A/N: Don't think this chapter is just a long list - the actual thing comes after it! So read on! XD
Disclaimer: I don't own!
The Wedding Singer
Cast List
Robbie Richie Bonnefoy-Jones (Alabama)
Julia Alba Jones (Tennessee)
Linda
Holly Jessie Jones (Texas)
Sammy Jack Jones (Illinois)
George Jason Jones (Oregon)
Glen Eduard Bonnefoy-Jones (Louisiana)
Grandma Daisy Jones (Florida)
Angie Ivy Jones (Nebraska)
First Wedding
Bride Victoria Jones (Vermont)
Groom Linus Jones (Massachusetts)
Drunken Best Man Ben Jones (New York)
"Pop! The Question"
Couple 1 (Mookie & Crystal) Ryan Jones (Michigan)
Avery Jones (Virginia)
Couple 2 (Donny & Tiffany) Jake Jones (Washington)
Dorothy Jones (Kansas)
Couple 3 (Gay Waiters) Harrison Jones (Delaware)
Millon Jones (Pennsylvania)
"Casualty of Love"
Bride Constanza Jones (Oklahoma)
Groom Nicolas Jones (New Jersey)
Bar Mitzvah Scene
Jason Shapiro Jeremy Jones (Idaho)
"Not That Kind of Thing"
Store Clerk Ardelia Jones (North Carolina)
"All About the Green"
Secretary Victoria Jones (Vermont)
"All About the Green (Reprise) and "Single"
Ricky Henry Jones (Indiana)
Bum Daniel Jones (Wisconsin)
Dances ("Saturday Night in the City", "All About the Green", General)
Constanza Jones (Oklahoma)
Terra Jones (Montana)
Candice Jones (California)
Lynn Jones (Georgia)
Harlan Jones (Kentucky)
William Jones (Minnesota)
Quinton Jones (Nevada)
Carter Jones (New Hampshire)
Jasper Jones (North Dakota)
Lacey Jones (Utah)
Impersonators
Fake Ronald Reagan America
Fake Billy Idol France
Fake Mr. T England
Fake Cindi Lauper Avery Jones (Virginia)
Fake Imelda Marcos Candice Jones (California)
Fake Tina Turner Lynn Jones (Georgia)
Ensemble and Stage Crew
Everyone else.
"Wow," Alba laughed almost disbelievingly once Ben finished reading off the cast list.
"You knew you'd get some lead," Texas said, rolling her eyes but smiling all the same.
Alba hugged her congratulatory. "It sounds like you did too, you know!"
Texas nodded thoughtfully. "Holly's a pretty cool name. Maybe it'll be a cool part, too."
Ben scoffed. "I guess you didn't look up the show, huh?"
Jessie crossed her arms. "No I didn't, Broadway Boy. Why?"
"Because," New York explained, "she's the female lead Julia's slutty best friend."
Her jaw stiffening, Jessie mumbled, "Maybe she just dressed slutty in the performance you saw…"
"Nope," Ben said matter-of-factly. "It says so in the script."
Jessie clenched her fingers tightly. "Great!" she snipped sarcastically. She liked to sing, and knew that it was good to get a lead. And she wasn't exactly the most conservative dresser: her usual outfit consisted of a short-sleeved plaid shirt worn open over a tank top, a short denim skirt, and leather cowgirl boots. But that didn't mean she wanted to play a slut!
However, once Ben explained some of the major parts to everyone, Texas wasn't the only one frustrated with her "good fortune." In fact, Mississippi was downright mortified.
"Oh my God…" she mumbled, her face turning red just thinking about it.
"What's the matter, sis?" Alabama asked as he walked in the door, just arriving home after having volunteered to go with Illinois and Indiana to the hospital.
Darcy's blue-green eyes stared down at her tattered shoes, at anything but her brother's face. "I got the part of Linda," she told her feet.
"A name part? That's awesome," Richie said with a warm smile, throwing his arms around his slightly shorter twin.
