A/N: Okay I wrote these three chapters in one sitting so I hope everything makes sense and I'm not jumping about too much. But when you just read and re read you go crazy! And I can't do it anymore!

Warnings: Slash, swearing, etc. We've been over this people.

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Except a rather massive headache…

Chapter 5: Invitations and the Sorrows of a Clumsy Man

Sirius was finally able to extricate himself from the drolling of Colonel Binns, and hurried through the pockets of people to find Remus.

"Stupid stupid." He muttered to himself. How could he let Remus get separated like that? He had promised that he would take care of everything. Now the poor guy had probably been discovered for what he was, their plan foiled, and the reluctant young man held somewhere by a retired military man full of self importance. Or, horror of horrors, he was being beaten and berated by COFLOS, the Committee of Fine Ladies of Society. Those hags.

"Sir? Would you like another artichoke tappe?"

"Out of my way fool. Can't you see I'm distressed?" Sirius pushed past the waiter. Vultures everywhere he looked. He was sure he would find Remus a quivering mess, surrounded by pampered snobs who would judge him for his unfortunate back ground. Like Remus had chosen to live in a slum or something. Bastards. And it was all Sirius's fault, if only he had stayed by Remus's side! If only…

"Oh no!" Sirius heard a familiar voice behind him and whooped with joy.

There was Remus backed into a corner by Lady Rosebottom. An incredibly fat woman who never had any patience for anyone, least of all Sirius. God only knows what she was saying to his poor sweet Remus.

He could hear the young mans voice. "Oh please don't go on!"

Don't worry Remus! I'm coming to rescue you!

"It was just too dreadful." Lady Rosebottom was saying.

"What on earth did you do?"

"Well I marched right out there and took away every single orchid. Better to be without flowers at all then have my guests eating dinner around potted testicles."

"Too true. You're a martyr for the cause."

What?

"Oh hello Sirius dear! Remmie and I were just discussing that terrible incident with the orchids."

"Truly dreadful." Remus nodded.

"Remmie?" Sirius mouthed looking between the two.

"You've got yourself quite the fine gentlemen here Sirius. Don't let this one get away. I've never met a politer more charming young man. Not since my Harold and I were courting." Lady Rosebottom looked into the distance and smiled. Remus nodded knowingly and Sirius gaped.

"But really now, what's this I here about Remmie not being sure whether he can make it to my Valentines weekend get away. Sirius I insist you convince him."

Sirius did a fine impersonation of James's fish look. "But… but you only invite couples to your Valentines weekend get away!"

"Well you can come too dear." Lady Rosebottom chuckled and shared a private look with Remus who shrugged his shoulders in a way that left Sirius with the distinct suspicion that they were mocking him.

"Well thank you Lady Rosebotttom, I'm honored I'm sure, just surprised. You've never invited me before. Even when I was dating Lucius."

Rosebottom sighed and patted his arm comfortingly. "To be quite honest with you I never really believed you and Lucius were a real couple." She smiled at him and turned back to Remus who was looking terribly amused.

"I'll be seeing you next Friday Remmie dear, or my poor old heart will break." She held out her hand. Remus took it and kissed her fat knuckles gallantly.

"I would rather die than break your young and lovely heart Melanie."

"Oh you!" Lady Rosebottom blushed "He is just too good." She waddled away giggling.

"What did you do to her?" Sirius demanded. "That old crow hates me! She's never once invited me to her getaway weekend. Do you know how exclusive that guest list is?"

Remus shrugged and snagged a passing hor dourves. "I'm a people pleaser. Kinda what I do." He said thoughtfully examining the cracker and cheese. "This cheese is rather off isn't it?"

"It's goat cheese it's supposed to be like that." Sirius said distractedly, "Well I'm sorry I bothered worrying about you. Seems like you and Melanie really hit it off without me."

"They make cheese from goats?"

"And what did she mean 'never thought we were a real couple.' Stupid bint. And I suppose she thinks we are?"

"That was the plan wasn't it? And even if it is goat cheese this bit still looks right dodgy yeah?"

"Oh for heavens sake!" Sirius exclaimed exasperated and grabbed the cheese and cracker out of Remus's hand stuffing it in his own mouth.

