A/N A large and loving thank you to those of you who reviewed/alerted this. I've been smiling all day thanks to you.
Kind of a small filler chapter this so I thought I'd get it out asap. Hope you enjoy anyway!
Disclaimer: DISCLAIMED. Nuff said.
Chapter 2: A business deal and missing pants
Remus sipped his bourbon slowly stalling for time. He was really starting to regret agreeing to talk to these two blokes.
After introducing his friend, Sirius had asked if there was somewhere he could take them to discuss his 'business arrangement'.
"There's a motel a few blocks over if it suits you." Remus had said.
"No, no, I don't think I've made myself clear. I'm not here to have sex with you Remus, just to propose something."
Remus had frowned and turned to leave the car.
"Of course I'll still pay you for your time!" Sirius had amended before he could open the door. "In fact," He continued holding up a hundred pound bill, "I'll pay you for the rest of the night so you can have plenty of time to think it over."
Which is how Remus now found himself at The Hog's Head, sipping cheap liquor and weighing the pro's and con's of picking up and running the hell out of here hundred pounds be damned.
"Can I get you another Remi? Gentlemen?" Rosie the regular waitress at The Hog's Head had sauntered over with a cloud of cheap perfume.
It was one of the reasons Remus had chosen this pub. They knew him well here and if things got out of hand he'd be on home turf. He didn't make it a habit of leaving the area with customers. But he had heard of the excessively wealthy and eccentric Sirius Black and the lure of good pay proved to be too much.
"Why thank you miss. I'd love another larger." Sirius said gesturing expressively and grinning at Rosie. Except for a moment of hesitation in the pub doorway Sirius was, for all appearances, quite at ease in the rough and tough establishment.
His fidgety friend "Ronaldo" however was quite another story.
"How bout you 'andsome? Little something to ease the soul? Or maybe a little someone?" Rosie said winking at Remus.
"No, no thank you mum. I'm quite fine." James whispered in a French accent. His eye's darted nervously around the rowdy dive.
"Oh come on Naldo. How can you say no to such a pretty lady?" Sirius said clapping his friend on the back.
"I'm fine Siri…Gerald." James hissed shrugging away from Sirius's hand.
"What can I say?" Sirius said to a bemused Rosie. "He is no gentlemen. I'll just have to order for him. Let's have your strongest, foulest…."
"Milk!" Shouted James, and a few of the pub's patrons glanced at him. "I'll just have a milk please, thank very much." He said, whispering again.
Rosie chuckled and reached over the worn table to pinch James's cheek.
"Then milk you'll have baby, even if I have to squeeze it from old Bathilda's tits themselves." She laughed heartily and headed back to the bar.
"Please don't trouble yourself." James called after her weakly.
"Milk?" Sirius mouthed at his friend incredulously. He was going to have to have a talk with Lily about returning James's balls one of these days. Married men, Christ. He shook his head and turned back to Remus.
"So? What do you think?"
Remus fiddled with his empty glass. "Let me go over this once. Just so I know we're on the same page." He began. "You want to pay me to go to a party …"
"Social event." Sirius interrupted.
"You want me to go to a social event with you…" Remus continued slowly.
"As my boyfriend."
"As your boyfriend." Remus repeated. " And then… that's it?"
"Just about. We'll arrive together and you'll be on my arm. It's a very fancy event full of stuffy old farts who call themselves influential people so I expect you to be sharp, polite, and very much in love with me. You'll leave the party with me, I'll pay you a pre-determined amount and we'll part ways."
"With no fucking." Remus said bluntly.
"Nope. Not necessary. This is all about image. I will however require you to be physically close to me at the party…"
"Social event." Remus corrected.
"Social event." Sirius chuckled, " And if asked you will say that we do engage in regular and frankly phenomenal sexual intercourse. But I can't imagine it will come up." He leered.
Before Remus had a chance to respond Rosie came back placing a larger and a glass of milk on the table and refilled his bourbon.
"Thank you milady." Sirius said flirtatiously. The waitress winked and headed towards an inebriated customer calling her name.
"Pre-determined amount?" Remus said cautiously.
Sirius exchanged a guarded look with James who had stayed out of the conversation so far.
