Author's Note: First I'd like to apologize for this obscenely late update. I had computer issues, ISP issues, school issues, family issues, and writer's block. In short it's been hell to get this out. I am so grateful to those of you who have reviewed and stuck with me. This is for you ;-). Well, this is the last installment of the story. I had planned to go into it more, develop the story and characters more. But the longer I tried the more impossible it seemed. So here it is, the alteration to my original plan for this story. Hope you like it.
It was worse than hollow, this lifeless void that had taken up residency inside him. It was eating away at him slowly, torturously. He'd been over every single piece of testimony that had ever been given, anything at all that remotely tied to Riccoli. And they were still no closer to finding Olivia or his daughter.
He sat at his desk, staring at her empty chair, her absence pounded through him with a dull ache. The rest of the world disappeared around him, his vision tunneling until all he could see was her absence.
"Elliot." The voice sounded distant as though it traveled through a great distance to reach his ears. He ignored the sound, emptiness swathing him in its embrace. It felt terrifying and oddly comforting at the same time. He wanted nothing more than to surrender to this, this feeling of complete emptiness. He wouldn't have to feel the pain he knew was coming, and that alone was more intoxicating than any drug could ever be.
"Elliot." The voice broke through again, this time sounding closer than before. He felt a hand on his shoulder. He wanted to shake it off, to rid himself of the sudden anchor to the world that was slowly coming back into focus, the world where only pain waited for him. But his body refused to obey his commands. Gradually his vision focused, the darkness around him slowly fading as the dim light of the squad room burned into his eyes. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, trying desperately to block out the onslaught of sensation that clamored for his attention.
The hand lifted off his shoulder and he opened his eyes to see Munch leaning against his desk, his concern for Elliot naked in his eyes. Elliot felt the unnerving compulsion to give in to the treacherous tears he could feel hovering just at the edge of his control.
"What's up John?" He asked, his voice feeling scratchy in his throat. He tried to bring his vision into focus but his eyes refused the command. He let his eyes slide shut for a second, hoping that the sudden darkness would help to cement his already fragile control.
"Not much I'm afraid. We've sent out word to every snitch and low life out there for information. Some of us have even pooled together to put up a reward, but so far we've got nothing."
Elliot felt the threads of his control slipping through his fingers, the familiar heat of rising anger flooding his skin. "That's what you came over here to tell me John? That there's nothing new, that we're not one damn bit closer to finding my daughter or Olivia?" Elliot seethed.
Munch looked at him, raising his hands in a sign of surrender. "I'm worried about you Elliot, that's all. We all are," he said quietly.
Olivia stared at him, his eyes filled with hatred and unbelievable rage. She fought to control her breathing as her mind rapidly processed the new turns this case had taken. "Your father was Tom Riccoli?" Olivia asked, trying to keep the fear she felt out of her voice. She needed to keep him talking until she could figure out a way to get Kathleen out of harms way.
He yanked on her hair, pulling her head further back so that she stared directly up at the ceiling, Riccoli's son towering over her. "He was all I had bitch," he bit off savagely. "And you took him from me!" He yelled. Olivia cried out as she felt his knife cut across her skin in a flash of white hot pain. She could feel the blood already running in thick rivulets down the front of her shirt.
"Olivia!" Kathleen cried out in a panicked voice.
Olivia struggled against the pain and the rising terror and called out to Kathleen. "It's okay sweetheart. I'm okay."
Her captor let go of her hair and moved away from where she was chained. Several seconds of silence passed and Olivia was just beginning to think that he'd left when she heard his voice resonate through the room. "I do apologize for my outburst Olivia. There is a time and place for such feelings to be expressed and now is not the time." He walked into the light holding medical supplies and knelt down in front of her. "Can you forgive me?" He asked solemnly.
I'll find you, he promised silently, his eyes sliding closed. Elliot leaned back in his chair, feeling contemptible sorrow threaten to drown him. He felt hollow without her, and the knowledge of that, the utter lack of defense against these feelings, made him feel more helpless than he'd ever felt. He felt the first stirrings of tears begin the prickle against the backs of his eyes, his throat tightening painfully.
John Munch watched his friend surreptitiously, the heart he'd thought had dried up into a useless husk a long time ago tightening painfully at the feeling of absolute torture that radiated off Elliot. He glanced over at his partner, their eyes meeting briefly, sharing their concern silently. Fin picked up the phone again, already dialing another informant before he'd even dropped his partners gaze. He clutched the phone tightly in his hand, pressing it to his ear. "Mike, it's Fin. I need a favor."