"See? Goat chee…. Guweyh!"

"I knew it. Right dodgy. Making cheese from a goat. That's just not on."

"Sirius looked about frantically for somewhere to expel the expired cheese. A huge pot of flowers stood in the corner and Sirius bent over and spit out the offending hor dourve.

"Theres…" spit. "Nothing…" spit. "Wrong… " spit. "With goat cheese… " gag. "you just picked a fishy one." Cough.

"Hmmm… so you claim. If you're quite finished vomiting into the floral arrangements there's a tall albino looking bloke heading our way and he doesn't look happy."

Sirius hastily pulled his head out of the shrubbery to see Lucius weaving towards them, his features were pinched in distaste and Sirius wondered what it was he ever saw in the man.

"Well this is it. Show time." Sirius said pulling Remus close to him.

"Oh… Shit." Remus cursed. "Ah, Sirius? Potential problem."

"What's the matter?"

"Friday 11 c'clock just joined your Lucius."

"Who?" Sirius peered at his ex-boyfriend who was now walking with a much shorter and familiar looking man and wife.

"You mean the Pettigrews? They're harmless. Quiet, boring, mousy sorts of people. Don't think I've ever heard Wilma, the wife, say one word since I've met her. And Peter's a real follower hanger on sort of guy. Doubt he's ever had an original thought that doesn't involve his stomach." Sirius laughed but Remus still looked worried. "I don't see what the problem is?"

"Him, Peter is it? I know him as Friday 11 o'clock." Remus said again.

"I don't understand. You know Pete?"

"Not exactly… I didn't know his name. I just… see him. Every Friday, at 11 o'clock." Remus said slowly.

Sirius still looked confused.

"I see him, for business. My business. At eleven. After dark. Just him. Didn't know his name till now. My business."

Sirius's eyes bulged out in realization and he choked for the second time in five minutes.

"What? Little Peter? Hires you to… to… have sex with him?" Sirius whispered.

"Every week for a few years now."

"But he's married!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Please tell me you're not really that naïve.

"No, just, I mean, it's a lot to take in."

"Not that much actually." Remus winked. "little Pete seemed like a pretty accurate nick name from what I've seen."

"Oh! Oh GOD! Don't, don't say that.., oh lord. Peter… Christ." Sirius stared at the mousy little man and his wife. "Wait a minute, are you saying he'll recognize you?" Sirius said horrified.

" Now you see the problem."

"Shit! Okay, okay. Think. Think. Well okay, it's not like he can say anything can he? I mean if he admits he knows you a lot of questions will come up. Namely, how? And that just won't do. I mean I can't imagine Peter will want to admit he's been seeing a prostitute now will he? I mean how embarrassing for him!" Sirius laughed and missed the look of hurt that crossed Remus's face. "So there isn't a problem after all!"

"I suppose not. You're right. I should have remembered that any respectable person of society wouldn't be caught dead admitting to know shit like me. How silly of me." Remus said his voice cold.

"Oh…" Sirius comprehended. "Oh Remus I didn't mean, well you know I don't think… I mean I wasn't saying…"

"Well, well, well, Sirius. How good it is to see you again. I didn't think you'd be coming tonight, all alone." Lucius, and Peter and Wilma Pettigrew had finally made their way to Sirius and Remus.

Sirius cast one more worried look at Remus whose face was smoothed once again into that impersonal and polite mask, before answering.

"But of course Lucius, I wouldn't miss it for the world. I don't think the minister would forgive me if I didn't show up and besides I wanted to show Remus around." Sirius grabbed Remus's hand and squeezed. "But you haven't met my boyfriend yet have you? Oh how terribly rude of me. Please let me introduce he who has made me the luckiest man on the planet, Remus."

Lucius looked very surprised and more than a little angry at that. Peter, to Sirius's amusement, couldn't have looked more horrified if he'd been told the fate of the world rested on him. Wilma just looked absent.

"Just Remus? Or may your cherished one grace us with two names." Lucius sneered.

"ah…" Shit. All that talking about myself and I don't know the first thing about Remus. Sirius felt immensely guilty for the second time.

"Lupin" Remus spoke up for the first time, his voice low, sexy, melodic and, to Sirius's relief, devoid of the anger it had been full of before. "Remus Lupin. And you are?"