"We thought…err, a thousand pounds." Sirius said with fake confidence. "If… ah, that's acceptable." He continued nervously when Remus didn't respond right away.
"One thousand pounds?" Remus repeated trying to slow his frantically beating heart. A thousand fucking pounds? That was more than he normally made in a month. He thanked whatever passed for god these days that he had agreed to take Sirius to the pub. Suddenly the skeevy bar and unfriendly faces looked a lot more pleasant.
"Yeah, a thousand pounds should work." Remus said casually.
"So, is that a yes?" Sirius said peering into Remus's golden eyes looking unsure, which if the rumors about the brash and self centered heir were true, Remus doubted was a common look for him. It startled him to realize that he liked making the confident Sirius Black a little unsteady.
He threw back his bourbon in one swallow and let it fall back to the table with a loud clunk causing Ronaldo to jump in his seat and somehow knock over his glass of milk. A white pool quickly spread over the table and dripped over the edge and into his lap.
"That's a yes." Remus said as Ronaldo jumped up cursing and tried to brush spilt milk off his trousers while Sirius held out his hand to shake on the deal. After a moment's hesitation, Remus took it.
Sirius couldn't be more pleased with the way things were going. His plan was coming together perfectly and he warmly anticipated engaging in a good "I told you so" session with James later on. Although… He glanced at his friend standing a few feet away stuttering pathetically as four heavily made up and giggling women knelt around him wiping milk off his trousers, maybe the poor sod had suffered enough for one night.
"Gerald! A little help here Gerald?" James called weakly from behind Sirius.
"Oh handsome, you aren't leaving us so soon?" giggled one woman hanging on his shoulders.
"Not with your pants all wet…" laughed another on her knees and tugged at his belt.
"It's… quite dry now. Quite dry ladies. Gerald!" James voice cracked.
Sirius turned back to Remus. He did so enjoy looking at the gorgeous man. James wasn't the only uncomfortable one however, although Sirius was infinitely better at hiding it. He had almost turned around and walked out when Remus had led them to this pub…
****
Sirius had never been in a place like this and only rarely saw its equal on late night tv movies that focused on the dangers of dropping out of high school. But with a reassuring look at Remus's broad shoulders and tight jeans he had gathered his confidence and followed a busty blond woman who was chatting fondly and familiarly at Remus.
Remus goes here regularly? Sirius had worried, glancing at the shifty customers and made a mental note to research how to spot concealed weapons at a distance.
"Sirius!" James had hissed in his ear. "What the bloody hell are we doing here? We're going to get mugged! I felt safer sitting in that dark alley!"
"Oh hush! You worry too much. This place looks great. Maybe a little rough around the edges sure, but it's just full of local color." Sirius punched James in the arm teasingly but privately knew he was right. Sirius had dressed in his casual clothes but even these reeked of money, and James wasn't exactly looking subtle in his designer all black 'incognito' costume. The two of them stuck out like a couple of vegans in a steak house and the "local color" was taking notice.
"Mr. Black. Is there a problem?" Remus questioned and he shoved any misgivings aside and drew his face into a trademark grin.
" Please don't call me Mr. Black, and Ronaldo here was just admiring the décor."
Remus turned to James with what Sirius was coming to recognize as his 'eyebrow up' look. Politely questioning with perhaps more than a little mockery below the surface.
"Erm, yes, yes indeed." James stuttered, knocking his elbow into a chair. "It's really all quite… quite…"
"Cultured?" Remus proposed.
"Exactly!" James nodded enthusiastically.
Remus pointedly turned and surveyed the pub looking from bursting beer gut to expansive cleavage, overflowing ash trays to piss stained floor before finally coming to rest on a stuffed buck head hanging on the wall. Between its antlers a baseball cap was nestled with 'I heart midget porn' embroidered in red thread.
Remus stared at the cap for a long moment before turning back to James.
"I'll be sure to get the designers card for you before we leave then."
**************
Sirius turned his attention back to the present.
"The event is this Saturday evening." Sirius said. "I will pick you up at eight and we will arrive fashionably late at 8:17. Dress is formal."
" I don't own any formal dresses. Though I do know where I can borrow a schoolgirl skirt."
