AN: You're kind of going to hate me at the end of this probably. In any case, there is ItaHina love in this one, a bit o' citrus, nothing too bad. I really loved writing Gaara in this fic, which only confirms the fact that I need to stop putting him in Sasu/Hina Ita/Hina fics. *sigh* I will learn my lesson some day. Not today, probably not tomorrow, but some day.
Oh yeah, Ino/Sasu in this cracks me up. They're so goofy.
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6
xxxxx
Hinata,
By the time you read this you should be in Japan and I back in the States. You should have, by this point, already reached a decision concerning Uchiha Itachi. I'm writing this because you deserve a full explanation from me as to why I ended our relationship.
It was not because you weren't worth it. You still have me added on your personal blog, by the way.
When I first asked you if you were single you mentioned that you had loved someone for a long time but nothing had come of it because you believed he did not feel that way towards you. I am not sure if he told you this or not, but that day when we were at the café I saw him. It had been merely coincidence; Uchiha had been merely walking and spotted us. Our gazes locked. It was the reason why I was so distracted. He did not look at me long; his gaze shifted to you and stayed on you until he had walked away. I am not sure if even he realized it, but he had a look of longing, defeat, and sadness all at the same time. My mind went back to that day and I realized that you had been mistaken; the person you loved did return your feelings, just for whatever reason he had chosen to keep silent. His arrival in London showed that he no longer desired to remain a silent observer.
Because you are you, had there been a confrontation between the three of us you would have chosen me. You are an extremely loyal person and we were very close, I believed that. However, you cannot love someone your entire life and not wonder 'What if?' when you end up with another. I ended our relationship not because I didn't wish to deal with the issue, I did it because you loved him and he loved you and those feelings have been there long before I came into your life. I did not wish to be the reason you were unable to be with the person you truly loved.
It is strange, once you are with someone and then they are gone you begin to realize just how important they were to you. When I moved into the dorms I realized that perhaps I had not been truthful when I said I did not love you. Loving you would have not changed my decision, but I probably would have hesitated to react properly. I truly do hope that I was not incorrect in my suspicions with Uchiha, if so then I have perhaps made the largest mistake of my life and I'd feel like a fool. It is not often that I make mistakes so hopefully when I say that I wish the two of you the best it is accurate.
This will sound incredibly selfish and cruel but there is a small part of me that hopes he is foolish enough to let you slip through his fingers. It is not a thought I am proud of.
I do not want you to misunderstand, Uchiha's observations of me were not incorrect, you were simply a special case. I did feel deeply for you; you were the first woman I had ever been with, something I did not think possible for me considering my past. I was very happy with you and I will forever treasure those moments we shared. Perhaps, if you find yourself able to forgive me in the future, we could become friends. I would love to see you again, to spend time with you, be someone you can trust and confide in. I truly am sorry for hurting you, but if the end result is you happy with the one you've loved all these years, I will have no regrets.
So yes, you were worth it, yes, I do love you and perhaps that was the reason I let you go. Take care, Hinata.
There was a sad smile on her face as she re-read the contents of the e-mail from Gaara. There were too many emotions for her to know exactly how she felt about the message, but she had an idea as she wiped away the tears and put a hand over her heart.
"Thank you," she whispered "and I'm sorry."
Her cell phone began to chime in Utada Hikaru's song 'Colors', indicating that Ino was calling her. Getting up from her chair she walked over to the kitchen counter and picked up her cell.
"Ino-chan?"
"Guess again, Nata-chan." A familiar deep voice came in.
Giggling, she leaned against the counter, tucking some stray strands of hair behind her ear "Sasu-kun, hello. Why are you calling me from Ino-chan's phone?"
"Because he took it from me Hinata-chan! He's –" Ino exclaimed in the background and Sasuke grunted.
"Don't listen to her." He sounded strained, as if he was fighting his fiancé off "She's a blonde, she doesn't know what she's talking about half the time."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Hinata could hear Ino, who sounded genuinely pissed now.
