This wasn't how it was supposed to go. He slammed his hands against his steering wheel, cursing more when it cracked beneath his strong fists. His mistakes echoed in his ears. Like vengeful ghosts, they circled around him, reminding him of what a Class A idiot he was. He shouldn't have gone to her house that night. He should have listened to Ben when he warned him to leave her alone for at least a couple of days.
"Kevin, it's late." She had said firmly, meeting him down below her bedroom window. The lamplight poured out between the blinds, throwing only certain parts of her into focus. There was the flared halo of her freshly brushed red hair, the milky smooth plane of her cheek, a corner of her inviting and round lips. She had her arms wrapped around herself, holding herself back from him. He wanted to apologize. He knew she wanted him to apologize. It was obvious in the way she regarded him what she was hoping for. He wanted to come through for her, to reach out and touch her, but his pride held him back.
"Are you still mad at me?" He had said instead. It was the wrong way to start the conversation. Angry tears began to erupt from her verdant eyes as she held herself tighter. Did she think he didn't see her trembling form? "Why are you crying? It's not that big of a deal." He continued bluntly. A little voice in the back of his head told him he was just digging himself a deeper hole. All he had to do was utter two little words and walk away, leave things on a good note. He had defeated all sorts of monsters and aliens before, yet those tasks weren't nearly as hard as what he had come to do tonight.
"Why don't you trust me? How long do I have to stand here before you realize that I'm here for you, that I've always been here for you?" She had asked angrily.
"I never asked you to hang around! You just showed up, so don't blame me for your choices!"
"That's a cop out if I've ever heard one. I'll tell you what I didn't choose to do though. I didn't choose to flirt with an evil witch!" She snapped.
"You made me sit and watch while you went out with Mike Morningstar! How is this any different?" He had jabbed a finger in her direction. That had been another mistake.
Ten miles from town and I just broke down
Spittin' out smoke on the side of the road
I'm out here alone just tryin' to get home
To tell you I was wrong but you already know
Before he knew it, he was on his back on the grassy lawn, trying to catch the breath that had left him. Gwen bent over him, her long hair blocking her face from his view. A single warm tear found its way onto his face as she shook her head and he could have sworn he felt an ominous crack race through his stony heart.
"I never let Michael Morningstar kiss me." She said in a dangerous voice. He frowned and averted his gaze. Why did she always have to have a point? He didn't necessarily want that girl, Caroline or Charmcaster, whatever she called herself made no difference, to kiss him but when she leaned up he had made no move to stop her. What mattered in his mind, however, was that the last thought he remembered before his mind was wiped was the image of Gwen's face and how wrong the feeling had been, as if every fiber of his being was being repelled by the pretty blonde who was so much like his favorite redhead.
It was the shame of it all that drove him to his feet. He had to get away from her. She made him feel stupid, powerless. It was unlike him to be so helpless and that was one of the many things Gwen was good at doing. Even now, she had to do nothing more than squeeze out a couple of tears and give him the silent treatment and he was a basketcase. Before he could even think about what he was saying, he blurted out the stupidest thing he could have ever said.
"I told you not to push me." He had reminded her. "Maybe this whole thing was wrong. I don't know how to make this work with you Gwen." There had been no response. He knew she must have still been behind him because he could hear the wind rustle her blouse. Yet, she said nothing. She remained still and silent. Her lack of words made him uneasy, made him want to turn around and do what he originally had gone there for. But he didn't. He had simply walked back to his car and peeled away from her block without so much as a backwards glance.
Believe me I won't stop at nothin'
To see you so I've started runnin'
All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughin' with you
I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through
'Cause I know there's no life after you
And now...Now he regretted everything that had transpired in the last 24 hours. He pulled the car over to the side of the old country road he had been flying down, getting out and slamming a fist onto the hood. The dent that formed didn't even bother him. He could have made ten more of them without even blinking an eye. His mind was full of her; It was overflowing with recorded memories of how she moved, how she laughed, what he could say to get her riled and fired up. Her touch, her kisses, the way he could reach over when he was driving and brush her thigh and she would immediately grasp her hand with her own. How would it be now when they went on missions? Would she let Ben sit in the front seat? Would she even step foot inside the car anymore? An image of her laughing as he rolled down the window and let the wind tangle her hair took his breath away momentarily.
"How did this happen? How did I let it get this far?" He asked himself. Doubled over, he felt the raw urge to pummel something, to take all the pain roiling in his gut and release it elsewhere. There were nothing but empty fields and silent midnight skies. He imagined her laying in bed and crying, quiet, heart-wrenching sobs with no one there to comfort her. He had been there for her before in times of distress. She had turned to him without a second thought. Yet, he still couldn't do the same with her. She was right. She was always right. Why didn't he trust her yet? If he had just told her what was really wrong, what he was really worried about, maybe that girl wouldn't have found such a soft spot to land such a hard blow.
Last time we talked, the night that I walked
Burns like an iron in the back of my mind
I must've been high to say you and I
Weren't meant to be and just wastin' my time
If his buddies could see him now, they'd be dumbstruck. He was positive they'd call him every single name in the book, laugh at his weakness. But how could he go back to what he was before? They told him he'd never change, but standing all by himself in the middle of nowhere, he realized dumbly that he had quite simply done just that. The old Kevin Levin, the vicious and youthful con man, had seemingly vanished at some point. The new Kevin Levin had friends, had a future, could help people instead of hurt them. She had shown him the way. He straightened, determined, and got back in the car. The engine roared to life as he turned the key.