"Ah. Yes, that is a problem." Sirius tried to figure out a solution while fighting off images of Remus in school girl uniform. Short plaid skirt brushing long muscular thighs, slightly see through white button down, school tie loosened and tuggable…
"Ahhhhh." Sirius clearing his throat and mind and adjusted his trousers subtly. "In that case I'll pick you up earlier. At 2 o'clock. You're just a bit taller than me so I'm sure my houselady, Mrs. Weasley, can take your measurements and tailor something to fit you. We'll leave straight from my place on schedule. Is that all right?"
"Fine."
"And I'll pick you up at the same place we met?"
"No." Remus said quickly. Sounding anxious for the first time since they met.
"No." he repeated his voice once again its regular calm. "If you don't mind we'll meet in town somewhere."
"Fine by me. The steps of City Bank?"
"2 o'clock"
"It's a date." Sirius raised his glass and Remus smiled before toasting with his own third bourbon of the night.
"Gerald!" James wailed. With a nod, Sirius got up to rescue his friend.
He had to push through a laughing crowd of what appeared to be every other person in the pub. At the center of the circle he found James on his back with his pants around his ankles. Straddling his knees a woman with what looked suspiciously like the belt Sirius had given James for Christmas tied around her head, was making quick work of his shirt buttons. James's head was pillowed in another woman's lap who was singing a David Bowie song rather loudly and rocking back and forth to the tune moving his head with her.
"Making friends Ronnie my love?" Sirius said lightly stifling a laugh.
James peered up terrified at his supposed best friend who had dragged him into this mess only to abandon him to the mercy of loose women and large men.
"There's a staaaaaaaar maaaaan waiting in the sky. He'd like to come and meet us but he thinks he'll blow our minds!" The woman sang over the laughter.
"Sirius! Are we leaving?" James struggled to stand but was pinned to the ground.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I'm sorry ladies but my friend and I must be going now. It was a real pleasure." Sirius said loudly. No one paid him any attention.
"Excuse me! But we really have to be leaving! If you could please… release… my friend!" Sirius said again louder. Some of the crowd looked at him with hostility and Sirius swallowed nervously.
"Nothing personal you know, but we've got an early morning we do. Ah, got bird watching club to attend. Have to be up with the sun. Early bird catches the worm and the early avian enthusiast is there to see it!"
"Can't miss bird club!" James chimed in from the floor.
Hostile silence.
" Err…. We're applying to be junior bird scouts you see and the Feathered Friend Society will cease consideration of our application if we miss a watching… and ah…"
"I've wanted to be a junior bird scout since I was a lad I have!" Said James.
Everyone was quietly looking at Sirius now though he saw neither belief nor amusement in their faces.
"Um…"
"All right Susie, Ellen, you've had your fun. Let the poor man up before he starts to cry." Came a mellow but amused voice.
Sirius let out a sigh of relief as the crowd easily parted and Remus stepped into the circle.
"Aw but Remi…"
"I know, I know. But who are we too stand between a man and his dreams of bird scouting?"
Laughter rippled through the crowd and James was free to stand up.
"Come on lads. I'll escort you to the door." Remus led an awkward Sirius and James through a once again jolly crowd out into the street.
Simultaneously they all drew breath in the cool night air and reveled in the silence of the empty street.
"You saved my life." James said solemnly and grasped Remus's hand in both his own. He looked into eyes. "How can I ever repay you?"
Remus squeezed James's hands. "You can put your pants back on."
James let go embarrassed and hastily redressed himself.
"I had it under control." Sirius said.
"Of course." Remus replied nodding. "Saturday, City Bank, 2 o'clock."
"Right."
Before he turned to go, Remus reached into his pocket and pulled out a Rolex.
"My watch!" cried James as Remus handed it over.
"Mmmm. Yes. I found it on Susie, She's quite the collector. You might want to remember that Ronaldo next time you insist on getting friendly with the local ladies."
James did what Sirius fondly called his fish impersonation before checking his trouser pockets.
"My wallets gone as well!" He cried and both he and Sirius looked at Remus expectantly.
Raising his eyebrow Remus said. "What do you think I am? A wizard?"
A/N Reviews literally make me squeal quite loudly and obnoxiously with delight.