"Calm down woman." Her best friend grumbled "Nata-chan, I was wondering if – ow! What the hell Ino?" there was a pause and then some muttering from the blonde "Fine. Whatever. Nata-chan, Ino and I were wondering if you could tag along to do some completely asinine things like taste cake – and yes I still do hate sweets - and look through thousands of invitation formats..." he paused "Then leave me at the house!" he protested "Do I look like I want to do that kind of thing?"
A hand over her mouth, Hinata tried hard not to laugh too loudly "Um, should I let you two go?"
"No I –" more sounds of struggling "I called you –"
"No, I called Hinata-chan and you took the phone from me!" she could hear Ino protest "You're so stingy with Hinata, learn to share!"
"Uchiha don't share." He said, amused. "Anyway Nata-chan, could you please come so that I don't have to suffer through this alone? I'll let you have my share of the…cake." The word came out as if it were something disgusting.
She decided to tease a little bit "I don't know Sasu-kun…it sounds like a couple's only thing."
"Huh." There was a pause "Well, that's fine. I'll just tell Itachi about that one time when you decided to –"
"Okay!" face flaming, she glared at the phone although she knew he couldn't see it "You play dirty Uchiha Sasuke."
"It's the only way to play, Hyuuga Hinata. I'll call you with details later." A sigh "Here, let me give the phone to Ino before has an epileptic seizure."
"Why am I marrying you again?" Ino's voice came in clear on the phone. There was a low rumbling from Sasuke and she giggled "Oh yeah, that's a pretty good reason."
Considering it was those two, that could have meant anything and she was almost ninety-nine percent positive it was perverted.
"Anyway," the blonde continued "I heard everything about you and Tachi so…when are you going to go see him? It's already been three days." She growled "I am not nosey, I'm curious!" she snapped at her fiancé "Just go over there and let me talk to Hinata-chan." She sighed "How did you deal with these two for years on end?"
"Lots of patience." Hinata responded honestly. "And…as for Itachi I –" she paused and sighed a bit. She really didn't know. When she had arrived at the airport everyone but Itachi had been there and Mikoto had told her it was because he wanted her to come to him on her own terms, when she was ready to deal with it. Admirable, but she really had wanted to see him. "I don't know. I was um, going to call him and see when would be a good time for me to go over to his apartment."
"What? Why are you talking to me then?" the future Uchiha admonished "Go call him right now!" and then she hung up, leaving Hinata with a twitching left eyebrow.
Ino and Sasuke deserved each other and Hinata hoped their kids gave them hell. She already had plans to spoil them, she and Mikoto had been plotting it for months.
Looking at her phone she debated calling him. It was mostly just nerves, she knew she couldn't be a coward and put it off forever and it wasn't fair to Itachi either. He had given her three months to think on everything, he deserved a conclusion.
Before she could change her mind she pressed a button and her phone speed dialed his cell. It picked up on the third ring.
"Hina." His voice was low and smooth as always. He didn't sound eager or nervous, he sounded as calm and collected as he always did while she was a nervous wreck. "Good morning."
"G-good m-morning…" she stammered out. She only stuttered when she was very nervous…which would be right about now.
There was a long pause and then; "…Might I inquire to the nature of this call?" he asked and she could hear the amusement in his voice.
Embarrassed and feeling a little foolish – she'd known the guy her entire life, what was she nervous about? – she took a small breath "I was um, w-wondering if we could…you know…talk."
"I assume you would call someone because you wish to talk to them, that much is a given." He was deliberately teasing her and she felt herself relaxing. This was the friend she had grown to know and love.
"Meanie. I mean in person."
"Your words wound me, little Hina." She felt her heart skip at that. He hadn't called her 'Little Hina' in a long time. Once again there was a moment of silence and he eventually chimed in "Did you…have a place in mind?" he sounded amused by her inability to conduct a proper conversation.
Oh this guy… "You didn't say if you wanted to or not!" she defended.
"Hina, I do not believe there would be any time where I would not wish to speak to you in person. In any case, my apologies, I was unaware that I would need to state the obvious."
