Chapter Nineteen

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become."

- Charles Du Bos

___

"…Do it."

Izzy was an unrealistic person, she knew. She knew that as a med student she needed to think in a more logical sense.

But this…this situation hurt her deeply. She didn't like that she was so indecisive towards Marach. But she liked she had the choice on her own destiny. That she could give real thought to whether or not she should give up her humanity or not.

"I will only do so if either she tells me it's okay or if I can't save her life."

She'd never thought she would be put in a position where she had no choice like this.

Izzy was vaguely aware of her surroundings, but it seemed like everyone was leaving. Marach sounded like he was arguing with Serenity. Serenity it seemed didn't want to leave her side at a time like this. That gave Izzy more comfort than anything. Her sister had been so fixated on her lost lifemate that she neglected to help Izzy on several occasions. But now…

Izzy closed her eyes and leaned against Marach. This wasn't supposed to happen. She'd planned everything so carefully in the event she chose to be converted. She wanted to fly down to South Beach or Rio de Janeiro and bask in the sun, walk on warm beaches. She wanted to have a five-star meal at a five-star restaurant, a big steak that weight nearly two pounds, with a giant lobster tail on the side. She wanted to spend time with her parents, talk to them gently about this and slowly introduce them to the Carpathian world. She wanted to throw a party with her friends, though it would be a goodbye party. It was all suppose to be pleasant, slow. An easing into a world she knew so little about.

Not like this. She hated this.

Marach ran his finger through Izzy's hair, feeling her distress strongly. He knew what lay in store for her once he gave her his blood, and she had to have a strong mind for it. He could tell she wasn't ready for this, but she genuinely had no choice. "Isabel…are you truly ready?"

Izzy opened her eyes again. Her vision was so hazy, but she could see Serenity. Her sister was leaning over her, tears streaking down her face. And Marach…he was there too. She could see him, feel his body, and feel his mind. He told her he loved her, and she knew he didn't say it to sway her decision. He really meant it…and that somehow gave her strength.

"Do it," she repeated, her tone very weak. "Before I…" change my mind, she finished in her head. The choking noise that came from Serenity indicated that she thought Izzy meant something else.

Marach hugged her to him. Tears were welling up in his eyes, but he blinked them away. He needed to be strong now, especially when the conversion started. "Then I shall give you my blood now."

Serenity was watching him. Because he didn't want to alarm her, Marach raised his wrist to his mouth. Cutting open his chest and feeding Izzy in such a way was also too intimate to show in front of his lifemate's sister.

Serenity flinched when Marach bit into his wrist, and his blood flowed out. He didn't know how his blood would further react with the regenerative cells, but he had to take the risk. Still, his arm trembled when he lowered it and pressed his bleeding wrist to Izzy's slackened mouth. She was too weak to even drink the blood; Marach had to enter her mind and put her under compulsion in order for her to drink it.

"Stay with me, iubita mea," he spoke to her soothingly. "The conversion unfortunately will be an agony that could drive you mad. You must have the strength to bear with the pain."

"I just dealt with a death-curse ripping apart my insides. This shouldn't be too bad." Already he mental words were starting to clear up. But once the blood settled in her body, then it would be different.

Satisfied with the blood he gave her, he withdrew his wrist and removed the compulsion. He sealed the wound, even as he began to feel light-headed. He'd probably given her too much of his own blood, but he wanted to ensure her survival by any means.

"What happens now?" Serenity asked quietly, retaking Izzy's hand. "Has she changed?"

"She won't completely change for the next few hours," Marach said grimly. "The full conversion will take days to settle. But for now—"

"AH!" Izzy's eyes flew open again, shock and pain clear in them. Her strength returned to her in furor, and she grabbed her stomach. "Oh…I feel sick!"

"It is starting," Marach said. He helped her to sit up slightly. "Keep merged with me, Isabel. The next few hours will be trying for you."

"You didn't say anything about hou—" Izzy lurched suddenly, and she grabbed at her throat. She couldn't stop the blood that suddenly spewed out, all over her clothes and the outer edge of the table.

Serenity screamed, and grabbed for Izzy. "Oh my GOD! IZZY!"

Marach grunted, hugging his lifemate to him "Serenity, you must leave now. You aren't ready for this!"

"I won't leave my sister!" Serenity shrieked, but her tone was reaching above hysteria. "Oh God…how is this any better than the death-curse?!"