"C'mon baby, don't let me down now." The tires screeched against the pavement as he pulled a wild U-turn.
Oh, why did I ever doubt you?
You know I would die here without you
All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughin' with you
I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through
'Cause I know there's no life after you
He parked a few houses down from hers so as not to alert her parents. The light in her bedroom window was still on and he gave a grim smile. Naturally, she wouldn't be asleep. It was a piece of cake to climb the rain pipe and swing over onto her sill.
She was off her game tonight. The small clink he made against the glass went unnoticed. She was sitting cross legged on the floor, dressed in a modest black night gown, and paging through an ancient-looking book. There were other stacks around her, as well as a small glass of water, which she occasionally reached for. The sheets of her bed were messed and littered with balled up kleenexes. In the midst of it all, was a small photograph. He squinted to try and get a better look at it, but the glare from the lamp made it near impossible. Sighing, he tapped on the glass, watching as her head snapped up and preparing for the worst. She got up and slowly walked towards the window, grasping the curtains and then pulling the latch. She was letting him in.
You and I, right or wrong, there's no other one
After this time I spent alone
It's hard to believe that a man with sight could be so blind
Thinkin' 'bout the better times, must've been outta my mind
She opened the window and he stepped in, expecting a well-deserved berating but all he got was a firm and tearful kiss. She snaked her arms around his solid neck and let out an anguished sob. He closed the window behind him and held her.
"I'm sorry Gwen. I'm a moron. I'm an idiot." He wanted to go on but she stopped him with another kiss. He wrapped around her and lowered them to the floor where he helped her crawl into his lap. He blinked back a few tears of his own as she bawled into the crook of her shoulder. "I didn't mean it Gwen. I swear I didn't mean it."
"I want to be there for you Kevin. I want to be the one you turn to." She admitted thickly. He pushed her back so he could see her face, but as soon as she left the safety of his body, she covered herself with her hands. Her slim shoulders heaved violently as she continued to cry. His body burned as he watched her. He had just hurt her worse than he could ever have imagined and here she was, crying for him, draping herself over him, still wanting to be around him. A lump formed in the back of his throat at the thought of someone wanting him in such a manner.
"Let me see you." He whispered as he tugged at her wrists. "You are the one I turn to. I just...I just got mixed up. I want to...be better...for you. Its hard to be better when I'm like-"
"What do I have to do to get you to realize that I don't care?" She asked, lowering her hands. Her skin was splotchy and her normally clear eyes were hazy and red. She pulled him closer, ripping off his I.D. Mask and kissed him so deeply, so passionately that he momentarily forgot himself. He became completely lost in the movement of her lips against his own, the pressure of her chest as she slid against him, and the way she was straddling his lap oh-so suggestively. When they broke apart for air, he laughed a bit, for a lack of a better response.
"I guess that's a good place to start." He joked. She smiled a bit too, but then bit her lip as it began to quiver. "Please don't cry anymore. I can't stand it. I'll say sorry every day for a year. I swear I'll do anything you want me to."
"I just want you to talk to me. That's it." She said softly. "I don't want this to happen again." He nodded in agreement and tugged her closer into his arms. They stayed there for a few more moments before he stood, cradling her to his body, and took her to the bed.
"This place is a mess. No thanks to me I imagine." She chuckled and sniffed, turning her head to view the damage.
"I could lie and say I have a cold, but I won't." He smiled and set her down on the edge of the mattress, helping her gather the refuse. She reached for the photograph, but he beat her to it. It was a very candid shot of the two of them in Kevin's garage. He remembered when Ben had taken it with Gwen's new camera. After recovering from the flash, he had chased the little punk all over with a pipe wrench. They had been poring over the owner's manual for the Camaro because Gwen had a question about something she had been reading. She was smiling while pointing at something in the book and Kevin was smiling while looking at her.
"I forgot about this." He said. His face fell a bit as he looked at his old, normal self. Gwen took the photograph and placed it on her nightstand.
"I like it. You look happy."
"It's because of you." She looked up at his blatant admission. He knelt before her, grasping both of her hands, gazing earnestly up into her beautiful, beautiful face. "I want to talk." For a minute, she said nothing. Then, she smiled and squeezed his hands.
"I'm listening."
"One thing first." He said firmly. Gwen nodded eagerly.
"Anything."
"None of this gets to Ben."
Sometime before dawn, Kevin snuck out from Gwen's window, dropping to her lawn with nary a sound. He had left her sleeping peacefully, snuggled up beneath her sheets. No doubt she would sleep in a bit later than usual. He had kept her up most of the night doing what she had asked him to do. He smiled as he walked back to his car, placing the I.D. Mask on in case someone would drive by. Maybe yesterday hadn't been such a bust.
So I'm runnin' back to tell you
All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
Without you God knows what I'd do, yeah
All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughin' with you
I'm thinkin' 'bout all that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through, yeah
I know there's no life after you