She wanted to kick him, playfully of course, right in the shins. He hadn't teased her this badly in…well a long time. Hinata found herself a mixture of pleased and exasperated "If you don't behave I won't make you dango on your birthday."
He sighed "I see you've been taking tips from Sasuke and mother on 'How to Play Dirty'. Very well, for the rest of this conversation I promise I will be as cordial and polite as possible."
Giggling, she began to walk around her little apartment, a habit she only practiced when talking to him over the phone "I know you're very busy so I was wondering if I could meet you at your apartment whenever you're free."
He didn't say anything for a moment "I am free now." This time his voice sounded a little flat.
"O…oh." She became nervous all over again "You don't have work today?"
"Fukagu has been forcing me to work more from home. I began to have blackouts which the doctors said was due to stress. He forced me to take a vacation and for the next six months I am only to be at the office when there is an important meeting, otherwise I am to work from home."
Paling, she stopped walking "You keep overworking yourself!" her voice was very worried "Oh, Itachi…are you alright?"
"I'm fine, although a little bored. I don't go out much and working from home tends to be less strenuous than working at the office. I have an absurd amount of free time and I've realized that I really need to get a hobby so I can have something to occupy my mind."
Another giggle "Well, um, maybe we could spend the day together?" she bit her lower lip, feeling apprehensive.
"Hinata, I would love to spend the day with you." He said softly, sounding very serious. She felt warmth move through her at the sound.
"Okay. I'll be there in an hour."
xxxxx
Looking down at the cute but low cut blouse and skinny jeans she was wearing, she wondered if maybe she should have chosen something more modest. It hadn't been a conscious decision to try and look sexy, although it was her first time wearing the top. Thankfully it was still a little cool – even though it was May - so she was wearing a light coat not fully zipped. She hoped he didn't get the wrong idea when he saw her.
He answered on the second ring of his doorbell, fully dressed but his hair was loose and damp signaling he had taken a shower not too long ago. They stood there for a moment as their gazes met, both of them a little unsure of what to do. Then the Uchiha recovered and motioned for her to enter.
"Would you like some tea?" he asked and began to walk towards the kitchen while she hung up her coat on the rack. "I think…" he was looking through one of his cabinets "I still have the tea you brought for me a little before you left for England."
"Oh, that'll be fine. I don't want to impose." She said politely.
He actually snorted at her "You must be joking." He said dryly and she did realize how silly she was being.
"I'm sorry, I'm just a little nervous." She said honestly, hinting at the reason she was there.
He didn't respond, instead he poured hot water into a tiny teapot and after a moment poured them tea in the cups on the tray "Did you want any sugar or cream?" he offered.
"Um, just two scoops of sugar please." She said and grimaced when he put a rather healthy – or unhealthy, whichever - amount of sugar and cream into his own tea. There was sweet and then there was sweet. Itachi constantly bordered on the 'too sweet to ingest' concerning certain things. Especially things with caffeine in them.
"Are you sure that's all you'd like?" he asked once more, about to bring the tray over.
Hinata nodded "Yes. I really don't want to become a diabetic following your example."
Raising an eyebrow he walked over with the tray "I seem to be doing fine."
"You also have a freakish metabolism." She countered "Some of us actually have to watch what we eat." She made a funny face at him and he smiled slightly.
"I cannot help it if I have superior genes." He said with a straight face as he picked up his too-sweet tea. After a moment he spoke up "Did that professor who hated you give a recommendation letter?"
Nodding, she frowned slightly, remembering that horrid man. Why teach if you were so bitter and hateful towards everyone? It didn't make sense to her. "He told me I didn't deserve it though."
"Obviously you did, otherwise he wouldn't have done it." He reasoned and she smiled at his observation. "Some people tend to say one thing but mean the exact opposite. I've had professors like him and many of them were very hard on me but not out of spite. Sometimes, when a professor is being especially difficult with a student it's because they're trying to push them; they believe you have what it takes to succeed. If you consider it in that light, it means he believed that you would make an excellent pediatrician once finished with your schooling."
