I told myself,"You are going to finish one of your multi chapter fictions before you post this."

I guess not. I have a general idea where I'm going with this. Feel free to suggest something. Do not expect long chapters or timely updates now that I have three stories

This feeling is a damn curse and blessing at once. I can't picture her golden hair or caring voice anymore. How can I want two things at once? I pass the wine bottle back to Emily. What are we even doing here?

"Reid?"Emily's tone is grateful.

"Yeah Emily?"

"Thank you,"She says,"For not turning me away."

"Thank you for coming."I respond. My tone is grateful too. We both needed this.

"Can I stay on your couch?"She asks sadly,"I don't have anyone else to go to."

I don't give a damn about her problems. I feel guilty for it and I hate myself for it, but the only real reason shes still here is the fact that I need someone too. I've never felt so inhuman before.

"Of course."I answer quickly. Emily set the now empty bottle on the floor. How pathetic can we get?

Why can't we just get over it? I ask myself over and over again, but I can't find any logical reason as to why I hurt so bad.

I'm thrown back into my own personal hell again when the silence consumes us, at the complete mercy of my desires and imagination.

I can almost feel her whispering in my ear and holding my hand. Almost. God, if this job wasn't my life I would run away screaming right now. It is my life though, so what can I do?

Emily starts to sob hopelessly. Its exactly what I want to do right now. I wrap my arms around her. JJ's gone; its just me and a woman who's broken on the inside. Its so nice to feel human again. I care now, but when this is over, I'm afraid I won't.

"Shh....."I whisper and pull her closer. Her crying slowly ceases, but shes still sniffing. I hand her a box of tissues silently. I'm afraid she'll start crying again and I feel horrible for being afraid.

"Merry Christmas Reid."It an obvious cue to leave. I have to face tonight's demons alone now. It was stupid to think that she could save me.

I passed her the blanket from my other couch and then went into my room to get her a pillow.

A silver gleam caught my eye. It was a picture on my nightstand of last year's Christmas party. We didn't have one this year; everyone was far too exhausted from a case.

Rossi and Hotch were sitting down. Both of them were drinking brandy and Hotch was smiling widely, a rare sight. Morgan was kissing Garcia on the cheek while she laughed about something.

JJ was holding Henry and William. My heart ached more then ever and I let a single tear fall onto my face. It hurt so bad to see them together, more then it should.

Then, by the drinks table, was Emily and I. She and I were laughing. I could've remembered why, but I was too emotionally exhausted to do so.

"Reid, are you okay?"I nearly jumped out of my skin when she spoke.

I hurriedly wiped away the tear I had allowed and sniffed once. I set the picture down gently.

"Me? Yeah, I'm fine."I passed a pillow to her and keep my gaze on the floor.

"Good night."She added softly.

"Good night Emily." I echoed. She shut the door behind her when she left, making me feel more alone then usual.

I changed quickly into pajamas, wondering if she came to me specifically or if there was no one else available.

I was asleep seconds after lying down. The best part though? I didn't dream.