate," Marach said sharply. "What you should've done as well!"

Cassander merely snorted and gave a toss of his head. His hair had been white-blonde but now it looked as filthy as the rest of him and his dark eyes only amplified the evil that had overtaken him. "For what should I hold out for? To be like our weakling Prince, who is slave to his woman and daughter? Just as the Dark One is? This is not finding a lifemate. It is merely a life of servitude brought upon us by demanding women who do not know their place."

"They are lifemates!" Marach shouted. His own memory of fury brushed over him and it amplified his words and voice. "Those women are the promised ones for our males! They are our salvation and they are proof that we can be saved! You are a fool for not waiting longer!"

"I much prefer it this way, though," Cassander laughed. He raised a hand to his mouth and bit into his palm. He drank of his own blood for a moment before he turned his head and spat it out on the grass. The earth itself rebelled against this toxic invader and began to shrivel beneath it. "I am stronger than I once was and I'm free of foolish inhibitions."

"You are a fool and a coward," Marach snapped. "Had this been no more than fifty years ago, I might have pity for you. But look at our day and age! Many, many males have found lifemates! No hope is lost and yet you still gave in like a coward!"

Cassander snarled and bared his teeth at Marach. "I will take your insults no longer, Marach. I came to you to ask you to join me, but it appears you will remain stubborn. I have no choice but to kill you!"

Marach braced himself. "I was just about to say the same thing."

They lunged at each other. They were close in age and in power, but Marach was full of determination. He couldn't allow Cassander to keep going as he was. He had to kill him…before he killed more people.

His determination gave him more strength. Cassander was easily outmatched by him. He wasn't able to land a single blow on Marach, whereas Marach was able to strike freely on the vampire. Cassander slammed into the ground again and again, but kept getting up to attack Marach. After several minutes though, his movements became slow and sluggish. Marach knew now was the time to do it, before Cassander had the chance to get away.

He was focused on his single target. And so he never saw the blow that struck upon his chest. Marach cursed violently and grabbed at the wound, jumping away from Cassander.

"I see the meeting went sour."

Marach spat out a little bit of blood and wiped at his mouth. "So…you as well, Parn?"

Parn grinned sinisterly at Marach, coming to stand beside Cassander as the other vampire stood up. Marach should've known though, that Parn had changed. He was Cassander's younger brother and had often relied upon him in the past. If Cassander couldn't resist the vampire, then of course Parn couldn't. He always followed his brother's lead.

"So he will not join us?" Parn asked Cassander. Parn was just as filthy as his brother, his white-blonde hair almost brown now, and his eyes were dark and evil.

"No," Cassander said, shaking his head. "He will avoid the inevitable."

Parn scoffed in disgust and glared at Marach. "You're a fool, Marach. In the end, this is the fate of us all."

"So why hasn't our Prince or the Dark One changed?" Marach asked, although he knew he should know better than to argue with a vampire. They were always dead-set and nonnegotiable. "It's because they found their lifemates. She's out there for me, and your women are out there too. But now they'll be forced to live half-lives because you two are a pair of weaklings!"

Parn snarled suddenly, surging forward but not attacking Marach. "Lifemates don't exist, Marach. They are nothing more than a pipedream, an illusion no different than religion to control us!"

"Then what do you call Raven or Savannah or Shea or any other woman our men have claimed and converted?!" Marach hollered. "They survived conversion and the males who claim them have feelings now! If lifemates don't exist, then how can they have feelings?!"

"It's a delusion," Parn said easily enough. "They're in denial about their true natures and have thus projected themselves upon stupid women. Women who can control them, but stupid women nonetheless."

Marach could tell that Parn truly believed that, even as a vampire. Cassander added nothing to his younger brother's tangent, but he waved a dismissive hand as he approached Marach.

"Enough talk," Cassander said smoothly. "Prepare to die, Marach."

Fighting Cassander had been difficult enough, but a two-on-one fight was incredibly tolling for Marach, especially with his chest wound. They were very agile and capable hunters and unfortunately that translated well as hunters. Cassander snapped his teeth at Marach while Parn threw menacing punches, both physical and mental. Marach knew he couldn't keep this up much longer.

Then, he saw his opportunity. Parn jumped back to allow Cassander the chance to strike. As Cassander leaned towards Marach again, Marach didn't dodge. He lunged at the vampire, taking him off-guard and ripping open his chest, trying to get to his heart.