Her face turned red at his words. Could that really have been it? That her professor had been so mean to her because he saw promise in her and wanted to push her? It seemed surreal; he had been absolutely awful. Smiling demurely, she nodded, giving him her silent thanks.
They sat in comfortable silence after that, not really looking at each other – or rather, Hinata not looking at him – quietly drinking their tea. After a while she began to feel nervous. Why was she being silent? Didn't she tell him she wanted to talk to him? Determined, she looked up at him and found that he had been staring at her; he seemed amused.
"Do you know what goes good with tea?" she suddenly asked.
Itachi blinked at her, his face becoming blank "What?"
"Dango." Her heart was pounding. She didn't know why but she suddenly wanted to get out of his apartment.
There was silence for a moment as he stared at her. Then he began to stand "I'll grab my coat."
xxxxx
Since it was after lunch hours the teahouse was somewhat empty, to which she was happy. She didn't want anyone to overhear in case she did something foolish. What she had no idea, but considering her nerves, any number of things could happen. Nothing too good came out of her being extremely nervous.
Taking a sip of her green tea she suddenly remembered something "Hey," he looked up at her "do you remember that one time when you ate Anko-sensei's dango and the school told you that you couldn't come pick us up from school for a month?"
Chuckling lightly, he nodded and she marveled at how different he looked when he was relaxed. She missed it, the past few years he had been Itachi yet not Itachi. A wall had appeared between them out of nowhere and it had made her rather sad. Hinata was so happy to see this side of him again.
"Yes, I remember." He was smiling "You two were fourteen or fifteen at the time and when we encountered each other we had tried to reacquaint ourselves."
That was new "You knew Anko-sensei before then?"
"She was in college when I was going through for some degree or another, I forget exactly which one. That was how we met. In any case, she had excused herself to go use the restroom and I saw her plate of dango sitting there."
"And you stole them." Hinata said with a giggle.
"No, I borrowed." He corrected "And I told Mitarashi-san that I would be more than happy to give her back her dango after it had properly digested and left my system although I told her I couldn't promise it would be in the same form it had been when I had eaten them."
Her mouth dropped "You didn't."
"I did." He smiled "Then she tried to strangle me, which was when you two caught us on the ground and I was able to break free."
She laughed, she couldn't do anything else after that proclamation "Why did you eat them?" she said once she had been able to calm herself a bit.
"Revenge." When she looked at him in confusion he elaborated "When I was in college Mitarashi-san teased and antagonized me mercilessly because I was so young and, at the time, small. I never said anything back then but seeing those dango there years later I saw it was an opportunity I simply couldn't refuse. I learned that she's amazingly strong when enraged but it was worth the pain."
The two of them laughed lightly at the memory and a very comfortable silence filled the air. Looking at her cup she thought fondly of her memories of the three of them. Having grown up in the Hyuuga household, she was grateful that she had met the brothers and befriended them. Because of them it had been much easier to take the emotional blows from her family.
Looking up briefly she paused when she noticed that Itachi was staring at her. There was a hint of a smile on his face and his dark eyes were very warm. After a moment he blinked and his expression shifted to one of confusion.
"Is something wrong, Hina?" he asked.
Blushing furiously, she looked down at her cup "Um, you were just…staring at me." She said softly.
"I was?" there was genuine surprise in his voice "I apologize, I didn't realize."
She shook her head "N-no it's a-alright." Her pale gaze shifted back to his face shyly. It was now or never "Um, you said…back then, that you'd answer my q-questions right?"
Tilting his head slightly his face was impassive "That is correct."
"W-when did…you know…you realized um, y-your feelings?" biting her bottom lip she forced herself not to look down.
There was a slightly haunted look on his face before he answered "Do you remember that day in the forest when we played laser tag instead of paintball?"
Looking thoughtfully she searched her memories "Oh, that was…" she smiled "That was the only time I had won!" Hinata had been so proud of herself that day. "I had even surprised you and you were like, the king of those games."
He did not return her smile "That was when I realized it." It was said low and he didn't sound terribly happy about it.
