Alice was so upset she couldn't even cry, she couldn't only hiss in anger and she had the great urge to break something. How dare he say something like that to her! Why was everything she wanted to do wrong and stupid? Men! Pompous assholes the lot of them! What hurt the most was the fact that that's what he really thought of her. Did he really think she was such a screw up and couldn't do anything right? Most of all she felt he was right. Every time she tried to do something it all fell apart and even worse things seemed to happen. Was this just going to be one more of those times, and what would she loose when it was all over? All she had left was Charlie and Hatter, and even though she was beyond angry at him she didn't want to loose him. She didn't want to think about what she would do without him. Then she remembered her last words to him and she felt her heart clench. He had told her he was sorry about what he had said, but that didn't make it hurt any less. As much as his words hurt her she didn't want him gone.

She had walked to the far edge of the fortress by now and stopped. She shouldn't have walked away from him. They needed to talk about this, rationally and reasonably without all the shouting, and probably apologizing to each other wouldn't hurt either. So she turned around and began slowly walking back. She hoped this time they could have a civilized conversation about all of this, and as much as she wanted to hit him and yell at him some more she promised herself she wouldn't. She knew she needed him, at least as a friend. Someone to help her through this terrible mess that was her life. Someone to talk to when she was feeling alone. She didn't want to be alone.

She hadn't realized how far she had walked, but it seemed a lot further walking slowly back than when she had walked furiously away. When she reached the camp it was empty and she felt a great strain on her heart. "Hatter…" She called out and got no reply. "Hatter!" She said louder and again no one answered her. She began to feel slightly panicked. Where was he? Had he really gone? That thought was too much to bear so she began looking for him around the camp. He must have just wondered off a bit and couldn't hear her. That must be it.

She walked all around the camp calling his name and found that he wasn't anywhere. She refused to think that he was gone and began checking the paths around the fortress that she knew of and even walked up to her hill overlooking the city. She called his name wherever she went and even the wind refused to answer her. She felt her body becoming very hot as she began to panic. She wanted to find him. To tell him she was sorry, that she never meant to run him off. She needed him. She didn't want to be all alone.

She somehow managed to make it back to camp despite how terrible she felt and was surprised her legs worked at all. She supposed her motivation was the hope that he would be there when she returned but she wished in vain and the camp felt even emptier than when she had left. She felt her throat clench up as she felt herself about to start crying when she heard a noise.

"Hatter?" She asked the air and looked around herself to see who was coming and her heart fell when she saw Charlie meandering back to the camp.

"Have you and Harbinger decided what we're going to do yet?" Charlie asked quietly as he looked around for Hatter whom he didn't know was gone. She supposed he was afraid they were still fighting. She knew he didn't like it when they did.

"Hatter's gone." She couldn't believe she was saying the words. They hurt so much more now that they were out in the air.

"What? How?..." Charlie mumbled confused.

"We had a fight, and I walked away and by the time I came back he was gone and I can't find him anywhere." She said trying her hardest to have her voice not crack as she talked.

"He'll come back, don't worry."

"I want to believe that, but I'm afraid he won't. We said some mean things to each other. I didn't mean what I said but I was angry and I'm afraid he believed it and left like I told him to." A silent tear fell down her cheek and she quickly whipped it away. Charlie stood their mumbling silently not knowing what to do for her so she decided to move the conversation in a different direction. "So how far away is the White Queen's castle?"

"Oh… um… It's at least a two day ride by horse. Maybe three. I've never been there myself but my father was one of the messengers of the queen and I remember when he left for his assignments he would be gone about five days so that should be a two day ride one way. Her castle is far up in the hills away from the valley."

"Why was her castle built so far away?"

"It was but one of her three castles. She had one here in the valley, one in the hills and another one but I can't remember where it was for she never used it. But her favorite castle was the one in the hills for its seclusion and all of the nature. She loved nature about all else."

"I bet it's beautiful up there, or at least was."