He sat quietly in the dark, trying to calm himself. He hadn't meant to get so carried away, unprepared for the intensity with which his emotions had erupted. She had made him lose control. His eyes narrowed and he felt the sharp bitterness of blood fill his mouth. He shuddered violently, the memories of failures of the past flooding through him, as vivid now as they had been then. His father had demanded perfection and there was no room for anything else. He brought his blade swiftly across the scarred skin of his upper thigh, a low hiss pressing out from between clenched teeth. He closed his eyes as the torrent of sudden pain bathed him in amnesty. He stroked the blade across his skin again, feeling the blood running hotly down his thigh, hearing the soft almost silent splat as it fell to the cement floor.
Elliot stared out the window, his back to the squad room. He watched the bustling city that pulsed just outside the windows of the precinct with hollow detachment. 'How could the world continue as though nothing had changed?' He wondered dimly. He felt a momentary surge of anger at the unfairness of life before the emotion fell away again into the emptiness that consumed him.
Behind him he could hear the bustle of action, the frantic scrambling of his brothers and sisters in blue racing to help one of their own. It seemed like only yesterday it was Tom Riccoli that held Olivia's life in his hands. Now she was gone again, taken. He should have been there to protect her or at least insisted she have a detail put on her. As soon as the thought entered his mind he dismissed it. He knew she would never have gone for it. He'd learned that the hard way.
Elliot sighed, leaning his head against the cold glass of the window, his eyes closing tightly against the flood of emotion that threatened to overwhelm him. They were gone, and it was his fault. He had been careless and it had gotten two of the most important people in his life taken. He felt tears building behind his eyelids, his throat tightening painfully as he ruthlessly pushed his emotions aside. This wasn't going to help, all the recriminations and self-doubt in the world wouldn't get Olivia and Kathleen back. He needed to focus and find a way to help them.
Elliot felt a hand land on his shoulder and dimly realized that Munch had been calling his name. He took a deep breath before turning to face his friend. Munch's troubled face made his heart seize in his chest. Something had happened. God, please let them be alright. Elliot sent up the silent prayer.
"We may have a lead."
"Olivia?" Kathleen's voice was small and tight with tension and barely controlled terror.
"Yeah sweetheart?" Olivia answered, struggling against her cuffs, straining until the pain in her arms threatened to make her blackout.
"I'm scared," Kathleen whispered, her voice thick with tears.
Olivia closed her eyes, desperately trying to fight back the memories of the last time she'd woken up in this situation. She had to find some way to reassure Kathleen, to keep her calm for as long as possible.
"I have faith in your Dad, and in the other officers I work with. I know they won't give up and we can't either."
Olivia heard Kathleen's small sigh echo across the dark room and let out one of her own.
Elliot slammed the clip into his gun and hurriedly slid into the bulletproof jacket Fin handed him. The muscles in his jaw jump, his teeth grinding as he took up position behind the strike team leader. Time seemed to slow to a crawl as memories bombarded him. He was dimly aware of the rest of the team taking their positions around him, but it was as though he viewed the scene from a distance. He heard the command to move and the world came slamming back at him full force. He raised his gun and moved, keeping low to the ground as he cleared the door.
Olivia jumped and Kathleen screamed as the door to the warehouse slammed open. Men rushed inside and the space flooded with unexpected light. She heard the shouted warning of 'Police' andOlivia squinted against the sudden light and felt relief flood through her. Elliot. Her shoulders shook with silent tears as she let go of all the pent up emotions she'd held in check.
Elliot moved quickly, silently searching the shadows. He felt his heart beating rapidly in his throat, his legs shaking as he continued into the building. He heard the other officers around him as they cleared the rest of the building.
"Call a bus," someone shouted.
Elliot's legs almost gave out as he heard the cry for help, unable to bear the thought of either of his girls being hurt. "Officer down," came the cry. Elliot felt his heart stop, he actually felt it stop beating for the faction of a second that he thought of a life without Olivia in it. He raced towards the voice, everything else forgotten. He pushed through the circle of cops and felt a sharp pang of relief as he saw the young man lying half slumped on the floor, a huge puddle of blood slowly spreading across the floor.
His knees felt weak with relief and he half stumbled, half fell away from the officers, catching a glimpse of movement out of the corner of his eye. He focused his vision on the shadows that were moving towards him. He watched in awed silence as Munch and Fin advanced on where he stood dumbstruck. They both supported Olivia and Kathleen. When he saw them he moved on jellied legs, unable to stay still any longer. He opened his arms and his daughter tore away from Fin, running headlong into his arms with a strangled cry. "Daddy," she sobbed, burying her face in his shoulder. His arms closed around her, one hand moving up to stroke her hair, his eyes trained on the advancing form of his partner.