Hinata tried to remember how old she had been back then. Seventeen? No, it had been before she had gone back to the Hyuuga estate. So fifteen? Gasping, her eyes widened as she realized and his gaze shifted.
"That long ago?" she was stunned "B-but you didn't say anything…"
Slender dark eyes slid over to her "I was a twenty year old male lusting after a fifteen year old girl. It's usually considered immoral, not to mention illegal."
"L-lusting?" she stammered, her voice sounding unusually high and strained.
He turned his full attention to her "When you have feelings for someone, those sorts of emotions normally follow and I am a man after all. So yes, some of those feelings were intimate in nature." He looked away again "It was…extremely uncomfortable and I was more ashamed than pleased when I realized."
"Oh." She wasn't entirely sure how to feel. That long he had held feelings for her? "Was that why you started being so distant with me?"
"Yes."
Well, at least she had an explanation for that now. "But…I'm twenty-three now so why…?"
At this he sighed "I suppose it was because I had refused to admit it to myself for so long that I continued to do so even after you had turned eighteen. When you informed me of your relationship with Sabaku I responded subconsciously by avoiding you because the thought of you being with another greatly distressed me." A hand touched his jaw "Sasuke eventually decided to speak up about it, in his own way of course."
There was a small exhale of breath "I had always thought that maybe…I had done something wrong." She admitted.
"No," he reassured her "the blame lies solely on me. I should have said something years ago, instead of reacting like a fool when you had finally moved on."
She shook her head softly "I didn't move on." It was almost a whisper "I could never…" she trailed off and he remained silent.
"So, what now?" she asked him, curious. Forcing herself to look up at him she found him already staring at her.
"I've already expressed to you how I feel, so at this point it is up to you to decide. I have not been as kind to you as I should have been these past few years, I would not blame you if you decided not to take this any further."
Her heart jumped at the word 'this'. 'This', 'them', an intimate relationship. Something she had wanted and had forever felt it was impossible.
"I'm just…" she tried to form the right words "I'm still trying to process the fact that you actually l-like me. That way. It feels so u-unreal."
His expression shifted to mild thoughtfulness as he regarded her and she had no idea what he could possibly be thinking or feeling. Then suddenly, he stood up, pulling out a few bills "Let's head back."
Itachi didn't sound happy or angry or anything so she wasn't sure of how to respond except to nod mutely and follow him out of the teahouse. Once outside she looked down at her feet as they walked side by side, nervous. After a minute something brushed against her hand and before she realized it he had taken it, interlacing their fingers. Gently, he tugged her so that she was closer to him. He did all of this without looking at her, as if they were just a normal couple walking down the street. Face probably permanently red for the rest of the day she felt like a silly teenage girl when, as she squeezed his hand gently, he lightly smiled.
Eventually she calmed down enough to actually enjoy being so close to him and even began to lean on him, her other arm lightly touching his. He did not react but he didn't push her away either. They were silent on the way back to his apartment and he only let go of her hand when he had to, immediately taking it once more when he could. Hinata felt giddy, happy and a little excited.
Once they entered his apartment and hung up their coats, she felt warm hands rove over her shoulders as he moved up behind her. A shiver went up her spine as his hands moved gently over her shoulders, down her arms, and to her hands. Her breath caught in her throat.
"I-Itachi?" she sounded uncertain. Was this really happening?
Turning her around to face him, she looked up and noticed that warm smile from earlier when he had been staring. Hands sliding back up her arms, he framed her face with his hands and closed the distance between them. The kiss was soft, light, not at all demanding. He did not linger, instead he pulled back to look at her.
"Did that feel real to you?" he asked her and she wasn't sure if he was amused or not. Reaching down he took one of her hands into his, never taking his gaze from her.
He didn't try to kiss her again but he did hold her hand and his other hand was still placed along her cheek, thumb moving slowly over soft skin. His face remained stoic but she could see in his eyes that he was waiting on her final answer.