"One can only imagine."

"So, when's the earliest we can leave?"

"Since it's already dark I think it would be best to wait until morning."

"I agree." She said looking off into the forest when she thought she heard a noise but she saw nothing.

"I know what will cheer you up. Dinner. What do you want?"

"I'm not really hungry."

"Nonsense, you have to eat something. What would you like?"

"Whatever you're having is fine." She said yet again finding herself gazing off into the forest hoping to see Hatter coming back.

"I wouldn't worry about him. He'll be back before you know it. Before I finish cooking even. He probably just went to clear his head. He really cares about you, you know."

"Really?"

"Yes, can't you see it?" She didn't reply and instead stared guiltily at the ground. "When you left with Jack I wanted to immediately go after you but he said no, to let you go that you would be okay. He looked so sad though despite his words and I gave him one of my horses because he said he was going to go hide out deep in the forest. When he was gone I decided to go after you anyway and on the way I ran into him. He was following you anyways. He couldn't let you go off without him. He cares about you and he'll be back before you can miss him. Now what to make for dinner… Maybe some chicken stir fry… or roasted chicken… something with chicken defiantly." Charlie muttered to himself as he wondered off to prepare the food.

Charlie was wrong though, because she already missed him. More than anything. More than home. He was her insurance policy that everything was going to be okay and without him everything just felt worse. Without him she felt she would never see home again, like nothing good would ever happen to her again. Like her luck had finally run out.

She wanted to believe Charlie. She wanted Hatter to come back and soon. She wanted to believe in him, have trust that he would come back for her but she didn't think she could. The way he had yelled at her, the things he had said. Just when she thought things were going well between them. Every man always gave her a reason not to love them, maybe this was Hatters. She had been so close to giving her heart to him, which was what hurt the most about his absence.

She had been so lost in her thoughts she didn't even notice she had been staring off into the forest all this time until Charlie came back to the fireside with whatever was for dinner singing his favorite song. She jumped slightly as she hadn't heard him approach but then she became too obviously aware that the clock was ticking. Charlie had reassured her that Hatter would be back before dinner was done and for once time moved both slow and fast at the same time. She keep looking back and forth from the cooking food to the forest hoping that just once she would spy him far off in the trees returning to her. The food seemed to cook slower than it should have but every second that ticked by seemed like too much and was also one less second Hatter had to appear.

She tried hard not to let Charlie see how much her heart broke when he announced the food was done and slowly dished up three plates despite Hatters absence. Charlie set Hatter's plate on the log he had sat on for dinner a few nights ago before he handed her her plate. It made her want to cry how assured Charlie was that Hatter was going to appear any moment for dinner when she knew deep inside that he was never coming back.

Charlie tried to lighten the mood during dinner by telling her some of his favorite jokes and she tried to humor him and laugh even when she didn't understand what he was saying but they both knew nothing helped. Her eye kept darting to the lonely plate set across from her and the absence of a man that filled the area more than if he was actually sitting there.

It was a long time before she came to the realization that dinner was lasting far too long for reason, especially since she had hardly toughed anything on her plate. She knew Charlie was trying hard to ration his food out to make the time last longer, to give Hatter more of a chance to make it to dinner, but it was more than obvious now that he wasn't going to be joining them tonight.

Even after Charlie was done eating he sat there trying to think of any joke or small story he could tell her to take her mind off the growing pain in her chest but nothing worked and the night grew darker and Hatter became less and less there. Eventually Charlie became too tired to stay up with her any longer and excused himself politely for bed. He encouraged her to do the same as they would be beginning a long journey tomorrow and she nodded and said she would in a few minutes. They both knew it was a lie but accepted it and moved on.

She had hardly taken two bites of her food but decided it was time to put it away. She thought about clearing Hatter's plate away as well but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Clearing his plate away was accepting that he wasn't going to come back tonight, and even though she knew this was the truth she didn't want to accept it. She wanted some kind of hope and it felt like his plate was the only thing she had linking her to him. That maybe if she left his plate out he would meander back when he was ready to eat, but if she put it away it felt like she was turning him away yet again and that he had nothing to come back for.