She pushed her forehead into his shoulder. "Yeah, but I have to act like a…jerk and…seduce someone."
Frowning, Richie let go of his sister. "Well hey, it's just a musical, right?" He rubbed his shoulder awkwardly, revealing the pink heart on his red sleeve which stood for the heart of Dixie.
"Yeah, it's going to be the lead Robbie, who I breakup with earlier in the show. And he's…" she crossed her arms and squeezed her eyes shut as if trying to block something out. "You got the part of Robbie."
"Really? Wow, that's -" the beaming smile dropped off of Richie's face once he realized what that meant. "…Oh."
Just then, Indiana walked in the door, limping and being supported on Illinois's shoulder.
"What's all the screaming about?" Indiana asked, sounding sleepy.
"They put him on pain drugs," Illinois explained. It was pretty evident why. Not only did poor Henry have a supportive boot on his left ankle for a sprain, but the whole left side of his face was bruised. In fact, nearly every exposed inch of skin had some sort of bruise on it.
"Indie, are you okay?" Idaho, who had been sitting on the couch with his brother Oregon after having not been allowed to go to the hospital with Henry, Jack, and Richie, ran up to the injured boy. He stopped short and hugged him gingerly.
"I'm fine Jem, just a bit of bruised dignity," Indiana assured with a smile as he swayed slightly.
"Well, I know what'll clear that right up," Tennessee said, grinning at Indiana. "You get to play Ricky!"
"Who?" he questioned.
"Well...it's not the best part…he's a bartender in a number where the boy parts are all singing about being single. But you get a name and singing lines, and it's a funny part."
Indiana rubbed his eyes. "Cool, I guess."
"What about me?" Illinois asked, helping his brother onto the couch.
"You're Sammy," Ben informed him.
"Whoot!" Jack pumped his fist into the air, smiling.
Jessie frowned, something seeming to register. "Wait, you're Sammy? But one of the love songs they gave us for the audition was with Holly and Sammy!"
Illinois glared at her, clearly pissed about what had happened that night. "Yeah, so?" he asked like it was a challenge.
Linus gestured at Texas. "She's Holly," he informed matter of factly. "Won't you two have fun," he said as the two looked at each other with a mixture of shock, horror, and disdain.
Looking at the drama going on all around, Connecticut turned to Missouri and dead-panned "I'm glad that we're just stage crew."
The next morning, much to everyone's chagrin, was their first rehearsal. But no one dreaded it more than Texas; it would be the first time she would see America since the "incident." Even though she hadn't told him what happened, Jessie didn't doubt that someone else had done the honors. And by the looks on America's face when he pulled her aside after France (their impromptu musical director) had taught the states a song, Jessie was right.
"So, how much trouble did you get in?" Linus crossed his arms as Jessie reentered the room.
She crossed her arms. "Enough," she growled with an eye roll for emphasis. "He forbids me from going back to the rodeo for the next month - and paid off Billy to make sure of it!"
"Wow." Massachusetts blinked in surprise. "Guess he finally read that 'Nimrod's Guide to Parenting 10+ Kids' China gave him."
With a moody huff and glance at the Masshole, Jessie plopped down into the nearest auditorium chair as America reentered the room.
"So," the self-proclaimed hero began as he walked down to the front of the room to stand beside France, "as a little compensation for Indiana, he gets to pick which section of that song we get to play around with first."
Still a little delusional from his meds, an evil smirk crossed Henry's face. "How about Holly's part? Sorry, Alabama."
Richie's eyes widened with shock and embarrassment as Jessie's narrowed with resentment towards Indiana. The worse part was knowing she couldn't get him back for it later.
"You heard him - come on down, you guys!" America smiled, putting his hands on his hips. Reluctantly, both of the states got up and walked down the isles to the front.
"Don't be afraid to dance around a bit, cheries - get a feel for what we might do with the choreography," France noted with a wink and a smirk. He began to play the opening bars to the part of "Saturday Night in the City" on the piano.