"Because her body is simply expunging her human blood. Her body's changing, not being ripped apart."

"Aaah!" Izzy's hand shot out and she grabbed a fistful of Serenity's shirt. She braced herself against Marach's body. "It hurts…Marach it hurts so much!"

"Shh," Marach soothed, comforting her with a strength he wasn't feeling. "I am here with you. Just stay with me, iubita mea…"

"Isabel…" Serenity stroked the fist clenching her shirt. "You'll be all right. Y-You'll…"

Izzy began shaking as though she were having a seizure. Serenity began sobbing hysterically, trying to pull her sister away from Marach.

"Serenity," he forced himself to speak in a soothing tone. "You're not helping me. If you cannot remain calm and be strong for Isabel, then you have to leave."

"I can't leave her like this! I can't…" Serenity shook her head violently and wrung a hand through her hair, uncaring that her hand was covered in Izzy's blood. "Oh my God…this is my fault! If I hadn't…" she looked around the room wildly. "What have I done?!"

"Gregori."

Marach didn't need to ask twice. In an instant the Dark One was in the room and he picked Serenity up. He only briefly looked at Izzy, still convulsing on the table. "We'll watch Serenity. Focus on your lifemate only." Then he was gone.

Izzy was only dimly aware of Serenity's departure. The pain was a torture that was unbearable. Did childbirth feel like this? It didn't help when she saw her own blood covering her body, covering Marach, and everything else in close proximity to them.

"Help me," she begged Marach. She felt tears rolling down her cheeks, but she knew it was just blood. "Please help me…"

"I shall dim your pain." He entered her mind, and immediately felt the full wave of her agony. He immersed her mind with his, soothing her and comforting her. "It won't be for very much longer, Isabel. I swear it won't be…"

Izzy groaned, feeling everything inside her twisting up. She was vomiting blood and anything else that was deemed foul. Her throat was raw and so sore. She wanted to rip it open to ease the pain. Blood pressed up through her skin like sweat. She was a mess…and the pain only seemed to get worse and worse.

"Please…" another horrible wave struck her and she began sobbing. "Mama…Mama!"

It was like a knife straight into his heart. She was so helpless, and not even his influence could completely wipe away her pain. He was unable to hold back his tears any longer, and he shed them quietly as Izzy continued to weakly call for her mother.

Finally…finally, he could sense the worse of the damage had been done. Izzy's body relaxed against his and he pressed the compulsion against her mind once more. "Sleep, my love. Sleep and forget this terrible agony. I will awaken you when you're ready."

Izzy's breathing labored in a wheezing manner. She couldn't speak aloud, but he heard her voice anyways. "Marach…"

He put her to sleep. Her organs shut down and her heart stopped. She was no longer breathing. She was no longer human, but a Carpathian woman.

His insides were numb and his mind raw when he stripped her of her bloodied clothing. He conjured up a comfortable pair of pajamas for her to wear, and he meticulously cleaned her up. Once he was sure that the evidence of this conversion was gone, he gently picked her up and carried her from the room.

No one was around to greet him, and he was glad for it. Her body was light in his arms, no weight to it whatsoever. That would change in the coming days, but this thought didn't comfort him.

Marach took her beneath the earth, and he smelled the wonderfully fresh soil. He chose the cleanest patch of earth and opened it up. The soil would heal her in ways he couldn't, but he knew when he woke her up it would have to be outside the soil as to not scared her.

He laid her down in it, comforted somewhat by the peace in her expression, no sign of the agony she'd been suffering with all day. He kissed her lips, flinching slightly at how cold they were. "I love you," he murmured to her, though he knew she couldn't hear him.

Then, he closed the soil over her. He watched the rich black earth gravitate to her naturally, enveloping her body little by little. Finally it seemed to swallow her whole, and he had nothing but darkness to look at.

Marach sat there very still for a long moment. Then he slowly rose to his feet and left the confines of the vault. He calmly ventured upstairs, but his mind was like a hurricane of rage…and violence.

Falcon was there to greet him upstairs. "Where do you think you're going?" he asked Marach calmly.

"I'm going to find a certain mage and I'm going to eviscerate her from the inside out," Marach told him, his tone cold and flat.

"It only two in the afternoon," Falcon warned him. "You will die if you go out now."

"My visit with her will be short," Marach snapped. "I just want to give her a small taste of what she did to Isabel before I make her heart imploded. If she has a heart!" the last sentence came out as a violent shout.