When she was done she sat back down and watched his plate for a while as if he would magically materialize there and smile at her as he ate. She smiled at the thought of his warm smile and one large dimple and a large tear fell down her cheek. She never knew how much she liked his company until he was gone. She guessed you never knew how much you would miss someone until they were gone. Sure she had left him time and again trying to forge her own way home in his messed up world but that was her choice, and this was his. Now she knew how he must have felt when she abandoned him all those times. The only difference was he always knew where to find her, and she hadn't the first idea about where he would have gone. If she knew where he was she felt like she would go after him in a heart beat but she didn't know the first place to look. The forest was beyond huge and there was no reasonable means she had to find him. All she knew was that she would do anything to have him near her again.

She sat by the slowly dying fire for a long time before she finally made herself believe he wasn't coming and made herself go to bed. She lied in bed but didn't feel like sleeping at all, and her mind was too busy thinking to try to sleep anyways. All she could think about was Hatter and how much it hurt her that he left. He had promised her he would look after her. Where was that now? He knew she had trust issues and yet he pressed the issue until she truly did trust him and then decided to break her heart. He had made her think that she meant a lot to him, as much as he did to her but that apparently wasn't the case. It hurt so much how she had believed in him, trusted him, wanted to be with him and he had thrown it all away.

Was there any man out there who was worth it? Every time she fell for a guy they always left her or betrayed her. She wanted Hatter to be different. She felt a greater attraction to him than any other man she had been with even though she didn't know why. He wasn't like all the other guys and she thought that would be what made this work but he proved just the same as all the rest.

She tried to stop thinking about him and concentrate on what she would have to do tomorrow. The beginning of a long journey that seemed even longer and lonelier without Hatter. When she first thought of the plan she didn't even think about the possibility that he wasn't going to come with her, but now it was all too easy to imagine. She had known it wouldn't be no short or simple task but just the idea of Hatter's company and help made it all seem easy and attainable. Even if they did fail at finding the White Queen and just had to hide out up in the hills it didn't seem so bad so long as she had him. Now it all just felt like a yawning nightmare heading towards her at an alarming rate. As soon as they left tomorrow she was truly walking away from him because he didn't know where they were going and she someone how knew that they were never coming back.

Hatter's words still stung at her. She wanted to hope she wasn't dead but Hatter was right. She was dead. Her last hope of getting home was long gone and now she was bound to a life of loneliness in the hills. A life of hiding out and trying to make due with very little. Pretty much what Charlie had lived his entire life and the thought made her deeply sad. It didn't seem so bad if she thought that Hatter might be there too, but alas he was gone and she felt evermore alone.

She suddenly began crying hard and curled herself up into a ball. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't escape the fact that she was heartbroken. She had wanted so badly for things to go right for once, and she thought Hatter wanted the same thing but obviously not. She had pushed him away one too many times and he took note and actually left. Why did she always push the people she loved away? Yes, she thought, she loved him. She had to otherwise it wouldn't hurt this much. She had been too afraid to tell him, even more of being honest with herself, and now he was gone and he didn't even know how much she cared about him.

She suddenly hated herself. For all the things she had done to him for everything she should have said but didn't and this was her punishment. She was doomed to be alone. This always happened but she had finally lost someone she didn't mean to push away. Someone who cared about her more than anyone ever had and she hadn't appreciated him like she should have.

Her emotions boiled over and she cried for a long time. She buried her head in the sleeves of his jacket she still wore, the only piece of him she still had left. She eventually fell asleep just as the sun began to rise and she didn't see the boy she missed more than the whole world wonder back into camp. He sat down beside her and bushed her hair out of her face and looked at her still damp cheeks and still face. He sat with her a while before his own means took him to his feet again and he headed back the way he had come.