Alabama was able to do his part just fine - he pretty much had to stand there and look horrified. For Texas, it was another story.
"Check out the view
You'll like what you see.
My body's an amusement park,
The - can we stop?!" She groaned, cutting off her own half-mumbled lyrics.
America frowned at the two, and Oklahoma, who had been slouching tapping her foot to use some excess energy, perked up a bit. There were two things she could accomplish by butting in - one-upping Texas, who she didn't exactly get along with, and at the same time getting to help with the show. Without further hesitation, she jumped up.
"Can you play it again, France?" she asked sweetly as she walked to where Texas and Alabama were standing. Swinging herself up to the edge of the stage, she said to Texas, "let me help you with that."
Frowning, Jessie stood there stubbornly with her arms crossed. "We were doing fine," she growled.
"Not really. Come on, she's just trying to help," France defended Constanza as he played the opening bars of the verse.
Angry, Texas hopped down and took one of the seats in the front row as Constanza began singing and dancing.
"Check out the view
You'll like what you see,"
Oklahoma sang, swinging her hips and shimmying seductively.
"My body's an amusement park
The first ride's on me.
Don't stop to question -"
At this, she stepped toward him, leading Richie to step away -
"If you're gonna score.
Being young and stupid is what Saturday is foooor!"
She stepped so close to him that he nearly tripped off the edge of the stage. Everyone clapped, whooping and laughing immaturely. Her dancing had been provocative enough to make Alabama seem utterly humiliated - basically, it had done exactly what it was supposed to in the scene.
Even America clapped. "That was really great. No wonder I gave you such a good part, Jessie."
Constanza, who had just been beaming, put her hands on her hips as her face fell. "I am NOT Jessie! Why do you keep getting us mixed up? I'm a Native American and, for crying out loud, she's a freaking GINGER!"
Texas stood up, angrily shouting "Who are you calling a ginger?!"
"Oh, whoops." America rubbed his chin thoughtfully - it wasn't a look he often wore. "Well, do you have a good part?"
Rubbing her arm awkwardly, Constanza murmured "Not really…"
Alfred smiled. "Well then, consider yourself Linda! She's a pretty good dancing part, right?"
Oklahoma nodded enthusiastically before she abruptly stopped. "Well, it is, but I wouldn't want to take the part away from -"
"Oh, no!" Mississippi interrupted. "Please, take it." Both her and her brother seemed to sigh in relief, although Alabama still looked burdened.
"Well then…awesome! I'll do it!" Constanza hopped off the stage, bouncing back to her seat. "Glad I could help," she sang sweetly to Texas as she passed.
"Don't worry, Darcy, we'll find another part for you," France added with a smile at his daughter.
"Take your time with it," she commented quietly.
Pissed at Constanza, Texas stood with newfound determination. "Let me try it again," she ordered as she walked over to the piano.
Alabama began to protest, but Jessie silenced him by beginning to sing before France had even begun playing. Granted, she was a bit more anger-driven than Constanza had been, but rolling her shoulders, flinging her fiery braid around, reaching out to grab Richie's arm and sliding around, she was pretty good in her own right.
When she finished the verse, both her and Richie were red faced - her from all of the energy she had put into that dance, and him just from being…"seduced."
No one clapped louder than France. "You go, Jessica! My son really needs to get some!"
At this Richie stepped so abruptly away from Texas that, landing by the edge of the stage, he lost his balance and actually did fall off of it.
"Woah!" Tennessee, who had been sitting by the front, got to him first. "Are you alright?!"
"Dixie!" Mississippi ran over, and seeing that he was unharmed, sighed in relief and ruffled his hair. "Don't do that again, Loverboy," she teased, referring to the heart on his sleeve.
"Don't plan on it," he laughed lightly, sitting up and rubbing the back of his head.
"Okay," Alfred said, clapping his hands together. "In the interest of keeping you guys alive at least for today, how about we do some set work before learning another song?"