"Frate!" Parn hollered suddenly. Quick as lightning he was back in the fight, yanking Cassander away from Marach and striking at Marach. Marach blocked the blow, and was prepared for another. But it didn't come.

"This isn't over, Marach!" Parn yelled, pulling Cassander's arm around his shoulders. The other vampire looked much weakened by the near-fatal blow, his toxic blood spilling on the ground and tainting the soil. "We won't forget this! You can count on it!"

Parn jumped high into the air, taking Cassander with him and disappeared into the massive sea of trees.

Marach fell to his knees, clutching a hand to his chest. His wound had torn even more under the strain of the battle. Still, nothing was more surprising than what had transpired. Brothers turned together…fought together…and one saved the other when it would've been more convenient to leave him and save himself. The vampires were getting crafty. Maybe they knew they had greater strength in numbers and so worked closely together?

Marach cursed, forcing himself to stand. He needed to go to ground and heal his body, but he couldn't do so in this area. The soil, the trees, everything was corrupted by the vampire. One of the earth healers needed to come and purify the area, but Marach didn't know any of them personally. He reached out with his mind, trying to find someone familiar, but he didn't sense any Carpathians in the vicinity.

His chest created another ache and he cursed again. There was no helping it; he would have to leave this as it was and get to ground. He put a compulsion on the area, an alert for if any Carpathians happened to come by who could fix this. It was all he could do.

Marach retook the shape of a hawk and took off flying, trying desperately to find clean soil. This wound was bound to keep him there for a while and so he needed a fresh, safe place. For some reason, his thoughts returned to his potential lifemate. It was disheartening that close friends like Cassander and Parn had turned, but he couldn't allow it to sway him. She was out there and come Hell or high water, he would find her.

Only after I heal, of course…

___

Far across the Atlantic Ocean, Izzy felt a sharp pain in her chest. She gasped and pressed a hand there, closing her eyes and trying not to panic.

"Isabel?" Mrs. Crane asked worriedly, putting an arm around her daughter's shoulders. "Are you all right?"

Izzy opened her eyes and lowered her hand. "I'm fine, Mom…" the pain started to ebb away, but only very slightly. Loss of appetite, burning sensations in my torso region…this may be an ulcer. She wouldn't be in the least bit surprised if this was the case.

"Don't worry, honey," Mrs. Crane assured her. "Everything will be all right. We'll take care of Serenity."

Her mother was talking to her like she was still a child. And Izzy couldn't mistake the note of distress in her voice. Mrs. Crane couldn't fool her; she didn't know what was wrong with Serenity. Nobody knew.

Izzy sighed softly and walked over to stand beside her father at the glass leading into a hospital room. A nurse was making all of the necessary checks on the machines, but Serenity was completely oblivious to her. She sat straight up in the bed, crossed legged and unmoving. She was a mess, for the lack of a better word. Her golden blonde hair was knotted and standing up on end. Her eyes were red, swollen and slightly bruised from excessive crying. Izzy had never seen anyone cry so much in her entire life. Tears eventually ran out, didn't they? But the tears seemed to just pour out of Serenity like a fountain left on. Her cheeks were red and wet from all the crying and her nose had swelled. Even now it seemed that tears were just coming out of her, even as she sat there and said nothing, did nothing.

Izzy swallowed thickly as she examined her sister. She wore hospital pajamas, but both of her lower arms had been heavily bandaged. On top of that, her wrists were restrained and tied to the side bed rails.

"She'll be okay," Mr. Crane said, echoing his wife's words. "Serenity's a strong girl…or woman," he joked half-heartedly. "She can get through this. We'll help her get through this."

"Mr. and Mrs. Crane?" they all started slightly as the doctor approached them. "I have a few questions about your daughter." He glanced at Izzy briefly. "If you might come with me—"

"Whatever you tell them about Serenity, you can tell me," Izzy cut in, stepping forward. "I'm a med student, I can handle it."

"Uh…." The doctor glanced at Izzy's parents. "If this is all right with—"

"It's all right if Isabel hears this too," Mrs. Crane assured him, though her hand was tight on Izzy's arm.

"…All right," the doctor said finally. He looked at his clipboard. "This is the third time she was brought into the emergency room this past month, isn't it?"

"Yes, that correct," Mr. Crane answered, though her voice choked.

"And all three times they were due to suicide attempts?"