"You can't go out now!" Falcon snapped, grabbing his shoulders. "Calm yourself! Acting upon your anger will get you killed! And you'll leave Isabel in the same condition as Serenity is!"

"Don't speak to me about my lifemate!" Marach roared, shoving away from him. "All she's ever asked for in ANY of this is that her sister be saved! And look at us! A fine job we've done with the both of them!"

"It's not our fault," Falcon said, his tone becoming soothing. "We've tried, Marach. We cannot simply predict what Neve will do."

"She is a monster," Marach growled. "I don't care if she has a lifemate out there somewhere! She's using that as a way to cripple us! She's in league with Xavier after all, should we expect anything LESS from these mages?!"

"Do not be prejudice against mages. Not all of them are bad, and some of them have been converted. Neve is just one example out of—"

"She put a death-curse on my lifemate! A death-curse! She…" Marach dug a fist into his own hair. "She could've made Isabel die instantly, but she deliberately made her suffer through this! And I…my lifemate was here with me! I was in her head, and I touched her body, but I…how could I not know of this until it was too late?!"

"It wasn't too late," Falcon said softly. "We found it just in time and you saved her. She is alive, Marach. We know she didn't want to convert, but you still gave her a choice. This was the choice she made."

"She chose to live," Marach said. He pressed his back into the wall and slid to the floor. "She had no other choice. It wasn't a matter of choosing to convert or stay human. It was life and death, and if she didn't convert she was going to die. She knew this, and…" he shook his head. "This will be so hard for her. How am I supposed to give her strength in this when she knows I've been seeking to convert her? What if she blames me?"

"It wouldn't be anything new," Falcon said dryly, taking a seat next to Marach. "You'd be surprised how many Carpathians there are who have converted lifemates who resented them once they changed. Some of them had an impossible choice; others of them converted their lifemates without their permission. Life is never planned. Things just come to us spontaneously. Isabel is going to be hurt by all of this, especially since things didn't go the way she wanted. It's going to be up to you to show her that this life isn't so bad. Don't allow her to wallow in misery. Make this worth it for her. Here." Falcon extended his wrist to him. "You need to replenish yourself. Take what is offered freely to you. You're not in any fit condition to go after anyone, no matter what time of day it is."

Marach accepted his offer, and felt rejuvenated by the ancient's blood that flowed into his mouth. It helped to give him a clearer head, but his feeling hadn't recovered fully. It made him sick that Izzy had been backed into a corner like this. He wouldn't blame her if she did hold any hard feelings.

Still, he couldn't turn back time. She was now a Carpathian. He sighed, but nodded. "I will be strong for her. I have nothing else besides her."

Falcon closed his wrist. "If you go by that mentality, then it might cause problems between the two of you."

"But I have nothing else. No family, no friends…" he waved a hand. "This is the closest I've been to our people in about three hundred years. Without her, I…there's nothing."

"But I'm your friend, aren't I?" Falcon asked. "That's the problem with us males. We don't trust each other enough. We're all naturally loners, but in a sense that's a good thing for survival. But we're thriving as a race again, and we've found our lifemates. We can trust each other, can't we?"

Marach smiled wryly at him. It was the first true smile he'd given in hours. "I've never known the great Falcon to be the mentoring type."

"It must be fatherhood," Falcon answered brightly. "They say marriage and child-rearing adds ten years onto a man's life."

"Ten years?! We're already hundreds of years old!"

"But an extra ten years never hurt anyone."

"Marach! Falcon!"

Both men snapped to attention at Gregori's voice. Marach saw an image in his mind and in an instant he was on his feet. "Serenity!"

Both of them flew down the hallway towards the room Gregori had taken Serenity to. Loud, hysterical sobbing could be heard from inside. Marach pushed his way in to find the female healers surrounding Serenity, who was trying to pull out of Gregori's arms. A bloodied broken piece of glass lay at Marach's feet and he rushed towards Serenity. A superficial cut was across her throat and blood was trickling down into her collar, but Marach didn't need to guess what she was doing. "Serenity…you tried to kill yourself?!"

"I don't deserve to live!" she shrieked, struggling violently against Gregori. "This is all my fault!"

"What is?" Marach asked, trying to restrain her.

"Izzy! She's dead, and I did that to her! And Parn…PARN!" she shrieked loudly, wailing with such agony that Marach became speechless. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I-I wanted…I can't do anything! Not for you, not for Izzy! I'm a monster! A MONSTER!"