"Oh I'm sorry darling, I am terrible at these things aren't I? This is Lucius Malfoy, Peter Pettirgrew and his wife Wilma."

"Charmed, I'm sure." Remus's voice dripped condescension and Sirius wasn't the only one startled. Lucius looked a little taken aback and re evaluated the admittedly stunning young man while Peter just looked like if someone offered him a hole he would gladly climb in and die without pausing to say 'thanks'.

"Lupin is it? I don't think I've heard that name around before…"

"Sirius!" all five of them turned to see a beautiful young woman with coppery red hair tugging a bumbling James behind her. As they watched the couple make their way through the crowd James knocked over Old General Flitiwick and a decorative column.

"Who the bloody hell puts a damn column in the middle of the floor…"

"James! Do try to keep your elbows to yourself for once dear…" The young woman sighed.

"Oh hello Sirius! James told me all about your new boyfriend. He says he's never seen you more in love and everyone I've talked to tonight just can't seem to get enough of your man. You rascal Sirius Black why haven't I met him yet? Oh hello, Lucius, Peter, Wilma. I didn't see you there."

Sirius breathed a sigh of relief and sent a thank you up to the gods for Lily Potter.

"I'm sorry love," he said kissing her cheek, "But I've been selfishly keeping him to myself. May I introduce Remus Lupin, the guest of honor tonight. I can assure you the rumors are true. Remus is truly something special and I find myself very taken indeed."

The red headed woman squealed, Lucius looked furious, Peter looked angry and, what was this? A little jealous? And James knocked over the plant that Sirius had been coughing cheese into earlier.

"Remus, babe, This is Lily Potter my best friends wife and master." He winked at her. "And you've met James of course."

"Of course. May I say you look much younger without the facial hair." He said to James much to the others bewilderment. "And I've heard so much about you, it's a pleasure to finally meet you." Remus said shaking Lily's hand firmly. She smiled.

"How long have you two been dating?" Lucius asked, to bring the attention back to him.

"Oh, time with Sirius just flies by. It seems like only yesterday, doesn't it darling?" Remus batted his eyelashes at Sirius and James choked.

"It does seem that way." Sirius agreed with a smile.

"Did Sirius happen to mention to you that we used to date?" Sirius froze, they hadn't gone over this and he wasn't sure how Remus was going to answer.

"Oh yes, Sirius told me about all of his ex's. We have no secrets you know." Remus smiled adoringly at Sirius and squeezed his hand. Sirius's breath caught and he stared bewitched at the man beside him, who was so beautiful and smart and funny and capable and Christ was someone talking?

"And what exactly is it that you do, Mr. Lupin?" Lucius continued.

"Sirius obviously, though I call him a 'who' not an 'it' for the most part."

James guffawed loudly and Lily patted him on the back.

"Get me a drink won't you darling?" she said quietly and James waved over a waiter with a tray of champagne, who eyed him warily.

The staff had long ago learned to avoid James Potter when carrying breakables, but James continued to beckon him and the poor man had no choice but to oblige, gripping his tray tightly.

"Ooo, Sirius he is quick. Finally being with someone who can out quip you will do us all good." Lily smiled and shot a pointed look at Lucius who was seething.

"Please Mr. Potter be careful." The waiter cried steadying the shaking flutes of champagne as James nearly knocked them over.

"Sorry, sorry! Don't worry. I won't break a single glass. I promise." James crossed his heart, elbowing his wife in the process.

"Ouch! James, I swear…" she muttered tersely.

" Actually I was referring to how you make your money since I've not heard your name around here before. But that's an interesting topic as well." Lucius said, his voice cruel, "So Sirius is putting out eh? Now I'm really impressed. I couldn't get much out of the prude myself. Which is why I dumped him of course. " Lucius smirked and Sirius turned bright red with embarrassment.

Lily opened her mouth to defend him. Sirius may be a bit of an ass but he had a good heart and was a friend who obviously loved her husband and son. Said husband was currently focused on removing a single glass of champagne with all his careful concentration and couldn't be distracted to defend his friend. She would be damned if she would stand by and let some snobby bastard hurt Sirius like that. But before she could get the words out Remus spoke up.