Mrs. Crane jerked her head in a nod and Mr. Crane pulled her close. Even if Izzy assured the doctor she was okay to hear all of this, the reminder was still incredibly painful. One month…it'd been one month since Serenity…well, had a complete personality transplant. One month since her massive public meltdown. The doctors had found nothing wrong with her, dismissing it as stress, and prescribed some medication before they released her.

But…two days later, Serenity slit her wrists. Izzy had been the one who found her and saved her life. Despite being put on suicide watch and going to counseling, Serenity slit her wrists again less than two weeks later. The sisters could heal easily; cuts weren't supposed to hurt Izzy or Serenity. But Serenity had seemed very determined. She'd cut so deeply and ripped open her arms with her fingernails as if to ensure that she wouldn't heal. She lost a lot of blood, too, and that put a damper on her healing capabilities. She'd practically shredded her arms during both suicide attempts and now it looked like she'd taken a cheese grater to her arms.

Izzy had been there again to save her for her second suicide attempt. But this time…this time Serenity didn't cut her wrists. She threw herself off a bridge and tried to drown herself. Izzy hadn't been there to save her, but a passing motorist did. According to the man, he had to bodily drag her out of the water and hold her down so she didn't jump back in.

Why? Izzy felt her throat tighten at these memories. Why, Serenity? What happened to you?

This wasn't like Serenity at all. Serenity was strong assertive, and incredibly kind. Her life was full of light and she was always positive company. She never held grudges or let anything get to her. She would never attempt suicide, especially this many times; life was so good for her and she was such a happy person.

What happened?

"We've done numerous psychological evaluations on her, by different experts as you requested," the doctor continued. "Unfortunately, they all yielded the same results. Serenity is an incredible danger to herself."

Izzy looked away from the doctor and looked back at her sister. Psych evaluations…against her parent's wishes she'd observed one of them. And it was so disheartening what she saw.

"Do you remember what happened, Serenity?"

"I walked to a bridge and jumped off."

"Do you know why you did that?"

"Because I want to die."

Izzy bit her lip hard at the memory and dug her fingernails into her arms. Her sister's very matter-of-fact and deadpan answer felt like a stab to her heart.

"You want to die? You're not speaking in past tense, Serenity. So does the same apply for now?"

"Yes."

"Can you tell me why you want to die? Or do you not understand what you're feeling?"

"……I don't know why. But…it all feels so useless now."

"What feels useless, Serenity?"

"……Life."

Serenity…Izzy looked away from her sister.

"—hospital." And caught the tail-end of the doctor's words.

"Wait, what?" Izzy interjected, approaching the doctor. "I'm sorry, but I missed what you said." Mrs. Crane was now crying though, and Mr. Crane was holding her tightly. Whatever the doctor had to say had to be terrible.

"Well…" the doctor cleared his throat uneasily. "I was recommending that Serenity get further treatment at St. Therese's."

"St. Therese's?!" Izzy shouted. "That's a psychiatric hospital!"

"Yes," the doctor agreed.

"B-But Serenity isn't crazy! She's just having a hard time—"

"Serenity has attempted to take her own life quite a number of times in a short period of time," the doctor said sagely. "In addition, she has made it clear to myself and several specialists that once she's discharged that she will attempt suicide again."

"S-Serenity is a doctor herself," Mrs. Crane hiccupped, trying to scrub the tears from her face. She looked just as terrible as Serenity. "What will happen to her license if she's committed?"

"Mom, you can't be serious!" Izzy cried. "We can't have her committed!"

"Unless it impairs her abilities while working she should be okay," the doctor answered Mrs. Crane, ignoring Izzy's outburst. "But what is her area of expertise?"

"Cardio surgeon," Mr. Crane supplied.

"Hmm, a surgeon is a little trickier—"

"But you can't commit her!" Izzy cried, looking at all of them. "Serenity isn't crazy and she isn't suicidal! I don't know what's going on, but this…" She waved a frantic hand at the glass. "This isn't like her at all! She doesn't act this way!"

"Isabel, I am going on what both Serenity has said and psychologists have said," the doctor reminded her. "And Serenity is in fact suicidal. We cannot risk her being on her own."

"Mom, don't commit her!" Izzy wailed, grabbing her mother's arm. "This will ruin her life if you do! Something's wrong with her, I won't deny that! But let me figure it out, please don't commit her!"

"Isabel…" Mrs. Crane's voice was hoarse from crying and she sounded so tired. "I want Serenity to get help. Maybe…maybe this isn't something random. Serenity has faced so much pressure since she was pre-med. And her head…she had that fall, didn't she? Maybe the injury created an imbalance."