"Shhh," he whispered into her hair. "It's okay baby. I'm here. You're safe."
Olivia pulled away from Munch, standing on her own in front of Elliot and his daughter, her eyes never leaving his. Munch and Fin moved away to go help the other officers who were searching the rest of the building. Elliot held out his hand to Olivia, his other still stroking his daughter's back soothingly. Olivia put her hand in his and felt herself pulled forward to rest at his side. She angled her head up to look at him and felt tears sliding down her cheeks. Elliot's arm locked around her waist and he lowered his head so that his forehead rested on hers. His eyes slid shut and he felt tears slide down his own cheeks.
"I still can't believe it," Olivia said, standing beside Elliot in the M.E's office. Cragen had ordered her to go home, to rest after the ordeal she'd been through. But she hadn't been able to, not before she saw for herself that Riccoli's "son" was dead.
In the days that had followed her rescue they'd learned who the young officer had been. Riccoli had abducted the boy from his mother when he was just two years old after brutally raping and beating her in front of him. The boy's mother had died as a result of her injuries and with no other family to keep up the search the boy had been all but forgotten. The child had spent the rest of his childhood under the brutal tutelage of Tom Riccoli.
Olivia shivered as she peered down at the body, the feeling of extreme sadness for what had happened to the once innocent child turned demented murderer making her ache with pity. If only someone had gotten to him sooner, he might have been saved.
"Cause of death?" Olivia asked.
Melinda Warner, the chief medical examiner put down her tools and took off her gloves. "Cause of death was a deep laceration to the thigh, which severed the femoral artery. He would've bled out within minutes," she said.
Olivia looked over at her partner, his jaw set and his eyes narrowed. She put her hand on his arm and said softly, "El." He pulled his gaze away from the body and met hers. She could feel the tension and anger in him falling away. Olivia turned back to face the M.E. "Thanks Melinda," she said with a tired smile.
They rode in silence all the way back to her apartment. Elliot followed her up to her apartment and Olivia breathed a small sigh as she walked through her door. She let the door swing wide and shrugged out of her jacket, tossing it on the chair in her living room before heading for the kitchen.
"Coffee?" She asked, already starting the machine before he could answer. When silence was her only answer she turned around to find Elliot staring at her.
"Something bothering you Liv?" He asked. She started to shake her head, already mumbling something about just being tired but she stopped mid sentence as her eyes met his.
"I don't know how to do this Elliot," she said folding her arms tightly across her chest.
"What are you talking about?" He asked, cocking his head to the side as he studied her.
She motioned to the space between them. "This," she said quietly. "Us. What if it doesn't work out between us? What if we try this and it ruins everything?"
"Olivia," Elliot said taking a step towards her. She backed up into the counter and wrapped her hands around herself. He stopped mid-step and stood his ground watching her.
"The whole time he had me," she said with a shudder. "The one thing that kept running through my head was you. I was so afraid that I'd never get to see you again. And all I could think was how you mean more to me than anyone has ever meant to me in my entire life." She turned away from him and pulled two mugs out of the cupboard and set them on the counter in front of her. "You are more important to me than anything else in this world," she said, her voice choked with emotion. "I've never had this, this connection, with anyone. I've never been good at relationships, and I'm so damn scared of screwing this up." She felt him come up behind her and wrap his arms around her waist.
"I've been your partner for more than a decade now Benson." He spoke so close to her ear that his words caused the hair against the nape of her neck to stir, her breath to catching in her throat at the unexpected shiver that raced through her. "I've been there for the bad haircuts, and the bad break-ups with all the losers you dated. I've lived through your bitchy-because-I-can-be phases. I know all your secrets, all your bad habits, and all your fears. And I'm still here. If all that didn't get rid of me what kind of moron would I have to be to give up now that I have everything I've ever wanted right in my arms?" He turned her around to face him and smiled. "I love you, and nothing is going to change that. I'm not going anywhere."
Olivia smiled up at him, her arms moving around him. "I had no idea you were such a girl Stabler," she said teasingly.
He laughed and shook his head ruefully. "You're such a romantic Benson," he said before lowering his lips to touch hers.
"I love you," she whispered against his lips.
He chuckled and pulled her closer. "I knew that too," he said with a wink before smothering her oncoming comment with a kiss that made her knees weaken and her mind blank.
THE END