"Actually…" Remus said pleasantly, remembering Sirius's exact words from the pub. "Sirius and I have regular and frankly phenomenal sexual intercourse. I've never had better. And if Sirius didn't want to have sex with you well I think we can all certainly see why, eh?" Everyone stared in astonishment.

"MR. POTTER PLEASE!"

"JAMES!"

"Timber!" Sirius yelled and pulled Remus into his arms and out of the path of disaster. As all hell broke out around them he relished in the man's scent, the feeling of his hard body pressed against his and the warmth spreading from his heart when Remus had defended him.

No one noticed in the confusion when Peter Pettigrew slipped away.

"Well, you did keep your promise." Remus said consolingly sitting beside James on the stone steps outside the Royal Embassy Hotel and patting him on the back. "You didn't break a single glass."

"I'm sure that will be a great comfort to that waiter when he can't breathe through his nose for 3 weeks. Honestly James, a broken nose. How do you do it?"

"I don't know!" wailed James and put his head on his knees. "Lily wouldn't even look at me." He continued miserably. "She said she's never been more humiliated in her life."

"She'll come around. I'm sure of it." Remus said gently.

"Yeah don't take it personal mate, she kind of had her hands full helping that bloke into the ambulance. Have your ever seen anyone bleed that much? Bad luck she was wearing white eh?"

James moaned.

"Listen, a nice romantic valentines weekend is all you need to smooth things over. Some chocolates, flowers, a gift or two and all will be forgotten. Melanie's weekend will be the perfect opportunity."

"I'm a terrible gift giver." Jame groaned.

"It's true," Sirius said, "For their 3rd wedding anniversary James bought Lily a shovel. What a disaster. The smoke didn't clear for days." Sirius placed his hand over his heart and looked mournful.

"You're the one who said buy her something handy!"

"I said buy her some candy mate, honestly." Sirius shook his head.

"I am terrible aren't I? One day Lily's going to see that and then she'll go off and find someone better than me who buys her nice things and can get her a drink without involving the police and a trip to the hospital. Someone like you Remus, god she absolutely loved you! But who didn't? You really know how to win people over don't you? I guess I'm just lucky to have had her for a little while."

James kicked at a pebble and stubbed his toe. "Wait a minute…" He gazed at Remus with a plan glinting in his eyes. "You really are good at these sorts of things aren't you? You can help me apologize to Lily!"

Remus shook his head. "I don't think so," he said standing up, "Lily's left already and now that we've gotten kicked out of the party I'll be going back to work as well."

Sirius startled. Damn, for a moment there he'd forgotten Remus wasn't really his boyfriend. Suddenly he was anxious not to let the young man go. James apparently felt the same way, but for different reasons Sirius hoped.

"No! You can't leave now! I need your help! You can help me at Lady Rosebottom's weekend away. I know she invited you two. The woman told everyone there, which by the way Sirius, Lucius basically blew an aneurysm over. So I guess for once congratulations are in order on a plan well done."

Sirius supposed he should be pleased. Everything he wanted had come together quite nicely. He had seen Lucius storming out of the party without his new fiancé, looking furious. But all he could think of was how to keep Remus Lupin close to him.

"Yes, congratulations Sirius. I'm glad everything worked out for you." Remus said quietly his face politely indifferent. " I hope now you can move one to someone whose head isn't quite so far up their own arse. But of course I won't be going this weekend. My work here is done. Now if you could just… pay me the determined amount I can leave you gentlemen to it."

James and Sirius's faces were identical masks of disappointment and Remus felt a wave of regret wash over him. He could get quite used to this life of tailored suits and weekend parties. Not to mention he had grown oddly fond of the clumsy 'Ronaldo' or James now, and his fiery wife.

And Sirius, well Sirius… Best not to think what he felt for the man. It just hurt too much. Sure he'd captured the rich mans interest for now but that's what Remus did. Capitalize on captivating. Sirius would forget all about him in an hour or so and Remus would return to the real world. Where he was treated like the scum he was, children sold their bodies to avoid starvation and love was something Remus wouldn't even know the meaning of it wasn't for his dictionary.

"You'll have to come back to mine for the money. I may be loaded but even I don't go about with 1000 pounds in my pocket." Sirius said subdued.