"But she was wearing a helmet!" Izzy pleaded, but even then doubt flooded her mind. Her fall…just over a month before her meltdown Serenity had a nasty fall. They'd been out rollerblading together when Serenity went rigid. It was like her whole body locked up. And then she felt and hit her head on the pavement really hard. She had been wearing a helmet and that absorbed the whole blow, and she didn't have a concussion from the aftereffects. But maybe it did do something to her? They were both very good rollerbladers, had done it since rollerblades were a gigantic fad, and this was the first time Serenity had fallen in years.

Izzy stilled. No…it was too farfetched to believe that that caused a chemical imbalance in her brain. Izzy remembered hitting her head even harder than that once and that did cause a concussion, something she recovered from in less than two days.

But…maybe they were linked somehow? The fall and her meltdown…they'd both happened out of the blue and were very uncharacteristic of Serenity. Did something else cause them?

The doctor was speaking again, but Izzy cut in. "Let me take her on vacation!"

"What?!" the doctor demanded. He looked at Izzy like she was stupid. "I can't allow that! Serenity is under the mandatory 72-hour watch and she's a danger to herself!"

"Something is bothering her. Maybe it's stress or maybe it's the head injury. Maybe all she needs is a vacation? She hasn't had a vacation since her undergrad days. Maybe going on a much-needed vacation will cure her…" Izzy couldn't refer to Serenity's suicidal tendencies out loud. It was too painful for her.

"She needs supervision," the doctor articulated sharply. "Suicidal tendencies aren't something you can just 'cure'. She will need treatment that will hopefully get her better—"

"Let me do this, please!" Izzy begged, clasping her hands in front of her. "Just let me give this a try! Let's see if all she needs is a breather! If she attempts suicide on vacation I swear I will bring her back and I won't say anything if she's committed! But please, don't give up on her! Serenity isn't a quitter! Something is wrong with her and I'll find out what it is, I promise you!"

Mr. and Mrs. Crane exchanged looks for a long moment. The doctor looked very agitated with Izzy. Finally, Mrs. Crane spoke, "Is it up to us to have Serenity committed, or is that your authority?"

"I can only commit her if she's a harm to others," the doctor stated. "Right now she's only a harm to herself and so I can only advise you on the proper course of action. The decision is left with you."

"I love my daughter, and I want her to get well and be happy again. It breaks my heart to her like…this." Mrs. Crane motioned to the glass. "And it hurts even more to see her determination to die. But…" Mrs. Crane looked at Izzy. "Nobody knows her better than you, Isabel. And if you think you can get to the bottom of her problem—and even help turn her around—then I can do nothing else but trust you."

"Really?!" Izzy cried. She threw her arms around Mrs. Crane. "Thank you so much, Mom!"

"Where do you plan on taking her?" Mr. Crane asked.

"Europe," Izzy blurted out without realizing it.

"Europe?!" Mrs. Crane said uneasily, pulling away from Izzy. "I was thinking maybe a spa or a lake house vacation, but Europe?! How are we suppose to keep a proper eye on her there?!"

"Not 'we' Mom," Izzy said firmly, though she didn't really know why she was saying this much. "I need to do this alone."

"Alone?!" Mr. and Mrs. Crane yelled, startling visitors nearby.

Mr. Crane took it a step further. "There's no way in hell I'm sending my only two daughters to Europe by themselves, especially a suicidal one!"

"Dad, we'll be all right! We'll join the busiest tour group I can find! They'll be so much to do that Serenity won't even think about attempting suicide!" Izzy grabbed her mother's hands. "Serenity and I were planning on vacationing in Europe eventually anyways someday. Please…this just might be the thing she needs to help her."

___

Five minutes later, Izzy entered Serenity's room hesitantly. The nurse had left and so Serenity was by herself. "Hey, Serenity." Izzy kept her tone soft and gentle, and it was painful that she had to talk to her sister this way.

"Hey…" Serenity responded. Her voice was void of recognition, still staring at nothing.

Izzy slowly approached the bed, very conscious of the fact that their parents and the doctor were watching her. Somehow, she'd convinced them all that Serenity could go to Europe. The doctor, however, had to draw up a multitude of paperwork for medications and the like, including a waiver Izzy would have to sign.

Now…she just had to convince Serenity to go.

"Serenity? How many heart valves do we have?"

"…Four."

"And what are heart valves?"