"What the hell is Parn telling her?!" Falcon snapped.

"No, no, no, NO!" Serenity bellowed out. "You don't understand! NONE OF YOU DO! He hasn't…oh, GOD…I don't want this! I don't want Parn to be a vampire, and I don't want my sister to be a vampire! I'm having a nightmare! Please let me wake up!"

"Sleep," Gregori commanded. She slumped in his arms, quiet once more. Everyone around them began breathing a little easier. "Forgive me for prolonging that, but I wanted you to understand her state of mind. She's become increasingly unstable. It is uncertain if she will turn on us, but her state of mind is worrisome."

"Yes…" Marach took Serenity from him, examining the wound closely in her neck. "You got to her in time."

"I sensed her inclination before she acted upon it," Gregori said. "But she still managed to cut herself before we could stop her."

Marach looked up at them. "Could one of you heal this? This is my lifemate's sister, after all."

"I'll do it." Shea stepped forward, and took Serenity from Marach. She quickly sealed the wound and handed her back. "I must get back to my lab. I am thankful that Izzy is going to live, but this means there will be setbacks in my research. I…" she faltered and looked away. "Excuse me." She was quickly gone.

"Put Serenity to bed and go to ground," Gregori said. "Isabel shouldn't wake up yet, but you will need to be there by her side if she does."

Marach nodded stiffly and stood up, Serenity in his arms. "I can think of no other place I would rather be."

___

When night fell, Marach stirred from his short slumber. Instinctively he reached for Izzy, and nearly panicked when he received no response from her.

He opened his eyes, and found Izzy's body curled into his, the way he'd moved her when he went to ground. He could feel no heartbeat in her chest and no breath came from her mouth.

It was the natural sleep for Carpathians, but it still took him off-guard for a brief moment. He knew that Izzy had first found him in similar circumstances, and how frightened she'd been. He didn't want to think about how frightened she would be when she woke up.

He kissed her brow, and checked her carefully. Her body wasn't ready yet, but he felt flickers in her mind. Her mind was still intact, and that gave him great relief. If she'd gone mad, she would've become a vampiress…and lost to him.

Something brushed over his mind. Curious, he gave it a nudge. It was a memory. Izzy's memory. He'd seen so many of them already that he was quite familiar with them.

Not this one, though.

He froze, though, and withdrew. He didn't want to think of what would happen if he went searching around in her head while she was still undergoing the conversion. He didn't want to risk sabotaging anything.

"Everything will be all right," he whispered to her, kissing her on the mouth. He whispered the words to her once again in her head before he settled her back down and prepared to go out. The conversion should settle completely by dawn. He would check on her then.

He left the soil, burying it carefully behind him. He was hungry for blood, but he also couldn't ignore the gnawing emptiness inside of him. It was because Izzy was shut down, but it reminded him too strongly of when he was without her. That was a time he didn't want to relive ever again.

And I won't, he told himself. I have my lifemate, and Serenity is here too, and very vulnerable…I will protect them both.

Before he went out to hunt, he checked in on Serenity. One of the Dragonseeker women was keeping an eye on her. He didn't mind her presence too much, although he ignored her as he focus on Serenity. Serenity was still unconscious from the previous day's events. The wound at her throat had completely healed.

He didn't know if she was really trying to kill herself, or if Parn was urging her to. Whatever the reason, it couldn't happen again.

Marach stared down at her, and thought of his lifemate resting under the earth. It was very tragic for the pair of them. They both had completely normal lives before now. They could never get back to the way things were for them. He wished he could've met his lifemate under different circumstances. He wished Parn hadn't lost his soul, had actually looked for Serenity. They'd both be happy right now, as happy as he wanted to be with Izzy.

Still, Izzy and Serenity might've never come to Romania if Parn hadn't turned. He wouldn't have felt Izzy's distress from so far away, and Izzy wouldn't have sensed his injury.

He couldn't change anything. And the lives of these two women were only going to change more and more into something they weren't familiar with, or maybe even comfortable with. All he could do was make the road easier for them.

"I'm sorry," he told Serenity. It was all he could do for her. Then with a slight nod to the woman he left the room and headed out. He would have to drink heavily tonight. It would be Izzy's first time sustaining blood as food.

___

I'm sorry that this is shorter than the other chapters, but the conversion sequence took a lot out of me.