"Wait, we have to make our own set?" Missouri raised an eyebrow.
"Not exactly, I had it built in China," Alfred explained. "However, if you guys paint it I don't have to pay someone to do it."
This earned a collective round of groans.
"Now come on, guys!" America took a bite of a hamburger and spoke through a full mouth. "Anyway, my secretary typed up a list so you all know what to paint. I have a world meeting to go to, so you older states have to supervise. The set's in the halls - get cracking!"
"Alright, come on guys," Massachusetts sighed. "Sooner we get this over with, the sooner we leave."
Everyone grabbed a copy off of the list off of the piano. California squealed with delight. "I get to paint the pink wardrobe!"
"That's great," Florida said with a smile. Although Daisy wasn't as…well, blonde as California, she was her friend.
"And we get to work on the backset for the chapel," Tennessee said, walking up to Alabama.
"Oh, um, right," he replied kind of awkwardly. Despite their close geography, the two didn't seem to interact too much.
Walking into the wings together, the two stopped and frowned at the background they were going to work on.
"So…do you know how we're supposed to paint it?"
"Apparently, with rollers," Alba said, holding up two of them that had been laying by the large set.
"Huh…do you know how to use them?"
She frowned at the thing and shrugged. "I have some sort of idea. Guess America just didn't think this through very well?"
"What else is new?" He said quietly with a smile.
Tennessee snorted with a smile, cocking an eyebrow at Richie weirdly.
Alabama looked up questioningly, asking "What?"
She stopped laughing suddenly, grinning sheepishly. "Honestly, I just never knew you were…funny. You're always just so quiet."
Henry rubbed the pink heart on his sleeve, which was the "heart of Dixie", awkward despite the truth in this statement. It's not that he didn't like the other states; he was just really shy. He spoke softly, and not that often, either. The only state Tennessee could think of who probably really knew him was his twin, Mississippi; the two were attached at the hip.
"Yeah, I guess so," he shrugged as he poured some pale blue paint into the roller pan.
Alabama was obviously feeling uncomfortable, so Tennessee just decided to drop it. She rolled one of her rollers into the paint.
They painted mostly in silence for a few minutes. Alba bit her lip, trying to think of something to say. It just felt too weird, too quiet, despite all of the noise of the others around them.
"So, you excited about the show?" She looked up suddenly at Richie's timid voice.
"Well…yeah," she said with a twinkle in her eyes. "I think it's going to be a lot of fun."
"I guess so. I'm…." Alabama allowed his voice to trail off.
Tennessee's brow furrowed as she put her hand on her hip. "You're what?" she asked curiously.
Rubbing his shoulder Richie silently confessed "I'm not sure what I got the part."
"You're kidding, right?" Tennessee rolled her eyes lightly, going back to painting. "There are plenty of other male states. You got it because you're good."
"Hey, Tennessee!" Jessie called from somewhere amongst the backstage chaos.
"Yeah?!" Alba whipped around quickly, her freshly-dipped roller smacking Richie across the ear.
Alabama turned around, looking sort of shocked. "Oh my God! I am so sorry!" The sincerity in her voice was unmistakable, if not slightly hidden beneath disbelieving laughter.
Picking up a portion of the drop cloth from the floor, Richie tried to rub some of the paint off. "Oh, um, it's okay…it'll come off." He smiled like a real trooper.
"Alba!" Texas called, sounding more impatient. "Missouri's bugging me with some questions about the guitars for the show."
"Just a sec!" Tennessee called through cupped hands. She turned back to Alabama. "Well, I guess you're not the type to try and hit me back. So how about I make it up to you, give you some guitar lessons for the show? I mean, I'm not going to have to play it, but you definitely will."
Richie laughed awkwardly. "You don't have to…make anything up to me."
"That's okay, I want to," Alba reassured. "Besides, France had wanted me to start helping you out with that." She turned to walk to where Texas was calling her, smiling.