"They maintain the unidirectional flow of blood in the heart by opening and closing depending on the difference in pressure on each side." Textbook definition, recited from memory. Izzy let her breath out slowly. Serenity's answers were deadpan and uninterested, but she responded. And she remembered such things related to her job. That meant there was a definite chance she could return to normalcy.

"I have an idea," Izzy said gently, carefully taking a seat on the edge of the bed. "Would you like to hear it?"

"…I don't care," Serenity responded, casting her eyes downward. Tears were still spilling unchecked down her cheeks. Izzy frowned at this and reached across the bed for a box of tissues. It bothered her to see all of the tears. She wiped at Serenity's face a couple of times, but as usual only more tears seemed to come out. This wasn't normal, but that didn't mean she would give up on her sister.

"Do you remember how we talked of going to Europe?" Izzy asked, pressing fresh tissues to her nose so Serenity could blow.

Serenity complied, but still seemed uninterested. "No."

"Sure we did, Serenity. We were talking about it—" Izzy froze, realizing that their talk happened the same day as Serenity's meltdown. She redirected herself. "We've always talked about it. I was thinking that we ought to do something like that now. Don't you?"

"No."

Izzy started slightly, and withdrew the tissues. "Why not, Serenity?"

"Because I don't want to go to Europe. I don't want to do anything."

"But it'll be fun," Izzy pressed, trying very hard to keep the desperation from her voice.

"I don't feel like having fun. I'm not in the mood, and…" Serenity sighed sadly. "I don't think I can ever have fun again." Her voice was cracking as though she were about to cry, but the tears were still spilling out.

"You'll never know until you try it," Izzy said, putting a hand on Serenity's knee. "We can go to anyplace you want to go; Europe's gigantic. London seems like fun and Paris is always so romantic and Florence has the Uffizi. And—Romania," she blurted out suddenly. "That's a quiet country with a rich history. We could go there, too." Izzy was confused. She didn't want to go to Romania. For what it was worth she wanted to go to a country near the Mediterranean, like Greece or Italy. Romania wasn't near the Mediterranean at all. But somehow, the idea came to her. And seeing Serenity's state made her realize that maybe going to a busy city or country wasn't a good idea. Romania was so much quieter than France and Greece and Italy.

Serenity jerked her shoulders slightly, a stiff and sad shrug. "I'm not going, Izzy."

"Why not?!" Izzy cried, unable to keep herself in check anymore. She jumped from the bed. "I want you to go and you've always wanted to go! It's a wonderful idea!"

"I don't want to go, Izzy." Serenity's tone had changed; she no longer sounded deadpan. She sounded irritated…angry. "I just want to be left alone."

"Why?! So you can kill yourself?!" Izzy instantly regretted the words. Serenity needed help, not bullying. But she was on her last leg and she didn't want to give up on her.

"Well, why not?!" Serenity returned hotly. "What do you know what I feel, Isabel?! It…" Serenity shook her head rapidly. "I'm in so much pain, Izzy. Every day I wake up I feel all the bad things in the world. The person I was…that's not me, not anymore. I'm not happy and I…" More tears spilled out and she began shaking. "Oh God, Izzy…I can't take it anymore!"

Tears sprung to Izzy's eyes, and she blinked them away. "Serenity…" she sat back down on the bed and leaned against her. "I love you, Serenity. I love you and I'm here for you. I…I'm so scared. I want to help so you badly, but…" Izzy turned Serenity's face so that they were looking at each other. Serenity looked so sad and lost…it broke Izzy's heart. "Let me help you. Serenity, they want to put you in St. Therese's. You know that's a psychiatric hospital, right?"

Serenity said nothing to her, but Izzy continued. "You're a doctor, Serenity. You're a hard worker and a good person. You've done so much for me and I…I can't stand to see you like this. Let me help you. Let's just take a vacation together, you and me, and let me help you. We'll go anyplace you want, just…" Izzy trailed off.

Serenity didn't respond for a long time. Izzy stayed close to her and held her breath, waiting for a response, any response.

Finally, Serenity spoke. "…Fine."

Izzy stared at her blankly for a moment. Then she threw her arms around her sister. "Oh, thank you Serenity! Thank you so much!" Serenity couldn't hug her back, but er she leaned very slightly into Izzy and closed her eyes.

Izzy hugged her tighter and looked up at the ceiling. God, if you exist, please give me this chance. I want to help her so badly. Please, let me help her. Give this vacation and me a chance to save her state of mind…