This is real, she told herself It's real and he's really standing here and he really does have feelings for me and I…
"I love you." She said. His only reaction was his hand squeezing hers lightly and his thumb stopped moving. Worry moved through her when he didn't respond verbally and she briefly wondered if perhaps she had said too much.
But then he moved, pulling her against him. Instinctively, her hands slid up his chest to wrap her arms around his neck. One of his hands was gently holding the back of her head while the other was around her waist. She could feel the warmth of his breath when his lips hovered over her ear.
"I also love you." He confessed and before she could even react his lips were on hers, soft and undemanding. She practically melted against him at the words, pulling him closer, fingers finally moving into still damp hair.
Slowly their kisses deepened and his hold on her became tighter although not as badly as the first time. Her head was still spinning and she felt as if she were floating, coherent thought and speech was completely out the window at this point. It would take her a while to fully accept the fact that yes, Itachi wanted her and yes, he wanted to be with her. The fact that he had felt this way for almost eight years had been a huge shocker as well.
When they parted she felt his lips move along her jaw and down to the hollow of her throat. A soft sound escaped her lips. He brought his lips near her ear once more.
"Hina," he said softly "Will you be mine?" there needed to be a verbal agreement between them, a solid 'yes, we are together'. She nodded.
"I've…always been yours." All you had to do was say something.
He kisses her again except this time it is more passionate, like before. She found herself moving backwards as his hands rested lightly on her hips, guiding her. They did not break until she felt the back of her legs hit something solid. Surprised, she twisted and found herself plopping down on his couch. Turning up to look at him she moved backwards while he joined her, his arms holding him up as he slid over top of her. Her breath hitched and he bent down, capturing her lips once more. He was warm but not heavy. One arm moved over his neck and the other moved along his back. When she trailed her fingers from the base of his spine up he shuddered, moving from her lips to her neck, trailing down.
"If I do something you do not want or like," he murmured against her skin "tell me and I'll stop immediately."
Lost in her emotions and in him she nodded, it was really all she could do. A hand slid underneath her blouse then, warm and comforting.
"I thought I should mention," he sounded slightly amused "that the blouse you are wearing was highly distracting."
She giggled "I never even noticed you looking."
"It was extremely difficult not to look." He commented dryly "I don't think you realize how attractive you are to me." In response she felt the warmth of his tongue as he trailed up her neck and she let out a shaky breath in response, arching her back against the hard contours of his body.
She had forgotten how underneath those business and casual clothes he wore that there was a solid, muscular body.
Mine. All mine.
His hand had slid up her side and was now cupping her breast. She moaned softly and when she did not protest he became bolder. Kissing her, his hand slid to her back and she felt him rather skillfully unhook her bra. Her back arched again when she felt his hand slide underneath the lacy fabric and touch bare skin. Once again he began to trail kisses along her jaw and down her neck, his fingers teasing a hardened nipple. A sound of protest almost slipped past her when he removed his hand and his body lifted away from her. Both hands slid up and underneath her blouse, pulling the fabric over her chest. Before she could feel embarrassed at being exposed to him of all people the warmth of his body returned. From her stomach she felt his lips as they pressed against sensitive flesh, moving up. Breathing quickened at the feel of his kisses and hair tickling along her skin. Even now he seemed so calm while she felt wanton.
Moving the other half of her bra up and over she cried out when his mouth closed over her other breast, tongue washing over a hardened bud. When she raised her hips she felt him then, hard and thick against her thigh. She whispered his name. He lightly bit down on sensitive flesh before soothing it back over with his tongue once more. His other hand was teasing her other breast and her hands moved through his hair and over his shoulders and upper half of his back. She lifted her hips again, pressed herself against him. He finally made a small noise from the back of his throat.
Raising his head his mouth sought hers again, pressing his body further against her. Small, shaky hands moved to the front of his shirt, fumbling with the buttons. She felt him shudder again when her warm hands slid up his abdomen and to his chest, enjoying the feel of his muscles.
"Hinata –" he breathed placing kisses along her neck. "I –"
Both completely froze in place when the sharp sound of his door bell rang through the apartment.