"Of course," Remus said, "And I'll have to return this suit to you."

"Keep it," Sirius interrupted with a wave of his hand. " You look damn good in it and it's tailored to you now." Sirius took a long appreciative look up and down Remus's body and the younger man flushed.

"I guess I'll head home then," James said mournfully. " Wish me luck."

"Good luck mate," Sirius said clapping his friend on the back. "Maybe you should stop by the hardware store on the way home, buy the girl a snow blower."

"Maybe," James said thoughtfully, "Well Remus, I can't say I supported this but I'm glad to have met you. You're a good bloke." He shook his hand. Then reached into his suit pocket to pull out a business card. "Here's my card. My home numbers at the bottom. Don't hesitate to give us a ring when you're in the area or if you need something. Lily and you seemed to get along quite well tending to that waiter fellow and anyone who can make Lucius fume like that is all right by me. We'd love to have you over to dinner some time and I can introduce you to the other love of my life, my little sprog."

"Thanks Ronaldo," Remus said putting the card in his pocket. They both knew he'd never call but Remus was touched by the gesture.

"Night lads." James nodded then hailed a taxi on the street.

Sirius and Remus watched him go.

"It's late." Sirius said and Remus made a non committal grunt.

"Do you really have to work tonight?" Sirius dreaded the answer. Images of Remus's naked body pressed against another mans flooded his head and Sirius felt heat in his pants and anger in his heart.

"No," said Remus and Sirius couldn't stop the small sigh of relief. "I have the rest of the night off."

"Stay."

"What?"

"Stay with me tonight… I mean it's late and you don't have to work, and I have plenty of room. Why not stay the night and head home in the morning after breakfast?"

Remus stared at him for a long moment. His expression was undecipherable. "Sirius…I need to know what this is." Remus said quietly.

"It's… I just think you should stay. I don't want you to go." he murmured and stroked Remus's cheek gently with his fingertips leaving a trail of fire.

"I can't." Remus whispered and turned his face so that his lips brushed across the inside of Sirius's wrist.

"Please Remus, stay with me tonight. I'll… I'll pay you. Just stay."

Remus looked into Sirius's eyes and not for the first time Sirius cursed the man for keeping his feelings locked out of sight.

"If you wish." Remus said and Sirius's heart thumped painfully loud. He gently placed a hand on the small of Remus's back on led the man to his waiting car and home.

The house was quiet and empty as Sirius led Remus upstairs and down the hall nervously.

" Mrs. Weasley's gone home." He said, more to break the silence than anything else. "There's a spare bedroom right here." He opened a door and gestured inside. "you can go ahead in, I'll just bring you something to sleep in."

Remus cocked his head to the side staring at Sirius yet again. It made him crazy when he did that. What was that man seeing when he looked at him? What was he thinking? What was he feeling?

Sirius didn't dare hope it was anything like what he felt when he thought of the young man. How he just wanted to hold him forever and ever and never let go.

Sirius hurried down the hall to his own bedroom and took a huge breath. Calm down Sirius. Don't work yourself up over this. He's just staying the night and you need to calm the fuck down or else you'll scare the poor guy away for good.

Why had he insisted Remus stay the night here? Because he couldn't bear saying goodbye to the young man forever? Because the thought of Remus returning to work and letting other men touch him made Sirius so mad he saw red? Because he wanted touch him himself? Fuck if he knew.

Hastily Sirius grabbed a pair of sweats and undershirt before hurrying back down the hall.

He paused outside of the partially closed door. This was a mistake. Sirius thought. This wasn't going to work. He was obsessed with a man he'd only met yesterday, a man who was only there because Sirius was paying him to be. A man whose job it was to "pretend to be in love". Sirius had to move on. Just go in there, give him the clothes and get out. Remus would leave in the morning and life would return to how it was before. How it was supposed to be. Without this constant worrying, and obsessing, and feeling… and … un nameable stuff.

Sirius pushed open the door.

"Fuck." He breathed, taking in the sight before him. Life just wasn't that easy.

A/N: If I was a terrible person I would just leave you here for the weekend… But because Valentine's Day is around the corner… oh all right. REVIEW! you know you want to.